Author's Note: Warning! Even longer chapter ahead.

Start small, Kyungsoo said. You need to start small.

Chanyeol goes to school thirty minutes earlier than he usually does and here he stands, right in front of Jongin’s locker with his nerves on edge. This is foreign terrain and he doesn’t know if he should push through with this idea, but this is for Jongin and if this is what will make him happy – even the slightest bit – he supposes it’s worth a shot.

Chanyeol brings up the single red rose in his hand and tapes it securely against the gray locker door.

Jongin walks through the students moving in opposite direction to get to his destination, his hands curled tightly against the books pressed to his chest. It takes longer than usual – damn that History professor for dismissing them late – but he gets to where he needs to be eventually. Jongin’s eyebrows scrunch up together as he stares at the taped rose against his locker, an unusual sight to say the least.

Jongin balances his books on one arm and unsticks the flower from his locker, a smile blooming on his face as he presses his nose lightly onto the petals, taking in a small sniff.

For the most part of the earlier half of the day, Chanyeol has successfully hidden away from Jongin, his fear of rejection and embarrassment getting the best of him. However, it’s not too long until the bell rings and the high school students start heading towards the school cafeteria.

Chanyeol sits right beside Baekhyun in their usual table and notices Jongin’s absence – which is unusual considering that Sehun’s already seated on the other side of the table. Chanyeol is secretly grateful for the delay in his confrontation with Jongin – he doesn’t know if he’s ready to look him in the eye just yet.

Baekhyun is quiet – just as he had been the past few weeks after the prom fiasco – but Chanyeol supposes that his demeanor is completely understandable. Still, Chanyeol tries to engage the other in small talk, in hopes that somehow, he can have his best friend back in his usual self. “So, we’re graduating in less than a month from now, huh?” Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun who freezes, his spoon hanging in mid-air.

Baekhyun lowers his spoon back down to the plate and stares at his food, his face void of emotion. “Y-yeah.” He mutters. “I guess.” Baekhyun looks away, his head turning to the direction opposite Chanyeol.

Chanyeol is worried, curious as to the reason behind such a reaction, but he knows better than to push Baekhyun into confiding. If he wants to tell him, he will. If he doesn’t, he’ll keep his mouth shut. At least a decade of friendship has taught him that. “Going off to college, universities and all those kind of stuff. Pretty scary, if you ask me.”

Baekhyun stays silent for a while but Chanyeol can see how his grip tightens around his spoon – so tight that the utensil starts to shake. “Too scary.” Baekhyun whispers so softly, Chanyeol isn’t sure if he heard right.

“Hey,” Jongin greets with a smile on his face as he places his tray of food down onto their table. “Does Kyungsoo study here or…?” The words slip out of Jongin’s mouth before he could stop himself.

Silence envelops the small group of friends and Jongin looks to Chanyeol apologetically. ‘I’m sorry.’ He mouths but then Baekhyun speaks softly. “He studies in a different school.” Baekhyun lets go of his spoon and stands up, all the while muttering out a, “I’m sorry, I’ve got to go.”

“Jongin!” Chanyeol hisses, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. “You know that it’s taboo to mention Kyungsoo in front of Baek!”

Jongin buries his face in his hands. “Right, right. I’m sorry; it completely slipped from my mind.”

Chanyeol sighs. “What’s done is done, I suppose.” Chanyeol looks back to where Baekhyun fled and stared for a few seconds, wondering if Baekhyun would push the doors open again and come back, despite knowing that the odds for that is highly unlikely. He looks back to Jongin instead. “What made you ask, anyway?”

A small smile forms on Jongin’s lips though he tries to fight it away, Chanyeol notices. “I just…” Jongin looks down to his lap to hide the grin forming on his face. “There was… there was a rose in my locker just now and I was wondering how he could’ve put it there.”

Chanyeol’s stomach falls. Of course. Jongin would have never thought that the gesture was made by him – after all those years of romantic neglect, Chanyeol can’t really blame Jongin. Still, he feels the disappointment spread through his chest as he opts to eat his meal instead.

