CHAPTER 8

"The winter left her blanket here this morning
 a soft and gentle coverlet of white...
 Unfolded in the shadows of the dawn
 It Sparked in the early morning light"

Im looking out trough the window.

Winter is here, and the snow is covering everywhere around.

She would have love this.

She used to wake up early, really early, even the days that she didn't have to, only to come and look out the window, or the days that were not so cold, she used to sit down on the stair of the porch just to watch the sunrise, with a cup of coffee or tea, what every she felt like drinking that morning, on her hand. She used to say that if you actually pay attention you could see how every little plant and creature rise with the sun, every flower gets brighter and you can actually feel how happy they are to be there. Only in those moments is when you realize how life is a miracle, and we could be able to see it everyday, but people is not aware of it anymore.

"Life is a Miracle" she used to say smiling everytime. The sun melting all the snow around our home and she enjoying every second of it.

Sometimes, i felt like even the smallest creatures knew what was happening, and always tried to make her feel happy, always giving her the best of the shows, just for her. So i'm sure... they knew.

"You would have loved this
You would have loved this
This was your favorite time of day"

"Taeyeon Unnie?"
I heard a voice behind me, weird, is not the voice i was expecting. I turned around and i saw this girl. She was taller than me and she looked somewhere around 18 years old, just like Tiffany. "Yeah? I'm sorry, do we know eachother?" i asked, i belived my face was funny because she started laughing.
"No, but Tiffany ahs so many pictures of you in her phone and talk so much about you that you could say that i do know you" she said smiling.
That's when i ralized this girl has the same school uniform than Tiffany. I suppose tey're classmates. This is Tiffany's last year of highschool and is my last year in college too.

"My name is Seo Juhyun but everybody calls me Seohyun, nice to meet you..." She said, offering her hand as a greeting, so i shaked it.

"Seo!" we heard someone call her.
"Oh Hyo unnie come here i want to introduce you someone." 

A girl with blonde hair came to us, glaring at me, and i notice we still were holding hands so i let go. i didn't want any kind of missundersanting. The girl stood next to her friend.
"And this is?" she asked Seohyun.
"Oh this is Taeyeon unnie, remember?" At that moment the blond girl's eyes widened. 
"Are you Taeyeon?" she asked almost yelling. "THE Taeyeon?" her friend started laughing and told her to keep the voice down. I can tell this two, there's something weird abou them, i feel like, they treated eachother the same way Tiffany and me used to. I belive they look good together.
"Yes she is." the tall one said and then she looked at me. "What are you doing here Unnie?"
I looked at her. "what do you mean? I'm here to talk to Tiffany,I'ts been almost four days that i don't see her, she won't answer my calls and she hasn't come to our park. I just wanted to know if i did something wrong, maybe she is upset or unconfortable with me and don't want to see me anymore?"

I'll explain, this monday we were playing and joking and we started kissing, and i think i might have get too excited, i started to touch her maybe a little bit more than i should, she said she had to go, and that she liked our little makeout but maybe she didn't and she said that only to not make me feel bad, i don't know. The only thing i'm sure is i'm dying to see her and appologize if i have to.

"Unnie..." that's when i looked at them again, and i saw something weird on her eyes, on both of them. "Tiffany, she sometimes miss clases like this, don't worry, she is going to be okay and she'll call you as soon as she can."
"Why does she miss classes? Doesn't she get in troubles for missing school?"
"She doesn't" said the blonde, trying to cut the converstion.
"Does her parents know?" i started to have a bad feeling inside my tummy, something was wrong.
"Could you please stop asking?" she said, she didn't look upset though, she looked, unconfortable...
"Unnie" Seohyun took her hand, both of them look at me and i didn't like what i saw in those eyes... Pity.
"Listen, we can not tell you anything else but.. if you really want to know..." she took a notebook and a pen an started writting something on it.
"Unnie are you sure of this?" Soehyun asked her.
"She needs to know Hyunnie, what if she found out and is too late?"

I'm Lost... i dont know what they're talking about, but i't doesn't sound good.
She gave me the papper. "That's her address" she said "Why don't you ask her instead?"

"The greenery is laid across the mantle
and ornaments are hanging on the tree
and cradled in the windowsill's a candle
a beacon in the night to call you back to me"

I'm decorating the tree. I know i don't feel like celebrating christmas or anything but, is something that we used to do together, is something that before i met her i never did, but again, she came and put my whole world upside down.

She loved christmas, she said is the time of the year when everyone, no matter how busy they are, remember about the important things in life, like family and friends, love, charity, happiness.

Christmas was nothing to me, it was just another date where my family organize a big party and all the wealthy families come and start showing up how much they have and how much they donate to charity, everyone were happy showing how generous they were.
But me... i knew what that really meant, it meant bragging about how much money they had, the most they donate the most they could tell the others they were richer.

I'm not saying is a bad thing, at the end they donate to charity, but they never did in a selfless way, always wanting to prove how they are better that the others.

