I finally found some writing time somewhere in the middle of the day while MBLAQ was practicing. I remember a past conversation with Jihoon-sshi, and I suppose now was the right time to try out something new with the way I wrote. Perhaps it was about time I really just let everything go. It wasn't as if I had family I had to wary of, it wasn't as if I had to worry about what my own mother would think should she read about what I write. Write as if your mother was dead they say, well, news flash, both my parents are dead.

While I may have wanted to be able to write about riveting car chases and heroes off to save the world be it real or fantasy, maybe I was better off starting small, slowly building up the experience for that epic masterpiece waiting to happen. Maybe I should stop being so afraid first.

What did I know? Or better yet, what did I want?

My memories momentarily bring me back to the first day I arrived in Seoul, the day I left Manila, and smile spreads across my face. News had just come out about a fallen idol making a comeback after almost a year's absence. Rather than what I wanted to tell, what did I want people to understand?

Suffice to say it was not one of my finer moments in life. You'd understand though, it wasn't easy being in that situation. It brought out the utter worst in me, I keep saying, my emotional state is not something to be bothered with. You do not make a sick game of my now fragile mental faculties. Though the situation could be considered simple enough: girl meets boy, girl falls in love, boy kisses girl, then boy suddenly leaves without prior notice, leaving behind a national scandal that rocked the entire entertainment industry- oh, I lost you there, have I? Should I start from the very beginning, then?

It was a start, and I liked it. Before I knew it, I was off into that semi-conscious state of writing without stop. I didn't see a concrete goal in mind as of yet, but I let the words flow not really wanting to stop. Peripherally, I was aware of a body sit next to me in the break room, and I finished typing out a paragraph before stopping to turn to him.

Byunghee sat there, and he didn't look as good as I remember him to be. “Are you okay?” I asked.

He nodded, and I knew there was something he wanted to tell me. “You're writing again.” I nodded. “That's great. You know I never got to finish my story about that girl I liked.”

“What about her? Have you told her yet?”

“I don't think I will.”

“Why not?”

He sighed and the dejected look on his face sent this sharp stabbing into my gut, and I wasn't sure why. “There's this other guy.”

“Is he cuter than you?” I tried to joke to ease off the tension, but my sense of humor could only do so much.

“He's so much more than I am. I feel silly now for issuing a challenge I'll never win.” he laughed a self-pitying laugh and continued, “I'll never win against him. The battle hasn't even started, and already I lost. That's kinda sad isn't it.”

I shook my head slowly, carefully, “Some things just don't happen the way we want them to.” And that was when I knew what else I wanted to do. I couldn't do anything for Byunghee right now, and perhaps may never be able to, but what he was feeling I was pretty sure many people have felt as well. While I wasn't at that point in my life that I could create a character people will be talking about for years to come, I could at least try to immortalize a feeling we all would be able to relate to at some point in our lives.

I couldn't live forever, but maybe I could create something that will.

“So what are you going to do now?” I asked.

“What else? Just make sure she's going to be okay no matter what. Hope that he messes up and I'll be there to pick up the pieces.”

…

“So why'd you name her July? I thought your narrator didn't have a name?”

I considered Byunghee's question for a moment before answering, “Well, she doesn't. Not until the very end, and I named her July because she's thought of as the middle sibling, in between Julius and Julian.”

“That's a really lame reason.”

We continued down the corridors of the TV station, passing by several fans and idols, and other personnel; MBLAQ was performing tonight. I've given this new story some more thought as soon as I realized the directions it could go. At first, you could say, it was a blatant fantasy any girl might have, but I found myself enjoying writing when I wasn't thinking too much about how it would appear to a reader's eye.

Even more when I completely took in the fact that maybe, writing was conduit of escape, rather than a cracked mirror of truth.

Byunghee and I walked straight into the dressing room, and in a matter of minutes, MBLAQ came out dressed in pink. I had to hold in my laughter for so many reasons I couldn't even enumerate.

“What?” Joon asked, face nervous as if there was something horribly wrong with the situation. Well, actually there was.

I shook my head, not quite trusting myself to speak.

“Ignore her, she's just too stunned to talk.” Byunghee said, facing a mirror. “See Ami, I told you I'd look good in pink.”

