I woke up to the warm sting of my eyes, to the heat that spread to through my eyeballs. Waking up had always been something I never looked forward to. Becaue waking up always felt uncomforatble, of burning eyes, of aching back, of a head that never stopthinking. But every day, I would wake up the same time. Without an alarm,  my eyes would just open and i would be awake. Because in juvie you were expected to get up at a certain time. And in jail no one breaks expectation without consequences. The first days, I could remember, I would wake up confused to a ceiling too close, I could reach out to it. Then my body would react to the bed that was too hard to be mine. Then it would come crashing down. I was in a penitentiary. In an upper bunk bed that I shared with three other boys who broke society's rules. And I would go about my day like how they want me to, in penance to crime I couldn't even let myself think of.   Today, I lie awake for a bit, studying the white paint on my ceiling. Wondering what was different here, in my parent's house and that jail that had housed me for a year. It was the same really. What is freedom when you had none? I could only be this person who tries to abide rules set upon me. In jail, rules set by the officers,; here, expectations held by my parents. It was the same. Only here, the ceiling was farther and the consequence of breaking expectations is breaking my mother's heart.   I push myself off the bed, the rustling sheets that smelled like flowers reluctantly slid down my arms. I rose. I fluffed my pillows. Shook my sheets and pulled at its sides. It was something I did out of expectation too. Before juvie, I always had left my bed undone. But it was now hammered into me, I don't even think to do so. It wasn't out of good will, it was out of habit brought by discipline, i think in juvie they substituted compliance to actual good intentions. I shrugged and slipped on my slippers and stepped out of the room.   My mother was headed for my room when she had met me by the hallway. I think she had meant to wake me up. Maybe, I thought, I'll let her tomorrow. At least, I could stay in bed until she comes get me.   "oh!" she exclaims, and then smiles at me, "Good morning, Seung hyun! You're up early!"   I swallowed my thoughts of I woke up earlier in the ward, because I think most of the time she was pretending that it didn't happen. So I just smiled at her and muttered a, "yeah. Good morning to you too umma."   After breakfast of eggs, bacon and hash browns, I head for the bus stop and she was there. Sitting at the bench and she looks up at me with a smile. The sun was at her back and she looked brilliant. Like a gem, glimmering in the sun. I liked how her eyes looked. I liked her expectation to see me. Like she was waiting for me.   "good morning, batman!" she greets me with enthusiasm. And I just nod at her and stood beside the bench as far from her as possible.    "ummm..." she begins and I look at her, she wrinkles her nose and looks at me peevishly. "I don't k