2015

Hyojoo cursed her easy tears as she stared at the stone-faced man before her. She didn’t have a problem with showing her emotions, but she hated that he knew that he affected her so much with his harsh statements.

She was a good dancer.

She was.

A great dancer even.

But she wasn’t comfortable here yet. At YG… Hyojoo wasn’t sure if she really fit in at YG. Her joining had been an accident really. She had auditioned because she wanted to support a nervous friend who was also auditioning. She never really thought she would actually get in. It had been a whim that had paid off. For her at least. Her friend had been dropped after the second round of auditions but Hyojoo managed to make it through to the end. To her surprise.

But the longer she was at YG the more she realized that she had been ill prepared for the reality of being a trainee. She had heard for years how hard trainees at companies had it but even then it was more than she ever expected.

Now, Hyojoo was in an endless loop of lessons, evaluations, little sleep, and a never-ending diet.

The diet was killing her.

She was starving.

Hyojoo was unsure of everything but she was trying her utmost to complete everything well. But then today Manager Unnie screwed up her schedule and told her the wrong time. She ended up being late for her lesson with the jerk currently standing in front of her. She had been so flustered that she ended up messing up basic moves that she should be able to do in her sleep. Hyojoo wanted to blame him for his opinion on her but if she was honest with herself she couldn’t. She had embarrassed herself and now that guy thought she was a talentless joke. Even before she heard him on the phone she could see it in his eyes.

His scary eyes told her that he didn’t understand how she had gotten him.

Cold scary eyes.

The man with the scary eyes. She had heard of him almost as soon as she had stepped into the building. Kim Hanbin. Or B.I as he liked to be called. He was almost legendary amongst the trainees. He hadn’t debuted yet and he had lost some of his shine in the past year, but he was still held up as role model of sorts. He was someone any other trainee would kill to trade place with. He was held in awe. And fear. She couldn’t forget that. It was annoying really.

Hyojoo had been worried when she found out she would be dancing with him, remembering his reputation and some of the stories she heard about him. But there was no reason for her to be nervous, the other trainees had reassured her. Hanbin was shy around girls, and he would take it easy on her.

She could say confidently that that was a giant ing lie.

She stopped actively ignoring him and started focus on what he was saying to her.

“-meant for you cry.” Huh. He sounded a bit panicked. “So stop.”

She tried. She really did but the tears silently streamed down her face.

He heaved a huge sigh and grabbed her hand and guided her back to the practice room where he sat her down on the bench lining the wall.

Hyojoo glanced up and saw that he was staring at her impassively, she looked back down at her lap.

When her tears finally slowed to a stop and she stopped focusing on the fact that she was crying she realized how awkward it was.

“Have you eaten?”

The abrupt question startled her and she jumped in her seat before shaking her head quietly.

“Come on,” Hanbin said and grabbed her hand again. She allowed herself to be lead to the corner market near the training center that the trainees frequented.

“My treat,” was all Hanbin said before he left her in search of his own meal.

She stared at all the available food. She was so hungry and she wanted the comfort of ramen but settled on a salad. She couldn’t forget that she was on a strict diet. Hyojoo went to the register and saw the pile of food laid out.

Startled, she blurted out, “Sunbae. I choose my own food.”

He blinked at her, “This is for me.” He glanced down and she followed his gaze. Her salad looked lonely compared to his meal. “Is that all your eating?”

At her nod he sighed dramatically, again, and left her at the register. Hyojoo smiled nervously at the bored looking clerk, and waited until Hanbin came back with a pile of food that was slightly smaller than her own.

 Hanbin ignored her attempts to get him to return the food and paid for their meal. He grabbed their bags and went outside to sit at the tables located there.

He set down the bags and stretched his arms above his head, “Ahh… freedom!” Hyojoo noticed the sliver of bare skin revealed and looking away. It was time to focus on abs, even abs as nice as those.

The food was distributed between them and he stuck his chopsticks into his ramen, practically inhaling the food.

Hyojoo told herself to ignore the food and stuck to her salad. But she finished that pathetically quickly and was still hungry.

All the food was in front of her, practically calling her name and she couldn’t touch it. Just why did she have to torture herself this way?

Hanbin finally noticed that she wasn’t eating as he shoveled potatoes into his mouth, “why aren’t you eating? Eat.”

“I can’t,” the whine came out of before she could remember that she felt awkward with him. “I’m on a stupid diet?”

“Why? You look great.” Hanbin said bluntly and pushed her cup ramen toward her.