Again I ignored him. Why I wanted to immortalize Byunghee in my fiction, I may never know.

“Does anyone know when Jihoonie-hyung is coming back?” Mir asked as a stylist retouched his makeup.

No one seemed to know, actually, I didn't know either, just that filming had appeared to make an extension, and he wasn't going to be home any time soon. Or at least, that was the last bit of news I heard from him. The calls were getting less frequent as he was getting busier. It was understandable, but it didn't mean I didn't miss him.

I settled my things on the floor and excused myself to the ladies room. I felt a chill as soon as I entered the room, all I actually wanted to do was wash the ink off my hands. While the story proper I typed up, the detailing I still did on paper. There was this other girl fixing her eyeliner, and for some reason I didn't like her very much.

I the tap and let the cool water run down my hands. It distracted me enough to not think about the cold stares I knew I was receiving from this girl. What was her problem anyway? She didn't look like an idol, she was probably a fan with a backstage pass. It didn't have to matter. She had nothing to do with me. Still, she glared at me from under her obviously fake lashes, and I tried my best to just ignore it. Which can only do so much when she actually spoke.

“Yah, you were with Byunghee-oppa, what are you?” she talked as if she knew him personally, which I was pretty sure she didn't. Not to mention the condescending tone in her voice made me want to rip her extensions off.

“Excuse me?” I answered. I was going to be diplomatic, even when every fiber in my body was telling me to do the opposite.

She lifted an eyebrow at me and stared me down. She regarded me head to toe and I wanted to gouge out her eyes. Some people can be so crude. “Can I help you?”

“You have a good surgeon. He did a great job on your nose. Where did you get your lashes done?”

I think I just entered some parallel universe. What in the world was this...thing talking about now?

“In any case, stay away from my man, .”

One, I doubted she was in anyway associated to Byunghee, and two, I did not appreciate her tone of voice. “You might want to take that back.”

“What are you going to do about it?”

Immortalize you in fiction and have the world hate your kind? Before I could even tell her that however, the bathroom stall door banged open, and out came another one of her kind. Already I was trapped, and there was no graceful exit to this. I tried to just walk aways, but someone grabbed my hair, and I was yanked back into the room.

“Someone needs a lesson in respect.”

How ironic this thing even had the nerve to say that. What was more ironic was the state of mind I had as the fingernails clawed into my face and arms and the punches into the rest of me. The last thing I remember, was a bag in the face, then everything faded to black.

…

Why I always seemed to find myself in situations like these I may never know, but here I was all over again. Lightheaded, and with no conscious control over my body, I felt myself being picked up from wherever I was, the last I remember was the floor. But perhaps more poignant, was the way the arms around me felt so familiar. Not just the arms, but the scent of soap and the tender voice that called out my name.

I opened my eyes, and the blinding flashes of light raided my visual centers, and like an out of body experience, I watched myself as Jihoon-sshi carried me in his arms amidst all the reporters taking photos and video coverages of a scoop of a lifetime.

…

The next I found myself was in a hospital room, why did this feel awfully familiar?

“Why do these things keep happening to you?”

I smiled not knowing how else to react. Jihoon-sshi sat next to me on the hospital cot, and the pain never registered because of the way my hear swelled with so much happiness. “I thought filming was extended?”

“It already was. Are you okay?” he asked, the concern in his voice palpable. He pushed a strand of my hair away, and the bandage on my cheek. I didn't even notice it there until he touched it.

“What am I supposed to do if something happened to you?” he murmured, drawing me close and trapping me in his arms. It was getting harder to breathe again as the air was right out of me. I couldn't breathe, yet it was as if I was breathing him in. My heart ponded wildly in my chest as I melded into his, and nothing, nothing could ever go wrong from then. Not any more attacks on my person, not fears of rejection, or judgment, not fears of risking it all only to lose it all and be left all alone. Nothing was ever going to be wrong.

[A/N]: Ah well. I just needed this to happen. >.< It's ending soon, but not before one more major event. Ugh. Two more chapters plus the epilogue and we're all done here. Will definitely be ending this by today, though the mass updates all night long last night left me a little sleepy hahaha XDD

Oh right, need I even ask? Guess what story Ami is writing >.>