Date: June 15th, 2011
Location: YG Entertainment
Time: 12:45pm

I sat across from President Yang Hyun Suk and fidgeted nervously, unable to hold still. His office was impressive looking and uncomfortably clean. The focal point of the space was his floor-to-ceiling collection of colorful and neatly-displayed collectible bears and toys, which stood behind him. Normally, I would find it interesting, but today, even these cuddly creatures looked intimidating and menacing. It was like I had a million pair of eyes just watching and observing me. It sent shivers down my spine. I tore my eyes away from them and looked at him. He was staring intently at me and I fought to hold my gaze.

He made me feel guilty. I didn’t do anything wrong, but couldn’t help feeling responsible for causing him so much headache. Jiyong and I were more than just friends after all.

“How are you faring?”

“I’m fine, President Yang,” I replied, trying to smile. It came out as a grimace.

“You must be afraid.” He cocked his head slightly and studied me some more. He had a small smile on his face, which made me even more nervous.

“I’m okay,” I said simply, hoping that he’d just spit out whatever he had in his mind. I had already prepared for the worst. He was going to kick me off the team. What other choice did he have, right?

He took a deep breath and said, “Jiyong explained everything, so I know there’s nothing going on between the two of you. It was just a misunderstanding, as usual.” He emphasized the words as usual and sighed afterwards. I nodded and he continued, “We’ll release an official statement clearing this up, so don’t worry. You’ll continue to perform with Big Bang until their promotional period is over.”

“And afterwards?” I brought up quietly. My fists clenched as I anticipated his answer.

“Unfortunately, you will not be staying on the team. Dan and I discussed it, and we’ve decided that Seohee was a better fit.”

I waited for him to talk some more, but he was done. That’s it? I thought. That’s the explanation I’m worth? I fought back the tears in my eyes and bit my lips to keep myself from crying or protesting, or both.

He took a piece of paper from his drawer and slid it towards me. It was an email from a well-known casting agency, and they were asking to see if YG Entertainment had a fresh face to recommend for an upcoming movie. I read the description for the film, and it was going to be an ambitious project to do a Korean remake of FAME.

I frowned, unable to comprehend why he was showing this to me. I glanced at him expectantly, waiting for some sort of explanation.

“I’m planning to recommend you.”

“For this?” I widened my eyes and pointed to the paper. I was completely caught off guard. “B-but why?”  

“I was monitoring and watching Big Bang performances, and saw that you emote very well. You may not be able to act yet, but you express emotions through your eyes and body movements very well.”

“Yeah. That’s what makes me a good dancer,” I retorted before I could stop myself.

“And you will dance in FAME. They are looking for someone who can dance.”

“But I’m not an actress. I can’t act!” I protested.

“Auditions will be next month, so you’ll have time to prepare yourself. We’ll put you through a few sessions of an acting course,” he continued. It was evident that he thought through this decision and already had everything planned out.

I didn’t know how to respond. I thought for a moment and muttered quietly, “What if I say no?” Would I be kicked out? I thought bitterly. Would my three years here be a complete waste of my time?

“Why don’t you just think about it?” He frowned, sounding annoyed. “I’ll have someone send you a small excerpt of the script. Read that over, and give me a concrete reply by the end of this week.”

In other words, take this offer or get out of my sight.

Unable to stand it any longer, I stood up abruptly, causing the chair to scrape harshly against the polished wooden floor. I bowed at him without saying anything, and turned around. As I opened the door, he suddenly spoke again, but in a tone gentler than before, “I know this might not be what you want, but you’re too young and have too much potential to just stubbornly walk on a set path without exposing yourself to other opportunities.”

I turned around and looked at him, eyes b with tears.

“Please just think about it and discuss my offer with your parents,” he gave me a small smile and dismissed me with a wave of his hand.

I felt numb as I left his office. So many thoughts were racing through my head: It didn’t seem like I had an option. He avoided my question about what would happen if I rejected his offer or failed the audition. Did he honestly think I would fare better as an actress than a dancer? Did he really see potential? Or was this simply an empty gesture to make up for cutting me off the dance team?

I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I didn’t see Jiyong walking towards me. I would’ve crashed into him if he didn’t stop me with his hands.

“Hey,” His voice tugged at my heart and I felt the heat in my eyes once more.

“I can’t really talk right now,” I mumbled, turning around.

He walked in front of me and asked, “Were you talking to the president? What happened? What did he say?”

I ignored him and tried to walk away, but he stood unmoving in front of me. He bent down slightly to look at me and asked, “Did he yell at you?”

“Can’t you just leave me alone?” I finally looked up at him, tears streaming down my face. “I can’t… do this right now. Not here.”

He took a huge breath when he saw my tears, and ran his hand through his hair. He thought for a moment before grabbing my hand and leading me towards the back staircase. He made sure no one saw us before swinging the door shut.

“What’s going on?” His voice echoed, reverberating off the concrete walls.

“I don’t know!” I choked out, finally letting myself go. I sobbed as I slid down onto the floor, burying my face in my hands. Jiyong sat down and put his arms around me protectively, pulling me close. He rubbed his hand up and down my arm, trying to sooth my trembling body.

After I slowly calmed down, I told him, in bits and pieces, what President Yang said. He listened to me without interrupting, nodding every once in awhile to keep me going. When I finally finished talking, he took my hand in his, and played with it as he tried to process what I just told him.

“I think… you’re misunderstanding his intentions,” he spoke after awhile.

“What do you mean?” I sniffed.

“You know I’ve worked with him for a long time, and that I know him very well. I just can’t imagine him making that decision based on our scandal. He must’ve saw potential in you and was planning to recommend you anyway.”

“But he never asked for my opinion.”

“He’s asking now.”

I turned to him, slightly annoyed that he couldn’t understand where I was coming from. “I left my family in San Francisco and worked so hard to get into YG Entertainment, because I want to become a professional dancer and choreographer. I’ve done everything I’m supposed to do and faced every challenge here tirelessly for three years. And overnight, he is telling me it’s not working out and is asking me to become an actress.”

He didn’t respond.

I continued, tearing up once more. “Can’t you see? My dreams are crumbling right before my eyes…”

“Shh, shh, it’s okay,” he brought his hand to my face and tried to wipe away my tears. He sighed before saying, “I don’t have a right to determine what’s best for you, but as someone who has gone through something similar and managed to make it – can I just give you some advice?”

“Of course,” I mumbled.

“Don’t limit yourself, Zoe. This is a good opportunity to expose yourself to more fields in the industry and allow the public to get to know you better. As a dancer, you may never have this chance unless you’re extraordinarily good. Plus, you can always be both, right? An actress and a dancer. And who knows – you may actually be great at acting and will come to love it. This is the case for Seunghyun hyung. He never dreamed to be an actor, but he loves it now.”

I nodded, letting his words sink in.

“Don’t lose hope so quickly, Zoe. There’s a lot going for you.”