My numb body was nudged by unidentified force. After a few minutes, I was incredibly right in front of him, holding his hands tightly and talking to him. He was motionless, an opposite of Kim Yugyeom I knew. I looked at his eyes which were once glistened with pride and joy. I pulled his weak hand towards my moist face and placed them to my heart. For all those times that I was blaming him and asking him, he was fighting for his life. 

His mom patted my shoulder and invited me to sit with her. She told me everything. It happened one night. He was on his car trying to finish a book which it turned out was a gift for me before leaving. A truck ran out of control, hit his car and shattered everything inside, but not the book.

His mother extended to me the rundown book. And it read...

August 18, 2012

"This is the day I left" - I thought.

Yerin left today. I was so upset to see her leave. And so I decided to not show up on the airport. But my heart was heavy, thinking I wouldn't be able to see her anymore. So I went, taking with me my courage to confess my love for her before she leaves. I was too late. She had already left. I'm going to miss her so much. All the good time we shared would never be forgotten. 

My tears started falling. I was in awe. He made a diary for me starting with the day I left. It ached so much finding out that he had loved me more than I did. I scanned through pages and read the last page he had written.

April 9, 2014.

I can't wait for Yerin to see what I've done for her. I just miss her so badly. I wish she was here right now in my arms holding me tight and wishing she wouldn't be away anymore.

And it was the last entry...incomplete and unvisited page. I took a glimpse of him again and tears pouring my cheeks. I held his hand so tight. That time I had wished that I hadn't left and be with him throughout this tough time. There was this throb in my chest. I scanned again and all the other pages were blank. A letter dropped when I was about to close it.

Dear Baek Yerin....