Wildest Dreams (pt. 1)

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But if you never try, you’ll never know

just what you’re worth

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“What are you thinking about?”

They’re laying on Tao’s bed, staring at the ceiling lazily. Tao’s head rests on Kris’ chest, snuggling onto the warm navy blue wool sweater as Kris chuckles. “You look like a pup.”

“Which means I’m cute.”

“Well you are indeed. What were you thinking about?”

Tao doesn’t say anything for a while. He decides to detach himself off Kris’ chest and rests his head on the pillow next to Kris instead. “Hey, once you’re married,” Tao starts off slowly, “are we going to separate just like that? Done, no more attachments?”

Kris stares at Tao, thousands of emotions swirling in his eyes. “Yes.”

“And that will be it?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm.” Tao nods slowly. “Is that what you really want, though?”

A short silence. “Obviously no.”

Tao smiles lazily. “Then,” he whispers, “have you ever imagined me, still meeting you after the wedding, as your, you know, your paramour? Like, the world doesn’t need to know what we do, we can still be with each other, and we – “

“So Joohyun did come.” Kris sighs heavily.

“ – can – what? Uh, n-no she didn’t.”

“You don’t need to listen to her.” Kris says as his left hand caresses Tao’s slightly messy locks. “I’m never ever going to ask you for having a secret affair with a married man. She already told me about this a long time ago, but I refused. Even if our wedding would be just a cheap opera soap and she suggested it, I still won’t ask you for such thing. I can’t… I can’t do that to you.”

Tao looks up at him, determined.

“You can.”

“Zitao,”

“Yifan.”

“if we really end up like that, we won’t be truly happy, don’t you think?” Kris leans closer to place his lips only a centimeter away from Tao’s forehead. “We can’t go out together, we can’t hold hands in public, I can’t come home to you every night, I can’t even call you freely, we can’t even have dinner often. If people ever find out, they will look down on you because they don’t know the real story – they can’t know the real story. I don’t want you to be tied by such a sickening affair, Tao.”

“But,” Tao counters, “at least I will be happy, even if not wholly. I would be happy just by waiting for you to come to me. I would be happy just by waiting for your call. I would be happy just by preparing you dinner because I can’t do it often. I would be happy, instead of not having you at all.”

Kris leans back to look at Tao again. He smiles, although it looks a little bit bitter in Tao’s eyes. “Being cheesy was supposed to be my part.”

“I can be a gooey mozzarella if you want.” Tao smirks, before he replaces it with a smile as well. “I think,” he says, “I love you to the point where I will do crazy things just to be able to be next to you for a few hours.”

Eyes suddenly glistening, Kris nods. “Gooey mozzarella indeed.”

“So my cheddar doesn’t need to worry about anything, okay?” Tao leans up. “We don’t need to limit our time so shortly like this. We can be selfish, you know. We can extend our luck as long as we can until that day when we really have to part. Until that day, we should take what we can have.”

Kris nods again with a gummy smile. “Sounds great to me.”

This time, Tao takes the first move to press his lips against Kris’ plush ones. Although he doesn’t hold it long enough and makes Kris pout when he leans back. “You taste like coffee. Ew.”

“You’re getting less and less tasting like cigarettes these days. Cool.”

And Kris does his part as usual.

==

It’s two weeks before the wedding.

And Kris has been missing for five days from his sight.

Usually, if Kris won’t make in the end, he will send Tao a message about it. He will let Tao know if he will come or not. But there has been no message and calls from him. The last time he saw Kris was on Saturday and it’s Thursday already. Tao can’t even wonder where he is because, just admit it, he never really got to go to places with Kris. He doesn’t even know where Kris usually hangs out. He can’t ask Victoria or even Changmin if Kris is present at the office because, well, who the hell he is to Kris after all?

All Tao does is wait, wait, and well, wait. Wait until Kris decides to show up in front of his door with a smirk of ‘I know you miss me so bad’ and picks him up in a tight hug. Or maybe he can kick Kris’ shin and hug him after. The point is that Kris comes back.

Will Kris come back?

He has to come back. They’ve made a promise to take whatever they can have until the day they need to part. They’ve made a promise to still be in each other’s arms even after the world declares that Kris was never, is not, and will never be his. Kris has to come back.

It’s like a déjà vu. It’s like their first months together all over again. Tao, being unsure if he can meet Kris at Friday this week or not. And Kris, looking like a distant dream for him whenever he’s not around because come on, it’s Kris Wu we’re talking about. Kris Wu is not supposed to be involved with such a common person like Tao. Kris Wu is supposed to have no time hanging around the places aside of his office and his circle. Tao and Kris, their paths weren’t supposed to collide.

“Let me guess.” Baekhyun comes up to him, on the bench at the side of Han River. Such a nostalgic place. “He’s not around anymore.”

Tao hisses quietly. “I’m not in the mood for some lecture, Baek.”

Sighing, Baekhyun occupies the empty spot next to Tao. “I’m not giving you any lecture anyway.” He says. “I’m just trying to tell you that – “

“That I should forget about him while I still have the chance.”

Baekhyun is silent for a while. “That’s right.”

The inky black night sky above them is starless tonight. The wind is harsh and cold. Tao is wearing three layered clothes yet he’s still trembling out of the icy wind. Or maybe it’s not the wind that gets him freezing. “But, what to do?” Tao chuckles, too bitterly, as he turns his head to face Baekhyun. “I think I won’t be able to forget him ever.”

Gasping silently, Baekhyun gives him a look of pity. “Tao, sometimes it’s necessary to hide your feelings. You can’t keep being an open book like this. You’ll get hurt easily because of it.”

“But what can I do? I – I love him, Baek,” Tao doesn’t even know why he’s starting to sob, but he doesn’t try to fight it off as well, “I know it sounds crazy because it’s only been like, what, five, six months of us? Seven months? It’s too short but I love him already. I love him.”

“Peach,” he notices Baekhyun is in the verge of having his tears falling as well, “I’m so sorry if your first love has to be like this, but it’s how it was always meant to be. He’s… he’s not good for you.”

“Everybody is saying that! All of you said that but no one actually cared to understand how I feel everytime I hear someone saying that the only love I’ve ever known is not good for me – so what if it’s not?? I can love him, Baekhyun, I’m the only one who can love him without any flaw! I have not