FIRST IMPRESSION

(This is the reviewer’s analysis of the story at first glance. This will include the title, tags, foreword, description, graphics, layouts, and even the first chapter. Furthermore, this will discuss if readers will be interested enough to read your story.)

Since we’re talking about first impression here, your title has 50:50 chance of catching your readers’ interest. First, it’s really simple. It’s possible that readers may overlook this while browsing stories.  Second, there are stories with “fearless” in their titles, making your own title quite common. But then there are also more open-minded readers who try to explore stories with vague titles like yours. Some readers (experienced readers) here actually prefer titles like this over cliché titles with the plot summarized (NOTE: I hate you Baekhyun and you also hate me but then we fell in love????!!!!!!). <*I’ll facepalm myself if I ever see titles like this again.>

You greatly introduced the summary in your description. It’s catchy and hinted a new twist to the classic boy-and-girl-hate-one-another-in-school. The way you ended the description arouses curiosity and it’s enough to excite readers to read the first chapter.

Your foreword did a great job too in introducing the characters and their conflicts without revealing too much. When you added the definition of fear there, I can see how you’re trying to connect it to the titile. Very good!

When it comes to the poster, it lacks the angst factor. I can see the car crash hinting what was to come but the colors are light and romantic, most likely evoking light romance. I’m sure that’s not what you have in mind for readers to see and feel in your story.  Yes, unfortunately, there are readers who narrowly judge fictions by their covers.

The first chapter: the two main characters in a strange situation where their two views about life and death are introduced. Great start, great dialogue. Aside from using a dangerous stunt of climbing someone’s wall as their first meeting (which is fascinating), the OC’s instant disdain of Baekhyun’s recklessness is convincing. You made your point that she hated him that moment because of the way this guy seems to be treating life like trash when her parents are dead. It seems unfair to her. It’s not what you read in hundred AFF stories with a plot where main characters hate one another instantly because of some silly, stupid reasons. When she called the police, I thought that’s a rational thing to do, so good job on making her character realistic in that aspect.

Reviewer’s First Impression as an Ordinary AFF Reader:

I consider myself an experienced reader in AFF and many times, the principle “Don’t judge a book by its cover (well, in fanfiction: Don’t judge a fiction by its poster and title)” seemed more and more persuasive to me. If I’ll judge a story whether I’ll read it till the end depends on the writing style and the way the plot is laid down.  Simple titles don’t matter to me. Sometimes, the best stories here have the simplest titles so I am open to possibilities. Your description and foreword definitely hooked me. To be honest, I’m attracted to cliché plots with a new twist so yours has the added bonus. The first chapter further hooked me. The characters are convincing. The conflict of different views of life is hinted immediately making a solid foundation for the story. That poster sadly lacked the magnet factor. But that doesn’t matter to me.

PLOT/SETTING/FLOW/CHARACTERS

I can see the basic plot: They hate one another. They’re schoolmates. They fall in love. It’s obvious that you’re trying to draw away from the cliché plot by giving your characters their different views about life and death, and how the similarity of their painful past is drawing them to one another. I liked how you emphasized how opposites they are despite experiencing the same tragedy. That’s what makes your story different from similar plots.

I already mentioned that their first meeting is really fascinating. It automatically raises some questions why those characters have those kinds of behavior and thinking. When the guys are introduced as transfers in the school, you didn’t overly emphasized fangirling (which had numerously leaved a bad taste on my mouth from other similar stories). I liked how you gave minimal yet enough allusion that these new transfers are eye-candy without injecting too much (screaming girls, fainting girls on their feet, flirting girls, etc. you get my idea).

I’m quite worried when she is to tutor Baekhyun. I thought you can do better than that because that particular sub-plot is overly used. I hoped you have new tricks in mind in making that sub-plot.

You did an excellent job when it comes to flow/pacing. Many times, you’ve hinted that a long time (ex. months) passed between events making your story more realistic that way. Through this technique, the romance and friendship are not sudden. I liked how you’ve taken your time for your main characters to warm up to one another and how the similarity of their situation drew them to one another.

I can see your method of starting a chapter by introducing a certain scene from that chapter to give ideas what will happen in that chapter. It’s appealing hinting what was to come, but sometimes it can disrupt the flow because readers are anticipating those “introduced” scenes in the first paragraph, making them lose their concentration on every paragraph. You can still use this technique but don’t abuse it. Are you familiar with “Marriage Without Dating”? The Korean drama starts every first scene in each episode by introducing a particular, thought-provoking scene in the latter scene, making viewers curious what that scene will entail. Your style reminded me of that drama’s script writing style. If you need clarification on this matter, feel free to voice out your concern.    

