PART 3

Missing Fragment

Today was the half of November, My birthday is coming soon. I can’t recall how I celebrated my birthdays these past two years. Baek Hyun approached me and asked what would be my plan about my birthday. I can see how Byun Baek Hyun changes ever since the first day of November started. And I can’t comprehend why I’m clearly capable of remembering Baek Hyun. I don’t even need to write about him and it’s already about a week.
My memories are going back one by one.

It’s two o’ clock in the afternoon before my shift in the coffee shop. I was sitting in front of my doctor getting my regular check-up. Dr. Jang was quite happy that my memories are going back little by little because of a certain person.

“I think it’s better for you to talk more with your friend” the doctor suggested then I just simply nodded.

Talk more with that guy? Don’t joke with me. But I guess it can’t be help, I have no any choice
I left the room without uttering a word as I continue looking to the floor. I wore back my jacket and muffler before I stepped out of the hospital.

As usual the winter looks so splendid, the snow gently drop to my skin when gazed above the sky. I stared for about couple of minutes. I vividly saw the haze of my breathing. I firmly closed my eyes together and felt the cold breezed then unclosed my eyes.
I shoved my hands to my pocket and continue walking when a middle-aged woman approaches me. The features of her face were kind of similar to someone I know.
I attempted to step backward but the woman was quite quick when she clutched to my arms. She glanced right through my eyes; I can see the blues in her eyes.

“All my Jae Hyun need was to fall in love and be loved” she hoarsely said.

I couldn’t find any words to say. I can’t recall anyone with the name of Jae Hyun. I said that she got the wrong person and I don’t know her son. Her hands gently fell down from my arms as she unhurriedly turned her back and walk.
I forgot the possibility of relating that name to my lost memories in that moment.

“I can’t believe you forgot about my son” she whispered as she gradually walks further from me and disappeared from my sight.

I can’t disregard the words she left. No matter how hard I thought of the name Jae Hyun, no one shows to my mind, that name keeps on ringing to my ears.  I sighed from the wall glass when I continue to wiping it. Someone was thudding on it, I lifted my head and there’s Baek Hyun smiling to the finest. Good timing, I’ll ask him

“Baek Hyun, do you know someone, hmm Jae Hyun?”  I asked.

The moment I spoke the name Jae Hyun, Baek Hyun froze from where he stood.  His eyes widened and the smile on his face slowly placed with sadness. In a couple of seconds he opened he moved his lips.
“Byun Jae Hyun” he murmured.

“What- I can’t hear you you” I said trying to confirmed of what I heard.

“No, I don’t know, wh-why?” he asked.

“Nothing” I answered then continue doing my work.

♦♦♣♦♦

 

The night was much colder than yesterday. I the heater a little bit higher. I wrapped myself into my stuffy blanket while listening to the music playing in my phone. It’s a piano.
Just like my usual routine I wrote what happened today. I completely fell asleep from the tiring work in the shop.

I woke up in the 20th of November, 7:30 in the morning and I urge to play in the piano settled in the living room. It’s leaning next to the wall beside the window and a couch. Still wearing my pajamas, I sat down the red velvet stool.  I landed my finger in the last key checking the tune. I softly pressed all of my fingers to it and started playing. The melody resounds through the whole house.
The curtains swayed when the wind escapes inside. The snow remains falling from a bit shady gentle sky. I somehow smell the coffee that Mom was making when I passed from the kitchen. And that smell was coming near to me.

“Ch-Chan Yeol-ah, did your memories came b-back?” she said when tears begin to trickle.

I barely heard what Mom says. She keeps on calling to my name but I refused to listen. I shut my eyes as I continue to play. I want to hear nothing but the melodies I produced from the piano. I was overwhelming and the tune merges. I continue to play in the white field of winter when I saw someone standing in the midst of snow bed. A barefooted-person in all white. His hair drifts together with the cold breeze but a gust of wind wandered before him the moment he looks to my direction.

