“It was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together… and I knew it.” –  Sleepless In Seattle

When I headed out the door, I was still trying to process those 30 seconds from the morning. It was weird. I always felt comfortable around Namjoon, but why was I suddenly feeling this uneasiness building up in my stomach? I ran the scene in my head almost a hundred times. Yet I could’t find an answer.

It was still light outside because it was summer and I decided to walk as far as I could. Back home I would walk in the park whenever I needed to clear my mind. It was one way I relived my stress. I loved seeing different people pass by and the new things I’d find along the way. I realized that I didn’t do this in Korea. But maybe today was the perfect opportunity for me to start? After a couple of minutes, I saw that I was in a place that wasn’t familiar to me. I wasn’t in the city any more, that much was obvious. However, this new place did bring a familiar feeling in the air. Although it was quiet and serene, part of me liked that. All my life I lived in the city, whether it was in the United States or in Korea. Being here felt like a completely different world..where I could just escape from the stares, concerns, and questions. It felt freeing.

Then at that moment, thats when I saw him.

“Stop!!” I yelled a shriek escaping from my voice. I ran over to the man that stood on the edge of the bridge.

His head turned and his eyes locked with mine. I felt a sudden shock run through my body. I saw the agony and desperation he had across his face.

I ran with every last bit of energy that I had left.

“You don’t have to do this sir,”I cried out from the bottom desperately trying to think of something I could say to get him down.

A faint chuckled escaped from his husky voice.

“Even when it comes to this, I’m not given a choice..”he uttered.

I tried to wrap my head around what he was saying.

“What?..What do you mean? Please get down and explain,”I begged hoping he would listen to my words.

Instead he brought a foot forward, closer to where the air and edge both met.

“Please..you don’t have to do this. I don’t know what happened but I’ll be here for you. If you need a person to talk to I’ll be here for you.”I pleaded tugging on his leg.

His eyes locked with mine again and I could feel a knot in my stomach.

“How do I know you will? Everyone is such a liar! Everyone says one thing and then makes your life a living hell! I’m done with it!” he yelled in desperation. At that moment I could see the true agony that his words held. I didn’t know the hardships this guy was facing, but I just wanted to wholeheartedly help him as much as I could.  

“Not everyone is like that, there are some decent people left in this world. It’s a pretty big place. You don’t know everyone right? So, please get down and have some faith.”I said emotionally. I could feel my hands tense up.

For a moment, his body relaxed and he turned around to face me. But, when he moved his weight shifted toward the edge. Instantaneously, I let out a scream and covered my mouth with my hands.

“Please just get down..”I begged.

“You say have faith. You don’t think I tried? I tried for the last three years of my life! I worked so hard everyday. But in the end they just use you. They use you and throw you away like you’re trash! So maybe I am trash? Maybe I do deserve to be permanently thrown away..”he remarked while staring down at me. Yet, I still saw the faint glisten in his eyes despite the words that he was saying.

“Is death the answer though? I know you had hardships and you may still have them in the future. But you know what the beautiful thing is? If you find a way to get over those obstacles you’ll feel like the true winner in the end. And whatever those people said in the end won’t matter at all,” I tried to explain.

“Do you really think thats true?”he asked softly looking at me. I felt that knot start up again. His gaze was powerful yet it felt hopeless at the same time. Then. for a moment all the muscles in my body tensed up.

“Of course.”

“Will you keep your promise? If I get down.. will you really be able to be there for me?”he questioned hesitation arising in his deep voice.

“I promise,”I said extending my hand over the bottom divider.

He bent down and tightly grabbed my hand. And once his feet touched the ground, while his hand was still on mine, he gave me a tight hug.

“Thank you.” he expressed as his voice let out a sigh.