💕 Taeyeon 💕 just now

         We need to talk. I’ll be at your dorm tonight.

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Counting Baekhyun’s Lies  was forgotten to the fanfiction’s muse. Two chapters remained unread. Discovery and Resolution completed the five chapter story. Its final chapter was published today.

 

The author left an interesting note at the end.

 

Though this story employs the use of people who are living today, it does not mean that any detail of this story is a realistic representation. Any detail that is related to present day peoples, places, and any other information is meant to add depth to this story.  This fanfiction is purely a work of artistic expression.

 

I am allowed to think and write whatever I want. There are no restrictions placed upon me. I am free to express my innermost thoughts and feelings. Writing this fanfiction has helped me greatly during these past few months. I have realized the current state of my life and the place I wish to be in, including those I connect myself to and those I break away from.

 

Everyone can agree with me when I say that the truth hurts. We all know that it hurts even more to deny the truth. However, one cannot live a happy life by living a lie. Embrace the truth; do not deny the reality.

 

Sometimes, things are just not meant to be.

 

Taeyeon powered off her laptop. A sad smile spread across her lips. She closed the laptop and placed it on her nightstand. Her eyes fall on a framed picture of her and Baekhyun, which was taken nearly a year ago. They were both smiling, his eyes curled into soft-half moon crescents and cheeks flushed bright pink. Taeyeon’s head rested on his shoulder. She held up two peace signs, one behind her boyfriend’s head.  

 

We were so happy.

 

Were.

 

Taeyeon put the picture frame face down and turned off the lights. She laid down in bed, arms folded over her chest. The girl closed her eyes. She wouldn’t cry, she couldn’t.

 

She was doing this for his happiness. If Baekhyun could be happy, she could as well.

 

I’m really going to do this.

 

A little ting! sounded from her phone. Taeyeon scrambled up from her position on the bed. She wanted the message to be from Baekhyun. However, at the same time, she hoped it wouldn’t be. They haven’t spoken much in the last few weeks. Taeyeon was at fault for this, purposely avoiding him to less the burden on her heart.

 

Distancing herself was supposed to make things easier. This way, she thought she could grow accustomed to being without him. However, this only made her realize how unaccustomed she was to being without him. She missed him terribly, every day, every minute, every second. Taeyeon would not deny her love for him, nor would she deny that she was willing to break her heart for his happiness.

 

Baekhyun deserved the truth. They both needed to be free. Taeyeon decided that they could not be bound by lies anymore.

 

Perhaps Baekhyun had had enough time to realize what Taeyeon had. She smiled sadly. Baekhyun could be extremely dense. Right from the beginning, she knew why Baekhyun kissed Chanyeol back.

 

“That’s why,” she whispered to herself.”...I’m going through with this.”

 

There was a loud knock at her door.

 

“Unnie!” Seohyun yelled. “Did you get my text? We’re going out to eat, so hurry up and get ready!”

 

Ah, so it wasn’t from him after all.

 

“I’ll be out in second!”

 

Before heading out the door, the girl glanced at the calendar on her wall.

 

December 31, 2016

 

Here’s to a new year and a new beginning for both of us, Baekhyun.

 

 

Great work today, boys,” said the vocal coach. He stuck out his fist to give Xiumin, Chen, and Baekhyun each a fist bump. “Now go home and celebrate New Year’s Eve.”

 

“Thanks for all your help, Coach.” Xiumin smiled.

 

“Yeah, thanks.” Chen added.

 

“You’re the best.” Baekhyun grinned.

 

“It’s always my pleasure to work with the three of you,” the man laughed.”Now get out of here you brats.” Laughing so more, he pushed them toward the exit. “See you all next year.”

 

“Do you guys wanna go eat before we head back?” Chen suggested, tugging on his winter coat.

 

Xiumin smacked the back side of his head. “Idiot, we’re supposed to eat with the rest of the members.”

 

“I mean, they don’t have to know--Ow! Don’t hit me.”

 

“It’s a tradition for all of us to be together on New Year’s Eve.”

 

The three of them headed to their manager’s van and hopped inside. Even after settling down into their seats Chen and Xiumin continued to argue noisily. The manager just shook his head from the driver’s seat and turned up the radio.

