Junhyung’s POV

I arrived at the headquarters. It was unexpectedly busy. I pushed open the glass door to be greeted by lots of people running around and discussing stuff I couldn’t understand. I tried to call for someone but no one seem to notice my presence. Finally, a lady must have noticed me standing dumbly at the door. She approached me and spoke to me in Japanese. I looked at her blankly and she just laughed.

“Korean?” She asked.

“Ah yea yea.” I bowed slightly.

“May I help you, Sir?” She said.

“I am looking for someone.” I said.

“Someone? One of our volunteers?” She asked.

“Yes.” I said.

“Hmm.. I don’t know if I will be able to help you thou. Because as you can see, we really have a lot of people here, and since our organization is international, there would be much more people than you see here. But tell me his or her name, I’ll see if I can find the person you’re looking for.” She said.

“Thank you so much. Her name is Haneul.” I said.

“Haneul? She’s Korean? What Haneul? As in, surname?” She asked.

I looked at her blankly. I don’t know Haneul’s surname. What a failure I am.

“You don’t know? Hahaha alright. It’s fine. We have photos in the profile, you may want to look through.” She said as she typed.

“We don’t have a lot of Haneul in our Japan database, fortunately. It’s about two pages, so about… Thirty of them? You can take your time to look through. I’ll be over there if you need me.” She said.

“Alright, thank you.” I said as I sat down.

I scrolled through the profiles, but I didn’t see the face I wanted to see. How could it be? All six of us saw her on television, it couldn’t be all of us seen wrongly. I was sure that it is her.

“Did you find your friend?” The lady asked.

I shook my head, trying to hide my disappointment.

“Is she Korean?” She asked.

“No.” I said.

“Japanese?” She asked.

“No.” I said.

“She didn’t tell you where she is working for? Which department, maybe?” She asked.

I shook my head.

“But I saw her just now on television. That interview.” I said.

“Ahhh, that one? But everyone there is from different nationalities. I was there too, but… There is no Haneul in our group.” She said.

“It’s alright. Thank you for your help.” I bowed.

“Wait.” She said, scribbling something on a piece of paper.

“Here, this is our contact number and address to our Korea headquarters, and this is the contact number and email address for our international headquarters. They may be able to help you.” She said.

I looked at the piece of paper, and then back at her.

“Thank you so much for your help.” I said.

“You’re welcome. And also, if you would like to volunteer, please feel free to.” She said.

“I will. Thanks a lot.” I said.

“Actually you seem pretty familiar.” She smiled.

“Me?” I asked.

“Yea. You sound like someone...” She said.

I took off my sunglasses. Her eyes widened.

“Thank you so much.” I said, waving to her as I left.

I giggled a little thinking back at her shocked expression. I should have given her an autograph.

“Did you find her!?” The boys asked the moment I entered the hotel room.

I shook my head.

“Why?” They pouted.

“I don’t know. I couldn’t find her name in the database. Maybe she doesn’t belong in the Japan headquarters. The lady also said that there was no Haneul in that group involved in the interview just now. I don’t know, I really don’t.” I said.

“It’s alright. At least we all know she’s alive. You’ll be able to find her.” Doojoon said, putting his arm over my shoulders.

“I’m good, really. As in, I’m glad she’s well. That’s all.” I said, looking down at the paper.

“What’s that?” He asked.

“The lady at the HQ gave it to me, she told me I could use these numbers to try find Haneul.” I said.

“You’ll find her! I’m sure you will!” Kikwang smiled.

“Thanks guys.” I said.

That night, I couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t because I was upset at the fact I couldn’t find her. Honestly, I expected things to turn out this way. It would be way too easy for me if I just stepped into the headquarters and expect to see her at the door. It wasn’t as if she was waiting for me. I was just happy that she’s alive. At least I know three years of yearning didn’t go to waste. I still have my hope.

***

The moment we touched down Korea, the first thing I did was to call the Korea headquarters. The person over the line was kind enough to search for me her name for me but he was helpless as well as I did not have her surname.

