“Don’t forget your bag in the trunk.”

The sound of his father’s voice started Taekwoon out of the trance he had fallen into while staring out the window of the car. He blinked a couple of times, slowly realizing that they were outside of Wonshik’s garage – his late father’s former workplace. For a quick moment he thought that it had to be painful for Wonshik to see the empty garage every day; a constant reminder he was left to his own devices now. He looked to Wonshik by his side - he was also blinking confusedly from being awakened from slumber - and he felt himself worry for him. He was incredibly skinny and always tired – did he eat enough? Did he even eat anything but ramyun? All he wanted was for Wonshik to be okay.

He fumbled in the dark for the door handle, found it and opened the door with more effort than needed. He was exhausted; body heavy and mind hazy. He felt incredibly sensitive he realized; like a simple breeze would be enough to knock him over. His eyes flashed to his father before he exited the car entirely, but his eyes were fixed on Wonshik; a clear worry furrowing his brows. Taekwoon stepped out and turned to look at Wonshik again, and noticed he was rubbing himself as if he was cold. He rememberd he had been waiting on the roof the whole time Taekwoon was in the meeting, and the evening had been uncharacteristically cold for a late spring.

“Cold?” He asked him and a slight start in Wonshik’s body was visible before he turned to Taekwoon with an apologetic smile and then a nod – then more rubbing of his arms. The car was warm, but it didn’t seem to have helped much.

“Let’s go inside.” He said and closed the car door, moving to get his bag in the trunk. He had packed it in the morning and left it in the car when his father drove him to school in the morning. Change of clothes, some CD’s and his computer; all he needed for two nights away from home.

Wonshik came around to meet him after stepping out of the car, still hugging himself for warmth. Taekwoon grabbed an extra jacket that was left behind in the car sometime in the early spring and never carried into the apartment, a black and thick bomber jacket he usually wore all winter, and tossed it around Wonshik’s shoulders. The other looked at him a little puzzled for a moment, before instantly feeling the warmth of the thick jacket and then immediately embracing it, not bothering to put his arms into the sleeves. The jacket was a little big on him and made him look smaller.

“Thanks.” Wonshik gave a small, shy smile with his tiny pouting lips and Taekwoon felt his heart ache, unable to look away for a moment – only to be interrupted by his father calling.

“Wonshik!” They both snapped out of the quiet moment they had and Wonshik immediately trotted around the car to the driver’s side and the open window Taekwoon’s father was leaning out of - eyes lingering a little on Taekwoon as he passed him. Taekwoon a deep breath, calming himself before finally reaching for his bag and closing the trunk. He walked up to Wonshik and saw his father hand him some money, Wonshik very hesitantly taking them with both hands respectfully.

“It’s late so order in some pizza for both of you tonight, ok?” He heard his father say and Wonshik answered yes using honorifics, making his father chuckle quietly. He leaned further out of the car window to look at Taekwoon.

“Don’t worry about anything and just have fun this weekend, Taekwoon-ah, Mr. Cha and I will take care of everything.” He assured him and sat back in his seat after Taekwoon nodded in answer. The window slid up and the two boys waved the car goodbye together.

“Let’s go inside.” Taekwoon said and gave Wonshik’s shoulder a slight push with his own as he turned around, bag in hand, and walked towards the dark garage. The other turned at the push and quickly caught up with him to lead the way. They walked through a normal door placed within the slide-up garage gate and Wonshik took hold of Taekwoon’s wrist tenderly, a very light touch that made his skin tickle, in order to lead him through the darkness along the wall until they reached a set of stairs and a light switch. He a small light placed above a door Taekwoon assumed was the entrance of the actual apartment at the top of the stairs, and let go of the wrist to climb the narrow staircase.

“It’s really messy and stuff… sorry about that.” Wonshik mumbled when they entered the apartment, Taekwoon setting down his bag and taking off his shoes as Wonshik just kicks off his and shuffles around to turn on several lights around the room. Looking around Taekwoon saw a similar apartment solution to his own; a combined livingroom and kitchen, the dining table the center of attention in the room with a big lamp above it. With the exception of the dinner table being covered in papers, mail and some take-out boxes, the room was pretty much spotless.

“Looks fine to me.” He told him as he stepped up from the entrance and onto the floor with a pair of slippers he found by the door.