 

Ignoring the chatter of the other boys, Baekhyun unlocked his phone. A feeling of unease settled over him as he read the message from Taeyeon. It had been days since they last spoke and weeks since the last time they met in person.

 

“Oooh, going out with Taeyeon tonight?” Chen asked, sneaking a glance a Baekhyun’s messages. He gave the other a wink and fumbled around in his coat pocket. With his free hand, he grabbed Baekhyun’s and placed a small, plastic square on his palm. “Remember to be safe,” he giggled.

 

Xiumin noticed the exchange and rolled his eyes. “Baekhyun, you might want to check the expiration date on that. A while ago, Chen bought some in bulk, but could never manage to get laid.”

 

Baekhyun blushed despite his uneasiness. However, it wasn’t Taeyeon that his thoughts ran to as he shoved the into his pocket. “Thanks...I think,” he mumbled embarrassedly, turning away from the other two to face the window.

 

Chanyeol…

 

Baekhyun wanted to punch himself in the face. He remembered their conversation from a few days ago. He pressed his cheek against the cool glass of the window in an attempt to calm himself down.

 

~.~

 

“I could never hate you.”

 

“Please stop talking. I’m relieved, but I’m so embarrassed.”

 

He couldn’t believe that he was wrong the entire time; they hadn’t slept together.

 

Baekhyun blushed and ducked back down, pressing his face into Chanyeol’s shirt. Though he’d prefer to crawl into a hole and stay there forever, the giant’s chest seemed to be a far better place for hiding. Not to mention, Baekhyun was a bit too sore for much movement at the moment. It also helped that both Chanyeol’s chest and scent were extremely inviting.

 

Chanyeol’s deep laughter rumbled in his chest. “Nice hiding place.”

 

“Shut up,” Baekhyun groaned. He briefly wondered if the other could feel him blushing.

 

“I promise that I won’t tell anyone what happened, even though it wasn’t much. I don’t want to reveal anything that’s embarrassing for you, Baek.” Chanyeol stopped laughing. He gave the other’s head a pat. ”However, you might want to tell Taeyeon.”

 

“...”

 

“It’s only going to be worse if you keep it hidden from her.”

 

“But Chanyeol, how do I even tell her?”

 

“For starters, you were extremely drunk. Also, she’s your girlfriend. She wouldn’t be with you unless she loves and trusts you. ”

 

“So it’s not considered cheating right?!”

 

“Wrong, very wrong.”

 

“Ugh, but I don’t like guys…”

 

Chanyeol pinched Baekhyun’s side.
 

“I’m not a liar Baekhyun. I don’t know how much you remember, but there’s no denying that you kissed me first. You wanted me to have with you, Baekhyun.  You shoved your hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. You’re the one who left all these hickeys on my neck.”

 

“I know. I know. You told me what happened Chan--”

 

“Then how are you misunderstanding?” Chanyeol sat up and pushed Baekhyun off him. “Straight or not, you kissed someone who isn’t your significant other.”

 

“But I don’t even like you…”

 

“Baekhyun! You cheated on Taeyeon! ual preferences and feelings don’t matter.  You were intimate with someone other than your girlfriend!”

 

Baekhyun couldn’t find anything to say. He sat across from Chanyeol with a large frown on his lips

 

“It’s even worse that you don’t like me.”

 

What’s that supposed to mean?

 

“Chanyeol..”

 

“Whatever. The important thing is that you come clean to Taeyeon. A strong relationship is built on trust. “

 

“...”

 

“...”

 

“I really am sorry, Yeol.”

 

“I’m not mad at you, Baek.”

 

“But still...you seem mad.”

 

Chanyeol sighed. “It does take two to Tango. I guess I should apologize to Taeyeon too. After all, it’s my fault that you got drunk.”

 

“Chanyeol, no. I was irresponsible. I should have known my limits.”

 

“No, I should have taken better care of you. All I want to do is look out for you, Baekhyun. I just want you to be happy. So please, do yourself and your relationship a favor by telling Taeyeon the truth. Believe me, it’s the best thing to do. Okay?”

