| B u r n i n g h e a r t |
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The last days I spent preparing myself for this moment to come. My parents would go back to Europe and leave me again. I never really showed my emotions, I never cried in front of people but somehow the sudden burst of emotions came out in front of my parents and I couldn’t hold the tears back. Silently, they had always been the safe harbour for me to get away when the weight of the world felt too heavy on my shoulders.
My mother placed her hands on both of my cheeks and slightly lifted my head. “Darling, we’ll be back in five weeks… your dad is doing great and the business is going to make a lot of money. When we’re back, we’ll go on vacation to Australia with the three of us. How does that sound?” She smiled.
I wiped my tears away while sniffling. “But I’ve missed you and now I’ll have to miss you again!” I rubbed my eyes.
Somehow each time they would leave, it was harder for me to let go. But every time I accepted that it was their job they were doing it for, my life.

I came back from the airport and unlocked the door to the huge mansion that was empty of people.
I threw my bag in the corner and plumped down on the sofa. I felt lonely, empty…
I knew I was supposed to be doing my homework now, but I really didn’t feel like it. I was cold as well since the heater wasn’t on.
I called Eunhyuk, and waited for the phone to be picked up.

“Hi Nayoung, why are you calling?”

“You! You need to clean your mess!” I joked. With Christmas, Eunhyuk accidentally bumped into the mistletoe and left the floor covered with twigs and Christmas balls.

“Oh, but can’t you do it for me…?” He begged.

“No! Why should I?”

“Oh okay I’m coming over…” He sighed and broke the connection without saying goodbye.

It didn’t surprise me that Eunhyuk wasn’t doing his homework either. I grabbed the mistletoe and shook it some more. In twenty minutes he was at my door. I flung open the door and looked straight in Eunhyuk’s smiling face. My heart was racing for some reason.

“Your job is over there!” I pointed at the door that led to the living room. Eunhyuk pouted but obediently took off his shoes and jacket. I rushed to the kitchen to make hot chocolate. When I went back Eunhyuk was just finishing the last bits.

“Over there!” I started hair-splitting until Eunhyuk complained.

I held the cup of hot chocolate against his waist and his body shot up in shock. I laughed.

“It’s not funny!” he exclaimed indignantly.

“Oh okay, here you go!” I smiled and held up his cup of hot chocolate.

We went to sit on the sofa and chatted about Christmas, school, his soccer and stuff in my philosophy class until Eunhyuk checked his watch and an hour had passed by.

“Well I gotta go now Na-Young, see ya…” he stood up but right at that moment my impulses took over and I grabbed his arm to hold him back.

“No wait…”

He looked back at me rather dumbfounded.

“Something… wrong? Something you haven’t told me that you really need to tell me? TELL ME PLEASE… we’re friends!” He sat down abruptly and looked worried.

I felt tears stinging my eyes but managed to hold them back. “Oh it’s just… I wanted to see this movie and…” I came up with the stupidest explanation possible for my impulsive behaviour, but he took it.

“Oh cool! What movie?!” He started getting enthusiastic.

“Oh you know about that movie Leeteuk was talking about so… I hadn’t really seen it and I was wondering…” Before I knew I started getting red. For the first time I blushed and it was JUST EUNHYUK?! What was happening…

“The Notebook?” He asked, a grin appeared on his face but it disappeared just as quickly as he started laughing out loud.

“I… oh well we can see something else as well…” I let out casually.

“NO, LET’S SEE IT!” He got up and searched the cabinet.

My blood was circulating faster. Could he possibly…? Quickly I shook the silly thoughts away but nevertheless kept them somewhere in the back of my mind.

We watched it together in total silence. The only thing said was Eunhyuk’s remark about how quiet it was, and that he liked it that Leeteuk wasn’t here for that reason.

After half an hour I felt my eyelids getting heavy so I went to lie down and rested my head on Eunhyuk’s lap. He didn’t seem to mind. Before I knew I fell asleep and I think I totally missed THE scene, that embarrassing love scene I had completely forgotten about.

Hours later I woke up and realized it was morning already. I had a really bad taste in my mouth and I was still wearing the same clothes from yesterday. I felt my cheek, the ridges of the sofa cushions were printed into my skin.
AISH, that idiot… couldn’t he wake me up?!
I checked my clock and realized I was going to be late for school. It was a Monday morning which meant I had missed the weekly morning exercise which wasn’t really a problem. In a hurry I put on some clothes, ate some noodles and went to school walking. I felt my cheek; the sofa was still printed in there.
GREAT.

