Green light.

Moonbyul stared at the bright green man, trance-like. Feet striding past her was a hint for her to go along with the crowd. But she didn’t move a muscle as she watched the green man begin to flash systematically. Green before a split second of black.

Green, flash, black, flash, green, flash-

The series of repetition eventually morphed into a blinding, bleeding red. Still and very red.

The traffic regained life with the roar of engines and a blur of cars. They would stop soon enough, and everything would repeat again, at this familiar junction. Around her, people paused and waited for the traffic light to turn green again.

“Why are you standing here? Like some fancy sculpture.” Accompanying the amused tone was a familiar voice.

Unprepared, Moonbyul flinched. Her body tensed up involuntarily as she recognised the voice in an instant.

“Yongsun.” Moonbyul said cautiously, like she was afraid.

Maybe, she was.

The girl in her memory had matured into a woman, and this stirred up more emotions than she would like. Like her nickname Solar, she was once Moonbyul’s light and warmth. Late afternoons together, passing notes to each other in class and all the sleepovers. Solar’s fresh, childish smile. A flood of memories she had controlled to a trickle was threatening to overflow.

So the scorched marks had remained even when the intensity of the sun was gone.

“Byulyi.” The amused tone didn’t disappear, she was copying her intentionally, Moonbyul could tell.

What was next? What should come next?

No one wrote her a handy manual on how to face someone she loved so much in her younger days. And she had told no one, that she still do love this girl.

The laugh came next, the free and easy laugh, signature of Solar. Followed by a gentle hand on her arm.

“We should cross the road, let’s go.”

She hadn’t noticed the change, the man had turned green again; like some green-eyed monster, it beckoned. Solar’s touch left her arm, but didn’t slip down and grasp her hand like she would years back.

Moonbyul mocked herself for even entertaining that idea for a second.

When they were back on the pavement, Solar spun around, gleaming eyes and familiar aura.

“So, sculpture Byul, hi.”

Moonbyul felt like someone had forced her head into a bucket of ice. Her brain ceased running and only with much effort did she squeeze out a hello.

It wasn’t too hard, when she was going through various scenarios through her mind. But now she knew, there wasn’t any way to prepare for this. Even till this point, she couldn’t decide if this meeting was a good idea.

“I haven’t seen you in so long.” Solar’s smile dipped and formed a pout. A ripple of guilt coursed through Moonbyul. “You didn’t bother to keep in contact.”

Moonbyul shrugged, bit her lips in a lost. Her nerves refused to settle, and she wanted to smile but couldn’t, when Solar pouted.

“I’m not blaming you.” Solar paused for a long time as she studied Moonbyul. “Or maybe I am and I might, if that robotic hello is all you’re gonna say to me.”

Moonbyul spluttered. Time apart robbed her of the ease she had, she no longer felt like she belonged by Solar’s side. She couldn’t be that sickening Moon Byulyi again.

“Byul, stop being so tense.”

Moonbyul said something she couldn’t register, but Solar giggled, so it was all good.

Deep down, she marveled at how Solar wasn’t even surprised by her sudden appearance. Things should be awkward. Solar wasn’t supposed to behave like nothing had changed. Because that made everything unreal. It was like the years didn’t pass, like they were still kids, who were comfortable in their high school uniform.

Those were fleeting times, beautiful but never to be again.

They should move on, be mature adults.

“I’ve missed you. Catch up?”

Solar was looking at her, eyes expectant. There had been a time where Moonbyul was utterly defenseless against that. But now, she could will herself to agree with a laugh and walk on, scouring her list of safe topics.

“Oh! Wow, that-” The exclamation slipped out, and she screamed silently at herself for running .

“What?”

Too late for any diversion, Moonbyul pointed ahead. “I didn’t expect this place to survive, wasn’t it always empty when... during that time.”

She stopped at the entrance. It looked so different now and she probably wouldn’t have recognised it had it not been such a pivotal spot in her life.

Many years back, it was a tiny bookstore, forgotten by the city and its inhabitants, and ran by a sleepy old man. It had been their secret hideout; the aged owner liked them and allowed them to stay for as long as they wanted.

During those days, they sat on low stools, huddled over books, sometimes giggling and always breathing in the smell of old books. When the old man dozed off, Moonbyul would sneak up to him and steal a cookie. Then, Solar could never understand why Moonbyul chose to do that. They were free to take whatever snacks he had, there wasn’t a need to be all stealthy.

“It’s thrilling,” Moonbyul had explained, with a glint in eyes and an edge in her tone. “The risk and the unknown. But it’s not something for you, I guess.”

Following that, Moonbyul had given a shrug. Solar grinned in response and labelled Moonbyul as a kid.

Maybe she really was a kid.

