I couldn’t help but feel helpless. I couldn’t sleep because of what I can hear. There’s nothing I can do to help him. How did those in the hospital help him? Did they help him? Or was this something that had only happened recently? It was definitely happening on the night he moved in. I woke up hearing it on the first night, I got up and ran out to see what was happening but I got there, and I knew that I couldn’t do anything.

I’ve never seen Wonho look any more helpless than when he was just lying there, curled in a ball with his hands and arms covering his head and face whilst he was screaming out and crying like he was being hit. It was stupid for me to think that he wasn’t going to get nightmares. I had them for a few months after leaving the asylum and I still get a few now but never to this extent. I’d tried everything, waking him and letting him just sleep it out, nothing worked.

He wouldn’t tell me what happened in them for a few weeks but soon he told me that he was dreaming of being back in the asylum.

Ms Kim was there, standing in front of him with her chain in hand. But instead of hypnotising him, she’d call two men into the room. The men would hit him, kick him and throw him around, all whilst Ms Kim told him that it was a bad idea for us to try to escape. Then he was dragged into another room, fastened to a chair and hypnotised. This hypnosis was the part that sent shivers down my spine because once he was hypnotised, he’d feel like he was waking up in another body. Most of the time, he said that he was sure he’d become me. Then he would see himself walk towards ‘me’ and he’d hit and kick ‘me’ like he was hit. And the last part was always the same and too familiar for my liking, he’d wrap his hands around ‘my’ throat, push ‘me’ back against a wall or down to the floor and strangle ‘me’ until ‘I’ died.

It was always the same and now, two months down the line, he was still having these nightmares. They’d gotten worse with each night because he said, once he’d killed ‘me’, he’d become the others from the asylum, despite only meeting them once, and the same thing would happen to them, he’d end up killing them too. Even now, I still can’t help him. I don’t know how and that’s why I’m sitting on my bed listening to him cry and yell out. I can only take comfort in the fact that they’ll pass as he recovers, if he recovers. The screaming stops but I can hear the movement of the bed against the wall. He’s being strangled in his dreams and he may go through this another four times tonight, maybe less if he’s lucky. This goes on for another thirty minutes and he’s near the end because he’s been dream strangled for the fifth time now. I settle down against my bed, tears coming because I felt so powerless because I couldn’t help him. I couldn’t stop him feeling that pain and it hurts me that I couldn’t stop what was hurting him.

About twenty minutes later, I hear my door open slightly, a small shuffling sound and the door softly click closed. I sit up and look at the door, my blanket falling down to my waist, to see Wonho leaning against the door, note in hand and clothes in disarray. I gesture him over, gently tapping the bed next to me. I watch him shuffle the small distance to my bed, sit down with his knees against his chest and hands me the note.

‘It was worse tonight. Can I sleep in here? I don’t feel safe in my room.’ was written on a slant across the paper. I pull back the duvet and help him lie back on the mattress.

“It was that bad tonight? It’s okay, Wonho. You can sleep now, we’ll talk in the morning. I’ll be here, I’ll keep you safe.” I reassured him, he’d never had a nightmare so bad that he’d come into my room before. I pulled the duvet over the both of us. He was out like a light, fast asleep right after being told that he was safe.

In the morning, I woke up to find that Wonho was hugging onto my side. He was normally very clingy after his nightmares, probably after some sign that he wasn’t still in one, so I just let him be until he woke up. When he did, he nearly jumped back out of shock. He scurried out of the room quickly and I heard a door slam that meant he was back in his room now.

I washed, dressed and went to cook us both breakfast whilst I sorted out Wonho’s medication, mostly antipsychotic drugs but these obviously weren’t helping him. A few minutes later, Wonho came out of his room, notepad and pen in hand. He obviously knew that he should explain what happened in his dream last night. As his pen scribbled furiously over the notepad, I pass him his food and tablets with a glass of water. He doesn’t stop writing to take his tablets. After about two more minutes, he pushes the notebook over to me and then starts to eat slowly.

‘I’m really sorry I bothered you last night. The nightmare got really bad that I didn’t feel safe when I woke up. I shouldn’t have come into your room like that. The nightmare was the same as usual, the beatings, hypnosis and the five strangulations but it didn’t stop there.’ I was confused by this, what else had happened before he came into my room? I didn’t want to read on because I was afraid of what I’d see but I owed it to Wonho, he wanted to explain so I should read what he has to say.

‘I suddenly woke up in my room and I almost convinced myself it was over but then, the door opened and Ms Kim walked in with a needle. She came over, pinned me down on the bed by my throat and said “I’ll always find you in the end. Don’t call out for your precious Japanese friend, he’s already dead. Maybe you’d like to join him.” She then stuck the needle into the artery in my neck and I can’t remember anything after that. I just woke up. I had to check the door, it was locked thankfully but I still had to check that you were alive and that she hadn’t been here. That’s why I came to your room. I’m really sorry.’

That had never happened before. He must have been terrified. Being attacked in his own room and being told that I wasn’t there to help him is something that I don’t think I could manage if I were him.

“It’s okay, Wonho. There’s nothing to be afraid of. You know she’s on trial now and being kept under strict lock and key. She’s not going to find you and I’m not going to leave you alone. I’ll always be here for you. If it gets that bad again, you can just come straight into my room again. Eat up and get ready, you’ve got an appointment today.” I told him, his doctors are going to have to find a way to help him. I don’t want him to get worse.

You will be okay, Wonho, won’t you?