Thanks for the comments! Really ^^ After this chapter there is only one more left. Like I said in the beginning, it's going to get a sad ending as well... But with the story I wanted to get a message across but I didn't want the story to become boring so I used a bit dramatic element to end it.. ehem... Just read! <3 =)

| M a l i g n a n c y |
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

Time was moving forward and others were as well. Except for me… as it seemed. I spent nights lying in my bed, being awake and fighting the pain in my chest as well as the pain in my heart. I understood my condition was going downhill, but my parents had always taught me with the belief that it could be changed with a positive mind. So I kept myself together for as long as it was possible, but some days I’d just stay inside the house when I felt too tired. I spent my time folding cherry blossom origami’s and put them in a large jar I had received from my grandmother when I was little. It helped for me as a meditation and a way to just get my mind off everything.
Of course there weren’t only days that I was in pain. There were fun and careless days as well. I spent them with Yu-Na. I was happy with a friend like her. Even though her nature was really nosy and talkative sometimes, it was just what I needed to feel like a normal girl once in a while. Of course she could never take the place that Leeteuk and Eunhyuk had. I felt there had happened too much between us for it to ever fade, even though those feelings were only one-sided.

It was a Saturday morning and the first signs of a new spring had already started to reveal themselves. I had planned out what I would be doing today and called Yu-Na to help me with that.

“Why? It’s so expensive…” She whined in the telephone.

“It’s not and I’ll pay everything…” I tried to convince her one last time.

“Oh… well, you make it hard for me now…” She said

“You debtor!” I yelled and she started laughing.

“Okay we’ll go on a balloon trip then…” Yu-Na surrendered.

Two hours later I met her at the place we had decided to meet and listened to the usual instructions before we went inside and took off together.

I laughed because Yu-Na had never been in something like this and she seemed to enjoy it a lot because she kept yelling and putting her arms up in the air.
I took my bag and held out the jar with cherry blossoms.

“What’s that?” Yu-Na asked curiously.

“Cherry blossom origami’s” I explained.

She still looked at me confused.

“I’ve got an idea Yu-Na… Let’s scream a wish for each one and throw it away.” I said while opening the jar.

She seemed to think about that for a second. “That sounds like fun!” She suddenly came forward and took one out. Right when she was about to throw it away she stopped. “But will our wishes come true if we scream them out loud?” Yu-Na questioned me.

“Well, it doesn’t have to be a wish. Just scream what’s on your mind, what you want… I think it can help releasing stress…” I said and leaned against the edge.

“I want to pass my exam!” I screamed and threw it away.

“I want to as well!” She screamed and threw hers away. Then she started laughing. “This is so much fun!”

“I want my friends to go to university!” I threw the second.

“I want to fall in love!” She screamed.

I looked at her in astonishment. “Isn’t that easy?” I asked. So she wasn’t in love with Leeteuk anymore… I thought.

“No it’s not easy Na-Young, at least not to really love someone and feel the love in return. I want that…” She said, staring off in front of her.

“Ah…” I could only utter.

“I want to see my parents soon!” I yelled and threw mine away. I looked at Yu-Na and saw she had tears in her eyes. She bent down and picked her third.

“I love you Leeteuk!” She screamed. I was surprised. So she still had feelings for him. I wanted to help her but I didn’t know how.

I took my fourth and threw it away. “I want Yu-Na to smile and be happy!” I yelled.

I heard Yu-Na laugh and breaking down in tears at the same time. She went to sit down and wiped her tears. I threw my arms around her neck and hugged her from behind.

“It’s gonna be okay…” I said and she just nodded.

“You know when I first met him, I was only attracted to him, I mean physically maybe more… but then I just couldn’t seem to forget him no matter how I tried and I started to follow him and I realized the wonderful person he really is. And now I feel like I know him and I feel like I’m ready to really fall in love… But he doesn’t even see me in school…” She cried.

“Yu-Na, I think you don’t have to worry, I think one day he will see you if you keep holding on…” I said, feeling tears behind my eyes. I could relate to what she was feeling very well, of course our stories were really different but the bottom line was the same, and I knew how long the phase of waiting could be.

After a while of sitting and talking, we continued throwing the cherry blossoms until the whole jar was empty. I hadn’t said I love Eunhyuk, or that I wanted to be friends with Eunhyuk, or anything else about him… because I didn’t want that anymore! And I was too much of a coward to really talk about it or say it out loud.
After another hour we landed at the beach. The same where Leeteuk, Eunhyuk and I had landed before, only this time we really landed on the beach.

After we had waited for the instructors to arrive and take care of the balloon we went home. We decided to spend the rest of the day studying for the final exams next week. We were both really nervous but confident we would pass them.