Chanyeol wrings his fingers around each other as he shuffles in his seat. He’s nervous and he’s well aware why – he’s having some sort of date (if you can put it that way) with someone who he shouldn’t think of as his best friend’s ex-boyfriend. Chanyeol looks up at the ceiling with a sigh. He really doesn’t know how to stop referring to Kyungsoo as anything more than Baekhyun’s ex.

Chanyeol looks at his wrist watch and he stares at it blankly, his mind completely zoning out before he manages to read the time as 4:20PM. Kyungsoo said they’re dismissed by 4:00 so Chanyeol supposes 20 minutes of waiting time isn’t too much. Chanyeol heaves another sigh and leans back against the couch, his head falling on the top of the furniture – it’s a bit of a stretch for his neck but he doesn’t mind. What he does mind though is the erratic beating of his heart against his chest. Why is he so worried anyway?

Oh, right. Because this time, he’s supposed to be civil around Kyungsoo, to be friends with him. He still isn’t sure if he can manage to do that but he really needs Kyungsoo’s help, as pathetic as it sounds. Chanyeol knows well enough he can just search on the internet and probably get some ideas but Baekhyun has more than once mentioned how subtly romantic Kyungsoo can be if he wanted to – and that’s what he wants to do right now: to be subtle. The least that he wants to do right now is to shock Jongin by his sudden change – and it is sudden, but if it’s for Jongin, he’ll do everything.

He can’t believe he’s only realized this now. Really, between the two of them, it’s Chanyeol who has been completely selfish. More than anything, he wants Jongin to be happy and to get rid of his torturous thoughts of being the selfish one in their relationship.

Kyungsoo arrives soon after, his hair swept back – by the wind, Chanyeol guesses – and donning a white shirt and a tie, topped with a vest. Chanyeol can definitely see the appeal that caught Baekhyun’s eyes appearance-wise.

Kyungsoo plops down onto the couch across him with an exhausted puff of breath. “Sorry,” He says as he practically molds against the plush of the furniture. “I had to take the bike since it’s my brother’s turn to use the motorcycle.” Kyungsoo smiles at him, seemingly unaware at how still Chanyeol’s entire being has become. “I tried to arrive as soon as possible. Did I make you wait too long?”

Chanyeol closes and opens his fists repeatedly on top of his knees – and this, Kyungsoo notices. “I – no, it’s okay.”

Kyungsoo’s still staring at his clenching fists with a small smile when he speaks. “I see you’re still uncomfortable around me.” He looks up at Chanyeol’s face. “It’s okay. No need to rush.”

“Yeah – I – thanks?”

“You’ve known each other since you were young, right?” Kyungsoo asks as he takes a sip from his favorite beverage. “Exactly how long has it been?”

Chanyeol twists the plastic cup of his salted caramel Frappuccino in his hands, feeling the chill of his beverage seep through the thin plastic. “About… about a decade, I think?”

Kyungsoo hums thoughtfully as he lays back on the couch, his mug still in hand. “You’ve been together for a very long time, Chanyeol. Why do you need my help?” He tilts his head to the side, his eyes trained on Chanyeol’s face.

“I…” Chanyeol takes in a deep breath and looks away. “I’m bad with romance and all, if you haven’t noticed yet.” Kyungsoo snorts at this – it’s painfully obvious with the way he moves and the way Jongin has talked about him, but he doesn’t speak and lets Chanyeol continue. “And I’ve – I noticed how you make Jongin feel and how you make him happy and I,” Chanyeol finally musters up the courage to look him in the face and Kyungsoo can almost see the desperation in his eyes. “I want to make him feel that way too. Our argument…” Chanyeol’s voice trails away but the topic has piqued Kyungsoo’s interest but he tries his best to keep it away from his facial expressions. “It was because I couldn’t… I didn’t – I wasn’t doing enough – wait, no.” Chanyeol shakes his head, as if to erase what he had previously said. “That makes Jongin sound rude. But basically, it’s just… our relationship… it’s too platonic, as he puts it.” Chanyeol worries on his lower lip. “And I want to make him happy, and romance is the way to do it.”