Tiffany was never like that, she always loved to help everyone.
My chest hurts everytime i remember her coming home after college with a stray kitty under her coat.
She was like that, always thinking in everyone around first. Always putting everyone before her.

 "You would have loved this
  You always loved this
  This was your favorite time of day" 

Here i am. In front of her door and i don;t dare to ring the bell. I didn't have to, in that moment the door opened and a Lady came out.
"Oh hello!" she said "I was about to go buy some groceries, what can i do for you?"

And i panicked, i couldn't speak, and i my hands started sweating. I cleaned my hands on my pants and she noticed.
"Are you, perhaps, Kim Taeyeon?"

And again i thought 'Does everyone knows who i am? am i some kind of celebrity?'
"oh dont make that face little girl... I'm Tiffany's mom and of course i know everything about you."

I Found my self sitting on the couch, Tiffany's mom is getting me a glass of water.
This is weird, aparently Tiffany told her everything about us, but she never mention anything about her life, her friends even her mom...
"Here dear." the lady said giving me the cup with water. "You are looking for my daughter i guess."
I took a sip of water and then i answer. "Yes ma'am. I suppose Tiffany told you about us..." She nod, smiling. She doesn't look like wanting to murdering me so i keep talking. "Ma'am i really want to appologize, i should have come earlier and talk to you about me and your daughter, instead of having to come today and appologize too for what i did."
"And what you did?" she asked
"I'm not sure yet, but i belive Tiffany is mad at me, she won't answered the phone and she hasn't come to the park in a few days."

And then, after the last words came out i saw it again, that weird look that Seohyun and Hyoyeon had, only that this time there's something else in it.
Sadness.

"Taeyeon, there's something i need to ask you before i allow you to see Tiffany." Wait, is she here?
"Yes ma'am?" i started to getting nervous.
"Do you really love my daughter?" and again i had this feeling inside me, something was wrong.
"I Really do." i said, it was true. it has been over a year since i asked her to be my girlfriend, and i love her with my whole heart.
"Then you gotta be Strong with what i am going to tell you."

"And though I understand
 one day again I'll see you
 I long to touch your hand,
 Hear your voice... feel you."

Duchenne muscular Dystrophy, apparently is a really extrange sickness, is more probably that a man get it, that's why it was so weird for Tiffany to get it, or at least is what her mom told me.

I walked next to the tree, this season is so bittersweet to me... That day that i knew about her sickness i recalled all the time that playing around she was too tired to even walk, she had to lie down on the floor to get some energy to go back to her home.
I recalled the times playing guitar she coudln't hold the strings strong enough to make them sound, i used to laugh and tell her that she only needed some practice.

The time she had trouble at breathing and i always thought it was because she was tired.

What an idiot.

"Come in" i heard at the other side of the door, took a deep breath and open the door.
And there she was, lying on her bed, looking tired and weak. I wanted to cry, but i didn't, i had nothing to cry for because i was perfectly healty, she was the one who should be crying but the moment i went into that room she smiled at me with that amazing smile that i loved so much...
So i smiled
I didn't feel like
But i smiled, because if she was going to ba brave and strong for me, i could be brave and strong for her.
"Hey TaeTae, what are you doing here?" the smile never left her face.
"I came to visit my beautiful girlfriend..." i smiled too, my eyes were full with tears and i hold them, she was not going to see me cry. i need to be strong.
"Then you came to the right place because your girlfriend was dying to see you too."

I went to her side and sit on the bed, right next to her. She tried to sit down and i helped her.
"how are you?" she asked and i didn't know what to answer. How am i?? how is possible that she is asking me something like that when is me the one who should be asking that.
"Me?" i smiled... "How are you? Hwo are you feeling?" i said.
"I'm fine, TaeTae... i'm just tired. But i'm used to it, thats why... Really. How are you?"

And then she looked at me with concern in her eyes, and that look, it seems like she could see my soul everytime she looked at me that way.

And then, i couldn't hold it. My eyes, against my will, they let go all those tears i was trying so hard to keep them for later.

I cried, hard, for hours and hours. She moved so i coould lie down next to her, so i could sleep there if i wanted too.
And when it seems like i stoped i cried again, until my eyes had no more tears to cry. She cried too, silently.
We were there, crying our hearts out because that's how it felt, like someone was ripping my heart out.

"You know about my condition right?"
"Your mom told me..."
"Then you must know that the average age of..."
"Shut up..."
"Tae, i need you to listen to it... I'm sorry.
"Don't be, this is not your fault."
"I tried so hard to not drag you into this, i tried to forget about what i feel for you and be only friends, it was going to be easier... But i couldn't"

I looked at her for the first time in hours.

"I love you." i said it... and it was the first time she listen it. I always knew i loved her, but never really said it out load.
"I love you too" she said smiling, with tears in her eyes.
"We'll work it out... i promise."
"I know we will..."

"You would have loved this
  You always loved this
  Oh how you loved..."

And there it was... Finally finished...
My first song in years...

My Anniversary present.. To her.

The song is not mine so i give 
All the songs Credits the author, Tarja Turunen.

Thanks!