Chapter two : Present

Be a friend. The pay is bigger

(Though not written by a figure)

Than is earned by people clever

In what's merely self-endeavor.

You'll have friends instead of neighbors

For the profits of your labors;

You'll be richer in the end.

“Hun-ah–”

The words slipped past his lips silently, without his conscious permission and Baekhyun missed the strange look Jongdae gave him. He also found himself rooted to the spot where he was positioned behind the counter while the customer stared at him in silent wonder. He found it rather difficult to process the moment at first, the abruptness and timing of it all simply having caught him off guard. He initially thought the recollection of memories since noon must have caused him to mishear someone else’s voice for Sehun’s who was thousands of miles away from him and at god knows where. Baekhyun was mentally prepared to apologize to the customer for having blurted out someone's name out of the blue, but he was nowhere near prepared for what happened the moment he turned around. A thousand years worth of preparation wouldn’t have been enough prepping time if he were being honest with himself. To think it really was the other man in the flesh, knocked all the wind from his lungs and Baekhyun momentarily felt like as if there was no longer any oxygen in the air. The brunette had his eyes widened and his face might have appeared paler than usual, as if he had seen a ghost. He was clutching onto the cup in his hands so impossibly tight - as a form of mental support to keep him from falling unconscious - that the brunette expected for it to shatter then and there in his hold.   

He was still taller than ever and though his hair was hued a rich, silvery blonde now there was no mistaking it that the person standing there in front of him and fumbling with his wallet like he always had was indeed, unmistakably – Oh Sehun, his childhood friend, his best friend and dare he admit it, first love. There he was, standing there, tall, tan and broad shouldered with his suit jacket ed and sweat slightly dampening the edges of his polo shirt. This was Sehun, the Sehun, who had been occupying the expanse of his mind for hours on end with no intention of leaving and the one who he had missed so dearly although he gained new friends over the years just as he lost some. There he was, standing in the very cafe Baekhyun worked at and god – this cafe was so much smaller compared to the other ones down the street too.

What were the chances?

What were the actual chances of him running into Oh Sehun?

He had a hard time believing that the blonde before him was the real thing, it could have been his mind and the heat playing tricks on him. That’s right, it could have been a mirage produced by his memories or the fact that he had been sleep deprived due to late night study sessions made Baekhyun question if he was seeing right.

“Baekhyun – hyung?” Sehun repeated in an attempt to correct the little slip up of using the old nickname he always used to call Baekhyun by. The brunette jolted, the sparks in his brain still busy trying to connect the dots finally short circuiting at the others voice and his fingers were slowly losing their grip around the cup. If it wasn’t for a firm “Ya–” from Jongdae who was watching the entire time from across the counter, Baekhyun would have surely broken the cup and he wouldn’t have been reeled back into reality from his apparent state of a mental breakdown. He released a shaky breath he didn’t know he was holding for the entire duration before gently placing the cup on the counter. Baekhyun leaned forward with one hand gripping the edge of the counter so he could lean over to slowly reach out and poke Sehun straight in the forehead with a trembling finger. A dead serious expression donned his features as if he was expecting his finger to go right through the others temple, while Jongdae watched from the sidelines, arms crossed and brows raised in mild amusement. Sehun made a disgruntled noise with his nose scrunched by the slightest to which Baekhyun started laughing, the same tinkling sound Sehun heard while waiting in line earlier. Sehun’s own face morphed into a smile so bright that it was almost blinding when the brunette finally came to his senses. “Sorry–” Baekhyun said while straightening out again though he sounded the least apologetic. “It really is you, if it isn't Oh Sehun himself. Where have you been huh? you punk” Baekhyun questioned with both hands splayed across the edges of the counter before he flashed Sehun a playful glare.

“I–” Sehun started only to break off a second later. He blinked rapidly a couple of times as if he, himself was trying to make sure that it was indeed Baekhyun. “I – I can’t believe I’m running into you right now. I’m just - you know.. I just got back and–” the blonde stuttered, continuing from where he left off after shooting a glance over his shoulder. “How cute” Jongdae scoffed from the other end before walking over to Baekhyun, with his hip slanted to a side as he stood next to the brunette. “Look at how he’s stuttering” Jongdae added, tilting his head towards Baekhyun a little, only to huff and roll his eyes while pointing an index finger at Sehun with his arms still crossed. His eyes subtly travelled between Sehun and Jongdae almost as if he knew what was coming. The blonde shot the other barista a bewildered look, quirking a single brow with his mouth opening – if Baekhyun knew any better and if Sehun was still the same as he was, nothing good would come out of that mouth of his. Knowing Jongdae, the other man wouldn’t let off a snarky comment either and an unstoppable battle of nerves between the two of them was the last of Baekhyun’s problems.  

Baekhyun leaned forward again to slap Sehun’s arm and effectively draw his attention away from making a comeback and back to himself. “Were you looking for me?” the brunette asked with a smile and his head cocked to a side. “Er – no” the other admitted as softly as his now deeper voice would allow with a shake of his head. Baekhyun feigned a hurt expression at that and Sehun looked like he wanted to reach over the counter and touch him, but Baekhyun was quick to intervene. “My break’s in fifteen minutes. We can talk then” Jongdae was quick to untangle his limbs and throw an arm around Baekhyun’s shoulder. “You see pretty boy, as much as you want to hog him all to yourself – Baekhyun and I actually have a job to do” the barista drawled before Sehun could interject. “What can I get you?” Baekhyun sighed softly, a defeated smile on his lips before shrugging the other man's arm off his shoulder with a defiant “Ya, Kim Jongdae” Sehun blinked again, once and then twice before he ordered a Cappuccino for himself and a frozen Mocha for Kyungsoo. Baekhyun added up the total before telling Sehun how much he had to pay for the drinks. Sehun’s eyes never left Baekhyun even while he was opening his wallet and the brunette couldn’t help the grin on his face though there was a twinge of pain in his chest.

