Chapter 1 – A Promise

N liked to think that if s had any problems they’d come talk to him right away. He knew it was harder for some people to open up to others, like Hongbin, and that some people liked to try solve things themselves first, like Ravi. Despite this, he wanted s to rely on him when they weren’t at their best.

N had been watching Leo for a few weeks now, becoming more and more concerned as the time went by. It was true that compared to a lot of people, Leo was quiet. He was camera shy and nervous around new people and situations, but he wasn’t afraid to tell the other members his thoughts about something that troubled him. However, N had quickly realized not long after meeting him, that that was only for things concerning work. Leo had never sought help for something that had bothered him personally before, or even mentioned that something was wrong.

As the weeks passed, N noted Leo was slightly more withdrawn around the other members, especially if there were cameras around, and that he tried to avoid skinship even more than usual. He practically pushed Ken to the ground when he’d wrapped an arm around Leo’s shoulder.

The result had been Leo, with an expression of both embarrassment and remorse, three members who stood in utter shock, a confused and hurt main vocal, and a leader who had had enough. N wanted to get to the bottom of this quickly so that their inner-group dynamics weren’t torn up further.

To his luck there came a rare opportunity when they were allowed to finish practice early. None of them had schedules until late the following day, so when Ravi suggested on the ride home, that they go see a movie and eat a bunch of junk food, most members were on board. Only Leo protested, saying he wanted to stay in. It wasn’t that rare for Leo to say something along those lines, and these days it was pretty much expected.

N jumped at the opportunity though. “Me too,” he whined. “I’m really tired and I have to do the radio show tomorrow night. I want to rest a bit.”

Hyuk protested loudly with a groan about how old N is getting. Hongbin and Ken high-fived, jokingly remarking that it would be more fun without Njumma hanging around nagging. Ravi frowned.

“But, hyung,” he started, about to point out that N had just been complaining he was bored. However he caught the look in his leader’s eye and changed what he was going to say. “Maybe you should rest, you work harder than all of us.”

The younger members changed their tune quickly, agreeing that N should rest, so that he wouldn’t come with them. They’d since arrived at the dorm building and were climbing into the elevator.

Leo disappears into the bathroom as soon as they enter the dorm while the other members quickly change clothes and gather at the front door, putting on shoes.

“You four enjoy your night,” N says as he watches them get ready. “Don’t eat too much though.”

Ravi ushers the members out the door with a grin at his hyung. “We won’t.”

N changes his clothes but then lingered in the bedroom waiting for Leo. When Leo walks into the room, he takes one look at N, hastily averts his gaze and heads for the couch instead. He doesn’t look at all pleased when N follows him.

For almost five minutes N just sits next to and stares at him. Leo does his best to ignore the leader but finally he makes eye contact. “What?” he asks.

“We need to talk.”

That small phrase alone is enough to make Leo look visibly more uncomfortable. He doesn’t answer N though.

“I want you to talk to me about why you’re avoiding us,” N elaborates.

Leo’s eyes are fixed on the floor, and he’s biting his lip as subtly as he can, hoping N can’t see it. N can though, and he purses his own lips with minor annoyance.

“There’s no reason.”

N feels like pointing out that Leo had just admitted to avoiding the members but figured it wasn’t a good time to start attacking him.

“Did somebody do something to make you uncomfortable?” N prods, beginning to list the things he figured would make Leo act this way.

“No.”

“Did somebody say something to make you uncomfortable?”

“No… Why are you asking me this?” Leo questions, finally looking at N again.

“I want you to talk to me,” N says truthfully. “I just want to help you.”

Leo’s eyes harden a little but not enough for N to feel like he’s blown the whole opportunity to get answers. Once again Leo looks back at the floor.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” he insists. “And I don’t need any help.”

N leans back into the couch and takes a deep breath. Leo thinks he might have dropped the subject, but then N starts with his questions again.

“Are you having trouble with your schedule?”

“No.”

“Are you injured?”

“No.”

N narrows his eyes at . “Did you hurt yourself and just won’t say?”

“No,” Leo practically sighs. He’s hoping that if he answers all of N’s questions, he’ll be left alone.

“Is it the new song? Because Hyukie has more lines now?”

“No, it’s good that Hyuk is getting more lines.”

“What about Hongbin?”

“He should also get more lines.”

“So you don’t want to be main vocal anymore?”

Leo’s eyes snap to N’s with a frown, he’s getting annoyed now. “Stop twisting what I’m saying.”

