It had become apparent that I was no longer who I used to be. I wasn't quiet, the girl stuck in the back. People had noticed me now and I didn't like it. It wasn't that they were bad things that were being noticed it was being noticed in general. My attitude towards everything turned into a giant this rather than my quiet self who took the . I had become out spoken. In many ways being with him had helped. I had never spoke up for myself. Never said no, never dealt with confrontation and never looked at myself. Being with him gave me those things and gave me a confidence I didn't know I had. Even if it wasn't the kind I was looking for.

But, my realization of this told me I at least knew I was wrong and that I didn't want to be that person. I still wanted to keep my confidence and my level of security that I had gained but, not in the form I was currently holding. I decided to no longer be with him in any way. I needed to fix myself. So, that's why I did. I called off everything, which made my heart hurt more than it had ever before. Although I didn't have feelings for him, I did have feelings for what we were doing. I had grown so attached to it after just 2 times that I didn't want it to go away. Doing that made me feel powerful, I could be in control and do what I wanted and it was okay because that's what he wanted. I cried, for a good half hour but, it wasn't solely over a person. It had been so long since I had cried that everything hit me at once. Everything I had been blocking out for as long as I could and everything I had bottled up came out. I was a mess.

But, as I cried my thoughts became clear. I could tell what I needed to do, what I should be doing and every other thing I wished I had done the moment any incident happened that I bottled up. It was time to say hello to myself.