Would it be awkward now?

Would it be out of line for him to behave as he used to around Sehun?

Would it be strange to talk, touch, joke around and just do everything the way they used to?

“Ah, ” Sehun suddenly said in English, looking down into his wallet with an almost horrified expression on his face and Baekhyun quirked a brow. He leaned forward to curiously peer into Sehun’s Yves Saint Laurent Wallet. There were a lot of coins and bills Baekhyun had never seen before in the wallet so out of curiosity the male reached out to pull one out. Sehun watched him with a sheepish smile and Jongdae piped in, peeking over Baekhyun’s shoulder while wiping a cup. “Are those?”

“Pounds?” Baekhyun finished for the other and Sehun’s eyes flickered between them for a fraction of a second before he whispered embarrassedly. “I forgot to exchange–” Baekhyun really, really wanted to laugh at that, the air was already leaving his lungs in silent, stuttering chuckles. Sehun was near blushing, he suddenly looked so young, so much like the child that Baekhyun had last seen before he left and in the end the brunette couldn’t bring himself to laugh. Sehun cleared his throat, zipping his wallet shut before producing his card instead when the other realized Jongdae was giving him a pointed look. “Rich kids” Jongdae huffed with yet another roll of his eyes before he his back to get a bigger glass for the frozen Mocha – that too, only because Baekhyun looked almost ready to smack him. “Enjoy your drink!” Baekhyun beamed like he always did, but his grin was a tad broader, maybe just a bit brighter. “Fifteen minutes” the barista reminded. Sehun stared at him in silence for no less than a second before nodding. He took the tray, getting milk foam all over his fingers because he actually bumped his fingers against the cup and Baekhyun was quick to place a few extra tissues on the tray before the taller went back to his table at the back. "Still clumsy as ever" the brunette whispered under his breath while watching the others fading back.

“So–” Jongdae started and Baekhyun interrupted “Don’t–” with Sehun momentarily out of sight the barista finally let his expression fall, he looked distressed and the smile was no longer on his lips. “I don’t remember asking for your life story?” Jongdae questioned, trying to lift the mood because he had seen through Baekhyun’s facade the moment he acted on it, which also happened to start the moment he actually began to talk to Sehun. Baekhyun caught the corner of his lower lip in between his teeth before heaving a sigh. “Oh Sehun, he’s – a friend, a childhood friend” Baekhyun knew Jongdae long enough to know that there was something on the tip of his tongue, but this time, he didn’t say it. Instead, the other pointedly glanced over to a table where a raven haired man was furiously typing and swiping on a tablet he had propped up on the table and Baekhyun made a silent noise. “A childhood friend like Chanyeol?” Jongdae merely asked and Baekhyun thanked the heavens for sparing him from Jongdae’s usual snide. Baekhyun wanted to explain, he knew Jongdae would listen because he always had, it’s just that he didn’t know where to start – Sehun was different. “He’s just, Sehun” Baekhyun shrugged and Jongdae’s face slipped into a confused one before it crossed into understanding. The conversation ended from there and the two worked in silence afterwards.

Baekhyun patted Jongdae on the back to let him know that he was taking his break, already seeing Sehun approach the counter again. He waved him over to the entrance of the kitchen before taking off his apron and throwing it onto the chair behind the curtain. Baekhyun all but hopped across the division between the counter and the customer area, throwing his arms around Sehun’s neck before pulling back and jabbing the others stomach. “Damn you, Oh Sehun” he laughed when Sehun yelped and clutched his stomach with a pained grimace that was ruined by the smile on his lips. “Do you have any idea–” Baekhyun paused “Just how much I missed you?” Sehun simply reached out again and despite the pitifully acted out frown on his face, the brunette readily wrapped his arms around the others torso, squeezing him before letting go, only to cup his face between his palms. “You still look like a baby” Baekhyun mocked while squishing the others cheeks though Sehun was protesting and saying something along the lines of a muffled “I’m a man” Sehun wrinkled his nose, narrowing his eyes before he took Baekhyun’s wrists carefully - had his hands always been that small compared to Sehun’s? - and pulled his hands away, spreading them out to the side as they had always done.

“Says the puppy” Sehun grinned and tilted his head to the side. “You look good, Baek”

“Hyung” Baekhyun corrected him with emphasis before adding “Have you forgotten how we do it here in Korea big bad city boy? How are your parents? When did you get back?”

