Kai and Sehun were neighbors in New York, and Sehun always helped Kai and his mother going back and forth to the hospital.

One time, Kai’s mother asked Sehun when the two of them were left alone, “Sehun, do you love my son?”

Sehun laughed at the question. “Of course, auntie, I love my best friend.”

She shook her head, “I mean, do you love him more than just a best friend?”

With that more clarified inquiry, Sehun turned his eyes away and didn’t answer.

After his mother’s treatment, Kai would always go to Sehun’s house and hang out there. He didn’t even need a permission to enter Sehun’s room; he would just jump to his best friend’s bed and sleep all he would want. He loved being at Sehun’s room—it was neat and clean and Sehun was so fun to talk with, and so they always chit-chat about sports, music and dancing. And whenever their feet were in search for dancing, they would just go down to the studio and dance until they get all drained.

After their fun time, Kai would go back to their house, lie down beside her mother and ponder with the silence in his surroundings.

Every single night, he would still send an I love you to Kyungsoo’s number, even though it had been a month now since he hadn’t received any answer. Kai got a new phone number since he’d been in America, losing his past number because he dropped it in the water. He always informed Kyungsoo that he got a new number. He also messaged him on Facebook, but Kai saw his messages unread, so he still kept texting Kyungsoo.

He also contacted Kyungsoo’s friends in Korea, asking whether they heard some news about Kyungsoo or maybe they knew if Kyungsoo got a new number, but he ended up having nothing, so he just hoped Kyungsoo would open his account and read all the messages he left.

Kyungsoo, on the other hand, got even thinner, his ribs getting more distinct, cheekbones more embossed, clavicles getting sharper, arms and legs almost looking like a stick. The doctors told him to just take his medicines and have a complete bed rest, because staying at the hospital and getting injected by needles were useless, for the cancer cells couldn’t be stopped from spreading anymore. Chemotherapy wouldn’t help but just make him lose the thin hair left in his head. He was advised to just stay home, to continue receiving the home service so he would be prevented from having pneumonia again. Kyungsoo didn’t go to school anymore, with his parents informing the school that Kyungsoo would be too busy being the next CEO of the company. He was told to just wait for his time; the doctor declared six to eight months for him to live, too many days less than the two years they said before.

Since Kai left, Kyungsoo only had his maid noonas beside him, in which they were consistently being changed. For every three days, he had new strangers around. They were friendly anyway, even though they only met Kyungsoo at the time. They always listened to Kyungsoo’s stories.

“The man I love…is in U.S. His mother’s being treated there. I…miss him,” he smiled, catching breath for every syllable.

“Really? What’s his name?”

“Kai...”

“I’m fighting…” he continued, red drops coming from his lungs and sprinkled onto the bedsheet, “for him.”

Kyungsoo felt so drained as his noona let him lie down on his bed. Minutes after, he made a request to her, “can I…borrow your phone?”

His noona gave her phone despite being told not to, and just like the previous days, he put Kai’s phone number with the message, I miss you, I love you.

--

Another month passed. The new year welcomed Kai and Kyungsoo longing for each other.

Kyungsoo kept on fighting, even when his cheekbones got more prominent, and he almost had no flesh in his body. He could only sit and walk around, and just right after taking some steps, he would drain all his energy. He could hardly feed himself, he never emptied his plate, and aside from dealing with the pain in his chest, muscles and joints all around his body, he was dealing with the pain in his heart—with the pain of not having Kai.

“Kai…” he whispered every time he was dealing with every pang, every time he felt he would take his last breath.

The doctor declared his new life span-- three months left.

--

Kai sobbed again, and Sehun listened to him. “I miss Kyungsoo.”

“But I love you,” Sehun muttered after listening. Once again, he wrapped his arms around him, letting his best friend feel his warmth.

Kai didn’t move. Within these seconds, he wanted the time to freeze in the midst of Sehun’s warmth. He was getting tired of crying. And every time, he had loved the way Sehun caressed him.