 

There was a forlorn look in Chanyeol’s dark eyes. The corners of his lips were turned down and his brows were furrowed. Perhaps it was the expression on the other’s face, or maybe even his words, but something tugged at Baekhyun’s heartstrings. This unfamiliar feeling brought an ache to the vocalist’s chest. Without thinking, he reached for one of Chanyeol’s hands.

 

The action surprised both of them, but Chanyeol didn’t flinch.

 

His skin was warm, so warm. Baekhyun remembers fully. He remembers last night’s burning passion and desire.  He remembers just how warm and heavenly Chanyeol’s lips were. He could still feel the heat of their bare skin pressed together. He could feel the other’s hot touches and even hotter breath. Baekhyun enjoyed it, maybe a bit too much.

 

It was in that moment that the sober reality hit him. Though he was straight, Baekhyun wanted to kiss Chanyeol. They say that one acts impulsively when they are drunk. However, the vocalist wasn’t just intoxicated by alcohol last night. He was drunk off his emotions.

 

If anything, the alcohol had given him courage to go through with his desires. He was a fool to label Soju as the justification for his actions.

 

“Just tell her the truth, okay?” Chanyeol murmured, Baekhyun’s eyes following every movement of the other’s lips.

 

But what even was the truth anymore?

 

~.~

 

Taeyeon knew.

 

The single thought hit Baekhyun like a train traveling 500 miles per hour. That must have been why she wanted to meet with him. There couldn’t be another reason for that text. It if was something else, Taeyeon would have told him over text or a call.

 

She definitely knew  what happened between Baekhyun and Chanyeol.  The question was: What did she want to tell him?

 

Baekhyun liked to think that he knew her well enough for all her words and actions to be predictable. However, their recent separation and his inner turmoil had the vocalist second guessing their bond. Maybe, he didn’t know her as well as he thought he did.

 

He could not begin to fathom what she wanted to say, nor how he would be able to speak with her after so long. Baekhyun was anxious, so anxious that the thought of ditching her momentarily crossed his mind.

 

The vocalist shook his head. No, he couldn’t do that to Taeyeon. He loved her, right?

 

Worst case scenario: Taeyeon dumps him after he tells her the truth. Then, their breakup goes viral over media. Crazy fans and an angry ex-girlfriend. Great. Baekhyun will always have live with the guilt of cheating on her with Chanyeol.

 

Best case scenario: Baekhyun tells her the truth and she forgives him, no hard feelings or awkwardness at all. They’ll continue dating, but Baekhyun will have to be more mindful of his relationship with Chanyeol. To ensure the safety of his relationship with Taeyeon, Baekhyun might even distance himself from the giant.

 

When they got back to the dorm, Baekhyun headed straight to the bathroom. He needed a shower, badly.  It wasn’t that he smelled, but his nerves needed some attention. He felt too jittery and had to calm himself down before Taeyeon came over. It was even worse that she didn’t mention what time she’d arrive.

 

I could always ask, Baekhyun thought. The vocalist bit down on his bottom lip and shook his head. No, that means I’d drag us into a conversation. I don’t want that.

 

The bathroom door swung open, nearly hitting the vocalist in the face. He’d been too absorbed in his thoughts to notice his surroundings.

 

“What don’t you want?” A freshly-washed Kyungsoo asked, a towel hanging around his neck and hands shoved into his pockets.

 

“Err, did I say something?” Baekhyun was confused.

 

“You were talking to yourself,” the other said bluntly. He rubbed his damp hair with one end of the towel, eyes scanning Baekhyun’s.

 

“Uh…” I didn’t realize I was thinking out loud. How much did he hear?

 

“Well, if you’re back early, you can help me prepare for tonight,” Kyungsoo said. He threw his arm over Baekhyun’s shoulders and pulled him to the kitchen. “Just don’t make a mess in my kitchen again.”

 

“W-Wait, I have to take a shower!” Baekhyun said, flailing around under the other’s hold. Kyungsoo was actually a lot stronger than he looked. “D.O! Let me gooooo,” Baekhyun whined.

 

“You have enough time. Taeyeon messaged me that she wouldn’t be here until after 11. She’s with the other members of SNSD,” Kyungsoo told the other vocalist. He flipped on the kitchen lights and draped his towel over one of the chairs.

 

He knew after all.