Wonshik stressed around a little, clearly not knowing what to do with himself first with Taekwoon there. Taekwoon’s jacket was still around his shoulders, warming his cold body slowly but efficiently. He’s suddenly reminded of the cash Taekwoon’s father had given him and hurried over to the kitchen table to scurry through all the mess he had lying there; mail for his father, papers for him to become an independent, flyers for takeout and so on. He finally found the only one for pizza he had and raised it triumphantly. Taekwoon looked at him blankly, now across from him at the table.

“Pizza?” He asked cheerfully and felt his stomach rumble at the mere thought of food. He had not eaten since lunchtime at school, which was several hours ago. Taekwoon nodded. “I’ll order, you go take a warm shower.” He commanded and reached out over the table for the flyer. He took it out of Wonshik’s hold before he could protest, his breath caught in his throat about to say he was okay.

“What kind of pizza do you like?” He asked on, and Wonshik pushed away his excuses in favor of hunger. A nice, warm shower sounded pretty good after all.

“Potato and bacon.” He said and Taekwoon nodded, already ready with his phone in hand and reading off the flyer. Wonshik lingered and Taekwoon looked up after dialing the number on his phone. His thumb hovered over the call button. “Go shower.” Taekwoon said simply and Wonshik shot away so quickly he heard a chuckle behind him as he entered the bathroom – which made him smile.

--

Taekwoon looked around the apartment as he waited for the phone call to go through. It was an aged and worn apartment, all the furniture looking old-fashioned, but his eyes stopped on a certain device resting on the kitchen countertop; a brand new, black and shiny coffeemaker. Butterflies whirled around in his stomach and he couldn’t help but smile stupidly, a hand coming up to hide it from nobody. The call went through and he stumbled to answer the worker on the other side of the line.

While he talked to the worker - giving the order and address - he wandered over to the coffeemaker and let his fingers caress it with feather-like touches, as if he would make it less shiny if he actually touched too much. He ended the call and set his phone down on the counter, and then noticed a bag of coffee beside the machine. Shocking himself, he heard himself giggle and turned dark red immediately at the sound he just made. Fanning himself, he turned around and leaned on the counter – legs suddenly feeling a little weak. Nobody but family had thought of him to this extent and done something solely for his sake before, and the overwhelming feeling it gave him was all but ruining him. He was so relieved Wonshik could not see him.

A moment after Wonshik stepped out of the bathroom, hair still a little wet and his school uniform replaced by a grey pair of comfy-looking sweatpants and a loose, white t-shirt. A winking cartoon was printed on the t-shirt and Taekwoon stared at it as if it was mocking him as he tried to contain his feelings at the sudden appearance of the other. Wonshik looked so soft and warm; Taekwoon had to grip the kitchen counter hard to hold himself back from hugging the other tightly and tell him about all the stress he had endured that day. Instead he avoided Wonshik’s eyes, huffed and leaned his entire weight onto the counter.

“Pizza is on its way.” He said.

“Do you want to shower too? Or at least change out of your uniform?” Wonshik asked, walking over to him. Taekwoon’s heart rate picked up as he came closer, still coming down from the feelings that had welled over at the sight of the coffeemaker. He heard himself gasp a little, and he cursed internally at his inability to hide his struggle from the world. Trying to stay normal, he nodded and pushed himself away from the counter and walked away the opposite way of Wonshik – towards the entrance of the apartment where his bag was waiting. “I’ll take a shower.” He was able to announce.

“There are towels under the sink.” Wonshik answered and Taekwoon hurried into the bathroom with his bag in hand, letting out a breath he had been holding the moment he closed the door behind him.

“Pull yourself together, Taekwoon.” He muttered to himself, hitting his own chest with a fist – where his heart was still beating so painfully. He hated how recently just about anything Wonshik did brought out such reactions from him and how hard it was not to show it to the other. He wanted to come clean before showing him how stupid he became around him.

All in good time. All in good time. He chanted in his mind and got undressed to shower.

--

When Taekwoon stepped out of the shower a couple of minutes later, Wonshik was on the phone and pizza still not arrived.

“Yeah, Mr. Jung gave us money for pizza.” He talked into the phone, standing in the kitchen and leaning on a kitchen counter. “Yeah, he was really nice.” Wonshik looked up at the sound of Taekwoon’s slippers and smiled at him warmly. “That’s really awesome, Teach.” Taekwoon’s eyebrows shot up at that.

Mr. Cha?  