Sehun paused at that, one of his brows raising ever so slightly before he reached out to ruffle Baekhyun’s hair with one large hand. “Maybe. They’re fine. A few hours ago” Sehun answered cheekily. “Impressive, you’re talking a mile a minute. Do you even breathe?” He teased, only tightening his grip on Baekhyun’s wrists when the barista resisted a bit, the others eyes flickering dangerously as if to say “Do you want to get hit?” Baekhyun sighed when he knew overpowering Sehun would be close to impossible. “You tell me, you’re stealing the air from all the way up there. Plus, I don’t have all day” It was then, that Baekhyun saw someone moving out of the corner of his eye and Sehun had suddenly let go of his wrists because there was a third arm joining them. One that slid across Baekhyun’s narrow shoulders, pulling him close and Chanyeol’s deep voice was quick to follow, rumbling in his ear in the usual baritone. “Didn’t you want to come over during break, darling?” Sehun was utterly confused by the looks of it and Baekhyun let his gaze uneasily travel between both males.

“Yeah, Hey–” Chanyeol was the first to break the ice, extending his hand towards Sehun, his face a mix between a cocky smirk and something grim playing along his lips. “Park Chanyeol, Baekhyun’s boyfriend” Baekhyun looked a little uncomfortable as he muttered “Chan–” but Sehun had already taken Chanyeol’s hand, giving it a firm shake. “Oh Sehun” the two silently stared into each other's eyes for a moment, something going about in their orbs which Baekhyun was unable to decipher. “Ah, he was your neighbour, right?” Chanyeol inquired as if he just recalled before shooting a side glance at Baekhyun. “Yeah” Sehun muttered and then sighed. “Uh, hyung listen, I need to get going. Kyungsoo is waiting for me back there and–” Baekhyun didn’t know if it hurt that Sehun was actually here with Kyungsoo or the fact he looked so lost and confused. He knew Sehun, when his nose was slightly wrinkled and when his smile was gone completely, it meant that Sehun was at a loss for what to do.

“Hey” Baekhyun said before Chanyeol could interfere or before Sehun could bolt. “After my shift– we could… I don’t know, maybe go grab something to eat?” There was that smile again, not as bright, but it was there and Sehun was quick to nod. “Definitely, how about the barbecue place? You know, the one we used to go to?” The blonde suggested.

Did he imagine that, or was Sehun looking directly at Chanyeol while speaking?

“Of course I know” he nodded, ignoring the weight of his boyfriend's arm around his shoulder, who was also watching them carefully, his lips pursed and eyes trained on Sehun's face as if he was ready to step between them at any given moment - strange, really. “I’m done at six” the brunette added. “I’ll see you at seven?” Sehun suggested again and Baekhyun gave him a thumbs up. “I won’t be late” Baekhyun said and Sehun gave him what could pass for a small smile, looking at Chanyeol one last time before turning on his heel and marching away. Strangely enough, in Baekhyun’s mind, seeing Sehun and thinking about him were entirely two different things. Sehun had stayed the child with the unruly windswept black hair, with his hands that were a little bit too big because he had to grow into them, sometimes even going so far as to stumble over his own two feet. The man he had grown into was something completely different and Baekhyun found himself staring after his childhood friend until he disappeared around the small corner with the seats hidden behind the room divider. “Babe” Chanyeol said and ripped him out of his thoughts. “Are you really going?” Baekhyun made a soft sound, nodding once before responding. “Aren’t you going to be late today?”

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“What took you so long? I’m kidding, thank you” Kyungsoo joked with a smile when Sehun pushed the glass with his frozen Mocha towards him before he ripped open a small package of sugar to stir it into his Cappuccino. “It’s seriously way too hot to drink coffee right now” Sehun looked down at his cup, missing the weird look Kyungsoo gave him “Yeah, I kinda need it to wake up right now – I’m horribly jetlagged” Kyungsoo didn’t look convinced “Are you okay?” he asked instead of an answer and Sehun glanced up at him, bottom lip drawn between his lips before he shrugged, his head tilted to the side ever so slightly as if he was subtly looking back. “Did you know that Baekhyun’s working here?” he finally spoke, his question straightforward and blunt. Kyungsoo’s eyes grew wide, before he responded with a shake of his head. “I – no I didn’t”  There was a little bit of momentary silence, the chatter of people around them and the soft clinking of silverware against glass and porcelain the only sounds between them. “Don’t you guys–” Sehun started only for Kyungsoo to cut him off “Not since I went to culinary school. We didn’t, have time for each other anymore” the smaller male finished with a pause.

“After I left” Sehun thought of Kyungsoo’s unspoken sentence as he looked down at his cup again, a little bit of milky foam running down the side the porcelain. The question was there, in his mind, on the very tip of his tongue, but to never be spoken out loud.

Would the three of them still be the same if he never left in the first place?

Would they still be the way they were back then, if Sehun had never been forced to abandon them?

Probably.

“Culinary school huh?” he asked softly more to himself than the other, turning his eyes back up at Kyungsoo who hadn’t even looked away from Sehun, even though he had his glass on his lips to take a small sip. The crushed ice in his glass was moving like submerged mini icebergs, the frozen coffee sloshing against the edge of the glass. The other nodded, a smile on his full lips. Kyungsoo was still small and soft around the edges, his almost black hair unstyled and left as it usually was with a few strands falling over his forehead. There was nothing stylish about Kyungsoo, there never had been. No matter how much money he had at his disposal Kyungsoo had always been down to earth. He didn’t care about keeping to the latest fashion trends, while Sehun had practically been forced to because of who his father was – of who he was going to be one day. What mattered most was that Kyungsoo was still the lovable person with a smile so genuine and warm that it lightened up his entire face, that it made his eyes soft and welcoming. He was still the Kyungsoo Sehun knew and loved – not to mention the other still looked the same too.  