Iseul has great realistic traits to her. She’s smart but not a nerd. She’s unpopular but not being bullied. She has no parents but she’s has a grandmother. She gets annoyed at a person with a reason. In short, she’s believable and I get to meet people like her in real life. Great job!  I understand her loathing of Baekhyun’s recklessness because she lost her parents and that this guy from out-of-the-blue seemed to treat life like trash, when her parents are dead. I liked how she didn’t see those new transfers as “Oh my God! They are so hot and cute!” instead, she sees them as trouble. In the real world, a sheltered girl doesn’t want to associate herself with seemingly dangerous guys. I also liked how fear crept on her when she saw them again in school because she called the police on them. Tiny little details make realistic plot, I tell you.

Despite her knack for keeping herself out of trouble, I appreciated her sympathy towards Baekhyun when he was out in the pouring rain and how she let him settled on their apartment. I didn’t see any erted thoughts on her which made her a more likeable character. <*Sometimes, an OC who is portrayed as an “innocent and smart” girl but has erted thoughts make me want to pull her fake eyelashes.> I liked how that plot of letting him inside her apartment didn’t seem like fan service, but instead became a crucial point for her to discover Baekhyun’s past. From then on, she became curious about him until she finally earned understanding and similar sympathy from him. I also find it believable when she became teary and sobbing when she revealed to Baekhyun that she also lost her parents.

Baekhyun, on the other hand, is introduced as reckless and seemed to be happy-go-lucky kind of guy which prompted the OC to be annoyed by him. I liked how you didn’t make him the “perfect” guy every girl wants (NOTE: He gets low grades and has his moods). He instantly disliked the OC from the beginning because for one, she called the police, and two, she is persistent in learning his past. I understand his standoffish attitude towards her. I understand how you tried to portray your characters’ different behavior after their parents’ terrible accident. I can see their difference, and yet they are not really that different at all. I also noticed the way you narrated that Baekhyun’s behavior seemed different towards other people and towards the OC.

Chanyeol is a breath of fresh air. He’s supportive and understanding of his friend, Baekhyun. He genuinely cares about him basing from his worry when Baekhyun was missing. He seemed like the kind of guy who is a jerk yet a “deep” kind of jerk.

PLOT HOLES/POINTS:

1. THE OVERLY-USED TUTORING SUB-PLOT. I’m sorry but I’m quite disappointed by the turn of events when he was to be tutored by the OC. Well, that is the quickest excuse for them to spend time together and get to know one another, but I would have prefer if they just get together and spend some quality time in the rooftop where they first had their real talk.

2. INTRODUCING A CERTAIN SCENE FROM A CHAPTER IN THE VERY BEGINNING. I’ve already mentioned this. This can disrupt the flow because when readers learn that a scene will happen later on, they cannot concentrate fully on the story. For example, in a certain chapter, you’ve mentioned at the very beginning that your OC hit Baekhyun’s head with a book. Later on as I read, I’m not surprised when it was Baekhyun that she hit after that little “thriller” of being left alone in the dark corridor. Learn not to abuse this kind of style.

3. NOW THAT YOU’VE LET YOUR CHARACTERS LEARN EACH OTHER’S PAST AND HAVE THEM UNDERSTAND ONE ANOTHER, WHAT NOW? That is the question. I’ve felt like fillers are starting to pour, like that tutoring sub-plot. I really hoped that you will have greater ideas in mind.

4. ALWAYS REMEMBER TO GO BACK TO YOUR TITLE. You contrasted your two characters as “fearless” and “fearful”. Don’t forget to turn your OC into “fearless” later on because of Baekhyun.

5. DON’T FORGET YOUR MINOR CHARACTERS. Most AFF writers neglect their minor characters. Give them roles without outweighing the main characters.

WRITING STYLE/GRAMMAR/CONVENTIONS

I liked how the chapter title is related to the chapter’s content. It feels like your trying to connect them until the finale when this “fearful” girl will finally be “fearless” at the end, naming your last chapter as “fearless”. Remember what I’ve told you about the way you start a chapter. Do not abuse the injection of a particular scene at the beginning to hint what will happen. Sometimes it will disrupt the flow. I liked how I understand the characters with the way you let us into their minds, especially the OC’s mind: Why she sees Baekhyun like that? Why she behaves likes this and like that.

I also liked how you injected humorous scenes and lines to neutralize the angst content of the storyline. It makes the story enjoyable and easy to read.

When it comes to grammar, sometimes you switch tenses, but it’s minor and can be easily remedied through proofreading.

AFTER READING THE LAST CHAPTER…

“Fearless” is a great title. After reading, the simple title hinted a lot on what is happening in the storyline which is just great because it means, the title is effective in that aspect. The plot is overly used but you just used it as a foundation and injected your own medicine to it, making it your own, your original story. Like what I’ve already mentioned, I’m quite disappointed with the tutoring as sub-plot. I feel like you can do better than that, unless you’re thinking of new ideas to spice up that sub-plot. Before I end this, please disallow text selection. Unless this is for the sake of reviewers, allowing text selection has the tendency for others to plagiarize your story..

  I hoped this review will greatly help you with your story. Thank you for requesting! Don’t forget to credit the shop by linking.

                        Your Reviewer,          

                        KnightPhantom