Δ

“Grandma! Grandma!”

From behind me, I could hear Baekhyun talking to 911 over the phone.

“Grandma. Grandma, wake up!” were the only words that escaped from my mouth. I could feel the tears that started to well around my eyes. She still won’t budge. Is she… Is she dead? Suddenly, Baekhyun’s hand was on my shoulder.

“Yeol, calm down. Help’s on the way.”

“But...” What if she’s dead? What if she doesn’t wake up? What if she broke some bones? What if she hit her head on the ground? What if?

“Yeol plea-“

“Get off me!”

The words echoed in the air as my extended arm dropped back to my side. I could feel the impact at the back of my hand. Everything was silent, the night breeze, cold. And then the realization hit me. I hit Baekhyun. I looked back to where he was. He looked hurt. He was sprawled on the grass, nursing his elbow.

The words came out in a rush, “Baek I-I’m,” but stopped all at once.

“It’s okay,” he said, smiling at me. He slowly helped himself sit up. Somehow it brought a heavy feeling from my chest. “Just breathe Yeol. Everything will be okay.”

He inched closer, wrapping his arms around me. I asked if his elbow was okay, he nodded. The kiss on my forehead was quick but it was all it took me to calm down. Three deep breaths and then I turned my attention back to grandma whose eyes were still closed. I held her hand. It was stone-cold. “I can feel a pulse,” I managed to say. It was faint. But it was there. Baekhyun smiled at me.

“See,” he said. “She’ll be alright.”

Δ

Fifteen minutes later, I found myself outside the emergency room with Baekhyun’s hand wrapped around mine. Mrs. Byun was down the nurse’s station on the phone with my mom. She just got off work when Baekhyun told her what happened. She didn’t get a chance to leave the hospital. Frankly, it felt nice having someone in charge. Baekhyun and I were totally at loss back home.   

I appeared unmoving but my knees were shaking. I traveled my gaze throughout the corridor. White, all white. There was something about the white in hospitals that seemed menacing. As if it signaled a looming disaster. The pureness of it all seemed superficial – because the white can easily be stained red. I was thinking all these when I felt Baekhyun squeeze my hand.

“Are you okay?” he asked. I nodded.

“And you?” I shot back at him. “You’ve been asking me if I’m alright when I should be asking you, too.”

He smiled. “I’m okay. A little shaken but okay.”

“I’m really sorry about earlier.”

“Really Yeol, you should stop apologizing about it.”

There’s a pause as I fixed my eyes on the wall in front of us.

 “You know what?” I could feel Baekhyun fit his head at the hollow of my neck. “Tonight’s the first time I saw you concerned with grandma like that. I mean, I know you really love her. It’s just I’m used to you not showing that to anyone. Not even her.”

My mind went back to the times I hid myself in my room for hours. Those were the first few months after my parents decided to put me under grandma’s care. We were never close. We never really talked much. And perhaps my most treasured moment in the time I’ve been with her was our conversation two days ago. Regret, that’s the first thing that came to mind. It will kill me if life takes her away from me tonight.

“When mom and dad left me in this town, I felt abandoned,” I began. “I had no one to talk to. My friends back in the city seemed to disappear when I moved. Well it’s not like I had lots of friends in the first place. I had no outlet for what I felt. I guess I had all those negative feelings dumped at her. I only had her. And then I met you, and Kai, the band, and everyone else.

Somehow, it was hard to start over. I couldn’t establish a connection between us when I’ve been an to her since day one. And then it stuck. I mean, she’s still nice to me and all. But I can’t seem to get over how I treated her before. I guess I feel guilty? That’s why until now, our relationship’s a bit off."

"But I love her, I know I do.” I paused. “I don’t want to lose her, Baek.”

"You're not gonna lose her, Yeol."

The door of the ER burst open right then and out came a man with still a facemask on. Probably the doctor. We automatically jumped from our seats. “Who is the guardian of the patient?” he asked. Baekhyun and I rushed to his side. We exchanged gazes before I found myself talking.

“I- I’m his grandson Doc. Mrs. Byun is by the station talking to my mother,” the words came out in frenzy. He looked at me, and then to Baekhyun, and then to our intertwined hands.

He turned to Baek while taking off the mask on his face. “You’re Byun’s son aren’t you?” Baekhyun nodded. He gave us a smile. “Your grandma’s okay. She didn’t hit her head too hard on solid ground but we’re going to take a few more tests. She’ll have to stay the night.” I almost cried there and then. Baekhyun’s hand squeezed mine.

“Why did she pass out, Doc?” I asked.  

