At the age of eight, Sehun knew the look of disappointment all too well. And he'd become acquainted with it thanks to his father. 

     It was the image of the King's hunched over shoulders, the unbalanced way that he walked, the solemn silence that shrouded him, and the awkward sway of his body when he stood that made Sehun uncomfortable. But more than his posture, it was his father's face that Sehun could read easily. Sehun had only met his father's disappointment a few times in his life, but never as badly as he had one night in particular.

     The king's face was masked in a look of utter dismay as he stared at his son through the open doorway of the King's study that one night eight years ago. It was a room that at most times was off limits to anyone. Sehun had only snuck in there on that rainy day because there had been nothing to do at the palace. His regular tutor had dismissed him early and so what was wrong with a little exploration? Sehun recalled the light thumping of the oncoming rain on the large windows that lined the walls of his home. He could also picture is eight year old self very vividly in his mind: short, but not stubby, hazel headed with bangs that he found to be quite annoying because they would always fall over his eyes. He had been in the room for no more than ten minutes when he discovered a small chestnut box tucked away in a small corner of the room. His small fingers spotted a name carved into the wooden surface and he traced his finger over it: Luna. His mother. 

     He had never had anything of his deceased mother's because his father had gotten every reminder of her. All he knew was that this was her name. What she looked like, Sehun didn't know. Her smell, her touch, her warmth, the love of a mother. Sehun had never had it. Bringing up her memory would always earn Sehun a silent, but firm look making it clear that that conversation was unwanted and would not be addressed. But holding this wooden chest in his hands, Sehun felt just a bit closer to her. And he didn't understand why his father wouldn't want to share this with him.

    He had been in the room for no longer than ten minutes before he found himself face to face with his father, drunk and out of touch. Sehun stood open mouthed as his father came through the open door with a distant look in his eyes.  

     "Father..." He managed to breathe out.

      Sehun felt his heart pound rapidly in his chest. He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes as his father kept his mournful stare trained on Sehun.

     It's not my fault she's gone. That's all he could remember thinking.

      And then Sehun was running.

      His little legs pumped back and forth as quickly as possible with a burning determination not to stop. Not to turn back. He had never been out from behind the castle's walls alone, but when he bursted from behind the castle doors, he couldn't help but take in the smell of freedom. The feeling of doing something he wasn't supposed to exhilarated him and gave him the adrenaline to run faster. He ran across the dirt paths that led into town, emptied out by the appearance of the darkening sky and the moon, a sliver in the black abyss. Sehun's legs burned and so did his lungs, which were begging for more air to enter them rather than leave them. The wind rushed through his matted hair and when he finally felt a painful cramp at his side, he attempted to slow himself down. His body fell limply onto the grass and he laid there with his eyes clamped shut, sweat rolling down the sides of his head, and his chest heaving up and down, hungrily devouring and welcoming the incoming air into his body. 

    The small box had fallen to his side and it had taken him a few moments to catch his breath before he let out a small laugh, which quickly turned into a choked sob that made him clench his eyes even tighter. The world was spinning around him and there was nothing he could do about it. People disliked him and he felt it with every fiber within his body, but there was nothing he could do about it. The world was too big for him to face alone and yet that was exactly how he felt. Alone.

    It's not my fault. He thought as his body racked with sobs. It's not my fault that my mother is gone.

    His mind raced with only this thought and he let the sorrow take over his body as he let the darkness be his comfort this time. He let his arm drape over his eyes and let his mind go. He wished dearly to know hear the story of how his parents had met or how deeply in love they had become that they had wanted to be together. Is that what love did to you? Burn in you with such longing that you couldn't bare to be away from each other? If his father had had such love for his mother, why did his father not seem to love him in the same way? 

    His brother, Yuan, knew something. He was four years older and always held that fact over his head. Both him and his stepmother looked at him with disinterest; especially his stepmother. The Queen. She granted him no kind gesture and gave him no feelings of warmth or motherly affection.

   He didn’t know how long he had laid there crying, but as his sobs began to falter, leaving a certain emptiness in his chest, he opened his eyes and realized that he had wandered into the woods, and his eyes were having a hard time adjusting to the dark. He felt his heart rate quicken as his mind began to race with fearful thoughts that his eight year old imagination had conjured up. He was all by himself in the woods. At night. With not even a warm sweater to hug his body as the temperature began to drop. The sounds of the night began to catch up with him as he heard the loud, restless coos and calls of birds and squirrels perched up overhead in the trees. His eyes adjusted to see the silhouettes of the crooked, bare branches that stretched like hands ready to snatch him away from this world. He grappled over the ground, reaching around him frantically as he looked for the box that he had fallen. When his hand touched the hard surface, a small feeling of relief washed over him.