Kyungsoo stays silent, his mouth pouting to one side as he tries to wrap his mind around what Chanyeol has imparted with him. Jongin is unhappy with his relationship with Chanyeol, which probably explains why Jongin’s delighted to finally be able to show affection freely to someone, to him. But that’s… that’s no good and not really fair for Chanyeol. “Have you guys talked about this?” Kyungsoo says after a long pause. “I mean like, rationally. After the argument.”

Chanyeol looks down at the table before him and sighs. “He called me hours later, crying.” He takes a sip from the straw before putting it down on the wooden table. “Saying that I shouldn’t change and he’s happy with who I am.” Chanyeol laughs but Kyungsoo notes how strained and forced the emotion sounds. “What a load of bull, right?” Chanyeol looks at Kyungsoo with a forced smile, the corners of his lips struggling to keep itself upwards.

Kyungsoo can see the pain in his eyes despite Chanyeol’s efforts to put on a nonchalant – or even a happy – façade. “And,” Kyungsoo starts off slowly. “How do you feel about that?”

Chanyeol only shrugs in return, his hands falling onto his knees. “Does it matter how I feel?”

“Of course, it does.” Kyungsoo says as he leans forward, his mug falling onto the table across Chanyeol’s beverage. “Chanyeol, you are as much of a part of this relationship as much as Jongin is.” Chanyeol lowers his head but Kyungsoo presses on. “A relationship goes two ways, Chanyeol. And your feelings? It matters very much.” Kyungsoo reaches out onto Chanyeol’s side of the table, his hand too far away for him to hold but Kyungsoo knows Chanyeol wouldn’t react well to such a gesture anyway. “So, tell me, Chanyeol. How do you feel?”

Chanyeol’s face is far too hidden for Kyungsoo to read, but a fat teardrop falls onto Chanyeol’s trousers and that’s when Kyungsoo’s heart starts to ache for the older guy in front of him. “It hurts.” The voice that comes out is garbled and strained, each sound showing great evidence of hidden pain. “I thought – “ A sob escapes Chanyeol’s lips and he buries his face in his hands, his elbows carrying its weight onto his knees. “I thought everything was going well.” The sound is muffled behind the hands and the sobs but Kyungsoo can still make out what he’s saying. “I was so content, so happy with what we had.” His hands slip up to tangle its fingers into his hair in a tight grip. “And I – and I find out that Jongin’s feeling the opposite? So was everything – was everything a lie?” His hands loosen its grip and lets it slide even further into his scalp until his fingers are gripping onto the short strands of hair behind his head. “Had he been pretending all along?” Chanyeol finally looks up at Kyungsoo, his eyes glassy and his cheeks shining with tears. “Does he hate me? Has he ever told you how much he despises me?”

Kyungsoo curls his hand into a fist as he speaks. “Can I sit beside you, Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol laughs but it only brings more tears streaking down his cheeks as he lowers his gaze once again. His response comes as a whisper but Kyungsoo is too focused on him to miss a single word that escapes his lips. “I guess.”

Immediately, Kyungsoo stands up and walks towards the couch where Chanyeol is seated and tries to make himself fit in the tiny space between the other and the edge. He doesn’t mind though. Kyungsoo tentatively puts an arm around Chanyeol’s shoulders but the contact makes Chanyeol jerk so Kyungsoo retreats his arm. “Is this – is this okay?” Kyungsoo asks as he makes another attempt at wrapping an arm around Chanyeol. This time, Chanyeol doesn’t jerk but he doesn’t speak as well so Kyungsoo supposes that it’s okay. He brings his other hand up to Chanyeol’s wet cheek, and softly guides his face to his shoulder. Kyungsoo is suddenly hit by the realization that Chanyeol is way taller than him but the other doesn’t seem to mind as he sobs onto Kyungsoo’s vest.

