"Are you okay?" A voice boomed in my ear. It was Him Chan. I looked up and nodded an easy yes and slumped back down.

"I was going to see if you wanted to come over tonight?" He asked quietly, assuring no one inside the bar would hear him. Part of me had liked him but not him as a whole.

I didn't lift my head but almost silently let out, "sure." I didn't know if I actually would, my level of intoxication wasn't high but it was enough to make me feel gross. I never got drunk enough to not remember anything thus far and I knew I wasn't at that point yet. Either way, I still stupidly concurred to go home with him. I knew I shouldn't and I actually didn't want to as much as I had before. But, he made me feel so good about myself when we we're alone and that was something I was desperately seeking out at the moment. I needed reassurance in myself and he gave that to me. Maybe not in the way I had wanted but, he gave me more than anyone ever has. Being with him even in such a low way gave me an awkward sort of self-confidence. I found myself not noticing the person in the mirror and overall just feeling generally satisfied with myself. I needed more of it.

We played out the night at the bar, drinking, playing pool and chatting with the people around until we we're near the last people there aside from my close friend who agreed to drive me to his house. I had told her what I had done, which was something I was okay with because she never seemed to judge me. She always seemed to understand my position and listen and if needed help me. When it was near time to leave Him Chan had taken to the exit first and we followed shortly after where we all met at my car. We promptly went to his house where I informed my friend I would call her when I was done so she could come take me home safely.

I followed Him Chan into his room. This time things we're far different than they had been the first time around. We immediately were at each other and our clothes had made it to the floor quicker this time. I couldn't tell if it was because I had drunk more than usual or if I had actually become comfortable with this that I was so causal about everything. It felt easy with him, I could talk to him when we were alone, I could do or say things when we were alone I could be me. With my new-found confidence, I found myself giving him much more than I expected I could have. I began doing things to him and his body that I didn't even know I could do. The was amazing and made me feel powerful. That I could hold some sort of control over someone they way I did when we we're alone and .

When things came to a close we sat and talked briefly, he was tired and sore and I consistently told him to sleep and that I would go but, he kept pushing that it wasn't a rush. Although, I knew how these things worked and that he was only being polite... a part of me wanted to leave but a part also wanted to stay by his side. Maybe not in a relationship or even a romantic way but, even if I could just be his friend. That seemed to be fine to me. But, I hadn't yet fully taken notice of what this was doing to me.