Kai didn’t sleep for nights. He locked himself in his room, staring either at the ceiling or at the window, his tears dropping and his mind in disarray.

He thought why Kyungsoo left him in the air, why Kyungsoo never showed up again even before he left, why Kyungsoo never replied to his messages and never called him again. He was about to completely believe what Sehun kept on telling him-- that Kyungsoo didn’t love him anymore, that if Kyungsoo really loved him, he would want to see him or hear his voice so bad, and that he would share with him whatever problem he had.

Kyungsoo didn’t do any of those. So after months of pondering, he fully believed that Kyungsoo didn’t love him anymore.

And then he remembered Sehun staying beside him for years, for being there in good times and in bad, and even right now as he was dealing with the pain Kyungsoo was giving, Sehun was the one ready to listen, despite how much he could get hurt.

Kai imagined the years he and Sehun had, against the short period of time he had with Kyungsoo.

In the end, something had been clear-- he loved Sehun too.

The next morning, he grabbed his phone and messaged Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo, this will be my last message for you. I love Sehun more than you. Please let us be happy together. Let’s break up.

Kai knocked at Sehun’s door. Sehun opened it hearing a line he had wanted to hear for so many years, “I love you, Sehun. I love you more than just a friend.”

--

Time was flying by. It had been a week since Kai confessed to Sehun. For every night they spent together, they would do something which would make them really happy.

Sehun ed Kai’s shirt, and then he pulled his pants down. Kai did the same to him, quickly catching for Sehun’s lips.

They wrapped each other with their arms; Kai went over Sehun, and their lips couldn’t separate as they exchanged loud kisses and giggles.

As Kai pecked Sehun’s neck repeatedly, Sehun asked, “Was Kyungsoo good at this too?”

Kai halted for a while, and he gave him a stare as he brushed his hair. “No,” was his answer. “We never did this, that’s why I love you so much more.”

They smiled at each other, and Kai pecked Sehun on the lips again.

Kai loved everything in Sehun—his milky white skin, sharp jawline, under-bite chin, thin lips and mildly pointed nose, small eyes and silky hair. Kai thought this was the best moment of his life as he cuddled him with sweat all over and heart beating fast.

As Sehun embraced Kai on the bed, he just couldn’t stop his curiosity. “Kai,” he whispered.

“Mmm?”

“Do you still love Kyungsoo?”

Kai smirked at his question. It took some seconds before he answered, yet he answered without hesitation, “I think…not anymore.”

Sehun snuggled his head on Kai, and Kai kissed him on his head, promising something to his beloved, “You’re the only one I’ll love from now on, Sehun. Don’t be jealous with Kyungsoo. He’s nothing compared to you.”

“I love you, Kai,” Sehun mumbled.

“I love you too.”

--

Time was too slow for Kyungsoo. He was lying on his bed now, neither able to sit nor stand, and all he could do was to cough blood, cry with the pain, and think of Kai as he struggled to catch every air he could. “Kai! Kai!” he screamed with his voice too hoarse to be even understood, and he was holding the bedsheet too tight as he screamed Kai’s name again, for him to be able to fight every single pain he had in his body, for him not to die despite every joint, muscles and part of his chest killing him with too much pain.

For how many days Kyungsoo lived with the pain, he never gave up…because he needed to live for Kai.

For the very slow days that was passing by, there was not a second Kyungsoo didn’t deal with too much stabs and burns, and not a second Kyungsoo forgot Kai.

Kyungsoo always had the photo album beside him—the photo album Kai gave him, the same album Kai also had. All of the photos were the two of them together, either smiling or laughing together. Kyungsoo would always open the album, and would stare at their pictures for hours, and as he kissed Kai on every photo, he promised Kai, “I’ll…live for you. I promise that.”

