Minseok brushed the dandelion fluff from his jacket, sighing at the silliness that had him lying in a field ripe with allergens. Not that he had allergies. No. But it was annoying none the less. Pollen and all sorts of plant stuff wandering about ready to cling to clothing, nostrils, hair – all ready for the taking.

“Sorry.” Sehun apologized, his usual form.

“No. No need to apologize. It was nice.” Minseok stopped dragging his hands all over his pant legs and jacket, willing away the matters of summer.

“I hope you mean that….I wasn’t sure if this was a decent thing to do.” Sehun stared off towards the horizon. He was still so shy, Minseok realized. No matter how old he was.

“I do mean that…it has been a long time since I enjoyed the summer.” Minseok answered, ignoring the fact that certain memories were threatening to dominate his mind, boil over despite his strong desire for such thoughts to stay where they should – away, for the night, when he was alone.

***

“I can do more than kick a ball.” Luhan grinned. Minseok thought it was probably the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Luhan smiling. “Sure, a lot of people can kick, but can you do anything worthwhile with a ball?”

They played like this. At the park, in Luhan’s back yard. On the soccer field when their small time team had a chance to play. They bantered, pushed each other playfully, and gave each other high fives, whispered.

It was part of summer.

***

Minseok became engaged. It was three years after they met. Not three years after Minseok met the woman he was engaged to– no, that would be a superfluous countdown – a time not worth keeping. Three years since Luhan walked up to him in a café. Where Minseok worked. Where he met a lot of people. But no one like Luhan.

“ManU?” The man noticed what Minseok was watching on his hand phone.

Minseok was surprised. Another football fan among the crowd? Another meaning one of the very few he had ever met in his life?!

“Arsenal is my team. Gunner.” Minseok answered coolly, wiping down the counter, tucking his phone away. He could have maintained his ignorance, shooed the other man away – diverted his attention by claiming he clicked on a link he had no idea of. But he did not…

“I’m Luhan by the way. I hope we can be friends.” He sat at the counter. Minseok was mildly pleased to have something to divert his attention amidst the lack of customers – who wanted to clean?

Small talk – sports talk – silence for a few seconds. And then a challenge when Minseok said one too many bad things about Manchester.

“What the hell makes you smart?” Luhan let it slip in the middle of comments veiled in constructive criticism.

“Hm.” Minseok smiled “I wouldn’t go for coffee with you.”

“Listen – I wouldn’t ask you.”

“That.” Minseok replied, “Is what makes you stupid.”

Luhan laughed. Minseok laughed too.

***

He went to Luhan’s place first. Minseok was happy for it – he didn’t have to make sure his apartment was extra clean. He just had to visit. Or…was that a good thing?

Luhan lived with another exchange student – Yixing – and together they made a dangerous duo. All rapid fire Mandarin, pranks, and childish behavior. Minseok found it oddly beautiful – that Luhan could be so carefree.

They watched movies until dawn. Luhan rested his head on Minseok’s shoulder and fell asleep. It was calming.

***

Minseok turned in his thesis early. He liked to be early, it made him feel better about life in general. Stay on top of things. Efficiency.

Luhan skipped a class repeatedly and cried for five minutes over missing the credit. Then he told Minseok he would graduate for him- Minseok would be his motivation. Minseok felt guilty, Luhan should have been his own motivation.

***

The first time they slept together was the first time the snow fell – since they had met, anyway. Luhan wanted to drag Minseok out to the yard to make snow angels, have a snowball fight, maybe even build a snowman, but Minseok resisted.

“Stay inside, I will make you coffee.”

Luhan watched as Minseok carefully prepared the steaming drink, hand pouring the brew. Then Luhan hugged him from behind. Minseok sighed, melting into the embrace. They spent most of the day in bed.

***

On Valentine’s Day Luhan bought one of those huge stuffed bears. The kind that are so silly and useless most cashier’s roll their eyes over how carelessly in love the purchaser is being. Luhan didn’t care. He wanted something to give Minseok that would make an impact. Something that might make sense when he whispered “You can cuddle this – when you miss me.”

***

Their first official - called by both parties - date occurred on a soccer field- playing one on one. Minseok won. Luhan whined. They kissed behind the bleachers.

