Junhyung’s POV

As the weeks passed, I started feeling different. I could feel something really living inside me. The baby bump was not very obvious, but it was there. I also started feeling a little heavier. Simple things like walking and getting out of my seat or bed could be quite tiresome too.

Food was still a problem for me. I could only eat and stand the smell of kimbap, and because of that, Haneul had to keep eating kimbap too. However, it was not much of a problem for her because she amazingly could eat the same thing, if she likes that certain food, for weeks, months and not get sick of it.

But Haneul was always busy. She was working on both her job and our wedding at the same time. I could tell she was losing patience. There are times we would argue over the slightest thing, which would result in us stomping off in anger, and then she would work the whole night through, not coming into the room to sleep at all.

Haneul does not deserve all my temper, I know. I tried to control myself, but my mood swings were that of a roller coaster. In the past, we would cool down in a matter of hours, but the arguments these few times lasted a few days. She still prepared food for me but we never spoke. I tried to talk to her but she would ignore me, and then I would get angry and the cycle would start all over again.

“Eat.” Haneul said, putting a plate of kimbap down in front of me.

Just two days ago, we had an argument over the choice of flowers for the wedding. She wanted baby pink and white rose petals scattered all over the aisle. I said okay, and I suggested sunflowers tied to the seats, since sunflowers were in a way significant to me. She used them to cheer me up while I was in the hospital the other time. But she refused and said everything should be light coloured. Sunflowers are too yellow.

We started arguing and she got fed up when I told her she was making our wedding look like a funeral. She asked me to myself and I told her to do the same. It was wrong of me, I know, but those words just came out! She threw two rolls of kimbap into my face and stomped out of the house with her stuff, all except for her phone. She left me worrying for the whole night. When she finally came back at 4AM, I tried to apologize but she just went to sleep.

Ever since that, she never spoke to me in full sentences or looked at me in my eyes. She would prepare me food, but she never spoke to me no matter how hard I tried.

“Lionny…” I called out.

She ignored me, continuing to type on her laptop.

“I couldn’t finish two rolls on my own, shall we share?” I tried asking.

“Throw it away.” She mumbled.

“Lionny…” I went to sit beside her.

I held onto her hand but she moved away.

“Look, I’m sorry.” I said.

She ignored.

“I didn’t mean to say what I said. I was just… not thinking. I… My mood swings are bad, and I know you don’t deserve all my temper. The baby is just making me… weird…  I’m sorry.” I said.

She turned to look at me, finally. Her eyes were tired.

“So?” She said.

“What so?” I asked.

“So, just because you’re pregnant, you know I don’t deserve your temper but because you cannot control yourself you just hurt me like that? So, just because you’re pregnant and I have been patient with you, you can behave in whatever manner your pregnant self desire? So, just because you’re pregnant?” She said.

I looked at her, and then down.

“Sorry.” I mumbled.

“No, Junhyung. Don’t be sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry I am not patient enough, not understanding enough, not loving enough. Most importantly, I’m sorry for turning our… no… your wedding into a funeral. I’m sorry.” She said sarcastically.

“I ALREADY APOLOGIZED! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT ME TO DO!? SHOULD I KNEEL BEFORE YOU AND BEG FOR FORGIVENESS!?” I snapped.

She smirked and shook her head.

“And to think a few minutes ago you apologized so sincerely.” She said.

“I… I…” I bit my lower lips.

“It’s alright, Junhyung. Forget it.” She said, getting up.

“Stop walking away whenever we argue!” I yelled, grabbing her wrist tight.

“Let go!” She struggled, but I tighten my grip.

I could tell from her expression that I am hurting her but I did not want to let her go like that again.

“What do you want from me, Yong Junhyung!? I don’t want to argue with you, that’s why I choose to shut up and walk off! What more do you want!?” She shouted into my face.

“I want to solve the problem! I want us to be happy again!” I yelled back.

“You do!? You really do?!” She glared at me.

I loosen my grip on her wrist slightly. She yanked her wrist off my hand. I was shocked to see the red, angry finger marks caused by me, an indication of the strength I used on her.

“Oh no. I’m sorry!” I apologized quickly, grabbing her wrist gently to examine the marks.

“Does it hurt a lot huh? I’m so sorry!” I apologized again.

It was bound to bruise, and badly. Haneul bruises easily to start with.

“Hurt? What the is hurt, huh?” She scoffed.

She pushed passed me and into the balcony. She locked the sliding door and drew the curtains, another way of telling me to ‘ off’.

I sighed. I looked at the plate of kimbap. I did not have any appetite for it at all, but even if I did not feel like eating, the baby needs food too.

“I’m eating for you, you better keep it down.” I said to my slight bump, caressing it lightly.

I sat back on the couch, looking at the closed curtains of the balcony while eating, wondering what is Haneul thinking about. Once the door to the balcony is closed, it is like a seperated place. People inside the house cannot hear outside easily, vice versa.

I ate slowly, but did not finish it. I left the food aside. I lied down on the sofa, closing my eyes, thinking of what happened just now. It could have gone well, if I did not snap at her. Why did I snap at her? Why did I not control myself?