Kyungsoo did have that motherly vibe about him and in a sense, Kyungsoo had been more of a mother to him than his own. He warmed him up with hot chocolate with mini marshmallows, cookies and gingerbread during the winter, when Sehuns fingers had practically frozen and stiff from running home after dance practice. “You’re making a weird face” Kyungsoo said, almost teasing before he reached out to tap a point between Sehuns eyebrows. “Is there something on mine – why’re you staring?” Sehun quickly shook his head no, laughing a little under his breath while he took a sip from his own drink, swallowing around bitter coffee and soft foam, the sugar dancing on his tongue. He was embarrassed to say what he had been thinking about outloud. “Sorry, I was just thinking. I might have spaced a little” he admitted, rubbing the nape of his neck sheepishly and Kyungsoo laughed this rough little laughter of his, rolling his eyes. “I noticed” Kyungsoo turned his glass between his hands and cocked his head to the side. “I said, by my restaurant, I meant I literally opened up a pace of my own” Sehun stared for a moment, his eyes growing wide before he smiled “Ah, the D.O right? I kinda guessed. That’s amazing Soo, you’ve always wanted your own place. You’ve really outdone yourself” Kyungsoo laughed softly, the faintest of blushes stealing across his cheeks. He looked so much like back then, shoulders drawn up a little, head ducked and cheeks slightly crimsoned.

Was he the only one who had changed so much?

Probably.

“Right” Kyungsoo nodded and kicked Sehun’s shin under the table fondly. “Second, don’t call me that. No one’s ever called me that after you left and I’m still your hyung” The blonde just snickered at that, tapping his fingers against his cup and clicking his tongue. “You never really minded, remember? I’m really impressed though, no kidding. Chef Do Kyungsoo huh? Wow” Kyungsoo only blushed some more, grumbling under his breath and making Sehun laugh. Sehun leaned back in his chair as they caught up with each other, his hands around his cup while he listened to Kyungsoo talk animatedly in quick Korean that had Sehun’s head spinning. He nodded occasionally, smiling in content while steadily emptying his coffee until he was rubbing the heel of his hand across his eye because his body was slowly shutting down. His friend was still talking, the glass and the cup long emptied and pushed between them and Sehun realized that he was awake for around twenty four hours already. He was tired, his eyes were burning and his tongue was heavy. Not to mention he was struggling with certain Korean words. Kyungsoo was quick to catch up on that however.

“You look like you’re going to drop dead” he deadpanned, giving Sehun a nostalgic scolding look as he studied his face. Sehun was pretty sure he really did look like a corpse and no amount of coffee would probably fix just how tired he was becoming. Kyungsoo was silent while Sehun smiled his usual sheepish smile and then the shorter questioned “You’re really going to stay at a hotel?” Sehun shrugged, scratching the dried milk foam on the edge of his saucer. “I don’t really have much of a choice do I? I didn’t have time to look up a lot of places and my grandfather was pretty clear that I can’t stay with them” He was chewing on his bottom lip again, trying to get his mind to work, but Kyungsoo was quicker than that, reaching across the table to wrap his fingers around Sehun’s wrist to stop him from whatever he intended to add. They were both well aware of how hotels weren’t the most economic and appropriate place to stay at for more than a few weeks. “I have a spare room” Kyungsoo simply said and the offer was clear, even though he added “Why don’t you stay with me for while until you can find yourself a place? I’m sure my room mate wouldn’t mind.”

Sehun furrowed his brows at that, biting along the inner seam of his bottom lip one final time before he laughed “Do Kyungsoo actually has a roommate – wait, you’re staying at an apartment?” Kyungsoo nodded, sounding completely serious. “That’s right, don’t we all have our reasons? We really won’t mind you being there, we’re all working, right? so it won’t be a problem for us to stay together. Say yes, Sehun-ah. We haven’t – seen each other for so long” How could he possibly deny when Kyungsoo asked him something like that with his large, round and warm eyes? his reasoning was rather persuasive as well. There was no way for Sehun to decline and a part of him was so relieved that he visibly deflated in his seat. He wouldn’t be alone and he would have someone to talk to, not just someone, his best friend would be there – he wouldn’t be stranded or be left to his own mind again. “You really don’t mind?” Sehun silently agreed and Kyungsoo’s whole face spread into a brilliant grin, full lips stretching back over white teeth and his eyes turning into perfect crescents. “Of course not silly. I offered, didn’t I?” Kyungsoo tutted in a reassuring tone of voice.  

Sehun just smiled thankfully, looking at his expensive wristwatch with a sigh. “I have to pay for one day at the hotel though, I missed the canceling deadline and you – have to go back to work, right?” Kyungsoo hesitated for a moment, pulling Sehun’s hand so that he could look at the watch too, his eyebrows knitting together while he peered down at the little round of crystal glass. “As a matter of fact, I’m already late. It doesn’t really apply to me though, the rules that is” he grinned and Sehun rolled his eyes. “How about give you the address and we’ll meet up later? Come on, give me your phone” The blonde complied easily, used to Kyungsoo’s endless rounds of breaking his high scores in their childhood to actually think twice about handing it over. The device slid across the table easily – smooth, shiny and completely new. Kyungsoo waited for him to unlock it with his thumb print before typing in his number and then giving himself a call, saving his own number into Sehun’s phone before pulling out his own.