***

Broken engagements. Plural. Because Luhan had to tell his parents a matchmaker’s promise wouldn’t do – Minseok turned down the match made for him. That evening they drove out to the countryside in Luhan’s Volvo. Minseok had known for a while how much better off Luhan was then him, but they didn’t talk about it. Why – it was a stupid matter of possessions and currency and things that got in the way.

Minseok spotted the big dipper first.

“Astronomer Min?” Luhan ruffled Minseok’s hair and smiled. Minseok stopped breathing for a moment as he appreciated. The feel of Luhan’s hand. That sensation never failed to make him dizzy no matter how much time passed.

***

When Luhan realized how neat and clean Minseok was, he panicked. Because moving in together was supposed to be about how near they could be, how close, how available – not how one rolled their socks after doing laundry. Luhan learned, quickly, to accommodate this side of Minseok. Because sleeping in the same bed every night was worth understanding Minseok’s clothes folding logic.

***

Luhan’s announcement was surprising, but joyous. He wanted to be a singer – Minseok wanted him to follow what he desired. It was a chance audition, a silly move amidst a serous job hunt. It had nothing to do with his education, only his dreams.

“Will you write a song about me?” Minseok flashed a crooked grin. Luhan pulled him into a hug, whispering into his ear “Yah, I am not a songwriter. Only a subpar singer.”

***

Minseok had no luck finding a job. At least at first. He worked at the café, his favorite customer coming in like clockwork – at 9 PM - after he was done practicing with is vocal coach.

“We should watch a movie tonight.” Luhan stirred his iced coffee.

‘Which one?”

“Hm.” Luhan smiled “It doesn’t matter.”

***

Luhan debuted. Minseok was there, signboard in hand, embarrassing him.

“I wasn’t expecting to have a super fan already.” Luhan whispered backstage, as he pulled Minseok into a hug post performance.

***

 A rainy day – very fitting.

Minseok watched as Luhan threw up. He tried to feed him bland foods, tried to make him better, tried…

***

“It isn’t good.”

Minseok listened as Luhan diligently read the print-out from the doctor’s office. It was steady and calm words - before he was breaking down into frightened sobs - Minseok holding him in his arms, feeling helpless. Angry. Angry and helpless.

***

He was at home with him. He quit his job. Because his job was but a matter of materiality and not necessity – not when everything – the time, the circumstances, were weighed.

“Do what you want to do.” Luhan was upset. Minseok knew why.

Luhan thought he was ruining things.

“I am not doing anything I don’t want to.” Minseok answered, the tears in his eyes. Holding his tears back he hugged Luhan tightly, chocking back a sob at how skinny Luhan had become.

***

“Minseok…”

“Hm?”

“Everything is so…”

A silence that Minseok would never press.

“I am so tired.”

Minseok caressed his face, not knowing what to say. Just wanting to see him, look into his eyes, as long as possible.

***

Luhan was buried on a Thursday. It was summer, hot, the fluff of dandelions in the air. Minseok knew Luhan’s parents wouldn’t be there. Not after they found out about their son’s uality. It was the least of his despair – because now life existed without Luhan.

***

She was bubbly and energetic and quite frankly annoying. She was probably perfectly suited to be an adoption manager.

“Mr. Kim, if you are still interested in adopting we have the perfect candidate!” She cooed over the phone.

Minseok had forgotten they had filled out the adoption paperwork a year ago. It was before Luhan was sick.

“I-” He took a deep breath. It might be wrong, but he answered “Yes. I mean – I am still interested.”

***

A baby was a daunting task. Insane. Impossible – maybe. Minseok named him Sehun. Many years later he realized if it wasn’t for his son he would have never kept on going. Not after Luhan was gone. Not after…

***

It was month since they had went out to the field, enjoyed some sunshine, Sehun watching his father with extra care. Now… after the …

Minseok gasped once, twice.

“Dad?!” Sehun leaned over his bedside, tears in his eyes “Dad? Are you okay?”

Minseok knew it would be soon.  He just nodded. As his breathing became more labored, his age taking a toll, his grandchildren around his bedside, he could swear he saw him.

A baby face. That smile. That laugh.  The person he wanted to see for so long….

“Minseok, I miss you.”

Luhan.

a/n- I am crying my eyes out right now, if that makes anyone feel better after reading this super depressing fic. Seriously tho. Sobs. Why did I write this? I guess, not being able to sleep plus things in my personal life made me think along the dark side. Sorry. But in the end it is kind of sweet…right? *Sobs*