After weeks of musing and careful thought, February 14th came. I made chocolates and chocolate cake, KiKwang-oppa’s favorite kind, and candy hearts. I put in a pink and red box. Then came the confession letter, the most important of all. I debated over stationary, stickers, even what color ink to write in! Eventually I settled on a simple pink and white stationary and a white envelope. I sealed it, and placed a sparkling red heart sticker over the opening. I crossed my fingers, and squeezed my eyes shut. 
“Please! Please let KiKwang-oppa accept my feelings so that we can continue on with our happily ever after!” I prayed to the envelope.
I was very nervous walking down to the dance studio, where I knew he would be practicing. I tried to figure out natural breathing technique, since it wasn’t coming to me naturally right now….wasn’t working. 
I shakily opened the studio door, frantically rehearsing what I wanted to say in my head. Please accept my feelings! No, too straightforward…aigoo, what was it I was going to say again…but then I came up to the door. There he was, in gray sweatpants and a white shirt. His strong, muscular body shone as he danced to the song, a serious look on his face as he, Yoseob, and his other bandmates were moving in synch. I waited outside the clear door until the song was over. They all collapsed on the ground, exhausted. I took a deep breath, and opened the door.
“Ahh….I’m tired~!” Yoseob moaned, then saw me. His face flew into a bunch of mischief. He slowly tapped KiKwang-oppa, and pointed at me, who turned to look at me. His face broke into a smile, and he waved. “Hi, Jin-na-ah!”
“Hi.” I grinned. Then I remembered what I had in my hand. “Um, can I talk to you real quick?” I said quickly, blushing.
“Sure.” He followed me out the door. Hoots and hollers were heard outside the door. We laughed a little, and I felt awkward. 
“Oh, um…this is…” I shoved the red and pink box out in front of me. “For you.”
He took it carefully. “Thanks! Ah, my favorite!” His handsome face broke out into a beautiful smile. My confidence rose, and I took out the letter of my pocket.
“Also, this.” I took it with both hands, the side with his name facing up. “Is for you.”
He slowly took it. “A…confession?”
“KiKwang-oppa! I…I really like you.” I blurted. “Please accept my feelings.” I bowed so that I couldn’t see his face. My heart was pounding in my ears, anticipating his reply.
“I will accept your feelings, Jin-na-ah,” KiKwang-oppa said slowly. My eyes widened. Yes!!!! But…there was something about his tone…I looked up. His face wasn’t smiling.
“But…I’m afraid I can’t give my own to you. You are my friend….and that’s all.” He looked down, then up at me again. “I hope you can understand and that we can still be friends.” His big eyes furrowed in worry.
“Ah, yes.” I bowed. “Thank you for your time. I’ll…leave first.” I tried to smile and slid past him and felt the tears come. Just wait until you get outside, I commanded to myself, but I couldn’t help it. I didn’t look at anyone as I walked through the doors. I thought I faintly heard Yoseob call out my name as I ran home, but I didn’t stop until I reached my bedroom. I collapsed on the bed, and sobbed in my pillow. 



“Jin-na! Open the door. Are you sick?” My mother called through the door.
I didn’t reply, but continued to stare at the ceiling dully. It had been at least…3 hours? Since I had come home.
“Ji-na! Ji-na! Do you want dinner?” My mother continued.
“No.” I said dully.
“Ok…call me down if you need me.” She said, her voice faltering, worried.
I continued to stare at the ceiling in my dark room. Stare, stare, stare. Nothing else. I was doing my best to feel nothing, be nothing. It was the only way….to not feel pain. I was doing a pretty good job, if I do say so myself. It did take a lot of concentration.
Someone lightly knocked on the door. 
“Ji-na.” Yoseob’s voice said through the door. “Open the door. I want to talk to you.”
“No thanks.” I said. 
“Please. I want to talk to you.”
“No thanks.”
I heard some wiggling at the door, and the knob shook. I stayed where I was.
Then I heard a click and Yoseob came in, and shut the door behind him. I sighed, but still continued to stare at the ceiling. I was too tired to even question how he managed to pick my lock. He the ceiling light, and sat at the foot of my bed. We said nothing for a while. He looked around at my room, and noticed that it was different. 
“Yah, what is this?” He walked over to my trashcan. In my moments of rage, I had thrown away all my sketches, songs, poems, and storybooks, into the trashcan. There were so many that they lay splayed out on the floor in a cluttered mess. He took then all out, smoothing out the creases of the pages and pictures, setting them down in a careful pile. 
“Don’t.” I said. “Just leave them.”
He continued, stacking the books back on my barren bookshelf. “Ah~ my favorite.” He held out the pink fat book with the gold pages. “My First Fairytales.” 
I continued to stare at the ceiling, but it was getting really hard with Yoseob distracting me. He went over to me, and held out a hand to lift me up. I stayed where I was. 
“Oh come on!” He said, taking my hand, lifting me up on his own accord. “You can’t stay in bed forever.” He opened the cover. “Hmmmm~ how about…Beauty and the Beast?” He looked at my face for approval. It was his favorite story out of all of them.
I got up and went over to the window, looking out at the night sky. He sighed, and came up behind me. “Ji-na…I…I’m sorry.”
“About what? You didn’t do anything wrong.” I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling a lump in my throat rise.
“I know, but…you’re hurt, and I…don’t like seeing you hurt.” He said. I could see his troubled expression reflect in the window. I breathed in and out fast, feeling it coming—the tears. I bit my bottom lip, trying my best to stop it. I shook my head, and went back to my bed, sitting up straight, but shaking. Think nothing, think nothing, think nothing, think—
They came again, the tears. Falling freely and now in walloping sobs. I couldn’t control myself. It was all so awful. Everything…how could this be? It just wasn’t right! What about fate, and the happily ever after?
Yoseob went over to me, and put his arm around me. “It’s ok. It’s gonna be ok.” I hugged him out of instinct and need for comfort. I stopped crying, and wiped my blotchy face. 
“I was just thinking,” He said as we rocked back and forth, “about princesses.”
“Aigoo, please don’t--!” I interjected miserably.
“No, listen to me. You know how in stories like Cinderella? Where, she has to uh…deal with her evil step sisters and step mother?”
“Yeah, so what?”
“Life is a fairytale, but you have to put up with the bad parts of the story too.” He said soothingly. “But sooner or later…your prince will come.”
“But he already did!” I said. “He came and left just like that.”
“Nah, KiKwang ain’t no prince.” He waved the notion away with his hand. “Just let it come, ok? Don’t worry about it.” He released me.
“Could…could you…hug me again?” I asked.
His face looked surprised. “Why?”
“Because you’re my friend!” I said defensively. “Do I really need another reason?”
“No…” he said, holding me tight. “You don’t, and neither do I.”

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