I couldn’t help it.

I thought I was over it.

I thought I was over her because I hadn’t heard from her in so long, and although I had imagined about hearing that voice again I didn’t want it to be like this.

She was the one who said we should date. She was the one who said she loved me. She was the one who broke up with me and wouldn’t return my calls or messages.

Hell, I even sent her a letter, but knowing her she probably threw it away, along with my feelings.

How could she, after all this time, think it was okay to call just like that?

Of course I had my doubts about the relationship we shared; it was only fair because it was my first love and my first relationship. I didn’t have any experience about dating and everything I did was a first with her.

First date, first kiss, first one hundred days anniversary, first person fooling around with, first time… These were milestones I only shared with her and no one else.

Our relationship wasn’t exactly long; it only lasted from April to September. It was only six months, but it still was six months. To be my first relationship I thought that was a long time for someone to be together, but the worst part was that as abrupt as it started, it ended as well.

I even remember the day we met, but I didn’t want to rewind to those memories again as I laid in the darkness of my room, my eyes staring up at the ceiling thinking about the short conversation four days ago.

“Ara, it’s me,” the voice said through the line, the voice of the girl I hadn’t heard from in such a long time.

The girl, my first love… the one who broke up with me almost two years ago.

It had been a long time since I had spoken to her, longer than what our entire relationship was, yet I wasn’t prepared. The wounds of the crash and the train wreck that was me after her goodbye still fresh, as I felt as if I was going to faint.

“I’m sorry to be calling you so suddenly,” the voice said, almost sheepishly as if we still knew each other. As if she could still be friendly towards me.

“Are you there?” the soft voice asked as I couldn’t help but try not to get a panic attack because I couldn’t do this.

My lips were shut, and I was scared that the sudden pressure in my chest would combust whatever feelings I held suppressed there. It wasn’t hard for me to understand that the sting of tears reached my throat and that if she only said one word, no matter what it would be, I would break down,

“Ara, please answer,” she continued, but I couldn’t do it as my hands wouldn’t stop trembling, and before I totally lost it I hung up.

I couldn’t let her hear the sobs I tried to muffle with my hand, tears falling out as I stood in the middle of the hall, hoping no one would hear me slowly losing it.

It was almost as if I was reliving the breakup, that painful memory all over again even if she didn’t say anything about it. She didn’t even mention it, but I knew the conversation would steer towards us in one way or another.

That could be the only reason, although I didn’t really know why she wanted to talk about it in the first place. Did she want me back?

I shook my head because that would be ridiculous; she had other things to take care of than thinking about some petty fling. She probably must’ve thought of me in between her busy schedule with whatever she was up to now, and probably wondered how I was.

She was probably asking because she felt guilty and wanted to make up for it, but I couldn’t let her, not that easily. She knew it would take more than that, as I lied in bed thinking about the conversation over and over again.

I decided to fall asleep, ignoring the pain stinging in my chest by the memories.

**

The day after, I didn’t understand why Krystal came over to where I sat on, as her cheerleading squad had just finished practice.

Kai’s soccer team weren’t as quickly done, their coach probably scolding them for something and wanting them to shape up for the final match. He wanted his team to succeed and he probably wanted his students, Kai especially in mind, to win a scholarship to some professional athlete school.

“Do you have anything to do today?” Krystal asked the moment she stood beside me, my eyes flickering from whatever the soccer team was doing and over to the girl.

I wanted to say yes I was busy, because I wasn’t really in the mood for hanging out or doing anything. Besides it was probably just an excuse to hang out with Kai, which she wouldn’t need because they had quickly grown closer ever since they started talking.

She didn’t even have a reason to talk to me anymore; I turned in my painting yesterday, a whole week before the deadline in fact. I didn’t need her help anymore, and even when I gave her the money she tried to refuse the payment, something I found odd, but I just gave it to her before leaving.

Kai had gotten to know Krystal better, I got my project done on time and now I just had to wait for Miss Kim’s feedback. Hopefully, she would like it and if I was lucky she would hang it up in the classroom.

She did that at the end of the senior year when she was very satisfied with a piece of art, and this year I hoped it would be my painting. Although, I had a feeling it would be Suzy as she always had something amazing up her sleeve, and the last time I saw her painting it was truly breathtaking… Even if I didn’t want to admit it out loud.

“Lee Ara?” Krystal asked again, and I awoke from my daze before looking over at her. However, before I could answer she grabbed my wrist and dragged me along somewhere.

I looked confused at her as I barely managed to grab my bag along, shooting Kai a surprised look and he seemed equally confused before I disappeared out of his sight and down the path to the school parking lot.

We stopped beside Cherrie, and I still felt confused as to why she opened the small room underneath the seat to grab the passenger helmet. Mine was in my huge bag, and she only gave me a stern look before I took my helmet out, understanding that she wanted me to take her somewhere.

“Wait… where are we going?” I asked confused as we both sat down on the motorcycle. Krystal leaned a bit closer than needed, the helmet still in her hand as she told me the directions I had to follow.

When I was sure I had memorized what she said, we both took on our helmets before I hesitatingly started driving towards the directions she gave me.

It took us about ten minutes to get there, and judging by the generally clean and posh area I knew we were going somewhere near her neighborhood. It was the fancier type of neighborhood where I had never been before, where I was certain only the very rich upper class lived.

