Henry's hands were always clenched into fists.

It was because he was angry most of the time.

And so his hands were clenched into fists that would go with a wall or something, eventually bleeding.

Tonight his hands were once more curled. He stood on stage and performed with all his might and effort only asked by the crowd to come down and leave the group.

It hurt.

But he won't tell anyone.

Only his hands know. The pain he's been going through emotionally, he lets out through his fists.

When he was judged by his seniors.

The anti-fans.

Himself.

He was angry. The whole while.

And now he regrets everything. Why did he even come here if even his own self would hurt him.

He was sitting alone in the dance practice room, drinking his can of energy drink when a thin person with short hair enters.

He remembers he mistook her as a guy when they first met. She was Amber, that trainee that didn't know much Korean yet. He hurt her, he knew. He remembers it again.

Why did he have to hurt other people. He already hurt himself. Why did he have to hurt her too?

His fists were clenched again

"Why are you here?" he didn't mean to, but his voice sounded aggressive. He might have scared her. He might have hurt someone again.

Her eyes look apologetic and somewhat lonely

"Hi... I'm sorry I barged in. I was looking for Soojung"

Ah yes, she can't converse in Korean without her trustee co-member, Jessica's younger sister. She knows Henry can talk in English but she was afraid to hang out with other people at the moment. She was still fresh in the agency.

Amber sees his fists

"I-I should go. I'm sorry again"

"Hey." Henry calls out before she manages to leave

"Don't leave yet. I need company. I'm not angry... Don't worry."

She gives him a look of confusion but sits with him on the floor anyway

He told her his frustrations. The whole while, his hands in that constant shape of anger and disappointment.

She, in return shared her experiences, the present and the past and how she used to hurt herself trying to learn to ride the skateboard. Her knees bled just like his fists. She felt frustration and disappointment, too.

How the start of something would really be a painful process and how everything would gradually improve until things don't hurt anymore.

She reached out her hand to his fist. Gave him a reassuring smile.

"If it makes you feel any better, I hurt my own head trying to memorize those Korean characters and learning to read them fast."

He chuckled and decided he liked this trainee.
He hoped people wouldn't hurt her, too.

Everytime he felt angry and felt like being alone, he wouldn't mind that one trainee's presence. She was fun to be around with and her stories were funny. Plus he can speak in English with her without anyone judging their Korean. She also knows the SuJu dance steps. She's a fan, she said one time.

Her hands were also very comforting. They were rough but he perfectly understood. She was a tomboy and she lives a very active life.

A year later, she finally debuted. He felt so proud how his friend was never asked to come down the stage. Although people were "confused" of what she truly was, she remained strong about it and she always told him she had been trying to walk it off most of the time and that she occasionally cried about it. 

"The cleaning lady told me I wasn't in the right comfort room today..."

He became angry the first time he heard that. They hurt her, what he feared happened. His fists were once more visible. Amber's hand was all it took for them to open again and make him rest assured that everything will be okay.

A few more years later and he was certain he had feelings deeper than acquaintances towards her.

Whenever he was happy, she was there to share his happiness. She never abandons him whenever people gang up on him, well, she makes fun of him on some times but he knows it's all just for the laughs.

Recently his hands were curled into a fist, pumped in the air. It was her solo debut and of course he had to be there to support her like how she supported him waaay back then.

His fists now symbolize pride for her. It also commemorates the fact that because of these clenched hands did he meet this wonderful person.

She was right. The pain does gradually go away.

Now, Henry makes sure, when his hands were tightly closed, whether he be angry or not, he wants to make sure she was always there.

He makes sure her hands were in his. As if he owns her, like how it felt like she owns him.

a/n: oh hi there xD this concept (holding hands and whatnot) was formed waaay before the clamor in ig happened haha

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