“This is the address and you just need to give me a call before you come over, okay?” he instructed Sehun while typing a text. Sehun’s phone vibrated on the table between them when the text received. “Aight” Sehun nodded and then Kyungsoo stood up, stretching his back slightly before Sehun followed him with his luggage in hand while letting Kyungsoo lead the way out of the cafe. When they passed by the counter the line was longer again and Baekhyun was nowhere in sight, but Sehun could hear his cheery voice from where he assumed the kitchen was. He didn’t notice the eyes that followed him until he was standing outside the cafe with Kyungsoo by his side and his sunglasses back on his nose. “See you later then!” Kyungsoo said and before Sehun could say anything, the smaller had enveloped his arms around the taller giving him a tight hug, pressing Sehun’s body against his own despite the fact that they were standing in broad daylight and in the middle of the sidewalk. Sehun only laughed and patted his back and then they waved at each other while Kyungsoo jogged back across the street, vanishing in a swarm of bodies that were coming down the street from the next block. Although Sehun was happier than he had been in a long time, all he really wanted to do was sleep. The hotel room he had to pay for didn’t sound half bad right now. Plus, he had somewhere important to be later in the day.

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The sun, like a bashful youth kissed for the very first time turned a bashful pink and slowly sank beneath the horizon. Threads of light lingered in the sky, mingling with the rolling clouds, dyeing the sky in hues of fiery oranges, reds and yellows as if a war had ensued up in the heavens. The heat was bearable – with the faint orange glow against the horizon and the occasional streak of pinkish clouds dotting the slowly darkening sky, it was bearable. Baekhyun had surprisingly gotten off the clock on time and he wasted no time to hurry home, take a shower and have a fresh change of clothes. He was giddy and fumbling over everything while getting ready as if he was going on his first date instead of seeing Sehun for dinner.

Sehun.

The name sounded strange in his head, now that he had an updated picture of the other in his head and god, what had time made of Oh Sehun? The thought gave Baekhyun a pause, it made him falter in his determined steps when he rushed out of the subway station, clutching a jacket in one hand.

Time–

What had time made of them both?

What if they didn’t have anything to talk about?

What if they were doomed to sit there in silence while staring at each other across the table?

What if Sehun had changed so much that Baekhyun didn’t know him anymore?

What if – things just weren’t the same anymore?

He could be right. After all, people changed with time and distance, became different people altogether. Sehun had lived far away in the west and the possibility was high that Sehun had become someone Baekhyun wouldn’t know anymore. It hurt, thinking about something like that. It hurt because years had passed between them without seeing or hearing from each other.

Baekhyun liked to believe he hadn’t changed much. Yes, he had done, seen, and had gone through a lot for the past few years himself, but he was still the same. He rounded the corner to their usual meeting spot back then when they met up for a barbecue meal. Sehun stood there with his hands in his pockets and his shoulders drawn up to his neck a little bit while he kicked at some loose pebbles on the sidewalk with the white tips of his converse sneakers. His hair fell to his face, loose and without any gel, not swept back over his head anymore and it made him look so much younger again Sehun seemed to have had a change of attire as well. Gone was the suit jacket and the polo shirt, they were replaced by a white shirt and a loose black button down thrown over it. He looked good, he looked young, simple and not dressed up as an adult to impress anyone. Baekhyun took a deep breath before he almost sprinted the last few meters between them, throwing his arms around Sehun’s neck when the other had his back turned to him. He had always done that back then, jumping on Sehun’s back as soon as the other had grown taller than him.

Sehun made a strange yelping sound in the back of his throat, almost choking on his breath from shock before he laughed, bright, clear and sounding slightly off like always. “Jesus–” he said in English and leaned forwards so Baekhyun’s feet left the ground. “You scared me, hyung!” Baekhyun chuckled into his ear and then slipped down from his back with a little bit of difficulty because Sehun had grown so much and he hadn’t. “Don’t I always? And you were early again, weren’t you?” Sehun shrugged carelessly. “You know me, hyung”

Did he really?

They stood there in silence for a moment before Sehun reached out to poke Baekhyun’s side with his index finger, making the smaller squeak and turn to the side to escape the attack. “I missed you” Sehun confessed slowly and Baekhyun swallowed around the lump in his throat. “I missed you too, so much” was what he wanted to say and so many other things, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. The barista had missed Sehun dearly for the past five years, through all the hardships he had gone through and Baekhyun was sure, that things would have gone differently if he had a friend to at least hold his hand through it all. Sehun had always been there, he always had time for Baekhyun. The other was younger but so much more mature than people paid him credit for. However, nothing left his mouth save for a silent “It’s cold out here, let’s go in Hun-ah” Sehun was looking down at him with that expression again. With the corners of his mouth pulled down just slightly, lips pressed together and jaw working, as if he wanted to say something. It had always been like that, Baekhyun remembered. Like Sehun had reserved that look exclusively for Baekhyun.