I didn’t understand why we drove here of all places, but soon enough we ended up outside a very tall and fancy building, richly decorated with outlines of old art and it was very European like style wise.

When I parked Cherrie by the curb, I couldn’t help but feel like a sore thumb which stood out because there were only fancy cars as far as I could see. There weren’t many people around, but the few that did walk by were either in very expensive coats or clothing, nose high up in the air as if they would be degraded if they looked down.

“If you just wanted a ride, you could’ve said so,” I said to her the second I removed my helmet, but Krystal didn’t answer my question before she ran off into the building, as I could only look after her.

I shrugged, and was about to get going again until I saw the girl turn around and run back towards me. She grabbed my wrist again, making me move with a tug before I was suddenly dragged with her into the fancy looking building.

The lobby was adorned with a huge chandelier in the middle, filled with gold carvings and a lot of old paintings from famous artists all over the world covered the cream white walls. I saw the famous works of Picasso, Van Gogh and even Caravaggio which I would have admired greatly, had I not been dragged forward.

Although I was more of a modern art fan, I still loved the work of the way elder generation and appreciated them with great respect, although everyone had been dead for many centuries.

“Wait here,” Krystal said quickly before running behind a door, and going inside a room to do something I wasn’t too sure of as I just stood there awkwardly.

The people walking around here were either wearing nice heels and had red lipstick, their hair probably done with the most precision and perfection. The women looked stunning, whilst the men wore black, formal slacks and buttoned up shirts which probably cost more than my entire paycheck from work. I could only look down sheepishly by the judging stares my way

Note to self; worn out Converse, ripped up jeans and Nirvana t-shirts were not acceptable in places like these. Next time, remember to bring your finest dress, and a wig to cover your way too blue hair.

Krystal emerged out of the room in her pale pink leotard, with the same white stockings and her shoes on and then I understood why I was here.

But at the same time I didn’t understand; why was I here?

She guided me towards the end of the grand hall, not even phased by the huge space and the antique furniture everywhere that I could only dream of. Krystal just walked through as if it was nothing, as if she lived there before hurriedly entering through huge double doors in gold.

I really hoped that was fake gold as I followed her.

We ended up in a huge theatre-like room, with red seats on the bottom part and balconies with exclusive and out of this world artwork above. And as my eyes darted up to the ceiling there was another huge chandelier filled with what appeared to be crystals (I actually snorted by that) and gold details.

When my gaze returned to what was going on here on the ground, I was suddenly sitting on the middle of the front row before she disappeared somewhere out of my vision.

For a long while I sat in that seat, confused as to why I was here at all; was there some kind of show going on? Was Krystal auditioning for something?

She did invite me and Kai to watch her dance once, and that wasn’t the problem… but why is it only me here then?

If she should invite anybody it should be Kai, the one who actually loved dance as much as she did, someone who she could share this feeling with because he would know. Besides, they had grown so close, why was I then the one here and not him?

My thoughts ended there as the lights dimmed down, until a single spotlight was showcased in the middle of the grand stage. I straightened up my back for some unknown reason, wondering what to expect before a well-known figure emerged through the dark shadows.

Her scarlet red hair that was tied up in a loose bun stood out even more with the lights on her, the pose she now started with making her whole body stretch elegantly. Then, before I could even take in the sight of Krystal just standing there, a piece of music floated through the air from the distance.

The pianist, whom I couldn’t see even if I tried to look, played a soft song that sounded incredibly sad, but still had a beautiful tone to it once I listened carefully enough.

However, what struck me wasn’t how beautiful the piano piece was, but rather how beautiful the dancer in front of me was in that moment she began to move to the rhythm of the piano.

The spotlight followed her every move down the stage, her steps guiding her through the music as if she was dancing on air, as if the composition of the dance came as naturally to her as breathing. Her whole body was almost poised so elegantly, her facial expression in the perfect amount of concentration yet… something alike to raw emotions.

Something sparked through the little I could see from her eyes, a side I hadn’t seen to her before, something almost vulnerable the further into the song she got. For a moment she had shred that polite, cold and too elegant for my liking image into nothing.

It was as if she had stripped the covers that hid the real her as I could only watch in awe how gracefully she danced to the piano playing softly in the background.

At one point of the piece, during the last segments her hairband snapped and fell off after doing what seemed to be quite a challenging jump in the air. She almost seemed a bit frustrated by it, but she had no other choice but to ignore it as her hair now was set lose.

I didn’t think that the dance could get more magnificent, but the moment she let her hair flow along as the ending part of the song, her song, was being played she opted for doing three full spins.

It appeared as if she had never been freer in her entire life.

And before the music stopped she stood there in her ending, posing for a final time with a feature on her face that I had never seen before, yet knew I would yearn to see more of again.

Her smile.

Her smile that showcased not only straight, pearly white teeth, but also pure genuine happiness in her eyes as they nearly became two creases by the tug of her thin, yet seemingly soft lips. It wasn’t anything grand, but it was still there and it was still something I wished I could just document in one way or another.

And in that moment it felt as if my heart would soar from my chest and somewhere else; almost as if my entire being had been lifted out of my body and somewhere else. Probably one breath away from heaven in some sorts by something so simple, yet so fulfilling.

Her smile was like heaven.

I couldn’t even clap before the spotlight that shone upon her died down and the theatre fell silent again, although the rapid pounding of my heart would disagree to that.