exo-m!au || in which tao takes his food a little too seriously and jongdae doesn’t take it serious enough. yixing is also a son of a who likes messing with people

 

Tao has an affinity towards his food. He takes his portion, and his portion only. He does not share, and he will not take from others. If Tao leaves his food in the vulnerability of the presence of possible predators, he will leave a small sticky note attached to it, labeling it his property, scrawled with messy chicken scratch, as Kris puts it. Luhan scoffs and says that he isn’t any better with his oh so fine penmanship. But Kris begs to differ.

Nonetheless, Tao takes his food seriously, and there’s only one simple rule: don’t eat it.

——

“Minseok hyung please..”

Tao was in the midst of persuading the suave and benevolent oldest member of exo, who was also highly respected for his wisdom and maturity—according to the words Tao had just praised him with.

Minseok was nodding along to the truth in his words—or his belief in that truth, thinking Tao was dead serious (he wasn’t) in the flattery he was fanning towards him.

“Hmm, I guess I am the only one who can make the perfect baozi.” Minseok huffed with pride and approval.

Tao’s eyes brightened, “Hyung, you’re the best!”

Minseok scoffed, “what else would I be?”

Tao rolled his eyes when Minseok stood up to head towards the kitchen. Kris strolled in eyes searching and calculating, spotting Tao, he lifted his finger and pointed, extending it and drawing it back towards him in a ‘come here’ motion.

Tao sighed before jumping off the couch, “what.”

Kris’s furrowed eyebrows looked as if they were ready to be stitched permanently into his eyes.

“Don’t talk to your duizhang like that. When did you get so sassy, princess?”

Tao rolled his eyes (again), as Luhan came out from the bathroom (shirtless), to defend his honor. “If anyone is a princess, it’s obviously me.” He whipped his hair to the side for extraflair and stuck it with a pose.

Kris pushed his head back, “no one wants to take away your humiliating and self proclaimed title, xiao lu, and put on a shirt. No one wants to see that either.”

Tao tapped his foot impatiently, “you were saying..”

Kris glared before clearing his throat, “go to the market, here’s a list. No questions, no objections. See you in half an hour.”

And with that, Kris shoved the little piece of paper with his god awful writing into his hand, before promptly turning on his heel to head into his dorm and shut the door.

Tao was border line filled with rage until he realized he couldn’t do anything about it, so with a deflated sigh, he slumped his shoulders and headed towards the kitchen.

Minseok was humming a tune that was off-key—Tao doesn’t really know how that’s possible, but he was doing it—and was almost finished with the last touches of Tao’s soon-to-be but not really meal.

“Hey, duizhang just put me on market duty. Be back and don’t forget the note.”

Minseok nodded absent mindedly before shooing him away from his work space.

Tao glanced warily at the food before leaving.

——

Around ten minutes after Tao had left, Minseok had finished. Leaving the dish on the table, and sticking the note on top of the container, he left to go watch a Manchester game with Luhan.

Five minutes after that, Jongdae had come out to see if there was anything to eat because maybe disturbing Kris during his nap wasn’t such a good idea. The struggle of escaping led to a hungry Jongdae.

Spotting the dish on the table, he swiped up the note, and scanned through it. He chuckled, “haha, wushu my , cute.” before tossing the note behind him and picking up a meat bun and—

“Tao’s gonna kick your .”

Jongdae jumps at least five feat in the air—or so he thinks, but Yixing would testify differently (because Jongdae just barely reaches five feet as it is, okay) before shouting, “it’s rude to sneak up on people!”

Yixing’s lips are lined with a mischievous smile that Jongdae can’t help but think as pure evil. A glint of malice sparking his eyes, as he nonchalantly sways and peers over Jongdae’s shoulder to get a better look at the food that clearly isn’t his.

“It’s also rude to steal food… especially Tao’s.”

Jongdae narrows his eyes before snagging a bun, and stuffing his face, sauntering away from Yixing, and saying “what he doesn’t know, won’t kill me.”

(except that Jongdae’s mouth was full so it sounded more like “vhat he bonnn’t know vhon’t kilff mphe” and Yixing isn’t sure how he managed to understand him)

Yixing shrugs, that smile still playing at the ends of his lips.

——

“ALRIGHT. WHO THE ATE MY BAOZI.”

Silence filled the dorm as Tao came storming through all the rooms, grip tight and firm over a long wushu stick.

“DO NOT MAKE ME REPEAT MYSELF.”

“Tao, not so loud when you’re seeking vengeance. Inside voices, okay.”

Kris came out of his room a bit disgruntled from his nap, so the anger that’s usually caused by any noise has not settled in yet—and Tao is thankful for that.

By now everyone had come out of their respective rooms and Yixing somewhat had a smirk tugging at his lips (because he may or may have not left another sticky note pasted on the empty bowl that had a significantly large sketch of the culprit stuffing his face, and a small ‘you’re welcome’ scribbled next to it, right after Jongdae had cleaned up the evidence—which Yixing also took a picture of and set next to the note) and Jongdae is silently praying that Tao couldn’t possibly have found out because he was sure to erase any and all traces from—

“Jongdae. Hyung. You, wouldn’t have happened to eat, my meat buns, would you?”

Jongdae is left stunned, eyes wide, looking around the entire dorm, when he spots Luhan passing a ten over to Yixing and oh now it all makes sense and at that very moment Jogdae swears on his life (if Tao spares it) that he will get Yixing back because that son of a bastard was way too low, and it just makes his anger boil further when Yixing turns, a smug look on his face and winks.

The last thing Jongdae see’s are the eyes of a fearfully murderous Tao.

Yixing, you bastard.

 

 

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[A/N]: so this was a request made on tumblr and i kinda just wanted to post this here because why not. this was also actually logner than planned and i'm tired and my arm hurts and yea, yixing is a bastard.