What Didn’t Happen When I Was Gone

            Years ago, when I we first joined Super Junior, Ryeowook and I dated for a short while.  Perhaps you always wondered why YeWook seemed a little too real.  Now you know.  But honestly, it was rather short-lived.  We just weren’t completely compatible.  Our personalities were too different.  I’m more reserved, older, a bit pessimistic at times, and I’m not super affectionate.  These are things that Ryeowook needs in a significant other.  We make good enough friends though and instead of being exes that can’t stand each other and are bitter about our broken relationship, we’re rather close.  And I’m thankful for that.  At first, I really was a little brokenhearted about the breakup, but I soon learned to appreciate what I’d gained from it all.  Eventually, I even hoped that he’d find someone that suited him better.

            When Kyuhyun joined Super Junior, I was initially a little jealous of how close he and Ryeowook were from the very beginning.  Perhaps even then I saw something between them that would bloom into a later romance.  But it never did.  They just became good friends.  The best, actually.  They were our evil maknae duo. 

            As the years went by, this closeness increased.  I always wondered about it.  Ryeowook seemed smitten with him.  I mean, I know how Ryeowook acts when he’s in love.  I’ve been on the receiving end of it before, but he was acting even more in love with Kyuhyun than he ever had been with me.  Enough years had gone by at this point that all my jealousy had dissipated and I finally asked him about it one day when we were driving home from the sound studio together.

            “Sungie-ah…I am completely, crazy in love with him,” he confessed.

            “Why haven’t you told him?” I asked, glancing over at him.

            “How can I?” he asked, his voice going shrill.  “He’s straight.”

            “I’m not so sure about that,” I said, switching lanes in traffic. 

            “He’s dated women before,” Ryeowook pointed out.

            “Well, he did for a stint there, a couple years back, but he never stayed in any relationship longer than a month or two,” I pointed out.

            “That’s because it’s hard to date when you’re a celebrity.  They couldn’t handle the fame or they were only with him because he had money.”

            “I know that’s true,” I agreed, since several of the members constantly faced this problem, “but there was always something different about it when Kyu dated women.  He never really seemed very interested in them.  His games still seemed more important.  Most of us, even if we aren’t interested in a girl in particular, at least want .  I honestly think he’s still a .  And he practically throws a fit about kissing his costars on stage.  It isn’t normal.  And he never looks at cute women or talks about them.”

            “He never comments on men either,” Ryeowook pointed out.

            “Actually, he does.  Whenever you’re dressed nice, he mentions it.”

            “Stop it!” Ryeowook cried out.  “Just stop!  Don’t get my hopes up!  I do it enough to myself and it’s torture.  If he cared for me as anything more than a friend, he would have mentioned it by now.  I’m sure of it.”

            So I didn’t continue the conversation.  I understood what he meant.  I’d had my fair share of crushes on men that appeared to have little or no interest in me, and yet I’d still trick myself into thinking I had a chance in hell of winning them over, only to have those dreams crushed.  I wouldn’t make it worse for him.  But I also didn’t