Hyojoo gave in and after she finished the ramen she moved onto her own potatoes. Time passed as she worked her way through her food. After she finished she sat back and patted her tummy, content. “That was yummy.”

She noticed that Hanbin was staring at her, mouth agape.

“What?”

“You eat better than Junhoe!” She flushed red and when he noticed he clarified, “That was a compliment.”

She looked at him doubtfully, but let it go to help him clear the trash.

They walked back to the building silently. Now that they were done eating she kept going back to their practice earlier. Thoughts were racing through her mind, and she felt like she needed to address the situation head on. 

The pair were at the door when she spoke, albeit quietly, “I’m sorry I screwed up. I really am a good dancer. I’ll work harder to show it to you.

If she thought Hanbin was going to return the apology she was would be let down when he merely nodded, “Let’s work hard together, okay? It needs to be perfect.”

If Hyojoo had felt a spark of disappointment it disappeared when he smiled at her. A genuine, crooked smile that erased Hanbin earlier cold image from her mind. “Hyojoo-ssi, I’ll work with you for as long as it takes, okay?”

Hyojoo saw his eyes darken and recognized the desire lurking in their depths. She felt the blood rush through her veins and the smile left her face.

She stood up, “Hanbin-ah…”

He moved closer and her eyes drifted to where his tongue peeked out to his lips. He cradled her face and giving her time to stop him leaned down until his lips brushed hers lightly.

Hanbin pulled back and his eyes searched her face. Not giving him time to saying anything back she pulled him back.

This time Hyojoo led the kiss. She could feel Hanbin’s inexperience, the unsure movements of mouth, and the awkward placement of his hands, but he gamely followed her lead. When she lifted her hand and pressed lightly on his chin he opened and allowed her to slip in her tongue. His arms wrapped around her waist and her body was pulled against his.

Hanbin grew bolder as they continued, but she stopped them before things got too far. Breathing heavily, he leaned down and rested his forehead against hers breathlessly saying, “Hyojoo noona…”

Hyojoo walked back into the practice room dejectedly. When she had suddenly been called to meet with Sajangnim her expectations had been low, which proved to be smart on her part. The meeting with Sajangnim hadn’t gone well. Evidently she hadn’t been living up to the expectations that had been formed by her audition.

“Hyojoo-ah,” she looked up when Subin, a fellow trainee, called out her. “B.I Sunbae was here looking for you.”

She knew it was bad when that news didn’t cheer her up as it usually would have. She nodded but was stopped by another voice before she could leave.

“Ya, Hyojoo-ah, are you messing around with him?” Yunseo spoke this time.

“What?” Hyojoo was so surprised at the question that she didn’t scold the younger girl for speaking informally to her.

“I asked if you were messing around with Hanbin Sunbae? Why else would he come looking for you?” There was little heat in the question but she could see Yunseo's cold stare searching her face. It was probably meant to be scary but she had a long was to go if she wanted to evoke the same nervousness Hanbin’s glare could. “Is that why you were the guest dancer to the debut song?”

“What? No! I hadn’t even met him at that time. Our first meeting was at our first practice,” Hyojoo was quick to explain, avoiding the question about her personal relationship with Hanbin.

Yunseo scoffed, “Don’t forget that you are the maknae here. You may be the oldest but we’ve all trained a lot longer than you. You should be working on improving your skills instead of dating.” Yunseo tried her cold stare again, “if I find out that you are using your personal connections to debut faster or take my place I won’t go easy on you. Better run now, your master, no I’m sorry your friend is waiting for you.”

Hyojoo heard Yunseo’s words echoing in her head and felt them curl around as she walked to Hanbin’s practice room. When she arrived he was busy working and he told her to wait and she was left alone with her thoughts. Knowing that would only depress her further, Hyojoo tried to focus on what Hanbin was doing.

He was in deep concentration for whatever he was working on. She had seen him in the position often since they had met. He worked so hard to create something wonderful for his team, working and reworking until it met his approval. Anyone could see how talented he was, how much trust was allowed to him by the staff because of that talent.

Hyojoo frowned, she had grown to admire him so much but at times like this, when she was feeling like she had no skills that could afford her to thrive here at YG, looking at Hanbin made her feel completely inadequate. He was younger than her, and he had accomplished so much more than she had and that could be hard to accept at times.

That inadequacy along with the words of both Yunseo and Sajangnim swirled around her brain until she felt like crying. Hyojoo felt like s