She liked to pretend that she didn’t know Solar, acted as though it was pure coincidence to bump into a pretty girl at the bookstore. And it was the natural progression to hit on pretty girls, Moonbyul had justified herself that way.

“It’ll be fun, c’mon.”

In actuality, she had simply wanted to try hitting on her friend. A love beyond platonic, which she hadn’t dared reveal.

Solar went along with Moonbyul’s cheesy script, eventually. She appeared flattered with the attraction, blushed and stammered when Moonbyul drew closer, and stole glances at Moonbyul through the gaps between books.

But there was this once, where things maybe got a little too close to the truth for comfort.

“I love you,” Moonbyul had breathed, eyes shining and heart pounding. Solar’s wrist was locked in her hand and her emotions were on a high. Days after, she regretted this moment.

“I know,” Solar smiled her usual smile.

“No, you don’t.” With every word, Moonbyul moved closer, so close that she could’ve kissed her. But a moment of lucidity prevented that, instead, she tilted her head and pressed her cheeks against Solar’s. With a painful whisper, she confessed, again. “I love you, Yongsun.”

In return, all she got was a suffocating silence. Moonbyul couldn’t move. From dread, from the terrible realisation of what she had done and maybe from the damn anticipation.

Damn the anticipation.

“I know. I love you too.”

There was an unusual shakiness in Solar’s voice. But without any hesitation, she had pushed Moonbyul away, with a gentleness she would always reserve for her.

Eventually, the incident was buried with time and so did their hideout. Although she had wondered, at some point, whether Solar really knew what she had meant back then.

“They went through huge changes.” The wistful words snapped Moonbyul out of her thoughts. Solar had closed the distance, their arms brushed against each other teasingly. “Our favourite old man gave up and his son took over, turned it into some bookshop café. The concept was a hit, apparently.”

“Yeah.” Moonbyul looked through the glass pane, the place was bustling.

She missed the tranquility and the precious memories.

“I still come by, get coffee and-” Her sentence was cut short by a sigh, Moonbyul quirked an eyebrow, confused.

A man was suddenly waving at them from the inside, excitement splashed all over his face. Solar nodded stiffly in return.

The old man’s son?

Moonbyul wondered but didn’t probe. He seemed to be making his way out, but before she could confirm anything, Solar grabbed her wrist and dragged her off hastily.

“Let’s go.” Solar was practically jogging now, and only after some distance and a turn did she drop Moonbyul’s hand. “Sorry, I… That guy-”

“It’s fine.” For the first time since this chance meeting, Moonbyul relaxed and chuckled.

“I really love that place but that guy, he’s such a pest. His face annoys me,” Solar grumbled and Moonbyul wondered what he could have done to provoke such strong words from Solar. “Actually, I only love it because I miss the old bookstore. I miss us.”

“Ah.”

That was all Moonbyul could muster before she put an uncomfortable gap between them and continued walking. What was the destination? She no longer had any idea.

“You were so cute, I missed those times. Your hair-” Solar’s voice floated to her from behind, tagging along and refusing to let go. “-you dyed it. So different.”

“I wanted to try something else other than black.”

“Different but nice. It suits you.”

Moonbyul’s heart skipped a beat when she felt Solar’s fingers run through her hair. There was something awfully suspicious about Solar’s behaviour but she couldn’t put a finger to it. Intimacy had never been anything new to them, but something about this bugged Moonbyul.

“What are you doing now? Didn’t you want to be a nurse?”

“I’m singing.” Moonbyul turned back at Solar’s answer, surprised. Solar was smirking slyly. “Caught your attention?”

Moonbyul laughed, shaking her head. She was charming, as usual. “Yes, now explain. I didn’t know singing was your thing?”

“I didn’t either...” Solar trailed off, biting back some explanation. “Until a few years ago, actually. It was nice to have people listen to me sing, like I’m telling them my deepest secrets, yet not really telling them… You know?”

Moonbyul nodded hesitantly. She couldn’t really comprehend, but somehow, she felt like she understood.

“And they say my voice is angelic. So I get paid and everybody is happy.”

“Can I have your signature, unnie?” Moonbyul put on a cutesy tone and held out her hands. A playful slap landed on them.

“Jerk, stop teasing! I’m not an idol.”

“Aww that’s too bad,” Moonbyul laughed. She was getting comfortable, in fact, too comfortable with Solar.

Dangerous.

She knew that, but stayed by her, regardless. Moonbyul had almost forgotten what it was like, just staying by Solar’s side. But slipping back was too natural for her, yes, it was dangerous.

Continuing the small talk, they strolled down the streets, familiar shops and shared memories jumped out at Moonbyul. Nostalgia was a trap, waiting to pounce.

Finally, she caved, surrendered, didn’t dare to do this any longer.

This meeting was enough, and she would cherish it for a long time to come.

