Whenever there's an awkward silence, a gay baby is born.

That's probably not true, but that was what appeared in Luhan's mind, causing a giggle to bubble through him. Immediately, he felt three pairs of eyes glare in his direction. 

He shrunk into the suddenly-uncomfortable armchair as he tried to withstand Mrs. Su's stare and failed. "I-I'm sorry, Auntie," he stammered out and Xiuwen muttered something under her breath along the lines of "horrible boyfriend" and "low EQ."

Luhan's future mother-in-law pursed her lips. "If you can not take this conversation seriously, how can you take anything seriously? Especially a relationship?" she questioned.

"Yes," Mr. Su joined in. "You must show us with your actions that I can hand my daughter to you safely, without worry."

Luhan nodded along as the man kept going, talking about chivalry and typical gender roles that were a bunch of bull, especially since Xiuwen was an independent woman and could kill cockroaches by herself. His glazed-over eyes probably weren't helping his case, but he couldn't help it. He'd heard these instructions countless of times before and they still weren't relevant. Plus, the platter of styrofoam fruit on the coffee table in front of him was really interesting.

The confrontation, or interrogation, or whatever the hell that was (oh right, Xiuwen had called it a "nice meeting with my parents") ended with Luhan being unceremonsiously seen out the door. Xiuwen hobbled over and with her injured foot still inside the house, leaned over to give him a quick peck on the cheek for reassurance. "My parents hate you," she said sweetly.

"I know," Luhan answered, pulling her closer to him. "But I don't know why."

Xiuwen pushed him back and gave him a condescending look. "Because you are young, rich," she drawled, "look more feminine than me, have badly dyed blonde hair and-"

"Okay, okay, okay," Luhan interrupted, surrendering with raised hands that clasped back onto Xiuwen's arm.

"Get off of me, you koala leech."

"But I can't help it," Luhan whined, ignoring Xiuwen's comment and continuing to cling onto her. "Your parents should learn to not judge a book by its cover. Just because I'm young, attractive and have a nice car and a bunch of female friends doesn't mean I'm irresponsible," he ended with a pout.

"It just means that you're probably a player. A hua hua gong zi." Xiuwen pried her boyfriend's fingers off her arm and stepped back into the house, but not before giving him another much-needed kiss. "Love you, babe." 

And then she slammed the door.

Well, she didn't really slam it. It was just a heavy oak door that needed a lot of strength to close properly. But Luhan felt a gust of air slap him across his face and he stared at the closed door, a feeling of doom coming over him. It was as if his whole future and happiness had said "nope" and pushed him off a cliff.

"Why? Why is this world so cruel to me?" he cried to the empty street as he walked to his Maserati.

He dropped down onto the leather seats with a huff. Starting the engine, he looked over at the Su house. It was a quaint little thing, with a small garden in the front and a vintage-looking swingset amongst the greenery, but the people living in it, Luhan learned that day, were hard to please. Impossible to please. Had bad taste in people.

Uttering unintelligble sounds, he pulled out of the driveway, out of the neighborhood, away from the cold and dark aura emitting from that house. Sure, he was being a little over-dramatic (a little), but he didn't deal with rejection well. It called for a bro's-before-hoe's night, if anyone still used that term. But again, he was probably using the term wrongly.

~ ~ ~

"Minseok!" Luhan wailed as he collapsed onto the sofa. His friend stood over him, arms crossed. "Why does everyone judge me? Stop judging me!" 

Kim Minseok (age twenty-six like Luhan, mature enough to be his age unlike Luhan, had the misfortune of being best friends with Luhan) rolled his eyes. "I'm guessing the meeting went badly."

"To say the least," Luhan sniffled.

"Did you unintentionally insult Xiuwen's parents?" Minseok asked, laughing.

"I don't think so," the distraught one replied. "They just hate me. Me, in my entirety!"

Minseok continued laughing and left the living room for some food and soju to console his friend. Returning, he found Luhan taking over the entire couch, hugging Minseok's pillow, and watching a melodrama. He carefully set the food down onto the table and threw the remote at Luhan. "Move your sad ," he ordered.

Luhan obediently wriggled his to one side of the sofa without saying a word and without looking at the other.

Minseok narrowed his eyes at his friends. "What now?" he asked, although he was scared of the answer. 

"Hyung," Luhan began in a small voice, peeking at the older through his bangs. "I need help."

"Should I be worried that you just called me 'hyung'?"

"Stop making fun of me," Luhan whined. "Xiuwen's parents hate me because they think I'm just playing around."

"I already know that. But why do you think I can help?"

Luhan took a deep breath and turned towards Minseok, letting his aegyo shine through in full power. "Can I borrow Jongin?"

"What."

Minseok glanced down at the soju, wondering if Luhan had downed one or five bottles in the past minute without him noticing, but no, they were still untouched. 

"Are you high? Did the parents hit your head against the wall?" he asked, putting a hand to Luhan's forehead.

Luhan swatted him away. "No, I'm very clear headed right now, thank you very much. And this is a great plan."

The older sat down on the couch and stared. "And how?"

"See, Wenwen's parents think I'm irresponsible, right?" Without waiting for an answer, not that Minseok would answer a rhetorical question, Luhan continued, "So I'll pretend I'm a single dad because that can gain sympathy and-"

"Hold up," Minseok interrupted. "Jongin is my baby brother and as his legal guardian, I'm not going to let you steal him  and go through all that turmoil you're probably going to cause."

"But-"

"And how is randomly showing up with a kid, a kid that is not Xiuwen's, mind you, going to show you're re responsible? It's going to do the opposite, you ."

"Oh my god, Minseok!" Luhan cried. "Why can't you just pretend we're in an alternative universe, like one of those cheesy comedy fanfics you read online, and that this will work?"

"Because we're not," Minseok replied simply. "And I don't read those types of fics!"

He suddenly began to feel a little outraged at Luhan's outrageous idea. He would do whatever he could to help his friend, but invovle his Nini for something that's dishonest and probably semi illegal? Oh hell no. "Take a bottle of soju and get out of my face, Lu," he instructed in a tone that demanded compliance.

The younger opened his mouth to say something, and decided to try another tactic. "You're going out of town soon, right? And babysitters are expensive, right? So you can totally leave Jongin with me instead and I'll-"

The look Minseok gave him stopped him mid-sentence. "You ing ," Luhan grumbled, dragging himself up from the couch. "Fine, I'll leave."

Minseok waved him away and settled into a more comfortable position, watching his dumb friend's receding backside.

But then.

There was the sound of small feet padding across the floor, a loud screech and then Luhan's annoying face was back in Minseok's sight. All that could be seen of Jongin, who was in Luhan's arms, was the mess of curly brown hair as the four year old buried his face into Luhan's shoulder.

Minseok groaned.

"Nini, do you want Luhannie to pretend to be your daddy?" Luhan asked in a disgustingly sweet voice, grinning slyly at Minseok.

"Yeah!" came the excited, albeit muffled, reply.

"Okay, then tell your hyung."

Jongin raised his head and said, "Hyoong, can I go live with Luhannie?"

Minseok brought a bottle of soju to his lips and threw his head back as he drained it.

Luhan.

Seriously.

First chapter! What does everyone think? Also le beta told me to have a giant plot twist. Giving you all a warning because if I go through with it, you'll hate me lol