Kyungsoo would get angry at himself whenever he coughed blood at the album and stained their photo laughing together. Their faces got stained, and he couldn’t see how bright their beams were. And so he pulled his blanket and wiped his blood off, and he smiled when their faces could be seen again.

He dropped a tear as he glided his fingers on Kai, imagining that he could brush Kai’s hair the way he was doing on his photo now, and he could kiss him, and then whisper “I love you,” as they embraced each other on this bed.

Kyungsoo closed his eyes and imagined how things could be if Kai was beside him, and he was so squishy and healthy. Kyungsoo would Kai’s shirt and then his pants down, and then he wouldn’t be able to wait that he would swiftly undress himself and catch Kai’s lips for them to exchange unlimited kisses and smacks.

Kai would go over him, hold his hands tight on the sides like he wouldn’t be able to escape the love Kai would give him; and he would relent with all his heart, with his mind and soul all offered to Kai, and his heart faithfully beating only for Kai.

Kai would stare at him and would love everything he would see in him—his pale white skin, round-shaped face, squishy cheeks, thick lips and eyebrows, big round eyes and shiny black hair. And then Kai would think this was the best moment of his life, and they would cuddle each other, feeling each other’s heart beat so fast.

As they embraced each other on the bed, Kyungsoo would whisper, “Do you love me, hmmm?”

And Kai would smirk and wouldn’t hesitate to answer, “Of course, my Kyung.”

And then he would snuggle his head on Kai, and Kai would kiss him on the forehead, promising something to his beloved, “Kyung, you’re the only one I love. No one can be compared to you.”

Kyungsoo would then mumble, “I love you, Kai.”

And Kai would whisper back, “I love you too.”

When Kyungsoo opened his eyes, he grinned at his dream.

He followed it with, “I’m sorry for hiding the truth.”

--

Kai and Sehun had their date almost every day. Kai would knock at Sehun’s house early in the morning and he would watch Sehun cook his favorite chicken curry. He would even hug Sehun from behind as he was mixing the dish, and Sehun would halt cooking for a while to peek at Kai and steal a kiss from him. And then they would giggle until the curry was all done.

Upon tasting Sehun’s curry, Kai’s eyes would widen and beam at his boyfriend, “It’s so delicious, Hunnie!”

“Really?” Sehun almost shrieked.

“Yeah! It’s more delicious than…” Kai suddenly halted.

“Than?”

Kai smirked and turned his eyes on the curry, “…than Kyungsoo’s.”

Sehun grinned and got so flattered with the remark.

At lunch time, Kai and Sehun would go outside, walk along the sidewalk holding hands, smiling and laughing as they chit-chat about anything under the sun, and they would choose a restaurant for almost an hour until they had their choice and had their lunch date there.

Kai would pick the red rose he hid in his bag and offer it to Sehun.

Sehun would blush, look at the people around and get redder for being shy, and he would receive the rose from Kai, telling a sweet, “Thank you, love.”

And Kai would answer a loud, “I love you too,” which would catch the people’s attention around again.

--

After a month of being together with Sehun, of having a great life full of love and happiness, Kai finally bought a ring.

Kai knocked at Sehun’s door late in the evening.

Sehun opened the door, witnessing a man kneeling at the stairs, having in his hands a small box with a ring displayed on it.

Sehun felt the time stop when Kai spoke and asked him, “Will you marry me?”

Dropping tears, Sehun answered, voice shaky, “Yes, Kai. Yes!”

Kai jumped in front of him, shouting and yelling and he hugged Sehun so tight, until he pulled the ring from the box and put it on Sehun’s finger.

--

The maid noonas would always see Kyungsoo crawling on the floor every morning, lips stained in blood, and when they would ask him where he wanted to go, Kyungsoo would always answer, and he would repeat until his maids understood, “kitchen…kitchen.”

When he got there, he would put his lips right at his noona’s ear, “I’ll…cook…curry.”

