They would have a two-week vacation before the first semester of their senior year begins. Kyungsoo was released from the hospital, and so the teammates separated ways.

Kyungsoo lived alone again in their mansion, while Kai went back to his home.

The first thing Kai did was to dance in his personal studio. He blasted out his favorite hiphop songs and lost himself with the powerful choreographies. As he punched in the air and stumped against the floor, there was one person persistently appearing in his mind. Kyungsoo.

He stopped the music and he shook his head trying to erase the image in his head. He failed nevertheless and he thought he was going crazy. Kai then called his best friend. “I will buy you milktea. A gallon if you want.”

“Sorry, we’re still not done with our paper,” and Sehun ended the call. But the paper was actually done way before. He simply didn’t want to hang out with Kai for now, for he felt like he was not yet prepared to witness his best friend blabber about Kyungsoo personally. He thought he would cry his eyes out right in front of him.

Kyungsoo meanwhile was sitting on his bed, in front of his laptop and he was stalking the accounts of the person who took care of him. He took a look on the album ‘Practicum Memories’ Kai uploaded on Facebook. They stared at every photo of them for long; the screen could melt from his intense gazing. He thought he was going mad.

--

Each day was getting slower and slower. They woke up searching for the warmth of each other’s body. They looked at the window thinking that they were beside each other. They drank coffee seeing that they sip together. They walked hearing their footsteps. They watched the sunset like there was a camera in their hands. They gazed at the stars like they were lying down on the grass. They closed the lights of their room to see the stars shine brighter, but they were in the city, the lights below were too bright. They slept smelling each other’s scent.

It felt like eternity. Everything was too slow. Everything was so tiring. They wanted each other. They needed each other. And the truth that they were hiding their feelings from each other just made them go nuts. They searched for love quotes, tweeted love advices, shared posts of hearts and love words, and each of them prayed they would know that those posts were all for each other.

Everything was getting harder. Everything was getting heavier. They wanted to burst out, they wanted to shout out, they wanted to reveal to the world how much they like their teammate. Something felt so incomplete and empty. They even thought they were dying…they were dying because they didn’t have what they needed…and that was each other.

All day, all night, they were thinking of each other. Just one string and they would lose their sanity thinking whether they were feeling the same for each other or not. They stalked each other online, they opened each other’s chat box, too tempted to talk again. They held their phone so long staring at each other’s name.

At the same time that night, Kai and Kyungsoo typed words on their phone.

Their texts contained the same message.

I like you, Kai. I really really like you.

I like you, Kyungsoo. I like you so ing much.

Their fingers shook, they held their breath as their fingers got closer and closer to the send button.

It was just half a centimeter away when Kai had almost clicked the button. Suddenly, their maid shouted and he ran down his room.

Kyungsoo, meanwhile, rolled from his bed to the floor and facepalmed too hard because his message was sent.

--

Only two days after did Kai was able to look at his phone again. His mother fell unconscious at that night and she was rushed to the hospital. He had no father or siblings; he could only rely on his uncle for this tough time. He spent two days at the hospital looking for his mother; he forgot Kyungsoo for a while.

Receiving his phone from their maid, Kai saw a number of messages in it. They were messages from their relatives, asking what hospital and room they were in, and some wished them to stay strong. He hadn’t told his close friends yet about the situation, even Kyungsoo.

After looking at the messages, there was one last left unread. It was from Kyungsoo.

I like you, Kai. I really really like you.

He stared at the message for seconds, read it all over again, and read it again to make sure. He stared for minutes…minutes and he was left blank and speechless. He neither jumped in joy nor even smiled, because in front of him was his lying mother, diagnosed with a stage three cancer; and although he dreamt of that message, he just couldn’t smile.

It was a wrong timing.

His mother could only be treated in America; he had no choice but to go there. He would leave, and maybe he would stay there for good, for he had a deal with some of his relatives there that they would sponsor his education for medical school.

They had been classmates for three years. They had known each other for so long. Why didn’t they know that they would like each other? What would he tell Kyungsoo now?