“He doesn’t hate you, Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo whispers at the top of Chanyeol’s head, his hair tickling Kyungsoo’s chin. “I don’t know much about your relationship with Jongin but if he had all these thoughts filling his brain and he hasn’t left you despite it,” Kyungsoo hears another sob and he closes his eyes as his heart aches the slightest bit more. “That’s saying a lot, Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo’s thumb starts to carress Chanyeol’s cheek soothingly. “Even if he hasn’t told you yet, don’t doubt your love for each other.” Kyungsoo opens his eyes and buries his chin in Chanyeol’s hair, taking in the scent of his shampoo. “I’m sure he loves you very much.”

It takes a while before Chanyeol’s sobs ebb away into normal breathing and not long after, Chanyeol pulls away from Kyungsoo’s embrace. Chanyeol laughs in embarrassment as he pops the nitrogen bubbles in his neck. “Sorry ‘bout that.” He wipes the dried tears away from his cheeks.

Kyungsoo’s hands fall on his lap as he gives Chanyeol a small smile. “I’m sorry for not being tall enough.” Kyungsoo laughs. “Must have been an awkward position for you.”

Chanyeol laughs and Kyungsoo is glad to hear the slightest bit of genuineness in the sound. “No, it’s okay.” Chanyeol moves further the couch to allow Kyungsoo a more comfortable seat beside him. “Ah, that was embarrassing.”

Kyungsoo resists the urge to frown. “You shouldn’t be embarrassed to show your feelings. You shouldn’t be so closed off.” Chanyeol isn’t looking at him anymore, his eyes glued to the window on the other side. “Your feelings aren’t weaknesses. If anything, you should feel as much as you could – that’s what living should be like, if you ask me.”

“Yeah.” Chanyeol says absentmindedly, his voice trailing off into a whisper. With a sigh, Chanyeol brushes his hands through his face and lets his forehead lean against the balls of his palms. “I’m sorry for wasting your time.” He turns his head to Kyungsoo’s direction. “And, well, you know… for wetting your clothes.”

Kyungsoo can only offer a small smile. “Not a single second has been wasted ever since I pushed through those doors, Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo claps his hands against his knees as he stretches his back against the couch. “So, what do you say about talking about what we came here for, yeah?”

Kyungsoo doesn’t move back to his former seat but Chanyeol is surprised, himself, at the fact that he doesn’t mind at all. If anything, he’s grateful for the body warmth seeping through their clothes at which their legs touch.

Chanyeol’s still staring at Kyungsoo, staring at how he leans his chin against his palm, his other finger tapping to some unknown beat on his clothed knee. He’s humming, probably deep in thought, Chanyeol guesses. His eyes stray to the still-wet patch on Kyungsoo’s vest and feels another wave of shame course through his body – but Kyungsoo’s told him time and time again that he doesn’t mind and that Chanyeol shouldn’t too.

Chanyeol has shown vulnerability in front of this guy – the same guy who he has angered in the three times they’ve seen each other. How does he do it? How does he keep his emotions at bay? Shouldn’t he be angry at Chanyeol? Furious for being so rigid regarding his negative feelings towards him? And yet, moments ago, when Chanyeol was at his most vulnerable state – instead of laughing, of making fun of him, of being cruel, Kyungsoo’s stayed with him, comforted him even. And Chanyeol just doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand how Kyungsoo’s mind works to be able to be so patient with him, to give support to someone who’s done nothing but bad to him.

Chanyeol doesn’t understand but he tries to crush away the feeling of wanting to know Kyungsoo better, to understand him better.

Kyungsoo finally turns his head to face Chanyeol, which throws Chanyeol in a state of panic as he snaps his head towards the seat opposite him. Kyungsoo doesn’t comment on it, though – probably aware of his staring all along. “How about we start off by letting me understand how your relationship’s been.”

Once Chanyeol has willed his heartbeat to go back to its normal pace, he turns to face Kyungsoo. “Uh, where do I start?”

“No, it’s okay.” Kyungsoo smiles at him and only then does Chanyeol actually notice the heart Kyungsoo’s lips form – something Jongin has been gushing about since their first date. “I’ll just ask questions.”