     The sound of a twig snapping reached Sehun's ears and he froze. The thought of being killed by a wild animal was not inviting to him. The steps were getting closer and without any further hesitation, Sehun quickly scrambled to his feet and turned to run away from the sound. As his pace picked up, the pace of his follower picked up too and at that moment, Sehun had felt a taste of real fear. He let out another sob as his mind was filled with distress at the thought of being killed. 

    I don't want to die. Please help! Someone! Help me! I don't want to die. I don't want to. 

    He tripped over the root of a tree and grunted as he fell abruptly, the box tumbling out of his grasp. He quickly got up again and looked behind him. He couldn't see anything, but the sound of footsteps were getting closer. Whatever it was was so close. Oh God, please save me. 

   He continued to run, the burning sensation in his chest started to come back, but the feeling of exhilaration that he had felt before was no long there. He let out an exasperated scream as he felt his body shutting down. He couldn't do it. His legs wouldn't carry him any longer. His eyes stung with tears that wouldn't come. 

    His body lurched forward and he fell headlong into a  pool of water, a lake located somewhere deep in the woods.He thrashed and flailed his arms out in front of him, not wanting to succumb to sensation of exhaustion in every limb. But he was tired. He fought to keep his head from going under, but he didn't know how to swim and felt his head sink below the surface and he engulfed a mouthful of water. The box was probably in the water with him. He wished with all heart that he was back at home in his large, warm bed reading a book or tucked away under the covers behind the safe walls of the palace. Kris would have come in to check if he was alright. Kris always had done so.

     Kris. His heart hurt remembering that there was at least one person that had made him feel good; the one person that would care if he wasn't home or not.  He didn't want to hurt one of the only people who cared and now he wouldn't be able to tell his older brother how much he loved him. 

    Sehun managed to resurface, but not for long as his arms suddenly gave out, and he fell back into the cold embrace of the water. He sank lower and lower. He was afraid of drowning. Afraid of dying here in the cold and soon, under a frozen pool of water that only the cold of winter could create. No one would really find him then. 

     His eyes felt heavy as more water entered his lungs. He felt himself sink further and as his eyes began to close, he noticed a bright orangey light up ahead and heard the splash of water above him. A figure was making his way towards him. His eyes closed, just as an arm encircled around his waist, pulling him out of the water.

      The next thing he knew he was emptying his lungs and coughing up water, gagging, his body trying to grasp onto life again, reminding his brain that he wasn't dead yet. Sehun crack his eyes open slowly as he heard a worried voice calling out to him.

     "Sehun! Can you hear me? Oh God, Sehun open your eyes please! Sehun!" 

     He coughed up water before fully opening his eyes. The bright orange glow was coming from a small lantern placed next to him and its light illuminated a small piece of ground around him as well as the distraught face of his brother. Kris. His hair was plastered to his face and was dripping wet. He had come just for him. And as Sehun looked up into eleven year old Kris's face, a look of disappointment was not there. Instead he found a look of concern, a look of anxiousness that was caused by the desire to save Sehun and to make sure that he was alright. 

  ********

"It's not my fault. It's not... my fault." 

      Baekhyun watched his friend murmur in his sleep, his head lolling back and forth restlessly on the gentleman's shoulder. His heart was distressed and Baekhyun couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He watched Sehun's eyebrows knit themselves together with such concentrated intensity and then unfurl into a look of anxiety. Right not, sleep was the best thing for him. Baekhyun cringed at the thought of Sehun and his first time experimencing a hangover. Thankfully he would experience it in a comfortable bed at Baekhyun's house, instead of on the street somewhere..

     He would also make sure that to let Kris know his little brother was alright. Knowing him, Kris would be pacing around with worry at this very moment. Baekhyun did not expect Kris to be the source of the knocking at his front door that afternoon. He'd knocked on Baekhyun's door with such a calm demeanor, but his face had a look of one who'd tasted fatigue quite a few times. And who could blame him? He'd just come home from his trip only to come home to worry more. But Baekhyun had reassured him not once, not twice, but four times that he would find Sehun and bring him home in one piece. That's what friends do. 

       And it was thanks to Baekhyun's lucky stars that he had encountered this samaritan with Sehun in his uncanny drunken state. He had made sure to apologize on Sehun's behalf. Baekhyun laughed to himself thinking how embarrassed Sehun would be if he saw himself at this moment, being carried by a complete stranger, completely out cold, murmuring in his sleep, drooling like a little child.

     "Is there a specific reason why you won't let me see who it is?" The man asked and Baekhyun scowled breathing a tired sigh.

     "That isn't relevant." He knew his friend wouldn't want his face to be seen on this drunken state. Especially being a young prince whose face wasn't completely exposed to the public. He didn't want Sehun's reputation to gro