Hi guys.

I'm back for a bit after going through so many changes in my life. School is tough, Dolly's not much of a puppy anymore and Jimin's moved interstate.

I haven't really had the chance to hang out anymore. I'm mainly just at school and work, coming home to sleep. To be honest, it's all really tough at the moment. Jae and I broke it off and after he moved out, I moved into a smaller place. We've kept in touch though, and everything's good between us. We're just not together anymore. I feel like I've divulged a lot about us and my life here, so this is possibly the only place I can truly turn to...

Basically, a lot of distance grew between us. We barely had time for each other anymore. We were both busy with work and study, the house is emptier without Jimin and most of the time, either one of the other was out of the house and we really only saw each other from late at night until early in the morning.

After a few months of this, I guess Jae got lonely and drunk and he cheated on me with one of our friends, but told me about it the next day. To be fair to him, I know it's been tough for him. He's lot lots to do, he never has time for anything anymore and we barely even say a word to each other in person since one of us is always asleep every time we see each other. However, I still feel completely justified in being pissed off at that. I mean, kudos to him for being honest and whatnot because god knows most people aren't when it comes to cheating, but I still went ape on him which was one of the first times we've had a proper face to face conversation in two months.

After that, everything kind of went back to normal but there was this tension between us and somehow, we found ourselves avoiding one another. The distance between us had become too much and eventually, we just unanimously decided to call the relationship off. It wasn't working and it hasn't been working for a while.

I still love him but it takes two people to make a relationship work and right now, we were living in our own worlds just to make ends meet. What's really hard, however, is just not having him around anymore. It's like I don't know how to function without him. I've spent so many years together with him and... I don't know what to do anymore. Everything I do now is so robotic and sleeping alone on such a big bed . Just a few months ago, I came home to my sister, boyfriend and two dogs. Now I just have Dolly.

I don't even know how I'm going to start another relationship with anyone because I'm so damn inexperienced with anyone but Jae and always find myself comparing others to him which is basically a dealbreaker since he was the closest thing to perfect I've ever known. Point is, I feel like . I feel like I could have done so much to preserve this relationship but I've blown it. I know that he was the one who cheated but I really haven't helped either in protecting him. We're both at fault and it kills me when I remember how close we were last year.

I'm sorry for going on and on about this. It's just that Jae was my support network and now that he's not here, I don't really have anyone I could turn to in this way.

Oh, and my house is officially a pigsty without him. DX

(photos courtesy of Jae from our last trip together)