He pursed his lips before answering. “It appears like she wasn’t eating properly,” There’s a concerned look in his eyes, as if my grandma was her own. “We’ve got her on IV tonight. But, son, tomorrow when you go home, you should make sure she eats before she takes her meds.”

“Her meds?” There’s a confused look on all our faces.

“You didn’t know your grandma was taking meds?”

I shook my head. “I only know about her vitamins and supplements. Doc is she sick?”

“I’m not sure yet what she’s been taking. It’s better if we ask her herself.”

“Is she awake?” That was all I could think of really – to rush to her side and talk to her.

“She’s asleep,” The doctor says, placing his one hand on my shoulder. “Say, young man, how about you go home for the night and come back tomorrow morning? You should rest.”

I turned to Baekhyun who gave me a reassuring nod. That’s when his mom arrived. “It’s okay Chanyeol,” she began. All our attention turned to her. “Go home. I can take care of your grandma tonight.” And then she gave her son a knowing look.

“Baek, take care of him.”

Baekhyun scoffed “I always do, Mom.”

Mrs. Byun chuckled. “Okay go on now. I think we still have the leftover chicken from last night, fix your selves a meal.” As if on cue, both our stomachs started rumbling. That’s when we realized we haven’t had a proper meal since the sun set. A fit of laughter ensued.

“Looks like we’ll need more that leftover chicken, mom.”

Δ

Baekhyun was right.

Half an hour later, we found ourselves stuffed with Mrs. Byun’s chicken and Chinese food we ordered on the way from the hospital. We were ing hungry. We even ended up skewering the chicken straight from the pan as it sizzled! To top it all, Baekhyun took out the strawberry cake he somehow hid in their fridge. I bet, if we didn’t leave his sandwiches at home, that too would fall victim to our ravaging appetites.

After helping Baekhyun with the dishes, we decided to go out for walk. Most of their neighbors have gone to bed. It was expected in a quiet town like ours really where half the population is over 50 years old. What does one expect them to do? Watch reruns of Game of Thrones while having meme fights online?

We were passing by Minseok’s old house when Baekhyun asked, “How are you feeling now, Yeol?”

“I’m okay. Knowing grandma’s okay is all it took.”

“Yeah. I’m glad nothing serious happened.”

“I’m actually jealous how you were so composed when we found her,” I said. He looked at me with an amused face. “Well, after you started screaming, you managed to call 911 and watch over me and grandma.”

Baekhyun laughed. “Yeol, if I didn’t do something, who else will?” And then after a second, “You were in shock. Crumbling wasn’t a luxury I can afford at that moment.”

“It was like you weren’t afraid of anything.”

“Oh Yeol. I was scared.” There’s a pause, and then he scooted closer to me. “I was scared of the dark. Scared that grandma wasn’t okay. Scared that you were gonna break down. But somehow I found the strength to be bigger than my fear.”

After a while I said the words that had been plaguing my mind, “She was taking meds I wasn’t even aware of.”

“I know Yeol. The medication the doctor mentioned got me worried, too.”

The next thing I knew, we were standing by the neighborhood’s playground. With nothing else to do (and with our feet starting to hurt) we decided to use the swings that were twice smaller than us. We swayed in the cold night breeze for some time. Only our breaths could be heard exchanged. And then a thought hit me. I stopped swinging and looked at him. “Come to think of it, I met an old man earlier on my way to the hill. He calls himself Crazy Ol’ Ben.”

“Oh?”

“Says he’s friends with grandma. I don’t even know how he recognized me. But he said he saw her last week in the hospital, Baek. Twice.”   

Baek mulled over the thought. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Maybe she just got a headache or stomach flu. What’s important is she’s well-taken care of tonight.”

“Yeah.” I planted my feet firmly on the ground and pushed. “I guess you’re right.”

I was silent for the longest of time.

“Yeol, if it makes you feel better, how about you stay with her in the next days? You don’t have to come with me.”

I stopped swinging. “Wait no!” He did, too. “We’ve already had this sorted out.”

“But it’s better than you worrying about her back here,” he said. I couldn’t really argue with him about it. So I just sat there awkward and a little agitated.

“I can call her and text her from time to time,” I finally muttered. “It’ll work out.”

“Are you really sure you can handle it?”

Am I really? “I don’t know,” I said. I wanted to be with Baek in his first week in the city. But the last thing I wanted to see was grandma sprawled again on the grass, lifeless and cold. I reached out my hand to his. He took it and started swinging again.

“I’m not sure but we’ll see.”

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