Night had fallen and, once again, Jaera was laying in her room, staring out her window. When she felt like her world was crumbling, it made sense to do nothing. To just lie there and ignore everything and everyone. It seemed like it would turn everything back around, but she knew better.

And, as always, at times like this she could hear her father’s voice in her head.

Don’t pout, Jaera. Sit up and face the world. You know what you do when life gives you lemons? You turn them into orange juice and make everyone wonder how you did it.

He was right. He was always right. And yet, in a weird way, he was the reason behind all of this. Deep down, Jaera knew the reason she was beating herself, and the boy she denied she loved, up was because of her father.

The only problem was, Jungkook didn’t know that. He wasn’t a mind reader. How could he expect to figure any of that out unless someone told him? Why should he have to suffer because of her own insecurities?

You’ve been selfish for long enough, Jaera. It’s time to make things right.

“Okay, Dad.”

When Jungkook saw Jaera standing outside below his bedroom window, he had no idea what it could mean. The last time this had happened, it was because something bad had happened.

Silently, he opened the latch and slid the window up. Holding his hands out in case she fell, he helped her up and through the window. He didn’t speak. Only stood patiently. It was the first time he had properly seen her since the kiss. She wasn’t looking at him. Instead she was peering around his room, which was unusually messy.

She knew Jungkook was a neat freak at the best of times.

“What happened to the Jungkook I knew?”

She wasn’t sure if she’d meant to say it out loud, but it was all that had really been on her mind for the past few days.

Jungkook held his breath as Jaera finally looked him in the eyes. She was wearing that look again; the one that could destroy him in a matter of seconds.

“What happened to us?”

He swallowed and shook his head. “I don’t know.”

The room was silent again.

Jaera knew she would burst into tears if she looked at Jungkook any longer. She walked over to his bed, noting how the covers were carelessly hanging over the edge of it, and sat down. Only a few seconds had passed when Jungkook followed, hesitatingly taking a seat beside her.

More silence. An awkward shuffle of fingers. A quiet sigh.

Amongst the silence, her father’s voice was there in her head, softly pushing her.

You can do it.

She jumped to her feet before she could change her mind. She stood in front of Jungkook, facing him head on. She would face this and she wouldn’t let herself run away anymore.

“Jungkook...”

All his attention was on her.

“Jungkook, I... I don’t know either. I don’t know what’s happening to us. It’s confusing and I got scared.”

He nodded, unsure of whether he should say anything.

“I got scared, because I don’t know what will happen. I’ve never had feelings like this before,” she explained. “Not just that I haven’t ever had feelings for a guy before, but also because I never thought that guy would be you. I got scared and I hid away because I don’t think I can do it again. I don’t know if I’ll be strong...”

She had to take a breath, prevent the tears that were about to fall.

“I don’t think I can put my heart in that kind of danger again... And I’m sorry.”

Jungkook wanted to scream out that she wouldn’t be in any danger. That her feelings weren’t some sort of weakness. That she could follow them and not be afraid. He wanted to tell her, but it wouldn’t be right. He would only be selfish if he did. He only wanted her to see things his way to save his own feelings, but this time he needed to sacrifice that if he truly cared about her.

“I’m sorry, Jungkook,” she whispered again.

“Don’t be, Jaera. Don’t apologize for something you can’t control. You don’t have to, especially to me.”

“But I do... I can’t be selfish.”

“You’re not being selfish. That’s all me. Just blame me.”

She raked her hands through her hair. “But it’s really not you, Jungkook. It’s not... It’s...”

Jungkook hated seeing Jaera frustrated like this. He could see her mind going to war by the way her gaze never settled on one thing. She was avoiding looking at him, and it annoyed him.

There was something she wanted to say. He could see it lying behind her glazed eyes, begging to be called out. She was torn and it was up to him to put her back together again.

“You’re afraid to lose me, aren’t you?”

Jaera’s eyes shot to his.

hurt from holding back tears, but that was all over as soon as she saw the look on his face.

His stare was strong, blazing. He was staring straight through her. He made her feel vulnerable, but also safe. Like she could be weak in front of him and not feel ashamed, because he would be there. He would protect her.

And most of all, he knew. He had said the words she was too scared to say out loud.

Jaera dropped to the floor in front of him and let her tears fall. Instantly, Jungkook was on the ground, too, wrapping himself around her seemingly small figure.

He pulled her into him, into his warmth. He wanted her to feel his strength, so she could be strong as well. He had no plans to try and stop her from crying, but he wanted her to know that as long as she was, he would be there. He wouldn’t leave her.

He had promised her.

But he knew why she would be so scared to trust a promise like that.

Jaera loved her father. They had a special bond cemented by music. She idolized him. To her, he was infinite. He was forever. And he would always be there.

As a child, all she really wanted was to follow in her father’s footsteps. To be able to stand beside him and create music. She wanted to learn, but most of all she wanted him to teach her.

But her father didn’t want to be like other parents. He didn’t want to force her into lessons before she was sure it was what she really wanted to do. He wanted her to wait until she was older, when she absolutely knew it was what she wanted. Until then, he encouraged her to enjoy her freedom as a child.

As stubborn as she was, Jaera knew that music was her purpose. It was the way she connected with her father, and she never wanted that bond to break. That meant she had to do it no matter what. Even if that meant doing chores every afternoon for her neighbors, and taking up a paper run just to save up for her own guitar.