 

Baekhyun watched as the other opened the fridge and peeked inside. Kyungsoo hummed as he scanned its contents. He took a seat at the table and tapped his fingers against the wooden surface.

 

“You hungry, Baekhyun?”

 

“Mm a bit.”

 

“Cherries?”

 

“Sure…”

 

Kyungsoo slammed the the fridge shut, startling Baekhyun. He whirled around and slammed his hands down on the table. The older looked at him with wide eyes. A bead of sweat dripped down from the side of Baekhyun’s head. He held up his hands, palms facing out and forearms crossed over each other.

 

“Now, tell me exactly what the is wrong.”

 

There was fire in Kyungsoo’s eyes.

 

“U-Uh. Uh...There’s nothing wrong!” Baekhyun scrambled frantically to answer him, trying his best to sound convincing. His cheeks turned a bright shade of pink and his lower lip started to quiver.

 

However, no lie went undetected by Do Kyungsoo. The wide eyed vocalist folded his arms over his chest. Slowly, he made he way to the other side of the table, eyes never leaving Baekhyun’s flushed face. He was like a predator, carefully stalking his prey.

 

The color of Baekhyun’s cheeks darkened with each step Kyungsoo took.

 

“Though you enjoy cherry flavored candies, I know for a fact that you hate actual cherries. Something is wrong. Now spill,” Kyungsoo said and took a seat beside Baekhyun.

 

No one could escape this situation. Baekhyun sighed in defeat. He lowered his arms and let them fall to his sides.

 

“I’m anxious to meet her tonight.”

 

“Go on.”

 

“We haven’t been meeting much recently. She’s always busy and we barely talk.”

 

“Baekhyun, things work both ways. Haven’t you been making an effort?”

 

Baekhyun remained silent for a few moments. He exhaled heavily and said,”It’s because we barely communicate that makes it even harder. Conversations seemed forced and disconnected. I’d rather not chat with her at all because of this. “

 

“Why even call yourself her boyfriend then?” Kyungsoo deadpanned. He grabbed Baekhyun by the chin, peering into his eyes with a gaze that seemed to tear into his soul. “Look at me,” he snapped.

 

Baekhyun trembled beneath his gaze and did not dare to defy the other’s orders. Kyungsoo knew everything, but he would stop at nothing to make you admit it on your own. This was his favorite kind of torture.

 

Though his tactics were scary, they were effective.

 

“Baekhyun, you’re a masochist,” he said, squeezing the older’s chin. “You don’t deserve this and neither does she. I thought you were better than this, but now I know that I’m wrong.”

 

“Kyungsoo, I really don’t understand what you’re saying.”

 

“Stop being so stubborn and dense.”

 

“Would you care to enlighten me then?”

 

“I know what happened between you and Chanyeol that night.”

 

Just as Baekhyun was about to scream, Kyungsoo cupped his hand over his mouth. Angry, muffled noise escaped from behind Kyungsoo’s fingers. Baekhyun glared at him and pounded a fist against the other’s chest.

 

Most of the members hadn’t come back from practice, but Kyungsoo did not want to alarm those who were in the dorm at the moment.

 

“You’re so loud,” Kyungsoo grumbled.”I can’t begin to understand why they like you,” he mumbled beneath his breath.

 

“Hmphf.”

 

“No, Chanyeol didn’t tell me. He’d never defy your trust like that.”

 

“Now, Chanyeol’s setting a good example for you, Baekhyun. You can’t hide the truth from Taeyeon; she is your girlfriend after all. Tonight, you’re going to tell her what happened with Chanyeol. You’re going to come clean and beg for her forgiveness.”

 

“You’re an adult now. It’s your responsibility to own up to your mistakes.”

 

“You love her, right?”

 

Kyungsoo removed his hand from Baekhyun’s mouth. He stared at the droopy eyed vocalist expectantly.

 

“Yes…” Baekhyun said quietly, gaze wavering as he looked back at the other. A cold feeling began to ade his chest. He zipped up his sweater and shifted in his seat.

 

“Then say it for yourself. Say, ‘I love Kim Taeyeon’.”

 

Baekhyun frowned at Kyungsoo. “Dude, are you serious?”

 

“Just say it!”

 

“Alright, alright. Jeez.” Baekhyun huffed.”I’ll do it.”