He looked at Wonshik with a questioning eyebrow raised but Wonshik didn’t notice, once again looking at the floor while he talked. “Okay, I’ll see you on Monday.” Taekwoon walked up to him and leaned onto the counter beside him, waiting for the phone call to end. “Yeah, I promise. Bye.” He ended and hung up the phone, then looked back up at Taekwoon.

“Teach?” Taekwoon asked, hand motioning towards his phone on pure reflex – barely visible. Wonshik nodded. “Yeah, he was checking in on me.” Wonshik smiled at that and Taekwoon could see he was touched by it, as well as a little sad? He looked sad somehow. Knowing Wonshik; he was probably feeling guilty.

“Does he call often?” He asked softly, head leaned in the direction of Wonshik beside him but not actually looking at him. He didn’t want to stare and make him uncomfortable, no matter how much he wanted to look at his face.

“Almost every night, if he doesn’t come over.” He sounded guilty again, which made Taekwoon feel bad for him. He seemed to feel guilty about so many things he shouldn’t. He wish he could make him stop somehow. Oh, what he would do for such a power.

“I didn’t realize you and Teach were this close.” He leaned over so his shoulder connected with Wonshik’s. “I’m glad.” He continued.

“Yeah, he worries about me a lot. We usually talk when he comes over with food.” Wonshik leaned back into Taekwoon’s shoulder, pushing him back slightly and making Taekwoon snort slightly.

“He comes with food?”

“Yeah, his Mom and sister makes it. It’s really good.” Wonshik turned to look at him, but Taekwoon couldn’t look back, just kept staring at the floor as the muscles around his mouth twitched to try make him smile.

The doorbell rang and they both sprang up away from each other and to a stand, Wonshik hurrying out of the entrance door and into the garage wearing a pair of slippers.

Soon they were settled in the three-seated couch of the two couches located in the livingroom, cross-legged and facing each other with the pizza box resting in the seat between them, eating pizza resting on napkins in their hands. Both of them had been pretty starving, so they sat in silence as they wolfed down their first pieces of pizza. It was only after the first piece of pizza was consumed with a sip of the free cola they had received with it that Wonshik spoke.

“Teach told me you didn’t have to apologize today.”

Taekwoon nodded; mouth already full of a piece of his second slice. Wonshik waited as he chewed, Taekwoon taking his time before swallowing.

“Yeah.”

Wonshik waited a little longer for Taekwoon to elaborate, all the while nibbling on his second slice as well, but he just kept eating pizza. “And…?” He hinted.

“I might have to apologize later, but Teach said not to worry about it.” Taekwoon finally continued. “I’m not exactly sure what he did, really.” He shrugged, Wonshik sighed.

“I’m really glad you didn’t have to do it.” He said softly, pausing his eating. Taekwoon looked at him then; the slight guilt in his eyes paired with genuine relief.

“Either way it’s not your fault. Don’t feel so guilty about it.” Taekwoon assured him. He felt like he had to remind him a million times more because Wonshik just wouldn’t listen to him. He tried to make eye contact as he said it, to be extra convincing, but Wonshik had slumped over to look at his own hands – both head and shoulders hanging. Taekwoon laid down his third slice without starting on it in favor of looking at Wonshik.

“I mean it, Wonshik.” He tried again and he could see the other chew on his lip. Frustration ate at Taekwoon for not being able to completely convince him immediately.

“Sometimes I feel like a cursed child.” Wonshik finally murmured with clear difficulty after minutes of unmoving silence between them. It made Taekwoon’s chest hurt. A lot. He wished so desperately that Wonshik would think better of himself. If only he could show Wonshik how he looked like through his eyes.

“To me you’re anything but cursed.” He said calmly. Softly. Wonshik finally looked up to that, revealing the wet eyes he had been hiding by hanging his head. The emotion in Wonshik’s eyes made his heart pace up and heat coiled within him – spreading through his chest and to his cheeks. What he just said was not very subtle, he realized, but Wonshik didn’t seem to mind.

He realized if there was any suitable time for him to tell Wonshik about himself; this was it.

“I…” He started, but his throat was dry and his voice cracked slightly. He cleared his throat. “I need to tell you something.” His fingers started picking at each other, finding the newly healed scabs from earlier and reopening them. Suddenly hyper-aware; he heard every sound around him. Wonshik’s breathing, the traffic outside, the humming fridge, the aircondition…

“What is it?” Wonshik said so softly he probably could manage with that gruff voice of his, and it felt assuring. Yes, Wonshik is safe.

