Kyungsoo swore to heaven he had never been more confused than he is now for his whole life.

It's like.

Jongin, he-

But I'm-

No, yes, I mean-

Kyungsoo groaned, muffled by his palms.

Suddenly he sat up straight,

Ok, no I gotta let this out to someone, I'm gonna go crazy before I figured this out on my own.

He grabbed his charging phone- practically snapped the connection apart- and ran downstairs.

--------------

Baekhyun swore the universe were against him that day.

He was dead tired from tending a sick-whinny-() Chanyeol, just so ready to get some eye-shut. By the time he was done putting his beauty mask and under-eye collagen patches, he was barely touching the teasing sheets of his bed, when some crazy bastard pounded on his door.

He yelled out a frustated cry and stomped all the way to the living room, slamming his front door open.

"WHAT?!"

Only to see an agitated Do Kyungsoo with his big teary eyes looking up at him.

"Baekhyunnie......."

Kyungsoo leaped and hug the out of the annoyed male, who by the time was so done walking through the cutesycutesy path.

Baekhyun peeled away the slightly smaller guy from him, and held him tight by the shoulders.

"Would you care to explain why are you pounding my door like a crazy er, at" -he glanced at the clock on the wall- "ing 1 in the morning?"

Kyungsoo invited himself to plopped on the other male's sofa and ran a hand through his hair, "I think I'm going crazy."

Ignoring Baekhyun's remark of "Ha Ha, yea. So am I when you came barging in ruining my perfectly fine night, asshat"

"Jongin said he loves me."

"Jongin said he- WHAAAAAAAAAAT????????" Baekhyun rushed to sit beside Kyungsoo with eyes as wide as the saucers.

"Baekhyun......You know you're just dumb, not deaf," Kyungsoo deadpanned

"And I know you're just as straight as a metal bat to just cross your feet and sit on my sofa so calmly about this issue." Baekhyun threw the other boy a smug look.

Kyungsoo groaned and pushed his smug looking friend with his palm.

"That's the thing..I dont even know why I'm acting like. Like. I dunno- Like I'm not affected that much!" Kyungsoo whined desperately

Baekhyun wanted to smirk at the moment but Kyungsoo probably gonna rip the hell outta his mouth so he kept it shut.

"Ok, look in all seriousness Kyungsoo honey, whats so wrong with Jongin confessing to you?" Baekhyun held his friend's slumped shoulders, "there's nothing wrong with Jongin liking you, or a guy liking another guy as a matter of fact."

He felt Kyungsoo stiffened at his word, then later removed himself from Baekhyun's touch. Baekhyun searched his face in question, he saw Kyungsoo just stared at him blankly and stiffly

"No. Being gay is wrong. It's just. It's ing disgusting Baekhyun. Nobody should be gay. You surely understand that, right Baek?" Kyungsoo muttered, looking to the couch as if convincing himself.

"Jongin liking me, what a joke. Gay is a disgra--"

SLAP

Kyungsoo held his cheek with his eyes bulging out of his sockets.

"Dont. You. ing. Dare." Baekhyun stood up, face red in anger

"Dont you ing dare finish that sentence Do Kyungsoo."

"Baek, what the--" Kyungsoo stood up, mimicking the other male

"Shut the up, you hypocrite." Baekhyun's words surprised Kyungsoo because his friend has never been the one to speak in such a harsh manner.

"Gay is a disgrace?" Baekhyun snorted, "then what do you call yourself Mr. Do? I saw you. I ing saw you falling in love with the boy you just called an abomination right in front of my eyes every ing time your eyes met, yet you dare to accused others  as a disgrace?" Kyungsoo opened his mouth to object. "No- You shut up. It's your time to listen to me and think it with your huge brain. Wanna know something, Kyungsoo? I am gay. I am a disgrace. I am a disgrace because I am madly and truly in love with Park Chanyeol. Yes, I am. My only sin is to open my heart and love another beautiful human being, who just happened to be the same gender as I am." Baekhyun whispered in ragged breaths

"Thank you, Kyungsoo. For making me realize that we all should burn in ing pit of hell for loving a person our heart chose." Baekhyun laughed sarcastically, "and so you know, you're gonna live, just next door because heaven ain't exactly accepting judgementals and hypocrites either. You know where the exit is, get the out."

Kyungsoo stood there, gaping like a fish hooked to the land. He has never been afraid of Baekhyun until now. He was suffocating. He needed air. He quickly made a beeline to the door and ran out of the apartment.

------------------------

Kyungsoo skipped school the next day. God knows he had never skipped school, but he did this time. His mother and father went to work early so they didn't know Kyungsoo skipped school. He was just not ready to face Baekhyun, or Chanyeol, as a matter of fact, he wasn't ready to face any of his friends. And Jongin. Especially Jongin.

Kyungsoo didnt know how long he has been curling in a fetal position under his study desk. The last time he did that, was when a certain thing happened in Junior High.

He didnt even know what was he thinking about, the signs were all loud and clear as crystal. How could he not see Baekhyun's struggle hiding such a huge thing? Now that he knew the truth, he could connect the dots. The stolen looks, the subtle fondness Chanyeol always gave his bestfriend, Baekhyun's adoring smile on Chanyeol's whimsy and idiotic jokes.

You're dumb, Do Kyungsoo.

What upsetted him, was the fact that somehow he always knew in the back of his head, but pretended to be blind courtesy of his paradigm.