He would repeat until his noona understood, “Curry…cook…curry.”

With his chest burning and throat being sliced, he would mix the ingredients with his hands shaking, and he would do his best to finish cooking Kai’s favorite dish.

Kyungsoo, in reality, couldn’t even mix the ingredients anymore. It always got stained with his blood, and his noonas were the ones actually cooking for him.

Every morning, Kyungsoo would simply watch his noonas cook curry, imagining he was the one putting the chicken on the pan and the one putting the powder and mixing the ingredients.

When the curry was all done, Kyungsoo would smell it and imagine how Kai would beam so wide at him and say, “It’s so delicious, Kyung! This is the best ever!”

Kyungsoo would close his eyes again in the afternoon. He had his lunch in front of him at his bed. Every afternoon, he dreamt he was having his lunch with Kai. Before they would eat, Kai would offer him a rose, and he would receive it, blushing so much.

Kyungsoo simply shook his head at his noonas, signaling that he couldn’t eat his lunch because every gulp was too painful. He lied down, weeping silently, and dreamed about the night when Kai would wait at their gate for him to peek at the window.

And there Kai came, shouting “Kyungsoo! Kyungsoo!” at their gate. He would jump from his bed and take a glance of him from his window. Kai would signal him to go down, and he would run down their stairs and rush to the gate.

As he reached the gate, Kai knelt in front of him, opening a box which had a shining ring inside, and Kai asked him, “Will you marry me?”

Without any hesitation, Kyungsoo answered, “Yes! Yes!”

And they hugged each other so tight.

--

The next morning, Sehun woke up, still having the ring on his finger. He tried to put his arm on Kai, only to discover that his fiancé was not beside him anymore.

Sehun went downstairs, seeing Kai at the living room with his laptop. He walked towards him and hugged him from behind; he kissed Kai’s cheek and asked, “what are you doing?”

“I’m deleting something,” Kai replied, still busy clicking the keyboard.

“What are you deleting?”

Kai sighed, getting tired of the many things he had to delete, “my photos with Kyungsoo. All his photos that I uploaded. All our albums together…I want to delete them.”

“I think you don’t need to,” said Sehun, “those are still memories.”

“I don’t need the pictures anymore, Hunnie,” and Kai stared at his fiancé, “because I already have you.”

At night, Sehun saw Kai threw something on the garbage.

“What was that?” Sehun asked.

“Nothing,” Kai answered.

Wanting an exact answer, Sehun glared at him.

“A photo album,” he said.

--

Kyungsoo, despite his muscles too feeble to even stand, let himself fall on the bed. He crawled on the floor to reach a small drawer at the corner, doing his best to pull his skinny body towards it. Slowly, he kept on crawling as he spread his blood on the tiles.

 When he reached the drawer, he pulled something out.

He smiled as he coughed, having in his hands the album of him and Kai that a maid mistakenly took away beside him. He cried, because he was trying too hard to catch his breath, and he thought that right at this moment, he couldn’t keep his promise of living anymore.

Kyungsoo cried because he was losing the fight, and right at this point, he would surrender.

He tried to remember every detail of the album, him lying prone at the floor, not even able to sit.

The album had a size of 4 by 6 in, with a plain red cover because Kai told him red was the color of love, and at its lower right corner, the thing Kai wrote right after they bought it was still there, Kai and Kyungsoo forever <3

He opened it and he saw their first photo with the field as their background; Kai was clinging his arm on him while he was wrapping his arms on Kai’s waist. They were smiling at the camera, and Kyungsoo thought they really looked good together.

Kyungsoo let go of the album for a while, and he struggled to pick a pen and a piece of paper at the drawer; and with his hands trembling and the air getting too thin for him, he strived to write the words he wanted to tell Kai.

He had so many words in mind, so many things to tell Kai.

I’m sorry, I couldn’t make it.

I’m sorry for hiding everything.