“Mummy is angry with Daddy. What should I do?” I rubbed my belly.

I fell asleep eventually. I do not know how long I was asleep for, but I woke up when I needed to pee. I took a glance at the balcony. It was still close. I headed for the toilet anyway. I had no idea what happen, I must have tripped over my own feet or something, because I fell forward. I did not fall flat onto the floor because the basin kind of saved me, but at the expense of my stomach crashing onto it.

My heart was beating wildly from the shock.

‘You have to be very careful. Your baby is still not very stable yet.’ The doctor’s words kept repeating in my head.

I leaned my back against the door, my hand rubbing my belly continuously.

“Please be okay, please be okay.” I mumbled.

Just as I thought I was good to go, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, something I never wanted to feel, at least not now. The sharp pain did not feel like those I experience whenever I lose my temper. This was… excruciating. I slid down to the floor, holding my stomach, praying that the pain would go away, but it only got worse.

I tried to make sounds so I would hopefully get Haneul’s attention, but all that came out from my mouth were pants. I tried to reach for something near me so I could throw and perhaps create noise, but every movement hurt not only my stomach but my entire body.

“Baby… please…” I begged, tears flowing down my cheeks unconsciously.

After much effort, I managed to reach for a bucket. I threw the bucket against the wall.

“Ha… Haneul…” I tried to call out.

I froze when I felt warm liquid soak my pants. I looked down to find myself sitting in a pool of my own blood. I started sobbing from the pain as well as the fear of losing our baby.

“AGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!” I managed to scream when the pain hit me.

I clutched onto my stomach as I tried to reach for more things to throw. I did not dare to look down because I knew the pool of blood was getting bigger.

I would have smiled if not for the pain when I heard the balcony door unlock.

“Han… Haneul… Haneul…” I panted as I heard her footsteps nearing.

“What… Oh my god. What happened!?” She stared my blood soaked lower body.

“Ha…neul… Haneul… Hel.. Help…” I begged.

“It… it hurts…. It hurts…” I cried.

She looked at me, frowning.

“SUCH A SIMPLE TASK TO CARRY OUR BABY FOR NINE MONTHS, AND YET YOU CAN’T EVEN DO IT PROPERLY!” She yelled.

“Ha… neul…” I looked at her, my eyesight blurred from the tears.

“YOU KILLED OUR BABY, YONG JUNHYUNG!” She shouted, pointing at me.

“Ha… neul… Please…” I cried, digging my fingers into my stomach.

I could not even breathe properly because of the pain.

“Ple…ase…” I pleaded.

Haneul shook her head and backed away.

“Murderer.” She spat at me before walking off.

“Ha..neul… Ha..neul… HA..NEUL!!!!” I managed to yell, but all that greeted me was the slamming of the front door.

“Haneul…. Help… Someone…” I cried, looking down at the pool of blood.

My palms were covered in blood.

Haneul’s words kept ringing in my head; Murderer.

I killed our baby. My carelessness killed our baby.

“Haneul….” I cried.

“Come back… Please….” I pleaded, but all I could hear was my own cries.

The pain got more and more agonizing.  I was starting to see stars and I couldn’t breathe. I squeezed my eyes shut in hope that it would be over soon.

“Help….” I choked out.

“Help…. Please….” I said with much effort.

Out of a sudden, I felt a stinging pain on my cheek, as thou someone just slapped me. I was shook roughly and received a few more slaps.

“JUNRORO!! WAKE UP!!!” I heard a voice yell.

Then it felt as thou I was into some black hole. Everything went black, but very quickly, I was shot back out and I could breathe again.

 I opened my eyes and saw Haneul staring at me worriedly.

“WHAT HAPPENED!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THE FLOOR TREMBLING AND YELLING LIKE THAT!?” She pulled me into a sitting position.

I looked at her, and then around. I wasn’t in the toilet anymore. I put my hand on my belly. It was flat, and pretty flabby.

“Where… am I?” I asked, my voice cracked from my dry throat.

“Where are you? At home, of course! In our bedroom!” She said, wiping my forehead with her palms.

“What in the world happened? You were yelling my name, crying and shaking.” She said.

“I… I had a weird dream… A very, very weird dream..” I said.

“What dream?” She asked.

“I dreamt… that it was me.. and not you… who is..” I said, looking at her.

“What?” She asked.

“Pregnant.” I said.

She raised her eyebrow at me.

“I know.. I know.. It’s weird. At the end of the dream, I kind of fell and miscarriage or something, that’s why I was yelling and crying. The pain felt so real.” I said, touching my stomach.

“What are you talking about, Junroro?” She said.

“Huh?” I looked at her.

“You are pregnant. It has always been you.” She said.

My eyes widened. I stood up, backing away from her.

I was about to say something when I felt the same sharp pain in my stomach. I clutched onto my stomach, bending forward to try ease the pain.

“Wha… Oh my.. god.” Haneul said, staring at my legs.

I looked down. Blood.