He had dealt this hand

I Should Have Known

Jiho was a mess.

 

He was imploding on himself. He could feel the anger and disgust at himself bubbling up inside of him and swim up from his spine to the back of his neck where it only seemed to gather and grow and spread through out him. He pushed the palms of his hands against his closed eyelids until he saw stars and the dull pain set in his sockets before running his fingers through his hair, his nails scraping against his skull. He wanted to scream at them again for being so incompetent at their job, for letting that stupid son of a b*tch roam the streets when she could be in danger this very second, for not allowing him to finally go back. But mostly he was tired of being such a failure, for letting it get this far. Because as much as his irritation for every useless puppet in uniform that stood in front of him grew by the second, he knew the truth. He knew it was really all his fault. And there was really no on else to blame but him.

 

Everyday was a battle not to rip everyone’s head off that he had to come in contact with. As much as he thought his life was at a standstill since that night, it only kept moving along and he was helplessly pushed along with the current. Having to smile on camera was becoming more and more of a torture and his forced laughs were beginning to sound more like cries for help. s tried shouldering most of the attention during interviews and Kyung always tried to veer the conversation away from Jiho as much as he could, but in the end it was Zico and Zico demanded attention even when Jiho was tormented by it.

 

As soon as the last interview for the day wrapped up Jiho practically bolted from the room and straight to the van waiting outside the building. He couldn’t keep doing this. He couldn’t; but as his phone vibrated in his hand and he looked at the new picture message of a girl with a peace sign covering half her face telling him to cheer up, he swallowed the lump in his throat and clenched his fists. He had dealt this hand for himself and now he was going to face this until the end.

 

Soooooooooooo it's been about a minute huh? Just a little inside into Jiho's state bc I dont really know what im doing and its like learning to ride a bike again and so we're taking baby steps to get the ball rolling again lol

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Kaylie3Two #1
Chapter 6-
OMG. Update whenever. I want to punch Jiho and break picture frames as well. I'm listening to Zico's 'wake me up' at this very moment but I'd rather beat him up haha. You're a very good writer, author. Keep it up with the intensity :-)
Bernice #2
Chapter 6: Oh my gawd! Please update more often! Cause that cliffhanger.... i just cant! Lool
sarahjang #3
Chapter 6: !!!!!!
I'm so hooked on this story, thanks for the update omg the ending though!!
desiredbe #4
Chapter 5: WOW, It was like I was in a haze when I typed out my other comment. I guess it has to do with freshly reading the story with sad music behind it. tehe~!
I actually reached the limit of 2000 words and had to cut some of it out ^_^''
please keep updating, I really want to know what else happens.
thankyou~
desiredbe #5
Chapter 5: They're both suffering so much, but feeling like everything you did for someone so close and special to your heart was just fun and games for them is the worst feeling ever. he could of talked it out with her, he could of explained the situation because he knows that she loves him so much, that she'd listen.
There were so many different ways to approach this.

& because of that I believe she'd fall in to a deep and dark depression, "You were so tired"..'tired' is a often feeling felt when you just don't want to put any emotional effort towards anything. It's when you're just living but you're not actually there.
But being 'tired' is what can keep you up at night & make it seem like you're naturally born with eye-bags.
Throughout the days you feel so numb, to everything.
J-walking in a busy street doesn't scare you anymore, because you're so numb you can walk inches away from an oncoming car and feel nothing.Or maybe sometimes--on the really bad days--a small speck of sadness will blink in your chest because you wish it actually hit you. So that you don't have to feel so numb, so you can FINALLY feel something.

It drives you crazy seeing so many people in love because you had that, you were that. You will always remember when you first blushed because he brought you flowers on your very first date, that smile you had on your face when he told you, you were beautiful, when he kissed you so delicately because he was scared such an amazing thing would fall apart from his rough lips. The years would pass but you couldn't help but fall more in love with him, you never even thought it to be possible. & even years later you would never regret anything; not even the fights, because you were still happy. He was your haven, your back bone, your teddy bear, your best friend and your challenger. When you were with him you felt so much, but then so suddenly it was just...gone.

You'll never stop feeling 'tired'. You just end up finding ways to hide it better.
Maan2442 #6
Chapter 5: please update soon i really like the story and the war its written!!!!!! :)
Kkomaenggi #7
Chapter 5: wooww omg that frame-throwing mustve been really satisfying xD sometimes when I am angry I also get the urge to break something and when I do it is so freaking satisfying.. I feel really bad for her and zico probably has a reason for it. he better have a damn reason lol ~~ also I like your writing :) im looking forward to the next chapter ♡
sarahjang #8
Chapter 5: You accidentally pasted the chapter twice in chapter 5! Really liking this story though :) always looking forward to updates ^^
Kkomaenggi #9
Chapter 4: I really like this story the way it is so I dont think you should change it also I really hope their relationship gets fixed because they are so adorable omgg
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