AFTER

“Hey, beautiful lady” A guy said

“Hey yourself” I snapped at a guy and left the counter

I immediately went into our seats while holding our drinks.

“There you go!” Yuri said happily as she took her drink from my hands

We were at the club owned by Jessica’s rich boyfriend. It has been more than 5 years since I left and I must say, I made the right choice to come back. Thanks to these girls who always made my day.

“So, how was the trip to Cali?” Yuri asked after taking a sip out of her mojito.

Jessica and I went to California after our graduation. We visited her hometown and I got to meet her parents. They were such a beautiful family. We stayed at their townhouse for 6 months and visit a lot of famous attractions and got our skins tanned. It was so fun. I had the best vacation there.

It was all totally worth it. I never imagined that after all the things I went through during my high school I will able to have fun going to New York for college and meeting these loveable girls.

“Gosh, it was so fun.” Jessica and I both said at the same time

“Jessica’s townhouse was so glamorous and the beach right there is totally a must visit. And oh, I loved the food. It is to die for!” I said

“We could only wish you were there” Jessica said

“Really sorry girls. I didn’t mean to ditch on you girls. It’s just my parents really need me to help at our company” Yuri explained

“We get it. And it’s nice to finally be back” I said as I propose a cheers

We danced, drink, talk and laugh as we enjoy our night together. I can’t believe I am finally back. It’s like I missed out on so many things while I was away. So many things have already happened like Yuri was dating a guy from our university and we only got to meet him now.

“So, Soo, did you find any man while sightseeing on Cali?” Yuri asked

“Girl, you have to give up. This young lady is a man hater and I’m telling you.” Jessica said teasing me as she laughs mockingly

I just laughed at them. Come on. Do we really have to talk about that? But geez, they sounded serious than ever even though they were laughing like that.

“Can’t help it” Yuri said, “After what you’ve been through, I doubt there’s ever a man you’d really like for real. I understand the whole thing”

“Shht! Stop saying that!” Jessica hit her in the arms then turning to me, “Listen up, Soo. I understand the situation and I do understand your feelings. There were lots of men in the world. I’m sure you’re gonna find someone. Just take your time”

I was suddenly reminded of everything that happened. I felt cautious of our topic. I don’t know why I just think I’m so tired of hearing this conversation over and over again. It’s not because I still felt bad about it. Or do I? I’m not really sure about that.

“This is the same thing you told me before leaving for Cali” I joked

We walked off of the club. We were wearing our jackets as it was already cold outside. Only few people were outside and there were fewer cars around. It must be really that late. I checked my wrist watch and it was already 11 pm.

“Bye” We all said to each other. Yuri and Jessica went together on the opposite road I’m taking while I go on my own.

I felt so stupid. Why am I suddenly so affected by all that? Everyone seems to have moved on. Everyone but me. I don’t understand it. Why am I still feeling this way? No matter what I do or how I do, I just can’t bring myself to trust anyone else. I just can’t. I can’t feel it anymore.

Whenever I remember the past, I just can’t help but feel hatred. I could still feel the pain. I hate it to the point of almost killing myself. I just don’t want to feel it anymore.

I do not remember what happened, how it started and how it ended but my body knows the pain. I could feel the pain I felt back then. I feel the coldness and my heart like a stone.

I round up in the corner and see kids in the streets. They were three of them. I think they were in high school already.  I can’t believe it. Nowadays, kids are a lot worse compared to when we were in high school. We never stayed up until 10 in the evening at the streets. And they were even smoking. Gosh! I hate the smell of the smoke.

“Hey, miss” the guy said, “Where are you going?”

They started approaching me. Seriously? Do they think I am that kind of an easy girl? Staying with gangsters for 5 years didn’t make me dumb. Of course, I at least know how to fight.

“You look like your boyfriend dump you.” The other guy said

“No worries. We’ll make you happy. Come with us” The shortest one said

“I’m giving you one minute to step away from my way” I said grinning under my teeth

These kids sure don’t know manners. From the looks of them, I don’t think they even know the basics of martial arts. They were just hitting on girls. Unfortunately, I am not one of those helpless girls.

“Oooh~ Fierce one, we got. I like it” The guy said and touched my hair

“That’s it” I said

I took his hands off of me and twist it around and push him away. The shortest one then tried to grab my hand but I was quick enough and kick him in his private part with the use of my heels. And then I threw the last guy into the ground.

“I warned you” I said watching them suffer in pain

I then went on my way to home. I can protect myself just like that. My dad taught me martial arts when I was a kid. And I am very grateful to him for that.

“We’re not done yet” The guy said

I turn around and to my surprise he had a knife with him. Luckily though, I managed to move out but he was able to cut my arm. I was just glad that it was just shallow.

