You had had bad days before and you had had bad nights, but nothing compared to the one you were having now. You lay in bed, next to your boyfriend, Jin, who had come home late that evening and had long since gone to sleep. You were glad he was able to get some rest, as his schedule was often hectic and long. The problem, however, was you.

Thoughts meandered throughout your mind, swirling together, making it hard for you to have your eyes closed for longer than a few seconds. It wasn’t any one topic either, which you would had prefered rather than mulling over all the current issues and fears you had. If you were able to focus on a singular problem, then maybe you would have been able to come up with some solution, even if it were to be short term, so that you would be able to get at least some sleep before having to go into work the next day.

The very thought of having to get up when your alarm rang in just a few hours made you sick to your stomach. If it were up to you, you would not get out of bed until it was absolutely necessary. You didn’t even feel like eating.

You, of course, knew what this was. You were depressed. You had been for years, and this just happened to be a very trying time for you. Days dragged on painfully slow and there were definitely times were you had to dig your nails into the palm of your hand or bite your lip to keep from bursting into tears. And while sharing meals with Seokjin, you would have to choke down a few bites before claiming you had a large breakfast or a late lunch. It wasn’t healthy, but you weren’t hungry, and you were trying your hardest just to get through each day until it started to get a little better, which you hoped would be soon.

These times always came in cycles. You were fine for a while and then gradually you would start to overthink things, start to become increasingly critical of everything you said or did, start to lose interest in things. Then you would gradually start to make your way up to where you used to be. You would finally be able to give a genuine laugh and smile and actually mean it when you say “I’m okay.”

For now though, you would have to live with the crushing guilt and overwhelming sadness you felt.

A soft sigh escaped you as you turned over onto your left side, now facing your boyfriend of a year and a half. He looked so peaceful. So beautiful. Jin was, in every sense of the word, perfect. You loved him with every fiber of your being, but...why would he waste his time with you? BTS was a well known group, and he was definitely attractive. He could have anyone, but you were keeping him trapped in a relationship with miserable little you.

Add that to the list, you thought bitterly. Keeping Jin from being truly happy. way to go (Y/N).

“Are you still awake?” the boy murmured, eyes still closed. You swore this kid was some kind of  magic; always able to tell when something was wrong with you. He would often confront you like this, sometimes he decided it would be better for you to have some time to think things through yourself. When you didn’t answer, he  peaked open his eyes. He gave you a breathy laugh.

“I know you’re not asleep,” Seokjin said, reaching over and gingerly running his fingers through your mildly tangled hair. “Don’t get quiet on me now, (Y/N). I’m here to help.”

You knew his intentions were good, and you definitely wanted his opinions on some things, but you didn’t think that you would be able to start explaining all the things on your mind without bursting into tears.

You felt neglected by people you had been friends with for your entire. You worried about the ways your career was going and the work you needed to get done. You worried about being able to pay bills and to keep food in the fridge and to do so many other things that were so trivial and basic. Things that you should have to be worrying about at one-thirty in the morning. You worried about keeping those around you happy and you worried about the nightmares that had haunted you for the past few months. You worried. You worried. You worried.

It wasn’t until that moment that you had been holding your breath. You let the air out slowly, breathing through your mouth before burying your face against Jin’s shoulder. You couldn’t see the look on his face, but from the way he tensed up, you could tell he hadn’t been expecting you to hide yourself away like this.

“(Y/N),” he began in a whisper. but you cut him off as you pulled back from him for just a moment.

“Can you just...Hold me? Sing to me? For now? Please?”

The way that your voice caught in the back of your throat made him relax a bit, pulling you closer so that you could wrap yourself around him. Jin kept on hand rested on the back of your head, fingers curled into your hair. Your legs were entangled together and he ran a comforting hand up and down your back, trying so very hard to soothe whatever tension you felt.

You were glad that he didn’t push the subject any more, and you were even more thankful that he didn’t ask you about the tears that started to drip down your face as he sang to you.

“Baby baby, you’re a caramel macchiato.

Your scent is still sweet on my lips.

Baby baby tonight.

Baby baby, you were warmer than the scent of a cafe latte.

Do you remember that feeling?

Baby baby tonight.”