“Byun Baek Hyun” My fingers stopped moving when I yelled to Baek Hyun’s name to the flight of my imaginations. What? Byun Baek Hyun? I stared at the piano’s black keys. I placed my hands to my face. I halt in couple of seconds. I lifted my head and put my hands away. I saw my mother’s concerned face.

“Chan Yeol-ah! Chan Yeol-ah, are you okay?” Mom worriedly asked handling a cup of coffee.

“Yes, I’m fine, don’t worry okay?” I said relieving her at ease.

I drank the cooled down coffee in my hand then went back to my room. I grabbed to my phone and look for Baek Hyun’s number. He finally answered on the third attempt of my call.

“Hello, Why, Chan Yeol-ah” he said.
 
“Byun  Baek Hyun let’s meet tonight, I need to talk something important to you.” I told the same way Baek Hyun told me a year ago.
Few seconds passed before Baek Hyun answered me. He might know what I’m going to ask him.

“Okay, But let’s meet a week from now. On your birthday Chan Yeol-ah” he said the hung-up the call.

A message came in a minute.

 

Let’s meet there around 2pm in, 3-B in Cheong Nam High School. I’ll bring a present to you, Chan Yeol-ah.

Your mind might forget it but your body will remember it just like how you play piano again.

-Baek Hyun

 

Was it really a dream? Is it really Baek Hyun? How did he know that I can play piano again? My mind was full of questions. What is Baek Hyun to me?

I’ve been going in and out of the campus and to my part time job normally but I haven’t seen Baek Hyun since the call and feel his presence on being around, even once.
The day after tomorrow will be my 27th day of November. And today I’m in my alma mater, Cheong Nam High school.  I think Baek Hyun is an alumnus of that school too.
I’m walking through the pathway and passes by the music room when a fragment abruptly shows before my eyes.
I was playing the piano and there’s another student who stood beside me. He’s singing gracefully. His hand dances as he sings the ballad music that I’m playing. I was staring at him with a smile on my face. He glances back at me and it was Byun Baek Hyun’s face.
My legs were trembling in disbelief when I learned that Baek Hyun was part of my missing memories. My legs slowly step backwards when I attempt to run away but my legs don’t let me. Tear unknowingly rolled down to my cheeks. What’s the reason behind that tear? I asked myself. On the first place, what was I doing in this place? Thoughts start overflowing in my head when a heard a very familiar voice.

“Chan Yeol-ah, Wh-what are you doing in here?” Baek Hyun spoke and draws closer to me.

I saw Baek Hyun’s dewy eyes when I shifted my head towards the direction I heard the voice.
It took couple of seconds when Baek Hyun finally stands next to me. He asked me again on what I’m doing in here but my mouth refused to emit a words. I just simply froze. He shook me and continued calling my name. I can see his concerned face. Minutes passed when I finally got myself together. I glanced right through his eyes and placed my hand on his narrow shoulders. I moved him to face me but Baek Hyun pushes me gently and step backward. The areas to his eyes are turning pinkish, I can feel that he’s now about to cry. Thou I still acquire him to explain everything I don’t think I still able to tolerate my querying mind, no but my heart also. Yet Baek Hyun persists on moving his legs and ran. I reach his hand that stopped him for seconds and mildly removed my hand on clasping to his. I called his name when I realized that his getting farther from me.

“Not now Chan Yeol-ah! Please bear for another days and I’ll tell you everything” He weakly said and completely not to be sighted.

I didn’t run after him and I just continued strolling in the school instead. Nothing flashes on my mind anymore or just a little bit of my fragment when I completely roamed around the building. The orangish light from the setting sun slowly veiled the hallway, I decided to go home.

I was welcomed with a pleasant smell when I entered the door. I saw Mom cooking her mouthwatering dishes for dinner. Dad came home after twenty minutes I arrived home, it was five minutes after Mom finished cooking. I helped Mom setting the tableware and smiled at her just like nothing happened today. Dad came down into the dining after putting down his stuffs to his study room.
We sat on our places. Dad asked me how’s school and I just finished with few words of “it’s normal” I’m quite happy that I was blessed with warm parents but I felt sorry for them for having useless  son like me. I tried to look happy as much as I can and not even showing any weakness in front of them. I don’t want to burden and worry them. I can deal this with my own and I’m old enough not to cling or cry in front of them.

