Four years ago, the doctor said i had cancer. It was at the first stage of liver cancer so it was still curable through ablation therapy. Ablation therapy is one way to kill cancer cells in the liver without any surgery. The doctors said, by using lazer they would kill the cancer cells. 

Thinking it was okay, i started living my normal life again to the extend i totaly forgot about the disease i had.

Untill a month ago, my stomach started hurting so badly for almost two weeks continously. At first i thought the pain was just temporary but as minutes pass it got worse to a point i couldn't endure the pain any longer. I rushed as fast as i could to hospital to take x-ray and blood test. The pain was too agonizing. 30 minutes passed and the results was out, proved something that i myself couldnt believe. My abdominal swell, i didnt realize my weight loss and the lost of appetite were the symptoms that my disease had worsen.

As days passed, my body got weaker i wanted myself and the people around me to go through less pain as possible. I'd even thought about suicide, even tried various ways of silent death but everytime i try to harm myself..Tao's face, his smile often appears..i lost my guts to commit suicide.

I was fully aware that suicide was never the answer but what can i do?? I questioned myself. I cant pretend to be happy, smiling bright, living my life without any worry.

I didn't want anyone to find out my intentions especially Tao the one whom I love and treasure more than myself. Tao still doesn't know anything about my illness. I don't know how long am I going to keep this up but it hurts so much that I couldn't bare to see Tao's expression when he finds out the reason why I avoided him all this while. Tao was still young, I didn't want to go through this pain of losing someone. So I made up stories, i lied to him that my parents have set me up with some random girl and that tore us apart.

It was a cruel thing to do and I knew it broke him heart into pieces that could not be mend again but it was the only and fastest way to wipe out the three years of pain. I didn't have much time, because I would soon start to loose hair and somehow he would find out eventually. Right now, I'm close to succeeding this whole drama the end to all those lies and tears.

We came out of the train and I called a cab for him. We were standing together waiting, losing our last moments in silence.

I saw a cab from a far, I held my tears " Take ca..re of yourself..take good care of yourself..dont skip meals aand goodbye." I tried my best to keep calm and cool.

Tao had not utter a word ever since we got out of the train. He nodded lightly and then he opened his misshaped umbrella and stepped out on the street. Out in the heavy pour, we become two single life forms. One red, one black, so far from each other heading in different direction. My last action was I opened the door for him and as he got in, I closed the door that would separate me from him forever. There's no turning back now. I stood there by the cab, starting at the dark tinted window at my first and last love of my life.

"I'm sorry Tao..i wish i could have live longer".

The pain was too much as I broke down, I couldn't hold my tears of sorrow and the twist in my heart any longer. Waving my arms rapidly chasing after the cab, because I knew this would be the last time I see Tao.

How much I wanted to tell him I loved him. How much he ment to me. But reality i just very cruel.

I wanted him to stay by my side, I wanted to tell him how broken and devastated I felt when I discovered about my illness sadly the cab was already gone. I had no one now, my love, my everything I let him walk out of my life. Warm tears streamed down my cheeks blended with the cold rain drops.

I couldn't imagine life without Tao, he was everything to me and now his gone forever.

Tao left and I didn't get anymore of his phone calls until today. I know he didn't see my tears because they we washed away by the heavy pour. I left him without any regrets. Though inside of me theres a empty space but I've convinced myself that he will do well without me. He will always be my baby, my love till my soul leaves my body.

Now I'm left with all the memories we both shared throughout this years we were together. I'd always cherish those moments i spend with him, the awkward moments, dorky moments and finally all our happy days we spend. His smile had somewhat been a reason why i've came up this far and now im ready for the fatal moment.

I will never forget him. Tao was a beautiful gift God had gave him sadly I couldn't live longer to hold dear my first love,Tao. 

~ In another life, i would make you stay ~ 

Kris<3 

      Total Words : 920