“Let’s” Sehun answered and Baekhyun nodded eagerly, giving Sehun a pointed look when the taller held the door open for him and let him step inside the small restaurant first. After they bowed to the elderly couple who were running the place, they chose a table in the back, settling down on the small chairs and Baekhyun had to snort when he noticed how Sehun struggled to not bump his knees on the table while arranging his legs underneath his seat. “My treat” Sehun said resolutely while they looked at the menu the waitress who was rather occupied shamelessly ogling the both of them, brought. Sehun didn’t seem to mind and Baekhyun wasn’t interested. They would end up splitting the bill anyways like always and there was no use in arguing with Sehun when it came to money, so Baekhyun kept his mouth shut and just ordered what they wanted – directing a smile towards the waitress who flushed a rosy pink, missing Sehun’s glance at him completely in the process. Once they were done ordering there was silence between them again and Baekhyun thought that maybe his fears weren’t as exaggerated as he imagined them for them to be. Things were awkward. Sehun was drumming his fingers against the table, looking at the napkin holder and the tabletop and Baekhyun swallowed thickly. Just then, like as if the two had decided against the silence, they blurted out in unison “How are your parents?” only to burst out into barely contained laughter together.

“You first" Baekhyun declared before Sehun could do the same and the younger man just sighed and slumped back in his chair, running a hand through his blonde hair, making a strand stick out to the side. Baekhyun barely resisted the urge to smoothen it out, intertwining his fingers on the table to keep him from doing so “The usual. Dad’s rarely at home. Business has him stressed and on edge all the time. Mom’s completely smitten by London's high society. It’s not like I see them a lot anyway. What about yours?” Sehun questioned after finishing. “I don’t talk to them anymore” Baekhyun answered bluntly, his face schooled into an impassive expression. The topic of his parents was never a pleasant one, what after they had kicked him out of the house and disowned him after having found out about his uality. His grandmother, the only person who respected his decision, left him some money before she passed away a few years ago so he could at least start into college without struggling too much, but Sehun didn’t need to know that just yet.

“Oh–” Sehun mouthed, fidgeting in his seat slightly, with his hands smoothing across the wood when the waitress came to place their food and drinks on the table. Sehun instantly reached for his glass of beer and took a swig, suddenly pausing and then grimacing, making Baekhyun laugh. “What? Does it taste strange?” Baekhyun asked, nudging Sehun's foot under the table to make him look away from the beer. “I just forgot that Korean beer tastes different” Sehun whispered and Baekhyun gave him a look. “It’s so bitter – how did we even get drunk with this stuff?” That was when Baekhyun burst into breathless laughter again, the tension was broken, just like that. “What did they do to you in London? You never complained about it being bitter!” Baekhyun gasped in between his laughing, leaning forward in his chair while Sehun took another experimental sip only to stick his tongue out between his lips in distaste, shuddering. “No, seriously” Sehun said while placing his glass down on the table again. “This isn’t bad, but it’s so different from the beer in Britain. I’m not sure if I like it just yet”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes and wiped the corner of his eye with one finger “Oh god, Sehun. Do you even listen to yourself?” He questioned with an amused huff.  “Not really, no” Sehun laughed, voice fond and soft. “That was never the point, right? Normally you talk enough for the both of us, so–” He was cut off by a kick to the shin from Baekhyun before they fell into silence again, but it was the kind they always had between them, eyes meeting eyes and smiling. Like unspoken words were passing between them, the underlying message a clear “I missed you” Sehun told Baekhyun about his time in London while the meat roasted on the grill between them. They turned it every few seconds while talking about the fancy school he enrolled in, complaining about a thousand times on how the red uniform had been awful enough to make his skin look weird while grumbling occasionally because Baekhyun for still being able to use chopsticks after being away for so long.

“A boyfriend, huh?” Sehun asked after a while, wrapping a perfectly roasted piece into a lettuce leaf and then stuffing it into his mouth. “Mhm” Baekhyun simply answered, poking at his own meat with his chopsticks before reaching out to steal some from Sehuns plate, only to receive a playful slap on the back of his hand from the other, who looked at him with a smirk and grumbled. “Not this time. Things change, hyung” Baekhyun just stuck his tongue out at him and stole a piece from his plate anyway. “Yeah right” he scoffed. Sehun merely heaved a sigh and pulled his plate closer as if he wanted to wrap his arms around it and shield it from Baekhyun’s chopsticks. “Tell me about him” he prodded, stuffing more meat into his mouth and boy, some things really didn’t change. Baekhyun shrugged softly, pushing a little bit of rice around on his plate and answered “We met in college. It’s been five months” Sehun looked at him incredulously for a split second before whistling. “Five months?” Baekhyun nodded. It wasn’t strange to talk about something like that with Sehun, not like it was with other guys their age. Sehun had been the first and only one to know of Baekhyun’s uality back then, aside from Baekhyun himself. Sehun had been surprised, but not angered or disgusted, more like he was curious about it and regarded it as something completely normal. While for some others it wasn’t and that was one of the reasons why Baekhyun’s parents weren’t talking to him anymore. Sehun just hummed, chewing and swallowing as slowly as he always had, over his bottom lip and then tilting his head to the side. “He comes off as the possessive type”

“He normally isn’t–” Baekhyun muttered around a mouth full of rice and meat, Sehun clicked his tongue at him but Baekhyun just grinned. The silence fell over them again, Sehun wasn’t looking at him but instead he was staring down at his chopsticks that were hovering over the meat piled up on his plate. He seemed to have fallen into deep thought for the longest time until Baekhyun cleared his throat to get him to snap out of it. “What about you? Someone waiting for you to come back home to London?” Baekhyun questioned to which Sehun grimaced. “London, was never my home” he replied briskly, dropping his chopsticks to wipe at his mouth with the napkin before adding “And I was hoping that maybe someone’s waiting for me here. I don’t plan on going back unless I don’t have a reason to stay here” A look of shock passed Sehun’s face, as if he hadn’t even intended to say it outloud and Baekhyun could only stare at him, eyes slightly widened and fingers clutching his cutlery. “What?” Baekhyun finally got out softly and Sehun cleared his throat.