Kyungsoo called almost every friend of his. He couldn’t contain the insanity of what he did. He was going crazy, throwing the pillows and blankets again and again, and then shrieking in their mansion and groping on the walls. He didn’t know how to control himself or the beat of his heart. He was rolling on the floor and their maids somehow thank him for cleaning the tiles. He hit the sofa, the carpets, the tables, and he was still left crazy after all the things he did. He held his phone all the time, waiting for Kai to reply.

One day, two days, three days. Kyungsoo got no reply. He cried every single day.

On the fourth day, he sobbed harder because Kai left him hanging. He didn’t tell anything. There was nothing. And Kyungsoo was beginning to realize that all he believed in were lies.

He realized that those exchange of smiles and laughs meant nothing; that those stargazing for nights were just for some fun; that those ‘photoshoots’ were simply for documentation; that the stares and gazes were only because their eyes met; that the way Kai cared for him was only because he’s his teammate.

They meant nothing. Everything meant nothing. Kai didn’t feel the same for him.

It just hit Kyungsoo too hard.

--

Opening his phone conversation with Kyungsoo, Kai saw the message that made him so happy before. I like you, Kai. I really really like you.

As he scrolled down, he read more of their exchange of sweet messages.

I miss you, Kyung. I hope we’ll see each other soon. I love you!

Hi Kai! I miss you so much. I hope you eat all your curry!! <3

Thanks for the curry Kyung!!! Mmmm really delicious!

I love you so much, Kai.

I love you too. I love you, Kyungsoo.

I love you, Kyungsoo.

I love you, Kyungsoo.

We’re leaving now, Kyung. I love you. See you soon.

Kai smirked, a sarcastic movement of lips, and he deleted the entire conversation. He left nothing, not even leaving a single letter of it.

Sehun sat beside him. “Kai, your mom’s therapy is done.” He observed that Kai was busy with his phone and so he asked, “what are you doing?”

Kai flickered his eyes at him and smiled. “Nothing,” he answered, and he gently gripped the hand of his best friend. Kai held Sehun’s hand as they walked towards his mother’s room.

--

First day of their senior year. Kyungsoo was too embarrassed to even come to class. He wanted to hide. He wanted to cry. He was blank until he saw Kai enter the room.

It hurt seeing him. His heart was clenching. Kai sat with his clique, away from Kyungsoo. They were laughing and chatting while Kyungsoo couldn’t even widen his lips a bit.

Glancing at Kai, Kyungsoo could see him smile, and damn, he was tearful seeing that. How could he smile like that when he left him in the air? How could Kai even chuckle with his friends without thinking of what Kyungsoo felt? Kyungsoo smirked. He didn’t know that Kai could be like this.

Kai forced a smile to his friends’ jokes. All of them were still clueless of his situation; he didn’t want to ruin those laughs he was seeing now. He didn’t want anyone to get sad or be pitied to his situation. He didn’t want anyone to be sad because of him, especially the person who kept on running in his head. Kyungsoo.

Kai searched for him at his usual seat at the back. He was right; he was there, and he saw Kyungsoo looking at him.

Quickly, Kyungsoo feigned a laugh like he was listening to his friends.

Kai was glad that Kyungsoo was laughing. Their professor entered and their first semester officially started.

Kai rushed out of the room after their first class. His friends were puzzled, even Kyungsoo who kept glancing at him, because it was the first day and their professors were pretty strict with the attendance.

Although they were concerned, college life was fast-paced so they proceeded for the next subject. They didn’t have time to ask Kai because his friends knew how much effort they would need to exert to make him share something, especially when it came to his family.

Sehun was an exception though. As Kai’s closest friend, and as someone who loved him all along, Sehun didn’t fail to send him a message every hour, asking what the problem was.

--

Kai and Kyungsoo could only meet twice a week with their class schedules, on Tuesdays and Fridays. Within those days, they didn’t talk and didn’t go near each other. Their eyes had met occasionally, and that stood as the highlight of those days. It felt like the practicum was plain strict business—nothing more, nothing less. Kai just took care of him because he had no choice; he helped him with many things because that was just his nature.