“My past.” He stated. He let out a slightly shaky breath. Where was he even supposed to begin?

“This is not the only time I have transferred schools.” His voice was slightly shaky and he hated it. Hated how difficult it was to tell someone about what had happened. Even to someone like Wonshik, which he was so sure would understand and accept him anyway.

“It’s actually my third transfer.”

“Really?” Wonshik said then, but there was nothing but slight surprise in his voice.

“What happened?”

“Uhm…” His voice shook even more and he clenched his fists in annoyance, huffing. Why couldn’t he just say it out straight? He took a deep breath once again, closing his eyes as well, and tried to clear himself from everything. Wonshik waited patiently across from him, pizza forgotten.

“At my first school I had a really good friend who I played soccer with every day.” He started, relieved that his voice finally sounded even. “In the end I confessed to him, but…” He paused a moment to take another deep breath. “The reaction wasn’t very good.”

Taekwoon couldn’t make himself look up from his hands to check Wonshik’s reaction, but instead he heard an understanding hum. Assured, he continued. “Basically he told everyone there was to tell and I was forced to transfer for being gay. They covered it up by blaming it on my poor grades.”

With no further comment or reaction from the other, he continued on to get it all over with once and for all.

“It resulted in me being held back a year, then I started attending a new school earlier this year. Angry at the world and everything I got force-transferred from that school as well on the grounds of school violence.” He heard the other inhale rather sharply.

“It was more or less self-defense.” He tried to clarify. That was it, really, no big deal. He told himself that, but he had yet to see Wonshik’s reaction.

Taekwoon couldn’t make himself look up at him for some reason, his eyes trained on his hands as his fingernails worked on a new scab. The scab he had worked on finally snapped open and he started to bleed. He heard a gasp, then the box of pizza in front of him was suddenly gone and Wonshik’s hands were on his.

“Please stop, you’re bleeding.” Wonshik’s voice was rough, but not angry. He held Taekwoon’s hands apart. Taekwoon felt like a seal had been broken within him and he finally looked up and into Wonshik’s eyes. The kind eyes he wanted to look at all the time if only he could. They were wet still, but he had not shed any tears. Wonshik’s eyes flashed down to his finger and he wiped away the tiny drop of blood that had surfaced, and Taekwoon flinched because is stung.

“I’m a mess.” Taekwoon whispered. Wonshik’s eyes flashed back to look into his and his right hand came up to cup Taekwoon’s cheek. He inhaled, surprised, and his heart galloped as small and soft lips met his in a careful kiss. A stunned second later he reacted and kissed back, head leaning into the hand on his cheek.

It was a short and sweet kiss, but he gasped slightly nonetheless when their lips parted. His eyes had closed upon contact, and when he opened them again Wonshik was looking at him with more determination Taekwoon had ever seen him have.

“Your mess is mine now. If you’ll let me.”

It was more than enough reason for Taekwoon to lean back in and catch Wonshik’s lips for another, deeper kiss, making Wonshik moan softly into his mouth – and his entire being felt as if he was on fire.

--

Wonshik had believed for the longest time that there was something terribly wrong with him. He had never thought much of it as a child; the fact that he was attracted to boys and not girls. But one day someone – he could no longer recall who exactly – had told him that was impossible. The older he became, the more he heard it; men could only like women.

That meant he was wrong.

So he told nobody. Not even his mother, or his beloved stepfather. He had planned on keeping his secret buried forever and just live a life alone.

But then; into his life came Taekwoon.

Taekwoon with that small, shy smile of his and all the care he gave Wonshik. Attention he had not received from anyone outside of his family before.

He had long believed love hit people like a freight train. With Taekwoon it had sneaked into him like a hidden ninja, only to plant a poisoned arrow directly into his heart. The sweetest kind of poison. It was not until he heard Taekwoon’s laugh for the first time that time in the classroom that he realized it had spread through his entire being without him even noticing it.

Feeling like he had nothing to lose; he let the sweet poison take over.

And then; Taekwoon sitting in front of him, telling him that he was just as broken. Or did it mean that they both were not really broken? It did not matter anymore.

He was no longer alone.

- The End -

--

AN: There will be an epilogue posted eventually.

Thank you for reading this entire story. I’m really grateful to those who have taken the time to read, comment, upvote or share this story. You’re the best!

- Viking