She knew if her father could see how hard she was willing to work, that he would finally accept her dream.

It was a day like any other from the outside, but to her, it was the day that would define her fate.

She jumped out of bed and ran to her closet where the guitar was hidden. It wasn’t anything too fancy. It was the same color as her eyes, as dark as the coffee her father drank every morning. In a way, it reminded her of him.

Sighing, she ran her fingers over the strings. A low hum echoed from within its walls and she smiled.

This was it. She was going to surprise her father after work. She wanted to show him that she was passionate about this, she was willing to work for her dream. She knew this would convince him to finally teach her to play.

All day at school, she couldn’t keep it off her mind. She imagined his reaction, playing out the scenario in her head.

Her dad would be tired from work, his fingers matted with dirt and the smell of lavender and mown grass trapped in his clothes. He would give her a hug and her mom a kiss on the cheek. Before he had the chance to have a shower, Jaera would drag him to her room, insist that it was important.

She would open the door to reveal the new guitar propped up proudly on her bed. He would be shocked of course. Probably ask her where it came from. She would explain it with so much enthusiasm that it would become clear to him.

She would see his eyes well up with pride. He would hold her tight and tell her she’d done well. That he would finally pass this gift on to her. All her hard work wouldn’t go to waste. She would spend long nights studying every chord and note with her father. They would hold this time together in their hearts and one day, she would finally play alongside him.

When the final school bell rang that day, Jaera was so excited she almost sprinted home. But she took one look out of her classroom window and a knot formed in her stomach. It was raining. Everything outside was tinted in gray, a complete contrast to how she was feeling inside.

I’m not gonna let this dampen my mood, she told herself.

She caught a ride home with one of her friends, but she couldn’t help but watch the sky the whole drive home. The clouds looked so heavy. Everything the rain fell on looked helpless and weak. Trees were bending in the wind and the road was drowning in puddles.

It gave her a bad feeling that almost made her forget her entire surprise.

As she arrived home and stepped out of the car, rain soaked her from head to toe. It was cold and she stopped breathing for a second. Her shoes filled with water as she trudged up to the front door.

This wasn’t how I imagined things at all.

She was shivering as she entered the house, heading straight for the bathroom. She had to shower and change before her dad came home. She had just turned the water on when a loud crack came from outside. Lights flashed through the window and thunder rumbled in the distance.

That bad feeling returned. It filled her with dread and she had no idea why. It annoyed her because this was such a special day but the weather wasn’t agreeing with her.

Shaking it off, she finished her shower and got dressed. Her guitar was already laid out on her bed. She ran over and it softly, a smile forming on her face.

This is it.

She heard a knock on the door.

Her eyes shot up and she tried not to give anything away as she ran out to the hallway.

It didn’t cross her mind that her father never knocked when he came home. Or that she hadn’t heard his truck park up like she always did. The excitement had overwhelmed any other thought.

It wasn’t until she was standing behind her mother at the front door, staring at a man in uniform that she became aware. The man was silent for a while. His eyes were dark like the sky behind him. Jaera watched rain drip from his hat as he bowed his head.

“I’m sorry,” was all he said and he was already walking away.

Jaera frowned, wind billowing from the open door and forcing her to stumble backwards.

She looked up at her mother, whose face was blank. Her slender fingers were gripping the door handle so tight that they had turned white. She was trembling.

“Mommy?” Jaera whispered. She tugged on the side of her shirt. “Mommy, what happened?”

A cry louder than any thunder Jaera had ever heard filled the house as her mother dropped to the ground like a lifeless corpse. Her mother screamed out again. Jaera stood there, frozen, as wind thrashed the door against the wall repeatedly. Violently.

Her mother was sobbing as she lay on the floor and another crack of lightning shot through the sky, illuminating her mother’s frail appearance. Not understanding what was going on, Jaera quickly shut the door and sat down beside her mom.

Her eyes were watering up as the bad feeling grew stronger and stronger.

“Mom?” she coughed out. “What happened?”

Struggling for breath, her mother finally looked up at her. Jaera had never seen her mother’s eyes look so empty. She was almost unrecognizable.

Her mother only stared at Jaera, not saying a word, but Jaera knew. She had connected the dots long ago, but her mom confirmed her worst fears in one look.

“Daddy?” A single tear fell from Jaera’s eye. “He... He’s not coming home, is he?”

That night, they cried together alongside the rain. All the dreams that Jaera held of playing with her father were washed away in that moment.

She cried herself to sleep for weeks. It was unfair. She was finally going to create music with her father, and he was ripped away from her just like that. They had waited too long and now it was too late. But he had promised her.

He had promised her, and along with her heart, it was broken.

She told herself she would never trust another man’s promise.

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 A/N: I am SO SORRY. I don’t even know what this chapter is, or if it even flows with the rest of the story, but I knew I wanted to write this for a long time and since I’ve been struggling to find the time to write and revise the storyline I just decided to write it now.

It’s getting much easier to find time to write these days though, so expect more regular updates. And if anything doesn’t make sense, please let me know because I literally didn’t even have time to proof read or anything T-T AND I ALSO PROMISE TO WRITE MORE FLUFFY CHAPTERS UP AHEAD, it’s not all rain and misery, trust me XD