“It’s alright. Is it possible if I come down to look through the database on my own?” I asked.

“But Sir, such profiles are usually confidential.” He said.

“I really need to find her. Isn’t this a volunteer service organization? Shouldn’t you guys be helping people? I am in need of help now.” I said.

“But Sir…” He said.

“Please. It’s a matter of life and death.” I exaggerated. But honestly, to me, it was a matter of life and death.

“Alright… Just an exception this time. But I have to tell you, there are about three thousand Haneuls in our database.” He said.

“Three thousand!?” I shouted a little too loudly.

“Sorry. I mean… Oh my god.” I mumbled.

“Yes, so do you still want to look?” He asked.

“Yes I want to. Even if it’s thirty thousand, I still want to look. Is it convenient for me to come down now?” I asked.

“You may.” He said.

“Thank you so much.” I said as I hung up the call.

  I asked for our manager to drop me off at the headquarters first.

“Why not we all go together, then we can help you search. How long are you going to take to look through 3000 profiles?” Hyunseung said.

“But you guys are tired. It’s alright.” I said.

“You’re tired too. Six pairs of eyes will definitely work faster than just one. And besides, we all want to find her too.” Doojoon said.

“Thanks.” I smiled.

When we arrived at the headquarters, the man I spoke to just now almost choked at the amount of people I had with me.

“I was afraid I would take forever if I look through the profiles myself. Is it okay?” I asked.

“Erm.. Yea yea.. How can I ask you all to leave when you’re already here?” He mumbled.

“This way please.” He said, pointing to the side.

He led us to a room and gave us a laptop each to work on. Having to scroll pass five hundred profiles wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be.

“Have you guys found her?” The man asked after one hour.

“No.” I said, smiling slightly.

“Take your time.” He said, putting down a tray of food and drinks on the table.

“You need energy to continue, don’t you?” He said

“Thank you so much.” We said.

We were indeed famished after so long. The boys dived into the food, stuffing their faces with bread as thou they have not eaten for a few days.

“I’ll go get you guys more.” He laughed as he stepped out.

“Hyung! Eat this!” Kikwang said, shoving a piece of bread into my mouth.

“Thanks.” I mumbled with my mouth full.

After searching for almost five hours, all of us were tired and our visions were blurring.

“Why isn’t her profile inside?” Yoseob asked.

I looked up at them. My hope from before somehow pretty much vanished already.

“Sorry, Junnie.” Hyunseung said.

“It’s not your fault! Don’t apologize! You guys have helped me enough! It’s alright! Maybe… I don’t know. She’s just not part of the Korea headquarters?” I tried to cheer them up.

“But still…” Dongwoon pouted.

“Come on! It’s alright! Come, let’s go for dinner! I’ll buy!” I said.

We thanked the man before leaving.

“Do we need any application to volunteer our services?” Doojoon suddenly asked.

We all looked at him surprised, including the man.

“Apparently, not a tough procedure but… you just need to fill up your particulars and we’ll see to it.” He said.

“Can we have six application forms?” He asked.

“You guys okay with it? I just thought it would be good to do some volunteer service whenever we have free time.” He said.

We all nodded. We filled up the form and the man thanked us for it. We went for dinner before heading back to our dorm.

“Wash up and sleep soon yea. We have to head out early to the ski resort tomorrow.” Doojoon said.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“Yongpyong.” He said.

“Yongpyong?” I asked, smiling to myself.

“Something wrong?” He asked.

“Nope~” I smiled as I headed for our room.

I lied on my bed, hugging the duckie in my arm as I played random games on my phone. Doojoon tucked everyone else into bed like a father before heading to me.

“Enough of playing. Don’t your eyes hurt?” He said, taking my phone away.

“Eh eh! My game~” I whined.

“Continue tomorrow.” He said.

I pouted but it had no effect on him.

“You need the most sleep.” He said, covering the blanket over me.

“Like as if you don’t need any.” I said.

“That’s why! Stop being difficult and just close your eyes.” He said.