Chanyeol tears his gaze away from Kyungsoo’s lips and up to his eyes. “Yeah, sure. Makes things easier for me, I guess.”

Kyungsoo hums again, his lower lip pulled back by his front teeth. “Do you have any nicknames for each other?”

Chanyeol raises his head from where it leaned on his hands, opting instead to mush his cheek against his fist, where most of the weight of his head is leaning on. “Well, sometimes, we call him Nini or Jonginnie.”

Kyungsoo’s eyebrows furrow and a small crease forms in between. “We?”

Chanyeol shrugs. “Yeah, me and his other close friends.”

“Oh, no, no, no.” It’s Chanyeol’s turn to be confused as he continues to stare at Kyungsoo, waiting for him to continue. “I meant like, pet names. The ones only the two of you use for each other.” Kyungsoo hums again, before he continues. “Like sweetie, love, honeybunch, cutiepatootie – cringey stuff like that, you know?” He says with a chuckle. “Or it could be more intimate, something more personal. I don’t know, just… nicknames, pet names.”

“Oh.” Chanyeol’s mouth forms a small “o,” its size decreasing by the second until it ends up as a small pout. “I – well… no, I guess not. We don’t – we don’t have any.”

Kyungsoo’s eyebrows raise at this. It’s thick, Chanyeol notices and he also notes how Kyungsoo’s expression shows a lot in the way he uses his eyebrows. “Really?” Kyungsoo hums, his lips forming the same side pout it did moments earlier. “How about dates? Have you ever gone out on a date?”

“We sometimes go out and hang out with our friends – wait,” Chanyeol stops himself from continuing, a frown settling on his face. “That doesn’t count, does it?” Kyungsoo offers a small smile as he lightly shakes his head. Chanyeol hums as he thinks of other instances. “We, uh… we have family dinners? Sometimes with my family, sometimes with his. Sometimes our families get together in a restaurant and have dinner together but that’s really rare.”

Kyungsoo considers this with a hum. “That’s sweet.” He comments and Chanyeol supposes that it is. “But, I was thinking of something more… personal? I mean, like, just the two of you?”

Chanyeol sighs, as he rakes through his memories for more. “Well, we have sleepovers at my place and play video games sometimes. Well, we used to. That was before high school happened.”

Kyungsoo frowns. “That’s… that’s something friends do, Chanyeol.” Chanyeol frowns as he hears Jongin’s words replay in his mind. “But I guess, that’s good enough.” Kyungsoo hums again for the nth time – Chanyeol supposes it’s a habit that goes unnoticed for Kyungsoo whenever he’s deep in thought. “Have you done anything intimate? Like, cuddles? Kisses? ?”

Chanyeol’s eyes widen as he sits up straight, his face warming up at the idea of being that intimate with Jongin. “Uhh, no.” He rejects the idea immediately but then a scenario rushes back into his head that has him contradicting his initial answer. “Well, we’ve kissed once. And this,” Chanyeol raises his right arm and shows the tattoo bearing Kyungsoo’s first words as a tattoo. “happened, so I suppose we got too scared to do anything remotely similar to kissing.”

“Hold on a second,” Kyungsoo laughs as he raises his head from his palm. “You mean to tell me that you kissed and you find yourselves with a tattoo saying ‘What the did you do?’”

Chanyeol laughs. “Yeah.” He puts his arm down onto his lap. “Imagine just how scared we were when we woke up to that.”

Kyungsoo leans his head back as laughs with so much mirth and Chanyeol finds that he quite likes the way it sounds. “I can just imagine your faces.” Once Kyungsoo’s laughter fades into small chuckles, he speaks again. “Ahh, I guess that’s also the night when my tattoos appeared.” All signs of elation has disappeared on Kyungsoo’s face until all there’s left is a small smile on his lips, but despite it, Chanyeol can feel the melancholic aura emanating from him – and that is when Chanyeol remembers that Kyungsoo is originally opposed to the idea of soulmates. Is it because he grew up thinking he had no one waiting for him or something entirely else? Chanyeol doesn’t even know where Kyungsoo stands anymore in this whole soulmate thing. A bigger smile reappears on Kyungsoo’s face as he turns to face him but Chanyeol can see how forced the expression is. Chanyeol decides better than to comment on it. “So, let’s get back to you and Jongin. How about any exchange of ‘I love you’s?”

