Atelophobia

[A-tel-o-pho-bia]

The fear of imperfection, of not being good enough

Perfection. 

It is a word that people would associate me by. It is a word that describes me. But it's quite the opposite. I'm not even close to it. I don't mind being not perfect enough but I'm not good enough for everyone's expectations. My lack of skill is my flaw.

" I wish I had it too."

"Had what?" Jackson stared at me with confusion. I said too much to this guy. "Nothing. Now leave. I have work to do." Jackson pouted "Geez. You should have fun for once." In my life, there wasn't any time for fun. I rejoiced in my head as the person who distracted me left the room. I thought he did but his head popped out the door again. "Hey. You know whenever you're done with all those boring stuff, I'll show you how to have fun. Ok? Bye!" Jackson said before he actually left the room. This guy is definetly a weird one. I haven't had fun for a long time.

I grew up as the youngest child in my family. Both of my parents had great jobs they were proud of. My father was a doctor and owned a hospital. He was a strict and intelligent man with admirers who looked up to him. On the other hand, my mother was a chef to a famous restaurant. Many come to eat her food and see the most beautiful chef in South Korea. My older sister was a mixture of both my parents. She was beautiful, intelligent, and had many skills. It seems like the perfect family right? Then I came.

They may not admit it but I know my parents didn't love me as much they loved my sister. I was a rowdy kid who was curious about the world and wanted adventure. I wasn't as gentle and quiet as my sister.

"Unnie!!!! Let's go! I want to play hide and seek!" I yelled in excitement. "Youngji, I don't think that's a good idea. Last time you hid up in the tree and dad got mad at you." my sister stopped reading her textbook and looked at me with worried eyes. " Ehh it's fine. Dad won't know about it this time." I reassured her but I probably jinxed it because our dad appeared. My dad towered over me with an angry expression. " Youngji! Stop distracting your sister from her studies. Why for once can't you stop doing useless stuff and be like your sister!!" 

Like your sister. From that moment, I have heard those same words. Why couldn't I play the piano like my sister? Why couldn't I be smart like my sister? Why couldn't I be beautiful like my sister? Why couldn't be as skillful as my sister? Why couldn't I be perfect like my sister? I couldn't help but to hate my sister. She was so much better than me in a lot of aspects and my parents loved her for that and they disregarded me because I was the opposite of that. I knew that I had to stop doing things I truly liked and worked on things to be better than my sister. To gain my parent's appreciation because I'm not good enough.

Yes finally I finished the last page of my work. I checked the clock for the time: 4:25 p.m. Hm I worked for quite a long time. Since I'm done I guess I could go home and finish my homework. I packed my stuff and headed out the classroom. Most people would already be home by now but the gym is open for today because of the basketball game in two days. I might as well check how BamBam is doing. I slowly entered the gym and the air smelled like sweat. I saw BamBam playing a game with another guy. It seems like it was normal student as he wasn't wearing a basketball uniform. BamBam noticed me watching and called me out. " Oh hey Youngji!!! Wanna play with us?" The boy BamBam was playing with turned around and smirked "Oi, you're finally done with your work. I doubt Ms.I-Don't-Know-What-Fun-Is can even keep up." It was the face of that person irritates me the most: Jackson Wang. I wanted to smash his smug face but we were in public so I couldn't do that. "Oh Mr.Wang, you are challenging me? Well then I accept this challenge. You can team up with BamBam." I smiled. It's on. 

"Oh dude, she's serious. You should back out. She's actually taking time out of her schedule to put on pants to go against us on basketball." BamBam said to Jackson. "Ha IT'S ON LIKE DONKEY KONG! Jackson Wang never loses! Besides, how can Youngji beat us? She's just a girl who doesn't do anything besides work." Jackson grinned. "Dude. What do you think about my basketball skills?"BamBam asked. "You are totally the best basketball player in this school! You beat me so many times. So this game will be so easy!" Jackson said still brimmed with confidence. BamBam stared at him and said "Well, if you think I'm the best then I think you'll change your mind after this game. Youngji taught me how to play basketball..." Jackson stared at him back "What."

I, of course, beat Jackson and BamBam in 5 games of basketball. We were beat and tired. Jackson finally gave up during the last round and let me have my victory. "I'm not fun you say?" I laughed at Jackson. We laughed and played like we were kids. It was the most fun I had in a long time.