He then tried stabbing me by the knife when suddenly, out of nowhere, came a man. He fought him like he was nothing. I wonder who this guy is. He seems familiar to me.

After beating the guy up, they all then scrawled away hurriedly. I just stood there watching this man. Who is he? Why does he remind me of someone I already knew? He turns around and looks at me. That’s when I knew who he was.

“Are you hurt?” He asked approaching me

“No. I can manage myself” I said taking a step backward

“I should send you home either way” He said

“I said I can manage myself” I said with my voice raising a bit higher

“No, you’re not” He just said, “You’re hurt”

I looked at my arm and found the cut with blood. He then started walking toward our home.

He was on his jeans with white plain shirt, not his usual look and I wondered what changed him. This is so unlikely of him. I never imagined that I would be seeing him like that. He was even only wearing slippers. Where have gone those branded shoes? Wait. Why do I care anyway? Who am I to care about this man?

“So, you’re back from New York” He said while we were walking

I was only 3 feet away from him. Even so, I can still recognize the changes in him. His voice got a little rough and husky. He even grew taller than the last time.

“California. Actually” I corrected him

“Ah, Cali. Of course.” He said. Is he smiling right now? How can he smile right now like I am not here? It’s so annoying. “You should have a lot of fun there. And you can’t miss Hollywood”

“I can’t possibly. I went to South California” I said with a sarcastic tone

“South California? That’s amazing. No wonder you got tanned”

I look away. I can’t bear this kind of conversation. No. I can’t stand any conversation with him. Anything with him, about him, to him, for him- I hate it all.

Finally, after walking which seemed like hours, we were able to reach our house. I was about to open the gate but then he opened it widely before me already.

I looked at him. Unbelievable. I almost forgot. He lives here now too. How can I forget that he was actually living here now? It’s been more than two years already since he moved in. Urgh. This is so messed up.

I entered the living room and there was Siwon sitting. He quickly stood up as he saw me.

“You’re back” he said nervously

I just rolled my eyes at him and walked to the sofa, taking a sit and cross my arms.

“Unfortunately” I muttered under my breath

He then entered the house and locked the door. He went inside to the kitchen. I caught Siwon looking at me unbelievably like he couldn’t really believe what he was seeing.

“Don’t misunderstand.” I said to which he finally went back to what he was watching earlier before we came

He was watching some boring TV show that I hardly appreciate. It was just plainly stupid. People laugh so hard at things that are pretty shallow. Or that I am just really not in the mood. I can’t help it. How can I smile after seeing him? I despise him. A LOT.

Suddenly, he came back with something in his hands. He sat near me and started taking out something out of the box. He had cotton buds and alcohol on his hands.

“What do you think you’re doing?” I asked him a bit meaner than I ought to.

“I’m going to treat your wound” He said not stopping from what he was doing

“I can do it” I said

I was going snatch the cotton buds out of his hands but then he was already putting it in my wound.

“OUCH!” I exclaimed angrily

“You kept moving” He reasoned out

“My fault?” I threw back even angrier, “I told you I can do it”

I then took those cotton buds away from him and started cleaning my wound slowly. It stings. This wound. It hurts like hell. I can’t believe I let those stupid guys cut my arm.

As I was finished cleaning my wound, I was going to put a band aid on it when he already put it. He put it with care and gentle but fast. I could only watch him do it.

“Why do you keep doing what I am going to do?” I asked annoyed

“I was just trying to help”

“Well, I don’t need your help. How many times do I have to tell you that? Are you deaf?” I said standing up from my seat

I turn my heel and leave the living room. I really can’t stand it. I tried being nice to him but I just can’t. I still can’t and truthfully, I don’t know how to.

“Look, Sooyoung. I understand that you still hate me-“He stood up and face me

“No, you don’t!” I quickly snapped turning to face him, “You have no idea. I hate you so much- so much that I’m burning with hatred, Do- shoot! I can’t even say your name!”

“Sooyoung-“ Siwon was standing up now too. He was between us. “Please calm down”

“I can only calm down if he would stop talking to me or getting near me or better yet, don’t show up in front of my face because I just can’t control myself whenever I see him!”

“I get it. Fine. If that’s what you want. I won’t get in your way then”

“Good!”

I then went back to my room. I shut the door tight and locked it.

My tears that I have been trying to hold back escaped from my eyes. It’s too much. I know I overstepped. I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have said that. But I really can’t help it. I lose control every time I remember everything. I thought I have moved on. I thought I have forgiven him but I really don’t. It’s been 5 years already. Why can’t I accept it? Why can’t I just forget it and moved on like everybody was?