“All my friends are here, hyung. The people in London aren’t bad, but – they’re not the same. They aren’t you, or Kyungsoo of course” It sounded like more of an excuse really, like Sehun had meant something completely different, but Baekhyun was too confused with the outburst to actually question it. Sehun had always been the first to snap, he was quick with harsh words and hard glances, but Baekhyun had never heard him so angry at a joke. It had only been an attempt to lighten the atmosphere and still – Sehun was glaring at his plate, eyebrows knitted together into an angry line above his eyes. “They weren’t the same” he repeated like he was talking to himself before he shook his head and inhaled quietly, leaning back in his chair and pushing his plate towards Baekhyun. “You can have the rest, hyung. I’m not hungry anymore” Baekhyun chose not to push deeper, there was something in Sehun’s words – in the way he spoke, the angry edge to his voice that was so raw and upset that Baekhyun didn’t want to probe into it. It scared him because Sehun had never sounded so bitter and yet here he was, grown up, looking good and sounding nothing like himself.

“I’m sorry” Sehun suddenly said and Baekhyun lifted his eyebrows at him because he had his mouth full. “That’s the beer talking – ignore it. Did you make a lot of new friends, hyung?” The blonde asked almost in a whisper. “You’re stupid” Baekhyun told him sternly and Sehun frowned. “The only person I have is Jongdae – but that’s besides the point, because even that, isn’t the same as what we have” The satisfied smile that crossed Sehun’s face was so bright that Baekhyun found himself smiling right back. “Idiot” he added, Sehun scoffed and looked to the side.

Saying goodbye was hard, as strange as that might have sounded.

Neither Baekhyun or Sehun wanted to let go of each other while hugging until they practically forced themselves apart to exchange phone numbers, chuckling and joking when Sehun cursed at his new phone because he wasn't accustomed to using it yet. It was brand new, way too expensive and a little bit too big between Baekhyun's hands when he typed in his number. It felt out of place to wave goodbye to each other after another hug, almost as if neither of them wanted to part, but it was getting late and Baekhyun had to catch the last train home. “Don’t you disappear on me again okay?” Baekhyun whispered though it sounded a bit like a silent plea than a joke and Sehun had to clench his jaw to keep himself from saying something. “Call me – text me..” the brunette added just as quietly, lowering his head before taking Sehun’s hands in his and giving their interlaced fingers a squeeze. “Because it’s hard being left behind. It’s hard to be the one who stays” Baekhyun looked up at him, eyes glassy against the light from the street lamp, he pushed back the urge to allow any tears to slip by him and even though the need was incredibly strong, Baekhyun smiled. It wasn’t his intention to end the evening this way, he had resisted, he really did, but Baekhyun couldn’t help his emotions. Sehun was standing there, holding onto Baekhyun’s fingers like he should have done that day when he had left, eyes shining with something Baekhyun couldn’t place his finger on. “I will” Sehun said quietly, rubbing his thumb over one of Baekhyun’s knuckles. “I promise. I’ll text you as much as I can, but you have to do the same, okay?” he added and Baekhyun smiled halfheartedly.

He let go of the blondes hands, fingers slipping away inch by inch and when Baekhyun was sure that he was a fair distance away from the other to hear or see – with the stars and moon his only witness that night, Baekhyun cried.

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Sehun was glad that his car had a integrated navigation system. With Kyungsoo’s address typed in, the device found the route easily while Sehun sat in the driver's seat with his hands in his lap, lost in thoughts once more.

Because it’s hard being left behind.  

There was nothing in this world that could hurt more than those words, two sentences that kept repeating themselves in his subconsciousness. It had never occurred to Sehun that Baekhyun could still be so hurt after all those years. Yes, it had been Sehun’s fault, but getting reminded of it in such a way was like a knife digging into the spaces between his ribs. Baekhyun’s smile too. It hadn’t looked like his normal smile, it looked hurt and misplaced on his face – like an expression he used to mask his pain.

It’s hard to be the one who stays.

Sehun didn’t know what to think anymore and he pondered if Baekhyun smiled through his hardships for all these years, just like that. It was cruel to rub it into his face like that although he was the one at fault. He could admit to that, but he had suffered too. Did Baekhyun really think that he would just leave him behind like that? That he would move on and forget about the one person he cared about more than anything else? Baekhyun couldn’t even begin to fathom just how much Sehun longed to see him – to have the other back in his life. It wasn’t fair, wasn’t life in general? but Sehun couldn’t really fight back. It had been for the best to move on and forget, as hard as that might have sounded. He had lost Baekhyun the moment the door of the car had shut behind him, Sehun knew that now. No matter what Baekhyun said, there was a certain distance between them now and maybe Sehun had lost his chance to be as close as he had been to someone else.

What a strange, small and cruel little world.

He had moved away so long ago, his friends went their separate paths to pursue lives of their own, they had lost touch with each other, moved across towns for their convenience and here he was, like he was stuck in the middle. He refused to let go of the old memories – of the way it used to be, he realized. In his head Byun Baekhyun and Do Kyungsoo had stayed the same while he had been a wild child in a city far away. He realized that he had always pictured it differently when he had thought about coming home. Sehun imagined he would step out of the car and the two people who meant the world to him would still be in their old neighbourhood, sprawled on Baekhyun’s bed and watching dramas while waiting for him to come home – as if he hadn’t been gone years but just hours.