“I need to charge my phone.” I said, sitting up.

“I’ll do it.” He said, pushing me back down.

“I need to charge my iPad too.” I said, sitting up again.

“I’ll change them all for you. Your laptop, your phone, your iPad, your iPod. Alright?” He said, holding me down.

“You need to recharge yourself, so sleep!” He commanded.

I sighed and closed my eyes.

“Sleep well.” He said, putting the duckie in my hand.

“You too.” I mumbled.

I closed my eyes but did not fall asleep instantly. I thought of Haneul; Where is she now? What was she doing? Is she thinking of me like how I am thinking of her? Or has she moved on with her life and forgotten about me? Since she is alive, was she not the least concerned about my wellbeing? How did she manage to hide herself so well for three years?

***

The next day, we headed out early for the ski resort. We had a performance there and our manager said that we could take three days off there to have fun therefore we were all looking forward to it.

“Here we are!” He announced after a three hour drive.

We got out of the van and stretched out aching bodies.

/FLASHBACK

“Yong….. Yong…..” She tried to pronounce the Korean.

“Yongpyong! Pabo!” I laughed at her.

“YAH! I know it is Yongpyong! Who told you to be a busybody and disrupt my thoughts!? I was just trying to make sure!” She pouted.

“Opps~ I’m sorry.” I smiled as I carried our bags.

“So, what’s this Yongpyong place?” She asked.

“It’s a ski resort. Are you blind!?” I grabbed her hand and pointed to the mountains.

“SKI RESORT!? What are we doing here!?” She looked at me in surprise.

“Oh. To eat samgyupsal.” I smiled.

“What eat samgyupsal!?” She frowned.

“To ski of course! That’s why I told you to sleep just now. See, you’ve become so stupid suddenly.” I laughed.

“I’m not stupid!” She punched my arm.

“Of course, you’re not~ Yong~~~~ Yong~~~~  What are we doing in a ski resort!?” I imitated her.

“YAH!” She pouted.

/END OF FLASHBACK

“HYUNG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Kikwang shouted.

“AH WAE!?” I yelled, shocked by his loudness.

“What were you thinking of!? You were laughing to yourself and we kept calling you! Are you okay?” He asked.

“I’m fine. Just thought of something really funny.” I said, putting my arm over his shoulders.

“Share it with us!” He said.

“Later.” I said, punching his stomach playfully.

After our performance, we were given the freedom to play around.

“Let’s go snowboarding!!!” Yoseob shouted.

“But I want to ski!” Dongwoon protested.

As the two of them argued, I looked around, remembering the time I was here with Haneul.

“JUNHYUNG!!!” Doojoon shouted.

“Huh?” I laughed.

“Are you crazy?” He asked.

“No. What is it?” I asked.

“Where do you want to go first? Snowboarding or skiing?” He asked.

“SNOWBOARD!!” Yoseob shouted.

“NO!! SKIING!” Dongwoon yelled.

“Let’s just build snowmen.” I teased them.

“HYUNG!!!!!!!!!!!”They whined.

“Actually I think it’s a pretty good idea.” Hyunseung joined in the fun.

The maknae and the visual maknae pouted. I looked around to see Kikwang squatting down, already building a snowman.

“He’s serious.” I said, pointing down.

“Huh? What? Aren’t we going to build snowman? Junnie Hyung said ….” He asked innocently.

We all sighed and walked off, leaving him to run after us.

“Snowboard first then, since we have to go uphill for it. We can ski later on the way down. Besides, we have three days two nights here.” I said.

“Alright.” They agreed.

“WAIT FOR ME!!!!” We laughed as Kikwang ran to us frantically.

We collected our gears and headed uphill.

“Teach me!” Yoseob said, suddenly jumping onto my back.

“What?” I asked.

“Teach me how to snowboard!” He said.

“You mean you don’t know how?” I asked.

He shook his head.

“Then why did you insist on snowboarding!?” I asked, surprised.

He shrugged his shoulders and pulled me along.

“I forgot how to! QUICK!” He said.

