Notes From Reviewer

Title (5/5)

Honestly, I think the name of the story is nice because it kind of promote a feeling of sadness that goees along with the theme of the story. Also it brngs up the idea of Broken Wings and it overall gives me a good idea of the type of story to expect without giving away the entire story. 

Description & Foreword (7.5/10)

I thought it was fine, the basic information was there but it did not wow me as much as I thought it would. The description was generic and pretty oridinary. It is cliche with the classic explanation of the boy's story and the girl's story and then their story change when they met each other. Similar to how in Avatar: The Last Airbender, "everything changed when the fire nation attacked." I felt like you could have left the audience wanting to read more. The foreward is good and it is nice to see how you organized the information of the story. However, you get points for the neatness of the two components of the story. 

Plot (6.5/10)

I only read one chapter so I can't say much about your plot. Though I would say the idea of it is pretty generic at this point due to the amount of stories with people and cancer. I'm not saying it is bad but the storyline has became really mainstream especially with John Green's Book. I would like to give more points but there is not enough of the story for me to fully review this section of the book. Very good transition of idea but the plot hole with Jungkook just showing up and leaving bothers me because it felt like you could explore how that visit was important by telling us what happened. Why does Jungkook need to check in? I know many writers tend to have a story in their minds but it needs to be written down too because the readers might get confused about character relationships and motivations. 

Writing Style (18/20)

I feel like you need to be careful with writing too many run-on sentences and 'too' short sentences. It makes your story a little uncomfortable to read since you are adding too many thoughts into one sentences. Try also to use more active sentences, like He heard, not was heard, this would help make your story some more active and engaging. However, you are very descriptive with actions and it is good at creating imagery. Your writing style seems to also match the tone of the scene you are writing which made Jimin's sadness even more obvious and depressing to watch as the story continues. It is really nice and I think it should be something you continue to do. 

Characterization (07/10)

Jimin's character seems too 2D, yes I know he has a disease and that has made him turn away from the world but it makes him look like he is one step away from leaping off a cliff. What is his passion in his life? Why does he continue to live if life so much? I feel like this part needs to be explore because a character and a person needs to have some motivation to explain his or her actions. However, like i said. There is still too little plot to fully review this section of the story but it would be something I would like to see worked on. 

Flow (8.5/10)

The story has quite a good flow, it does not sound too choppy but there are some incomplete sentences that makes the reading sound dead and choppy when read outloud. 

Personal Enjoyment (5/5)

Story was very interesting and I plan to continue to follow it. It makes me want to read and find out if something different would change with Jimin's issue. Very nice and I hope this story will continue smoothly!

Overall (57.5/70) ~ 82%