Chapter 1

From a perspective of Tim Hwang

My eyes could never take off you. You were a perfect sight from face to personality. I was so into with you that I felt like I was drowning in the ocean of love. You were my friend, a completely dense and oblivious idiot who couldn’t notice my feeling for you. It had been 2 years. 2 years since my eyes got trapped in your beauty.

To you, I was your guy best friend. A friend who could protect you and listen to your problems. You told me everything about you. You shared everything with me. That’s why I was the second person who knew the most about you after Yoona.

I remembered the first time you ever called me your best friend. I was happy, yet sad. I was happy that you considered me as someone who was close to you. But, my heart dropped as I realized I got friendzoned hard. There was nothing I could do except secretly loving you.

Just like what I said, you shared everything with me and that included your crushes. Every time, you talked about your crushes to me. My heart clenched. I always did my best to laugh when I was basically crying inside.
 

Being with you was the best medicine I had ever had. I used to hate school, but because of you, I looked forward to it every day. Every time you texted or messaged me, I stopped doing anything and reply immediately. I was the first guy to like your pictures. I was only guy who bought you food any time you were hungry even though it was late at night. I was the only guy to be hugged by you the most. I was the only guy who could hold your hands freely.

And, I was the only guy whose feeling wasn’t noticed by you.

Everything was fine. Our friendship was smooth. We never argued. You would always come to me and pinch me cheek. You would always sneakily drink my caramel coffee, so we would end up sharing the same drink. You would ask me to play with your hair. Sometimes I was almost trapped in my delusion that you were mine because of what we did together.

But, what we did was just an act between best friends to you.

It was one day when a guy appeared. Tall, built, nice hair, and fashionable. Your ideal type. He started to approach you by being friendly with you. I immediately noticed it. I felt insecure, sad, and concerned. I knew he liked you, but being an oblivious idiot, you were completely dense of his feeling for you.

Yoona had always known that I liked you from the start. She just kept silent because I thought her so. She knew and that’s why she always looked at me pitifully when you were with that guy.

Ever since he appeared, I got pushed aside. You no longer talked to me. You no longer held my hands. You no longer told me your problems. You just seemed so hard to reach. The seat that I used to sit near you was now his seat and you didn’t seem to care much about it. With hard feeling, I went to sit somewhere else. Funny because you didn’t even notice it because you were so engrossed to him.

Because you weren’t here with me anymore, I started to hang out with Yoona and Taeyeon. Yoona tried to talk to me about it, but I brushed it off because I hurt too much to express in words. Taeyeon, who was like a brother, did his best to cheer me up. But, nothing seemed to work out.

Finally, you did seem to notice how far we got distanced. You chatted to me, asking if I was mad at you. Yes, I was mad and sad because I realized I was not that important to you. But, instead, I told you that I was not mad at you. You asked, what happened to us?

I didn’t know. I was a coward. I couldn’t have the nerve to approach you first especially when that guy stuck with you all the times. I didn’t know what to do. I missed you. I missed us. I missed your scent, your hug, your smile, your breath, and your consistent whines.

There were times when I wondered. Did he treat you well? Did he buy you caramel coffee? Did he buy you food? Did he know you hated cucumber? Did he tell you that you looked perfect when you felt insecure about your weight? Did he play with your hair? Did he give you his shoulder to sleep on? Did he teach you math? Did he make you laugh until you cry?

Tears started to flow every time I thought about us. It seemed like yesterday when we shared vanilla ice cream at the park. My heart clenched whenever I saw you with him. You knew that I got jealous easily, that I was protective, and that I never liked to share what’s mine. My anger boiled when I saw the way he looked at you. It was the same way I looked at you.

Love.

My life used to fill with lights, but now, I felt like everything was lifeless. I hated going to school because you were always with him. I hated caramel coffee because it reminded me of you. I didn’t even bother to pay attention to math class like I used to because I got no one to explain to now.

My life had become a huge mess. Why? Because you, Jessica Jung, were no longer here beside me. You were my light and now, the light was gone.

I started to accept reality and tried to move on. I tried to look away when you were with him. I would skip lunch because I didn’t want to sit with you. I tried everything I could to forget about you. About us.

But, out of sudden, you came to my house. You suddenly called me out to take a walk with you. You looked happy and I was relieved to know that he made you happy when I was not there.

Had I ever told you that you looked the prettiest when you smiled? Jessica Jung, that’s how I fell in love with you. Through your smile.

As we walked to the park we used to go together, it was awkward for me, but you were too busy smiling to notice such atmosphere. We arrived and sat on our favorite bench.

“I haven’t told anyone yet and you’re the first person I’ll be telling.” You said as you held my hand. Your eyes looked straight at me with sparkles as you smiled brightly.

All I had ever done to forget you became useless. The moment you held my hands, the feeling I had for you came back. I was speechless, unable to speak a word. My heart jumped beat by beat in happiness. Secretly, I started to have hope.

“Guess what? Tyler confessed to me and I said yes!!!!” You exclaimed happily, but I didn’t feel the same. My heart dropped. My eyes became teary. It felt like I got hit by a train. I became paralyzed. My mind went blank.

I looked straight into your eyes. You were happy. And, that’s enough for me. Even though I couldn’t be the one person who could have you in my arms, I would be still fine because at least, I knew you were now happy with him. That’s all I could ever asked for.

“What’s wrong? Aren’t you happy for me?”Your smile turned into a pout. I smiled back bitterly, pretending to be happy.

“No. Congratulation, Jessi! You finally got a boyfriend haha…” I joked and you laughed. For the first time in a while, I could finally make you laugh. I missed this moment. Our same old habit. Me joking and you laughing like a fool.

“You’re a meanie.” You cutely said as you pinched my cheek lightly. I smiled brightly because it seemed like we were together. But, as best friends and with you being someone else’s property. I couldn’t ask for more. At least, I could still be right beside you.

That was enough even though it still hurt.