It was Monday morning, the day of the first big exam of the series exams that would come in the next two weeks. They had started with Korean to top it off as usual. I was mostly nervous about this one because Korean was not my mother language.
My table was close to Yu-Na’s since our last names started with the same letter, so I was happy I had someone to talk to in the fifteen killing minutes we had to wait for the exam. My hands were shaking and I tried to stop it.

“I’m going to die Na-Young… I think I’ve been neglecting this subject a little…”

“You haven’t, it’s natural to think like that with every subject but you know more than you think. Besides, if there’s anybody that’s going to die in Korean it’s going to be me!” I laughed.

“You’re not!” I heard someone saying behind me. I looked around and saw Eunhyuk. He laid his hands on my shoulders. “Good luck, Na-Young!” He said.

“Thanks, you too…” I smiled and felt myself blush, even after all this time.

That was the only thing before he walked away again to his other friends.

I looked to the back of the gym and tried to find Leeteuk, but I couldn’t see him in the crowd. After another five minutes the division coordinator announced that everyone had to sit down at their place and be quiet because they were going to hand out the papers.

“Good luck.” I whispered to Yu-Na in front of me.

“Thanks, you too…” She whispered back.

The exam weeks had passed by in a rush and it was now officially summer vacation, aside from our graduation day in a few weeks.
I had mixed feelings about this. I was happy because I thought most of them went really good, but I felt disappointed at the same time; in myself and in the situation. I might not see Eunhyuk and Leeteuk again after this; we were not really friends anymore…
We had hardly spent time in the last year and it seemed okay to both of them. I felt guilty because I still thought it was all my fault.
Again I wished I had the power to turn back time, but I knew that was impossible. Another voice told me that even if I could have turned back time, things might have not run in the direction I wanted them, even then... You can’t keep people with you forever, even if you’d try your hardest. I had to accept everything that had happened and make resolutions for the future. I knew this wasn’t the end…

I was enjoying my vacation. My parents had come home to graduate me. They were really proud and of course they took me to Japan for two weeks. In Japan I met my family again. I hadn’t seen them for years and was really excited to meet them and see how much my cousins have been growing. But what I hadn’t been expecting was my condition to go downwards again. I kept coughing more and more and I looked ash pale even though it was summer. It had been a week until my parents didn’t trust it any longer and took me back to Korea to see a doctor and take enough rest. During the time I arrived at the airport I felt so weak, I could hardly walk. It felt as if all my energy was gone to the pain I felt in my chest and my continuous coughing. My head was spinning and I had trouble breathing. I was taken to the emergency room and felt myself passing out at that moment.

I woke up in a white room, the same kind of room I had been in before. One and a half year ago. I noticed my mother was sitting next to my bed and looked at me lovingly.

“Chiyo…” she my hair, “my darling, what’s happening to you?” she asked with tears in her eyes.

“I don’t know…” I felt I was going to cry again, “am I going to die?” I asked.

“Die?” My mother looked shocked, “no of course not…”

Just then someone knocked on the door and a second later a doctor stepped inside.

“Chiyo…?” He said, until he noticed my mother, “I need to speak with you both for a moment…” He took a chair and sat down. I knew this wasn’t going to be pleasant.

It turned out I had a malignancy of the pericardium, the tissue surrounding the heart. It was caused by an infection of an unknown origin. For now, all they could do was drainage of the pericardial fluid and giving me antibiotics. I had to take things easy according to the doctor and I wasn’t allowed to go outside. At last he recommended an air freshener in the house to help clear the house of dangerous intruders.

And that was it! I had to go home by taxi and could do nothing but stay inside. I had given up on the thought of seeing Eunhyuk and Leeteuk ever again, if I wasn’t even allowed to go to my own graduation like this, I needed a miracle to see them again.
Well, what did it matter anyway…

Another week had passed, including the day of my graduation. I was happy because I passed the exams and even more happy that I got accepted to the university of my first choice. But I wasn’t in a condition to go outside and so I couldn’t go as I had feared already. I didn’t feel sick anymore, I didn’t even look sick… but still my mother thought it was too risky.

Inside the house I was entertaining myself with folding cherry blossom origami’s again. I gave each one a different place in my room, but after a few days I had made so many that it started to become a total mess. I didn’t really care…
I started occupying me with something else. Writing a wish on each one, that would be my next step.
But before I could start, there was a knock on the door of my room and my mother came in.

“Na-Young, you know it’s your birthday in a week right?”

“Yes?” I nodded. In reality I had completely forgotten about that.

“Well I’ve invited the Park family and the Lee family, is that okay?”

I was silent for a moment. “Eunhyuk, Leeteuk…?” I let out slowly, staring at her. It felt so distant to me, so unusual to say their names out loud. The last time we had been together was almost a year ago now, when we went to the beach.

“Oh okay… that’s okay…” I said casually and watched as my mother left the room again. Inside me I felt a strange feeling of excitement and longing, but I knew this was a bad idea. A very bad idea…
If I’d see them again, I might not know what strange things I would do…