I showed him a few times and he mastered it already.

As they played, I sat on the snow, making snowballs and throwing it at them randomly. As I watch those people play, I remember how I had a hard time making Haneul snowboard downhill. It was tough, but memorable.

“Why aren’t you playing?” Doojoon asked.

“I’ll go walk around. I’ll be back.” He said.

“Are you alright?” He asked.

“Can’t be better.” I assured him.

“Is your phone on? We’ll call you if we head to other places.” He said.

I nodded and walked off. I strolled the ski resort, watching those people have fun. As I walked, I reminisce the times I had here with Haneul.

My eyes landed on a figure, snowboarding gracefully downhill. She was doing pretty well until a group of boys zoomed pass her. They must have shocked her because she fell. I was about to go up to yell at them for scaring her like this until they ran back to help her up. Well, at least they had manners.

She stood up and dusted the snow off her clothes. She pushed her hair away from her face and smiled at them. I froze. Am I really seeing who I saw? When I finally snapped out of my thoughts, she was gone already. I looked around frantically for her.

“HANEUL!!!!!!!!!!” I shouted at the figure who was snowboarding downhill, quite far away from me.

She didn’t seem to hear me thou. I shouted her name as I ran, but she kept going further down.

“YAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! HANEUL AHHHHHHHH!!!” I shouted.

She stopped and turned back, looking around. I couldn’t stop myself in time. She stared at me in with a mixture of shock and confusion in her face as I crashed into her.

“I’m so sorry! Are you okay!?” I apologized, getting off her quickly.

She stared at me blankly.

“Haneul ah!” I cried.

“Jun… Hyung?” She looked at me.

“You’re not dead!” I cried.

Her expression darkened. She pushed herself up. She rolled her eyes at me before stomping off.

“Haneul!! Haneul!!!” I ran after her.

I caught her up and turned her to face me.

“What!?” She yelled.

“Why are you so fierce?” I looked down.

“Me!? Fierce!? How did you expect me to reply when you asked if I was dead!? Should I smile and tell you ‘No, I am alive.’!? If you wanted me dead then why did you even call out to me!? Were you checking to see if I am human or soul!?” She shouted.

“I…” I did not know what to say.

Good on you, Yong Junhyung. Three years of waiting and when you finally see her, you pissed her off.

“I have been in and out of Korea pretty much these years. Maybe this is a new way Koreans greet people, but either way, I still find it very rude alright!” She pushed me away, walking off.

“I’M SORRY!! I DIDN’T MEAN THAT YOU SHOULD BE DEAD! PLEASE LISTEN!!” I begged.

“Dead or alive, does it even concern you!?” She shouted.

“Of course it does.” I mumbled.

She shook her head and walked off.

“SKYE!!!” I shouted.

She stopped and turned to face me.

“What did you call me?” She asked.

“Skye.” I said.

She looked at me in surprised. I was about to explain stuff to her when we were distracted by a small voice.

“UMMA!!!” The voice yelled. A small body crashed into Haneul’s legs.

Haneul’s angry expression quickly turned into a loving one as she picked the little girl up.

“Umma!” The girl called again.

Did the girl just call Haneul Umma? Haneul is… Married?

“WHO!?” The girl asked, pointing at me.

Haneul looked at the girl, then at me. She smiled and whispered something to the girl. The girl giggled. Haneul gave the girl a kiss on her cheek and put her down.

“Go to Daddy, I’ll come in awhile.” Haneul said.

“TOGETHER!!!” The girl pouted.

“I’ll be there in awhile. Be good, go on.” Haneul said.

We watch the little girl run off before facing each other again. I had so many questions to ask her; Are you married? Where have you been? Have you forgotten me? What did you do for three years?, but for some reason, when I opened my mouth, no words came out.

“So….” She broke the silence.

“Hmm?” I looked up.

“I have to go. I’ll see you around.” She said.

I nodded robotically.

I watch her disappear into the resort. Why do I feel so weak suddenly? Have I lost my chance already? But I just found her. Why is this happening?