 

“Any day now.”

 

“I love K--” Baekhyun started, brows furrowing as his mouth formed each syllable.”I love...I love...I love--”

 

His eyes widened and all the blood in his veins seemed to run cold. I can’t. I can’t say it. Though her name was on the tip of his tongue, it wouldn’t move past his lips. It shouldn’t be hard, but for so many reasons unknown to Baekhyun, it was the complete opposite. Baekhyun just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t say that he loved her.

 

They sat like that in the kitchen for nearly fifteen minutes. Slowly, Baekhyun began to realize that no amount of time nor multiple attempts would grant him the ability to say those words. There was nothing he could do. Nothing at all.

 

It should have been simple. It should have been quick.

 

He said it so many times before that he’d lost count. How could four little words weigh down on Baekhyun so heavily?

 

“Just as I thought,” Kyungsoo said, after setting a glass of water down on the table. “You don’t love her.”

 

“N-No…” Baekhyun whispered quietly, eyes still wide with shock. “That’s impossible...Taeyeon and I...We.. I love…”

 

He looked down at his hands, fingers trembling and palms clammy with a cold sweat.

 

“Get your head out of your ,” Kyungsoo said. “When was the last time you told her you loved her? When was the last time she said it?”

 

“Over text--”

 

“In person damn it!”

 

“I don’t remember,” Baekhyun admitted shamefully.

 

Though it was easy enough to type those three little words over text, he can’t remember saying them in person over the course of the last few months. They never had time to be together. Thus, there weren’t any opportunities for him to say it or hear it from her.

 

Baekhyun clutched his hands to his chest, fingers curling into the fabric of his sweater. He swallowed around a lump in his throat.

 

I'm horrible.

 

I’m really the worst.

 

Why is this happening now?

 

“Yes, you’re the worst,” Kyungsoo said, as if he were able to read Baekhyun’s mind.

 

“Kyungsoo, stop this,” the droopy eyed vocalist said. “What are you trying to prove? If it’s to make me feel like an , well congrats. Mission accomplished.”

 

“Tell me who you love, Baekhyun.”

 

“I love T-Ta….” He frowned and then cleared his throat. “I love... I love …”

 

“Face it Baekhyun, you can’t say it because it isn’t true. Yes, you did love her, but not anymore. “

 

“Kyungsoo, this is-”

 

“Now shut up and let me talk. We don’t have much time. “

 

“Okay…”

 

“Both you and Taeyeon deserve the truth. I know you don’t understand now, you will. I’m going to start by saying that you’re in denial. This is not my opinion, this is the reality. You’re in denial about this failed relationship. Distance between the two of you and the inability to voice something as simple as your love for each other, well, they’re not good signs. They’re warning signs that the relationship is over. “

 

“This is nonsense!” Baekhyun yelled as he jumped out of his seat.

 

“You know that it’s not, Baekhyun. You can’t keep hurting Taeyeon like this.

 

There's someone else for you out there, but you don't have to look too far.

 

Someone else wants nothing but to make you happy, okay?

 

However, the way things are now, you’re hurting that person and Taeyeon.

 

I know the reason why she’s meeting you tonight. There is no doubt in my mind that she is going to break up with you.

 

If you don’t believe me now, you’ll see for yourself later.

 

I’m sorry that it had to be this way.”

 

Baekhyun pushed his chair back in and turned his back on Kyungsoo, ears ringing with the other’s words.

 

“When’s the last time you kissed her and actually felt something, huh?

 

Do you honestly see a future with her?

 

Why can’t you say that you love her?

 

Why don’t you put any effort into communication?

 

Why is there a distance between the two of you?

 

Face it Baekhyun, this relationship is over. “

 

“I refuse to believe you,” he whispered and then stormed out of the room, but not before he heard the other say one last thing.

 

“You’re incredibly stubborn.”

 

Chanyeol’s room was illuminated by  his glowing PC screen. Thumping bass echoed along the postered walls, accompanied by the clattering of his keyboard and multiple mouse clicks. He was shirtless, wearing only baggy grey sweat pants and headphones around his neck. The boy worked best like this.

 

The giant was in composition mode. He nodded his head in time to the music and tapped his fingers along the keyboard, humming beneath his breath as he watched the PC screen.