I miss all our moments together, the nights we gazed at the stars, the days we swam on the mud, the time we played on the rain, our hugs, kisses, and the times you took care of me…

I wish you could be right beside me now…

I miss you so much. I love you very much.

As all those words played in his head, he lost grip of the pen, not able to write anything on the paper.

Kyungsoo attempted to crawl back to the bed to reach the emergency button installed for him, and he begged to catch some more air, but he didn’t even reach a meter when he took his last breath.

Kyungsoo stopped crawling on the floor. His eyes went closed, and he could never open them again.

In a distance, there were Kai and Kyungsoo’s photos together.

--

“Kyungsoo, do you hear me? I like you. I like you.”

Kyungsoo blinked repeatedly.

The time stopped for them.

But no, time did not. Kai and Kyungsoo took all the time just for them to be together. Kyungsoo had two tickets in his hand, displaying a playful satanic, enticing stare at Kai, “to the amusement park this night, hmm?”

And there came a sudden itch in his throat. He suppressed it, because he lost his handkerchief earlier.

“Why not? Let’s go!” Kai exclaimed, pulling Kyungsoo outside the hospital.

Kai and Kyungsoo sipped the helium gas from the balloon and they yelled in unison, “I love you!”

They didn’t care if telling those words to each other went too fast. What they knew now was that they had been through good and hard times, that they liked each other so much, and that they loved each other.

They ate cotton candies, rice cakes, spaghetti, chicken, ramen, and almost all the food they saw at the park. They would always wipe each other’s mouth, and gaze at each other for long seconds, ending up with uncontrollable laughter.

Kyungsoo leaned his head on the tall male’s shoulder, their fingers interlaced as they took slow steps. They were walking towards the ferris wheel; they looked at each other, and they knew what their stare meant.

And so they rode in its floating seat, and they gently moved up, until only the sky could be seen at the window. They saw the stars, yet they preferred staring at each other, because it would be more beautiful that way.

“Thank you,” Kyungsoo whispered to him, and his tiny air kinda tickled his boyfriend.

“For what?” he giggled.

“For existing.”

Kai’s cheeks went red, and he couldn’t utter a word, because his heart jumped so wild. There were butterflies not just in his stomach, but everywhere.

Kyungsoo turned his face away for a while to look at the sky. He hid his clenching fists. He was not really looking at the stars; he was grimacing with every pound in his chest. And then he thought at that moment that he should see a doctor, because he couldn’t be like this around Kai, and because he now had a reason not to ignore the pain.

The reason was beside him.

From the hospital, they went to the university together.

All eyes were on them, because they were now sitting beside each other, and Kyungsoo’s arm was wrapped around Kai’s.

Kai breathed heavily. He stood up in front of their class and announced, “My dear classmates, I am proud to introduce to you the one I love—Do Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo froze, and their classmates’ mouths all went agape. There were wide eyes and heavy gasps, and there came sudden loud drumbeats against the wooden desks mixed with shrieks and screams. “Kaisoo! Kaisoo! Kaisoo!”

Astonished, Kyungsoo gave Kai his sweating hand. They stood in front of the class.

“Kiss! Kiss!” the class demanded.

They shook their heads at first, yet they both knew how they badly wanted to do so. In the end, they pressed their lips together.

The waves glided in Kai’s heart. He felt as if he was out of this world, in a place so far away, together alone with Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo’s voice was so beautiful, so beautiful that Kai thought he was having a night at the skies. The music was gentle, and there was a pang in Kai as the tones flew from Kyungsoo.

The way you cry, the way you smile
Do you know how much they mean to me?
The words I want to say, the words I lost,
I’ll confess to you, but just listen,
I’ll sing for you.

When the wonderful song ended, Kai had his lips spread wide. “That was beautiful. That’s my favorite, I think.”

“Thanks,” Kyungsoo smiled. “That song was for you.” Especially for you.