N also frowns. “Why won’t you tell me?”

Leo holds back a groan. “I told you there’s nothing to tell.”

“Are you ually frustrated?”

“What?” Leo almost chokes, completely caught off-guard. He hadn’t expected N to go in this direction with the questioning. His face heats instantly and N takes this as a sign that he’s on the right track.

“Are you having girl trouble?”

“No!” Leo tries to stand up and leave but N grabs his wrist tightly.

“That’s it isn’t it? You’re having trouble with a girl!”

“No it isn’t! Let go!” Leo attempts to free his wrist from N’s grip but fails. He shoots to his feet, hoping that the sudden movement will make N let go, but N simple comes with him.

“Let go!” he cries again, his face becoming more and more red. He knows he’s physically stronger than N, but he really doesn’t want to use force on him.

Leo continues to try and pull his arm free from N, but N has him with both hands and isn’t as weak as he looks. Leo drops his head.

“Let go,” he tries to say again, but it comes out as a whisper.

Leo feels like crying. He feels cornered. He feels like running away. He feels ashamed that he feels like this at all. Why couldn’t he have just made up an excuse to tell N? He could have said he was tired from their busy schedule, preparing for their comeback. That he was a little bothered by the teasing he’d received on the variety show they’d recently been on. He could have just said that he was having girl troubles.

Leo feels so weak and ashamed of himself, but he can’t stop himself as he sinks down to the floor, hiding his face in his free hand and trying to hold back a sob.

N feels horrible. He knew he’d been pushing Leo too much with the questions, that it would just make him withdraw more. But he’d been so annoyed that Leo refused to tell him anything. He knew he’d crossed the line instantly with the ually frustrated questions. He should have backed off and apologised, and hoped that Leo would come around if and when he was ready. But he’d charged on ahead, frustrated and annoyed and a little hurt too.

But now N just feels horrible as he first watches Leo’s head drop and then as he sinks to the floor, his arm still being held up by N.

N’s heart almost breaks when he hears that first soft sob. He drops down in front of Leo, apologising with all that’s within him and holding back his own tears. “Leo, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

It just makes him cry harder though. N tugs Leo tugs back to his feet and wraps his arms around him. Leo does his best to pull away but N is having none of it and clings tightly. Eventually Leo just stops fighting back and stands crying into the leader’s shoulder.

When Leo stops sobbing, N pulls back and brushes his fingers across ’s cheeks. Leo tries to avoid it but barely puts up a fight at all. N swallows at the lump in his throat and makes Leo look at him.

“I’m really sorry,” he says.

Leo starts to drop his head but N doesn’t let him. He places his hands on either side of Leo’s head and gently pulls it back up, thumbs brushing away the fresh tears.

“Look at me,” he murmurs.

Leo reluctantly opens his eyes and meets N’s gaze.

“You once told me that if I’m overwhelmed, if I need someone to lean on, that you’d be there to help no matter what. I want you to know that I’m here for you too. You can tell me anything. It doesn’t matter what it’s about, or what you think I’ll say on the matter, I’ll always be here to support you. Always. And not just as the leader, but as your friend.”

This time N let’s Leo drop his head, and he’s a little surprised when Leo wraps his arms around him, burying his head back in his shoulder again. N returns the embrace, gently patting on the back and telling him that everything is alright.

It takes less time for Leo to calm down this time and he pulls away, rubbing his face with his hands. N can tell that Leo is embarrassed now that he’s calmed down. Despite this N smiles and pats the side of his face.

“When you’re ready to talk about what’s bothering you, come see me okay?”

Leo avoids his gaze but gives a tiny nod before making his way to the room. N sinks onto the couch and buries his face in his hands. He regrets how things happened but he doesn’t hate the end result. He always feels better after a good cry, lighter and a little more accepting of how things are. He hopes Leo feels that way too.

Leo crawls into his bed with his music and his phone. His chest and throat feel tight and his eyes are sore from crying, but he kind of feels like maybe this was for the better. He’s never cried full out like that in front of anyone before. Not with full out sobbing. Nobody has ever given him such unconditional love before, though. A promise not to judge. It sort of took him by surprise. But then at the same time, he’s not surprised that it was from N. Because N is a really good leader and friend, despite what the members say.

Leo sighs and closes his eyes as the music begins the play. He hopes that one day he’ll feel comfortable telling N what’s bothering him, and that N really will be the support he promised to be.