“So that was some introduction.” I tried to lighten up the mood as Chanyeol and I walked to my house. He insisted that he should me home upon finding out it had gotten late after we wrapped up the meeting with Miran-eonni.

He flashed me an embarrassed smile before a thought crossed his mind and his face dimmed. “Things are about to get really dangerous, Paran, especially in the next few days. You don’t have to get any more involved than this.”

I stopped walking to face him, and he did the same. My eyes met his as I thought about his offer, and I noticed the way his irises were shaking with uncertainty. I was reminded that right in front of me was a boy who was not quite a boy anymore but also not quite into adulthood just yet. And here he was, trying to fight a battle any other person would have thought was way bigger than him. Yet he was giving me, one of the few people who could help him, the chance to change my mind about getting involved in this case, and he wouldn’t blame me if I did. And I was considering it.

To say that the situation was daunting is an understatement. Reading about it in the news article was easy enough, but in reality, it was terrifying. Or it should have been. I knew I should have been scared out of my wits and should’ve scampered home that night. I should have warned my parents and begged them to leave town and never return. Indeed, there were lots of other things I should have done that night rather than reaching out for Park Chanyeol’s hand and saying,

“Hey. I’m not leaving you alone in this.”

But that was what I did. And by doing that I realized that I had made a choice, one that ultimately took me to a point of no return. There was no backing out for me now. Not that I wanted to.

Chanyeol’s face softened, then broke out into a grin. One effortless grin from him that released the tension around us and diffused my worries, and suddenly we were just two students standing in the middle of a well-lit street. If that had somehow been ordinary.

“Thanks. You’re pretty awesome, you know that?” He must’ve realized himself as soon as he said that because he withdrew his hands and shoved them in his pocket, then cleared his throat as he continued to walk.

“Yeah, I kinda get that a lot.” I shrugged to appear nonchalant, even though I was biting my lip and curling my fingers to keep myself from looking too pleased. He laughed and I felt relieved he understood my sense of humor. It wasn’t everyday that I loosened up like that, and for a moment I was scared he would think I was some self-important chick.

Suddenly he stopped walking. Then he drew his hands from his pockets and cupped them around his mouth, and his eyes glanced towards me mischievously as if he was planning to do something embarrassing.

“NAM PARAN IS MADE OF AWESOMESAU---MMPPPFPHH!” Without thinking about it, my hands flew over his mouth although they were already a few split seconds too late. He had just broadcasted my name. In my neighborhood! Not that I wasn't going to move in a few months. Still, I felt a little impressed by myself, being able to reach high enough to muffle his words. That is, until our eyes met, and I realized I had accidentally pulled his face inappropriately close to mine.

“Oh my. Did I come at the wrong time?” Both of us turned to see Chanshik, who was smirking as he stared at our awkward arrangement. I instantly drew back, as if I’d just been burned, even though the only thing burning at that moment was probably my own face.

Chanshik chuckled at me before talking again, “Can I talk to my brother, please?” While I didn’t appreciate his teasing tone, I decided to comply and held out my hand towards Chanyeol, who not only took it but also intertwined his fingers with my own. Um. What? I was pretty sure Chanshik wolf whistled at the gesture but I didn’t really pay attention to him because—duh.

I didn’t know why Chanyeol did it. Perhaps it was how he acted when he was comfortable enough with someone else. Perhaps it was his was of reassuring me that everything was going to be fine. Perhaps it meant something else. But then he looked at me with an expression that seemed to ask, ‘Do you mind?’ and I asked myself if I did.

Did I? Well, my chest was pounding, and my head was spinning, and all I could think of was, Why? Why did the universe keep ing me into situation after situation where my mind needed to work but refused to? I mean, don’t I get to rest my mind from all this confusing stuff? Part of me wanted to scream at Chanyeol to give my head a break. And the other part was just wondering how his hand could feel so warm and soft in mine, wait--what? Focus, Paran.

“Paran? What do you think?” My head snapped to the owner of the voice who had called out my name, who just so happened to be Chanyeol. I realized we were still walking, well he was sort of dragging me as my mind wandered off, and he was suddenly asking for my opinion out of nowhere, and I hadn’t been paying attention to their conversation. And really it was partly his fault. So I did what I did best at times like those and I looked at him with a dumb expression.

“Dude, I think you fried her brain through her hand.” Chanshik whispered audibly, earning a warning look from me.

“Shut up, Chanshik.” I heard the older twin say, before directing his gaze towards me. “Anyway, Chanshik is telling me to give up the investigation. Because he says, and I quote, ‘it’s dangerous.’ So I was saying I understand what he means but we’re so close to getting them. Aren’t we, Paran?”