Every time, Kai would always ask Kyungsoo to sing. He didn’t care what song it would be. He just wanted to listen to Kyungsoo’s voice.

Kyungsoo, meanwhile, would always grant his request. He would sing Baby Don’t Cry, Moonlight, Baby, Don’t Go, Sing For You, My Answer, and almost every song he knew. He loved to sing for Kai, because every time his song would end, Kai’s lips would land on his.

The days flew with Kai and Kyungsoo together. Hospital, school, hospital, school…it was a tedious cycle, but every second never felt dead because they had each other.

“Since you always sing for me,” Kai said as he tenderly cupped Kyungsoo’s waist and locked his fingers on Kyungsoo’s, “I’ll teach you how to dance.”

Kyungsoo giggled, s his arm around Kai’s neck and put himself closer to him. “Sure.”

Chuckling, Kai said, “Actually, I can’t teach you how to dance.” But they began stepping to the side, and then to the other side. Silence was their music in this empty hospital rooftop.

As they smoothly glided, Kyungsoo pouted, “but why? You dance really well.”

“Because,” he softly said, and he tenderly warmed Kyungsoo’s cheeks with his palms, “you don’t really teach a person how to dance. You just show him how.”

“It’s just like love…” he added, putting his lips less than a centimeter away from Kyungsoo’s, “you don’t teach a person how to love. You just let him feel it. And eventually, he will learn how.”

Kyungsoo closed his eyes, and he pressed his lips against Kai’s. The moon was smiling over them, and the tiny silver lights glittered in the midst of these frozen seconds.

“I love you,” Kai whispered.

“I love you too.”

“How many kids do you want?” Kai randomly asked while they were eating supper.

“Uhm…twenty?” Kyungsoo chuckled.

“Sure!” his boyfriend swiftly responded. “How many times do you want us to marry?”

Kyungsoo looked at the ceiling as he pondered, “one hundred?”

“This will be,” Kai took something from his bag. It was a small red box, and he opened it in front of Kyungsoo, “…our first marriage.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widened.

Kai pulled the ring from the box, gently taking Kyungsoo’s hand, “this will be our boyfriend ring,” and he smiled.

He added, “and this will be followed by an engagement ring, and then marriage, and then first anniversary, and then nth and nth anniversary ring.”

Kyungsoo dropped a tear, watching how Kai let him wear the ring. “Kai,” he whispered, and his voice was shaky, “I’ve never been this happy before.”

Once again, Kai slowly ran his palms on Kyungsoo’s hair. He cupped his hands on his squishy, warm cheeks, and softly answered, “me too.”

They giggled, seeing how their eyes focused on each other’s lips. They kissed, Jongin’s palms on Kyungsoo’s neck, Kyungsoo’s arms wrapped around Jongin. They took the seconds, and more seconds, and they didn’t want to let go.

--

One day, Kyungsoo secretly went back to his doctor.

The doctor had the examination result in his hand. His face was straight. “I’m sorry, Kyungsoo. You have stage 3b lung cancer.”

Kyungsoo was deafened. He stared off in the space. This couldn’t be.

There was no smile in his lips. Lying down on their comforter, Kai asked what was wrong, and Kyungsoo answered, “nothing.”

Kai didn’t believe it. But Kyungsoo wouldn’t lie to him, so he just tried to cheer his boyfriend up. “Ah! I know what you should do. Sing for me again, eh?”

To Kai’s surprise, Kyungsoo suddenly embraced him. With his arms wrapped around the person he loved the most, he began singing Kai’s favorite song.

Kai loved every millisecond of this moment. They embraced each other--tight. Until the song ended, they didn’t want to let go, and they thought they should just stay like this forever.

“This…” Kai ran his fingers onto Kyungsoo’s hair, “must be our forever.”

Kyungsoo smiled, gliding his hands on Kai’s back. And he coughed, his palm stained with blood. “Yeah,” he softly said, “…forever.”