Was his how adult life worked? One lived and tried to grow up so fast because one thought that everything would be easier when you were an adult? That things would stay the same, aside from the fact that one would have to survive on their own? No, that’s not how the cycle worked.

Reality was different.

Reality meant that no matter how hard one held onto the memories and dreams of the past, something was bound to change in the future.

That's how life worked.

Sehun found it rather comical how his entire world could be packed into a large suitcase and a bag. That he could just swipe a card which seemed to increase in digits every time he used it, that everything and anything was at his disposal while Baekhyun struggled with his job and his studies. Life was also unfair and Sehun made the vow to treat his friend out more often now that he was back, for more than one reason. Boyfriend or not, Sehun was still the person who knew Baekhyun the best.

Kyungsoo’s apartment wasn’t exactly located in the hippest part of town - it hadn’t been when Sehun lived in Seoul, but honestly what did he know anymore? - and Sehun had to navigate through a few rather narrow streets until he found a parking spot at the side of the street. He gave Kyungsoo a call while leaning back against his car, the other answered groggily as if he had fallen asleep, but his voice grew excited when Sehun told him that he would arrive in a few minutes. Hannam was nice, even at night, it was quiet but not creepy like so many other parts of town were. Sehun shouldered his luggage easily, dragging it into the apartment complex and into the elevator, where he promptly pressed the wrong button and got a strange look from an elderly man who was entering the elevator just as Sehun rushed out and in again. “Hey, you. Found it?” Kyungsoo greeted him his hair a little bit mussed, sporting sweatpants and a shirt that was a little bit too large on his frame. “I almost got lost” Sehun snickered when Kyungsoo stepped to a side, allowing him in. The shorter pointed at the coats rack with a stern “Shoes off and please always hang your jacket. Jongin has a habit of just leaving it laying around all the time in the living room. It’s annoying” Sehun made a small sound while slipping out of his shoes, wiggling his toes and then dragging his luggage into said living room where Kyungsoo stood by the couch with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Mi casa es tu casa” the smaller said loudly in perfectly accented Spanish, clapping his hands once and then giving Sehun a smile. “Me case wha–” Sehun made a face but Kyungsoo interjected before he could clarify anything “Tour first. Follow me. The kitchen is the first door on your right from the entrance, there’s one bathroom down this hallway with a shower cubicle and my room” Sehun nodded silently while Kyungsoo talked, following him, a little lost in the apartment with his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans and eyebrows raised while peeking into the rooms they walked by. “Down the other hallway from the living room is your room and Jongin’s. Then there’s the other bathroom with the tub, but Jongin never uses it, so you can call dibs on that” Kyungsoo kept talking until Sehun interrupted him “Jongin, is your room mate, right?” Kyungsoo nodded with a small shrug. “But he has weird working times, so it’s normal for him to be out late like this. I don’t know if you’ll meet him today” Sehun just hummed tiredly and he was a little too silent for the rest of the tour due to exhaustion. Kyungsoo shot him a look over his shoulder while pushing open a door and stepping inside. “I made your bed already, so you can just crash and sleep for a year”

“I wish I could do that” Sehun laughed and dropped his bag onto the bed before pushing suitcase against the closet. He turned back to Kyungsoo, who was leaning at the doorframe and studying him intently. “Well, just – make yourself comfortable” the shorter added, shrugging with a grin before jerking a thumb over his shoulder. “The bathroom is across from yours, I bet you just want to sleep, right?” It would have been nice to maybe spent some time and catch up properly, but Sehun could only smile sheepishly at that and Kyungsoo understood. Heaving a dramatic sigh he patted Sehun on the shoulder on his way across the hallway and into the bathroom. “I’ll just get some shut eye to. Don’t worry we can always talk tomorrow” the shorter offered with one hand rubbing over his eye and Sehun just smiled with a nod before he muttered “Good night Soo”

“Night, Sehun-ah. It’s good to have you back, by the way.” the chef whispered just loud enough for Sehun to hear and he felt his heart clench in his chest.

Was it really good to have him back?

“Yeah–” he just mumbled and Kyungsoo raised his hand as goodbye before the bathroom door fell shut.

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The water started running behind the door, Kyungsoo could hear a small bag when Sehun started washing up for the night and for a moment he just stood there, staring at the door as if he couldn’t really believe that this was really happening, his heart was beating uncontrollably in the confines of his chest and Kyungsoo felt like he couldn’t breathe. Oh Sehun was back and he was in Kyungsoo’s apartment. He caught himself standing in the living room shortly after, leaning against the couch while he watched the last ten minutes of his drama, hands in the pockets of his sweat pants before the bathroom opened again and Sehun walked across the hallway, waving goodnight once more and Kyungsoo chuckled while waving back.

He heard the front door open, the rustling of clothes and the thunk of a bag against the marble floor before he even saw Jongin, looking all windswept and tired, massaging one of his shoulders and staring down the hallway where Sehun’s door just clicked shut.

“So–” Jongin started slowly with a quirked brow, his tone unsure while he approached Kyungsoo.

“I didn’t know we had a guest coming over?”