Kyungsoo won’t stand being treated like nothing again. He wouldn’t make himself look dumb like he was chasing him.

Kai, on the other hand, still didn’t know what to do. He was so drained taking care of his mother, he needed to do school works, he needed to prepare for medical school abroad, and besides all those, he had no idea how to deal with his feelings for Kyungsoo.

Two weeks from now, their course would have their annual practicum conference in which they would present audio-visual presentations featuring the research work they did in their practicum area.

To begin the work as quick as possible, Kai sent a private message to Kyungsoo’s facebook.

Kyung, what’s the plan for the presentation?

Kyungsoo received the notification from his account. His heart jumped as he saw a message from Kai. Despite the disappointment Kai gave him, despite how Kai ignored his confession, Kyungsoo was now expecting that Kai’s message was a response to his confession. Kyungsoo was expecting words he was dreaming about for days.

I like you too, Kyungsoo.

But reality was not meant to be like that. As his finger shook in expectation, he only got a poker face when he saw the message. Kyung, what’s the plan for the presentation?

Kyungsoo began typing the words his heart wanted to tell. Why did you not reply to me? Why did you leave me hanging? Do you know how hurt I am with what you did?

He just erased all of them afterwards. At this point, he didn’t drop a tear anymore because he cried enough for that. And remembering the things Kai did for him—the way his hands got bruised to wash his clothes, the way he wrapped his arms on him to let him feel warmth, and the way he carried him despite his bleeding feet—Kyungsoo couldn’t be angry at Kai.

Kyungsoo just replied with, I’ll do all the work. Thank you for everything and have a good rest.

Kai was online when Kyungsoo sent it and so he replied quickly, Really? Thanks a lot. It’s a lot of help.

Seeing Kai’s response, Kyungsoo pondered what ‘a lot of help’ meant. Thinking of every single thing which had possibly happened, Kyungsoo messaged, How are you? Is there a problem?

I’m fine. There’s no problem. How about you? was the answer.

I’m fine too, Kyungsoo said, even when he was feeling chest pains again and he coughed, spitting blood on his handkerchief.

Kyungsoo was just too busy to care for such bleeding.

--

Kai and Kyungsoo’s audio-visual presentation took twenty minutes long, featuring the data and interpretation of their research. After the formal presentation, there came in their team bloopers, showing photos and video clips of them together.

Kyungsoo included their shots on each other—the shot when Kai was trying to catch the lizard, when he was hanging on the window, and he included their candid shots; he chose the best photos of them: their selfie while they were staring at the sunset, when Kai was lying on the grass gazing at the stars, and their best smiles and beams. He had their parent’s shots of the two of them in candid actions, like when they were cooking and conducting the surveys and interviews. He took in some of their video clips, when he was slicing a live chicken, when they were planting rice, when they were running towards the camera. The last clip which appeared was the two of them laughing, Kai clinging his arms on Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo wrapping his arms around Kai.

The audience, especially their classmates, shrieked and shouted watching their bloopers. It was all noisy inside the conference room and they were still tirelessly screaming even after the bloopers ended. Indeed, the people thought they looked good together.

Sehun, on the other hand, was not amused.

Kai, at that moment, couldn’t stop the pounding of his heart. As he looked at Kyungsoo, his temptation to confess was getting stronger and stronger. They were beside each other and the point came when their eyes met and Kai couldn’t handle it anymore.

“Kyungsoo, can we talk outside?”

Kyungsoo froze at his seat, because the way Kai looked at him seemed different. He unconsciously nodded, and deep inside he was expecting for something.

Outside, Kai breathed heavily, “I…I…”

Kyungsoo stared at Kai’s lips, with the way it opened and the way his mouth moved. He was shaking inside, his heart was beating fast, until Kai uttered the words, “I like you too, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes went wide and his heart seemed to stop; everything suddenly froze.

Trembling, Kai held Kyungsoo’s hands, and Kyungsoo could feel cold and sweaty hands holding him, and the only thing he could do at the moment was to blink his eyes.

“Kyungsoo, do you hear me? I like you. I like you.”

Kyungsoo blinked repeatedly.

The time stopped for them.