“Yongsun, I-”

“Food shopping! Go with me!”

Moonbyul couldn’t say no to food shopping. Not when, in her memory, a Kim Yongsun typhoon zipping past shelves of food was the cutest thing ever.

So she went along. But the latest Kim Yongsun was a lot calmer, and stranger, somewhat.

“Remember this?” Solar held up black pepper, which to anyone else would hold no meaning. However, Moonbyul snorted and descended into bouts of laughter. “I still don’t know how you switched half the coffee powder with this. How did you seal it back?”

“Still not telling,” Moonbyul shook a finger cheekily and wrinkled her nose.

“The physics teacher was literally blowing up after drinking that coffee.” The smile grew on Solar’s face, an attractive fondness that Moonbyul wished she could keep forever.

And it went on, Solar’s little reminiscing comments and gentle touches, negating personal space and piling on the intimacy. It was to a point that Moonbyul could no longer attribute it to the simple excitement of an unexpected reunion.

“What’s up, Yongsun?” Moonbyul finally asked. It was implicit, but she was confident enough. Solar would get what she meant just from the inflection of her words.

Solar smiled brightly, visibly unconcerned,as she exited the supermart with bags of grocery. Moonbyul's gaze fell on her back, noticing the slight changes. Her contours, the way her top clung, the way she walked, and how her curves were more pronounced.

A fuzzy feeling seized her. Her heart clenched.

Stop.

She caught up to Solar easily, their fingers touching when she tried to take a plastic bag from her. The feeling intensified and, against better judgement, she released her restraints.

One last time.

“Do you still live at the same place?” She gave herself the liberty to linger, rest her gaze and touch on Solar. Maybe, by committing the current Kim Yongsun to memory, she could move on. Let the girl she loved perish within her memories. Let it be no more. “I guess you didn’t move? Should I pay your room a visit like the old days?”

Moonbyul winked, as Solar's arm rounded hers, linking them together securely. Every single step she took was like retracing the days she had spent with Solar and the memories they created together. Her feelings were mixed as Solar hummed a soft tune.

She wanted to cry and she couldn’t be certain if it was from happiness.

“You asked me what’s up, right?” As her house came into view, Solar halted. A small smile graced her lips.

Moonbyul recognised that. It was the smile she had whenever she had a secret to tell.

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad you came back, that’s what’s up.”

“You’re lying,” Moonbyul laughed. She believed Solar of course, but there was something more. “Spill.”

Momentary silence. Solar's smile faded, expression clouded over. Perplexed. Worried eyes.

“I like you. No, Byulyi, I love you.” Solar held out her hand, hesitated before stepping back and averting her eyes. “I knew what you meant all along. I just didn’t know how to respond to your feelings. We were young… and stupid. I was scared. I’m still scared. Then you left and went overseas, you dumped me here and-”

“Wait. Hold up.” There was a clear bitterness in Solar's words and Moonbyul suddenly felt exhausted. Was she living out a stupid sappy drama? What was happening? Was this the outcome she desired?

No. 

“Yongsun, you said what? You, what?”

“Love you. I love you.”

Surreal.

Moonbyul stumbled back, not trusting herself. It should be a dream come true -- Solar confessing, Solar wanting her. It was a dream that reversed time, brought back her younger self, who had bursts of overwhelming emotions for her Kim Yongsun. Turn time back a few years and she would promise Solar a future.

But here they stood, in the present. Their time, gone.

“It’s too late,” Moonbyul whispered, agony piercing her. “I can’t. I’m dating someone right now.”

Yet, this selfish thought stormed her mind.

I can, I love her. She's the one I've always loved. I can. 

It hounded her as she saw the transformation on Solar's face. Hopeful, smiley, nervous to a blank. A heartbreaking emptiness and, finally, realisation.

Moonbyul looked down. She couldn’t face Solar’s devastation. Now, she could piece everything together. Solar was probably trying to draw her in before taking that leap of faith, trusting that time didn't change them and their affection for each other.

Yet, Moonbyul can only offer her one single hurtful word.

“Sorry.”

Moonbyul stuffed the bag of grocery into Solar’s hand. She winced at the contact, her heart throbbed. She wanted to hug Solar, to tell her that she'd stay for her.

Let's be together. Let's fall in love and stay there forever.

But no, she shouldn't wonder, mustn't bring herself to the border of possibilities and the many 'what ifs'.

Too close to falling.

She cursed life, cursed fate, cursed everything. She already had her fair share of heartbreaks, so why now? Again?

She cursed herself for bringing pain to Solar. Dashing her hopes and shoving her away when she finally reached out.

Unable to stay near her for even a second longer, Moonbyul turned and walked away. No lingering, she left and hoped it was for good, this time.

I love you, Yongsun.

A/N: And there may or may not be a second part to this. idk? we will see