He was almost too absorbed in his work to notice the frantic knocking at his door.

 

“CHANYEOL!” Baekhyun yelled from the other side of the door, fists violently pounding against the wood. “OPEN UP!”

 

Startled, by the sudden interruption, Chanyeol jumped from his seat. He turned down the volume and yelled back,”It’s open! You can come in.”

 

Baekhyun bursted into Chanyeol’s room with flushed cheeks and watery eyes. He practically threw himself in the other’s arms and started bawling. The vocalist didn’t even seem to notice that the rapper was shirtless.

 

“Shhh,” Chanyeol murmured, hands gently the smaller’s back. Long fingers tangled in Baekhyun’s hair as he patted the other’s head. “What’s wrong now?”

 

A mess of jumbled up words escaped Baekhyun mouth all at one.

 

“Kyungsoo pulled me aside earlier and a bunch of happened. Taeyeon is coming to meet me tonight and for some reason, he knew all about it. And you know that Tae and I really haven’t been meeting much and talking much. She’s been distancing herself from me and I can’t remember the last time we went on a date or kissed or anything.

 

We barely text each other, but when we do it’s so painfully awkward and I feel like I have to force myself to find things to say. And I always end up running out of things to talk to her about.

 

It’s like we’ve become complete strangers. I’m scared, Chanyeol. I’m so scared.  

 

I’m nervous for tonight and I almost don’t want to meet her because I don’t want to have to deal with this anxiety i’ve been feeling whenever I think about her. Kyungsoo knew about that too.

 

And he knew about that night, even though you said you wouldn’t tell anyone.

 

Then he did this weird this where he tried to make me say my feelings for her, but for some weird reason, I couldn’t say that I-I love...I love…-- See it’s happening again!” Baekhyun wailed.

 

“Kyungsoo even went as far as to tell me that my relationship with her is over! He said that I’m in denial and that I’m hurting Taeyeon. Then,  he asked me all these questions, but I couldn’t answer a single one of them. He even said that there’s someone for me, but I’m being stubborn.

 

I don’t think I’m in denial. I don’t think that my relationship with Taeyeon is over. It might need some fixing, but when I think about it...

 

It’s a mess, Chanyeol and I don’t understand anything.

 

I’m so confused about my feelings and I don’t know what to do. “

 

Chanyeol didn’t want to say anything.

 

He made a promise with her and wouldn’t be able to say anything until after midnight.

 

“Baekhyun, you should take a second to actually consider what he told you,” he said, giving the other’s shoulder a squeeze. “I’m sorry, but this is a bad time for me.”

 

“But this is a bad time for me, Yeol! Please help me.”

 

Chanyeol leaned forward and rested his chin on top of Baekhyun’s head. “You always come running to me when something is wrong, especially when she’s involved.” He sighed heavily.  “Why is that, Baek?”

 

The vocalist wiggled out of Chanyeol’s grasp and turned to look at him. His eyes were red around the corners and his lips were trembling.

 

Chanyeol gave him a smile, a very forced one, Baekhyun observed. He felt his heart drop.

 

Oh no. I’m doing it again.

 

I’m taking advantage of his kindness.

 

“You’d never turn me away. Even when I was an to you, you never treated me differently.”

 

Back when I kissed you…

 

You were always trying to apologize for it.

 

“You never once spoke badly of me.”

 

You protected me during that interview.

 

“You… are always by my side no matter what. And I know that I’m safe with you.”

 

And you protected me from Sehun…

 

“You’re too kind to me.”

 

Even when I was angry with you, you didn’t fight back.

 

“You always know how to help me. Yeol, you always make me feel better.”

 

The blanket fort and all the trouble you went to…

 

...all for me.

 

You’re always looking out for me.

 

Chanyeol is kind and patient with me.

 

He does everything he can to make me happy.

 

“Chanyeol, you mean so much. I want to be by your side ….”

 

...forever.

 

Baekhyun took a deep breath and closed his eyes. There’s a reason I can’t say that I love Taeyeon. I don’t have those feelings for her anymore. To face the reality…

 

The words tasted like honey on his tongue. They slipped right out of his lips.

 

Why do I come running to you?

 

“I love...I love Chanyeol.”