“And what I’m saying is you’re going to get yourselves killed if you don’t stop this!” Chanshik exclaimed in exasperation, and what he said hits me like a bucket of cold water. I blinked and stopped walking.

“You’re right.” Chanshik’s face briefly changed into surprise, until he regained his composure and gave his brother a smug look while Chanyeol stared at me with a betrayed expression.

“But Chanshik,” I spoke again, pausing just long enough to get his attention again, “I once read somewhere something that goes like this: ‘This is how it happens: the dead go away into their solitude; but the young dead stay with us, they colour our dreams, they make us wonder about ourselves; that we should be so unlucky, or clumsy, or so downright ordinary as to carry on without them.’ And you know, I’ve tried to avoid saying this, but I think of those words whenever I see you. I might not have known you for a long time, but I know that you were and you are precious to someone.”

I glanced at Chanyeol, who was looking at me softly, before continuing, “And the people who loved and continue to love you find what happened hard to accept. So in order to keep you alive in our dreams, in order to get past the truth that we have to ‘carry on without you’ as if everything was back to ordinary, whether or not we want to, we do what we have to do. Even if it means putting ourselves in danger. Because we want to know if, once this is over, it all hurts a little less than before. And maybe then, we would have done something to right what has happened, even if it’s just a little.”

Chanshik appeared dumbfounded upon hearing that, while Chanyeol’s gaze softened. I gave both of them a simple smile and started walking again. The younger twin muttered, a small “Fine. Do what you want” before disappearing, leaving me alone with Chanyeol as we walked in the street.

Chanyeol refused to let go of my hand even though there was practically no reason for us to remain in contact. I didn’t complain. There was this tingling feeling at the tips of my fingers where I could feel myself touching his skin, and I could feel my insides buzzing. We didn’t talk the rest of the way, however. But occasionally I would take a glimpse at his face, and occasionally I would feel him doing the same. For some reason, our gazes would never meet. And when we arrived at my house, he ruffled my hair and smiled goodbye before I could even thank him for accompanying me or invite him inside.

I laid awake in bed that night replaying the events from that day, but mostly my walk home with Chanyeol. I’d told you before that I wasn’t stupid, so I knew that what happened earlier between us was at the very least some sort of flirting. And I was completely aware that my feelings about it weren’t entirely neutral, and they were definitely not negative.

I’d also mentioned before that I have had crushes on guys from other schools I went through but I never took chances. I was pretty sure I didn’t want to start taking chances now. After a couple of months, my father was going to bring up the topic of moving to another place, and there certainly wouldn’t be any discussion about it. That was the way things worked in our family. That was the reason why I usually kept a wall around myself. Sure, I’d make friends whenever I moved to a different place, because that was the healthy thing to do. But I always let it get only up to a point of convenience. Agreeing to help Chanshik was already big enough of an exception. It was too big, in fact, because I’d somehow gotten myself emotionally involved. Partly to blame was myself, of course, because I had always been emotionally weak. Easy to cry, easy to get angry, easy to get sad. That was me to the dot. And in the end, I would just be making it harder for myself if I acknowledged any feelings for the boy named Park Chanyeol. Strictly professional. I decided that that was how I needed to keep my relationship with Chanyeol.

 It’s for the best. I thought to myself. It always was.

Besides, I read on the internet somewhere that doing something exhilarating with someone, like going skydiving, can fool you into thinking you like that person. They say it’s because the brain interprets the thrill from the activity as having feelings for other person, because the signs happen to be similar: your eyes dilating, your chest pounding, and others. And I decided that was what was happening to me. I was actually just scared of the whole ‘there’s a group of murderers loose in my school’ situation, and my brain was interpreting my fear as budding feelings for Chanyeol, when in fact, they were just that. Fear. Because it’s completely illogical to suddenly like someone after you just found out from that same person that a group of serial killers may be residing in your school, right?

“Yep. That must be it.” I muttered to myself as I tossed in my bed for the nth time that night. After I’ve turned a couple more times, and just as I was about to give up on sleep, I felt my phone buzzing. A new message.

Don’t forget to bring me toast tomorrow. You promised.

I didn’t have to check to know who the sender was. But I clenched my jaw, and pursed my lips, and scolded myself inwardly for not being able to keep myself from smiling like an idiot.

A/N: Welp. I was pretty surprised at how long this chapter turned out. The quote Paran mentioned is from a book I’ve been reading. It’s called Glister, by John Burnside. I haven’t finished it yet because it gives me an uncomfortable feeling of dread whenever I’m reading it. Haha. 

Also I really think there's something very awkward about the part where Chanyeol holds Paran's hand, (which is why I mentioned wanting a beta reader last chapter) and actually just the whole chapter in general *cries*. I need your opinions on this because it's really bothering me.