Chanyeol bites on his lip, a heavy feeling settling on his chest. “No.” He says, plain and simple.

Kyungsoo, noticing the change in mood, speaks more softly this time. “How about a simple ‘I like you’ or anything of that sort?”

Chanyeol sighs as he leans his head back. “Not at all.” Only then does Chanyeol realize how lacking their relationship has been, how inadequate he has been as a soulmate.

Kyungsoo hums yet again but Chanyeol doesn’t look back this time, instead he closes his eyes and relishes in the sound of the vibration of Kyungsoo’s vocal cords. “I guess starting off with small things is the right idea then.” There’s a pause, but Chanyeol doesn’t speak. “What did he think of the rose?”

Chanyeol sighs as he opens his eyes, his head turning back to the window beside him. “He appreciated it.”

“That’s good.”

Chanyeol nibbles on his lower lip before replying in a soft voice. “Yeah, I guess.”

“I think you should continue that for at least a week before we start thinking of something bigger.” Chanyeol looks towards Kyungsoo’s way, his stomach falling at the memory of Jongin thinking of the romantic gesture as Kyungsoo’s idea. Well, it has been his idea, but it was him, Chanyeol, who did it.

Chanyeol forces a smile. “Thanks, Kyungsoo.” He says with utmost sincerity, because despite Jongin having the wrong idea, Kyungsoo is still helping him. It’ll work out in the end. Right?

Kyungsoo smiles at him, his eyes crinkling and Chanyeol can’t help but think: cute. “See you in a week or something, then?”

They exit the café together and Kyungsoo has his hands in his pockets as he turns his head to catch a glimpse of Chanyeol. “Where do you live?”

The question seems to catch Chanyeol off guard but it only takes a few seconds before Chanyeol regains composure. “I only live nearby.”

Kyungsoo smiles. “I’d offer you a ride home but I don’t have my motorbike with me.” Chanyeol opens his mouth but Kyungsoo beats him to it. “At least allow me to walk you home, then?”

“I – “ Chanyeol seems to ponder over the thought before muttering out a soft, “Sure, I guess.”

They’re standing before his house when Chanyeol starts feeling awkward once again. He doesn’t know if he should say something, or if he should enter the house now or if he should watch Kyungsoo leave on his bicycle – which is something Kyungsoo seems to have no plans on doing just yet.

“Nice house.” Kyungsoo comments, obviously only to fill in the silence that has fallen between them again.

Chanyeol looks back at their house before turning his head to Kyungsoo’s direction again. “Thanks?” He doesn’t really know for sure if that’s the right answer.

Kyungsoo mounts his bike and looks at Chanyeol with a smile. “Well, I guess I better get going.”

“Wait!” Chanyeol says, his next words bugging his mind the entire time after his breakdown. “I – uh, I’m sorry for… for being such an to you all this time.”

Kyungsoo smiles as he tilts his head. “Don’t worry. I totally get where you’re coming from. Don’t sweat it.”

Chanyeol’s lips form a small smile as he bows his head a bit in shame. “I’ll try not to, I guess.” He says with a nervous laugh.

“I’ll go now.” Kyungsoo says.

“Okay.”

Chanyeol watches Kyungsoo ride away until he makes a turn and is out of his line of vision. He turns around and enters the house, his mother sitting in the living room. “Hey, who’s your friend out there?”

Chanyeol’s body goes rigid, his right wrist starting to itch. Right. They haven’t told their parents yet. . “I’ll tell you some other time.” He says as he escapes into his bedroom.

Author's Note: Well, this was an emotional rollercoaster to right - also, really exhausting. Anyway, tell me how you felt throughout this chapter! I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thank you for reading and anticipate the future chapters! ♡