”You are not allowed to love him” Hyesung hyung’s voice was clear in his mind, repeating the words over and over.

“This is just a phase” that’s what they all say. He knew Dongwan hyung meant it well, but it didn’t make the words less painful.

“Are you sure?” this one was a question they had all asked him. He could see them all, their shocked faces and the way they tried to pretend like he hadn’t just told them he was in love with a man, and not just any man.

Junjin was in love with their leader, Eric Mun.

He took a deep sigh and tried to shut out the voices, all the pictures of s, friends, some shouting and some looking confused.

What was so bad about it anyway? Was it that he was gay? It couldn’t be, because they all knew about Minwoo’s boyfriend, and no one had hit him when he had told them. So why was there a difference with him?

He rolled onto his side and opened his eyes finally. The floor was dirty, clothes everywhere as he just didn’t have the power to clean anything, all he wanted was to lie in bed and think. Well if he had a choice he wouldn’t be thinking, but the voices in his head wouldn’t let him rest.

“Jin… we are eating now… wanna join?” he turned his head slowly towards the soft voice in the door. Andy was looking at the floor, barely entering the room; it was almost like he thought he would be contaminated if he entered the hot unsanitary room.

“Not hungry…” he managed to groan a response before turning towards the wall and closing his eyes.

“You haven’t eaten for three days…” the youngest spoke again, Junjin knew he was worried for him, but he also knew he couldn’t face them now.

“Hyesung hyung bought sashimi…” his voice rose a few octaves as he tried to sound happy and enthusiastic.

“Mmm…” he groaned back and hugged himself tighter. The though