And it really made him frustrated because he couldn't be the one Baekhyun trusted, heck- Kyungsoo was pretty sure he was the one of the main people Baekhyun was hiding his ual orientation from.

Because Baekhyun knew.

Because Baekhyun knew about his homophobia and his bestfriend was afraid of losing Kyungsoo, so he helf himself back in front of Kyungsoo and hid his relationship with Chanyeol. Kyungsoo wasnt even sure he still can call Baekhyun his best friend after their argument.

Moreover Baekhyun's words kept swirling and swivelling around inside his head,

I ing saw you falling in love with the boy you just called an abomination.

Falling in love.

In love.

With Jongin.

Jongin.

Handsome and kind Jongin. The Jongin who once helped a dog cross the street instead of himself. The Jongin who always got an A on law of gravity but cant spell 'sausage' without slobbering himself in his own spit. Jongin who was compassionate and loving but at the same time -subconciously- turned him on when he got all serious. Jongin who danced like a god and managed to drag Kyungsoo to do his stiff stone moves in the middle of the spacious dance studio.

Jongin who he left hanging alone cruelly when he confessed to him. 
Jongin must've feel 100 times tier than he is right now.

"....." Kyungsoo ran his palms on now tear soaked face.

Everything just gets darker and darker and even darker for Kyungsoo.

He took a glance on his phone, lying on the hard wood floor. He grabbed it weakly.

In times like these, there's only one person he knew he can always rely on.

Kyungsoo waited a while for the call to reach the other line, and not long after the other person finally picked it up.

"Mom..........."

-------------------------------

Lying on his dormitory bed, Jongin wondered if he was going to die.

Sure he danced and got stupid before, breaking or twisting his tendons once in a while. But that was physical pains. And currently, his legs felt okay, his arms too. Even his long proclaimed problematic hips are fine. 

But his heart felt like it was torn into two, and then torn into tinier pieces, and again torn into smaller pieces. Until it left nothing but a cavity and ashes.

Jongin wondered if it was possible for someone to die out of heartbreak. Because to him, it really felt like it was possible.

He knew he shouldn't have told Kyungsoo anything. Not when the outcome was exactly like what he always dreaded. And now, he would never be able to talk to Kyungsoo again. Worse, Kyungsoo might started hating him. Or did he already.

And for what seemed like the hundred times that day, he cried himself to sleep. Quickly losing the border between the reality of his dim lighted bedroom, or the dark chasm in his dream. Both felt like hell.

-----------------

"Hey honey, what's wrong? It's unlike you to phone me up during the day. You're finally skipping class aren't you? Ha! I've told you being too uptight can be stiffling sometimes." Came his mother's voice from the line. Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, albeit smiling. His mother knew him too well.

"Are you home right now? Do you need anything, sweetheart?" Her tone grew worried hearing his son's usual snarky comeback absent.

Kyungsoo gulped and cleared his throat, trying to maintain his voice so it didnt seem like he was crying.

"N-Nothing, mom. It's just- Something happened, and I need a reassurance that's all." 

"What happened? Do you need me home? I'm almost done doing my work, after that I can leave early-"

"N-No, mom. No need to do that. It's nothing serious- It's just...." Kyungsoo bit his lip

"Seriously, Kyungsoo. You're scaring me."

"Mom."

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Will you and dad hate me if I told you I like another guy?" Kyungsoo held his breath.

The other line grew quiet, and for a bit Kyungsoo thought, that was it. He was done. His mom and dad were going to disown him. But then his mom spoke,

"Ohhh Kyungsoo, my sweet sweet boy. I thought you were going to tell me you used drug or something back there!" Kyungsoo can hear his mom chuckled.

"Moooommmm....." Kyungso whined.

"Darling, listen to me. Nothing. Nothing, can ever make your dad and I hate you. You are the most precious gem heaven's ever given us, and from the moment you were all baldy and bloody fresh from this lady's womb-" Kyungsoo rolled his eyes again. Trust his mom to put in weird in a very much serious talk, "-we swore to protect, and cherish and accept you, whatever you may become in the future."

"Being gay won't ever change any ounce of love we've had for you, sweetie. But then again, I always knew you were gay you know. That was why I put you in that school." His mom laughed mischievously.

"Should have guessed.." Kyungsoo sniffed, lips smiling.

"But in all seriousness Kyungsoo,  I resented myself so much, and I know your dad too after what happened to you during middle school. And as much as I want to keep you out from anyone, I'm going to hate myself even more for the rest of my life if I let you refuse to embrace your true self because of that traumatic experience. I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance to pick school, we just didn't know what else to do to help you. But, please honey, surround yourself with people that you love and genuinely love you. I- I can't stand watching you cry yourself to sleep every night if that horrible incident ever happen again, but I really want you to be happy and accept yourself..." Kyungsoo can hear his mother's sniffles through the line, and he smiled. Despite being eccentric and edgy, he always knew that like every other mother out there, his mother too, had a soft sentimental spot.

"Don't cry, Mommy. You don't need to worry about that, because I've found myself a bunch of people that I can depend on, as well as they can depend on me."

"Of course you do, I've taught you well. Crap- Everybody is now wondering and ogling why the hell is the Chairwoman weeping herself on the phone inside her office. This is why I've told your dad I hated the transparent glass room-" Kyungsoo decided he didn't have enough time to listen to all of his mother's rambling, because believe him- It can go on miles and miles long. After all, he got some people he needed to chase and give e