In front of school I met Leeteuk and he started laughing almost immediately.

“Did you fall asleep making homework yesterday?! That’s so good of you…” He grinned.

“Not really… I was watching a movie with Eunhyuk and fell asleep on the couch…”

“Oh… really?! Did you two have fun?”

I wasn’t paying attention to his last question because I just realized I had totally forgotten to prepare for English, my last class.

“SHOOT! No…” I let out.

“Something wrong?” Leeteuk asked

“I haven’t written an essay for English…” How could I have been so stupid…

“Um… didn’t you have time in the weekend?” he asked hesitantly.

“Well yeah… but… I forgot…” I let out slowly and pouted without looking at his face.

“It’s alright. You can use my stuff…”

“OH really?! Wow that’s so sweet of you!” I hugged him.

I noticed he stiffened. Why did he feel uncomfortable? It was the first time to hug him in front of school of course and maybe it was a little abrupt. I decided to drop it and stop thinking about it.

In school I saw Eunhyuk but he was hanging with his soccer mates and some girls I didn’t know so I walked passed him and went to class early with Leeteuk.

It was a boring day, the sky was dull grey and it looked as if it could pour any moment, all day long…
We just had our lunch break and I hadn’t seen Eunhyuk, I guessed there was a big match coming up or something.
Leeteuk kept talking about a math problem that he couldn’t fix and I was just nodding but I couldn’t follow it although I tried. I felt tired for some reason… maybe the weather had an effect on my condition, I had trouble concentrating all day long already.

“I’m going to the toilet; I’ll be back in a second…” I told him and stood up.

The hall way was crowded; it surprised me that most students hung around here instead of in the cafeteria. I walked past a few guys and recognized them, aren’t they usually around Eunhyuk?
That’s when my eyes caught Eunhyuk. I felt a deep pain stung inside my chest when I saw he was hugging a girl from behind. I froze, mentally and physically. When I managed to gather myself together I hid behind a group of students. I focused on my heartbeat and it was going fast and uneven.
Did he like her? Where did that pain in my heart just come from, it was literally as if it just burnt for a whole two seconds.
Eunhyuk liked a girl, Eunhyuk liked a girl… I couldn’t think about anything else. I felt a nausea rising. I took my cell phone out of my bag and texted Leeteuk.

“I don’t feel so good all of a sudden, and I’m tired all day as you might have noticed so I think I’m going home… XxX”

I ran to the toilet, which was almost empty, and sat down on one of the toilet seats. I waited for Leeteuk to text back but I couldn’t keep my mind off what I just saw a minute ago. Eunhyuk likes that girl. Or maybe they already are an item…
*Beep*
Leeteuk had texted back.

“Omo, are you okay? Do you want me to walk you back? Where are you now? I’m coming over…”

I wrote back sarcastically “I’m still in the ladies’ room ><”’ but I wasn’t even in the mood to be sarcastic…

When I went out I saw Leeteuk waiting for me outside the ladies’.

“Are you okay? You look pale… I’ll walk you home…”

“No I’m fine… you’re going to be late for the next class…” I mumbled.

As much as I appreciated Leeteuk’s concern and kindness I wanted to be alone, I needed to be alone to process this news.
In the end he understood and let me go. I walked downstairs and headed to the exit but then I unexpectedly ran into Yu-Na.

“Na-Young! How are you?! Have you prepared for the philoso- why are you… are you going home?!”

She kept on changing her words.

I nodded. “I don’t feel so good so I think it’s better to go home.”

I wished she would let me go quickly, and luckily… she did this time. Her face dropped.

“Oh… well okay, get well soon!” She smiled.

“Of course…” I smiled back and walked away and outside of school. Of course it was raining right now, just to make matters even worse…
I went home anyway… I started running faster and faster… The faster I was going the harder it was raining as it seemed. In my mind I kept on seeing flashes of Eunhyuk hugging that girl. She was so beautiful with pretty light brown hair and big eyes. They fitted together.
Thinking about this I didn’t notice the loose paving stone lying on the path. I tripped and fell; I kept my side bag in front of me as a reflex which had saved me from smacking with my face against the pavement. I looked at my jeans they were ripped apart at the knee and my knee was bleeding as well.

I started crying embarrassingly loud, I knew it was largely because of Eunyhuk and that girl. The rain, the fall, my illness… they all were just a minor burden compared to losing Eunhyuk. I kept on saying to myself that I didn’t mind if Eunhyuk had a girlfriend now… all I knew is that it felt as if I had lost him, my Eunhyukie.