 

Tomorrow could be the day of everything. The day, I might continue to forget everything.
I wonder what kind of truth awaits me. I thought for the whole long night without getting a wink of sleep. The sun has already rises and the warm failed in the cold weather of winter. I pulled the bottom of the curtain to veil the light in my room. I continue to lie in bed as I wrapped the blanket with me. I put on my iPod at the speaker listening to ballad songs. The music continues to prowls in my ears when I completely fell asleep with a pen on my other hand and opened note beside my head. It carries to soothe the frustration in my mind and my heart. My sleeps getting deeper and deeper in each song to played as my posture gets comfortable in my bed.

It’12: 55 in the afternoon when I was awaken by the oozing of my hand phone. A note stumbled upon my eyes. I grasped on my phone and read the alarming message then quickly grabbed the note. Things swiftly go back in my head again, the frustration and rush overflows. A headache goes striking again as usual.
I wished to escape in this endless chain. I stood up and draw the remedy from my bag. I don’t have any strength to go in university nor in my part time job. It’s not that I don’t have any energy, it’s just I’m not in right mind. I need pull myself together.
I walked out of my room when I heard my mother calling my name for lunch.

“What’s wrong Son?” my mom asked.

“I-it’s nothing, I’m fine Mom” I answered.

I quietly sat down at the dining. I lifted the silver chopstick with my right hand while the other one holds at the rice bowl. I gradually dig in the different kind of dishes served at the table. I noticed my Mom bearing a worried look to me. I continue to eat after conveying her that I was really fine. I hate worrying my Mom, I hate seeing blues in her eyes and I hate making her cry. I stood and carried my bowls and plates at the dishwashing sink and swiftly went back to my room.
I thought of sleeping for the next hours as I keep lying in bed but my mind seems to stay wary. I continue to listen at the songs in my playlist. When a very familiar song came to play, a brief memory came back flashing. I saw myself inside a movie theater, my hand intertwined with someone’s slender hand. I remember holding his hand firmly and saw myself smiling next to him. The song was the movie’s ending track. And I also recalled his eyes trickling with tears. I can’t be sure if he’s tearing because of the movie or in different reason.

♫ Nan ganghae boyeodo usgo isseodo
Honjail ttaega manha
Neul geokjeong hana eopseo boyeodo
Hal mari manha
Cheom bon sungan neomuna kkeullyeoseo
Igeosjeogeot jaeji moshago malhaesseo

The answer is you~
My answer is you~
Nae modeun geol da boyeo jwo bwasseo
You are my everything
Neomu hwaksinhaeseo ♫

 

In that moment, I opened my eyes and noticed that I fell asleep. The next thing I saw, EXO’s My Answer was already playing which at the almost end of my playlist. I guessed I was asleep for about an hour. I rose and decided to take a bath.
The weather was still the same. The year might spend a white Christmas. I unfold the curtain in the window. I saw the snow piling up in the window pain, in the braches of pine and cherry blossom trees and the pathway way out to the gate. The sun looks gloomy as ever and the clouds are thicker than ordinary. I fetch the stuffiest in my closet as I wear two layers of garments and muffler around my neck. I grabbed my bag where my things are settled and open the door. My shoes were covered with white pieces of frozen water that softly fall to the ground from the sky when I finally went out of the gate. I put on the face mask as I badly felt the cold and continue to walk on my way to the coffee shop.

“I’m sorry I was so late, Ma’am something emergency happened” I falsely explained.

“Oh I see, next time inform me sooner, okay?” my boss said.

I changed into my uniform, wearing white long sleeve with a ribbon on the collar and brown apron around my waist. I hope there’s another version of my uniform for winter. My hands were getting frozen as the tips of my fingers turned so red. I brought myself to the cashier area afterwards. The shop was covered with students and office workers, the day was quite busier than the wonted day. After few hours the crowd has finally calm down. Another person stands before the cashier. A familiar one.