“Kasi, good job! Seems you are getting better. I clock out for break in about 30 minutes. Same break as me or do you have more attending today?” Mark said patting me on the back. It felt nice to know I was doing a better job!

“No, the only attending I have it the Liver transplant patient, which I will need to check his vitals in about an hour. So, where’s lunch? Caf or down at Smittys?” Smittys is a pub about a block away. They have the best sandwhichs and pizza. It’s our regular spot for lunch and dinner and just a good hangout spot.

“Actually, remember that new place they put in, it’s opening was a few weeks ago. Let’s go there. If it takes too long to get our food I’ve got a back up. Araso? And lunch is on you today!” He said rubbing my hair in a mess and taking his leave to check on his other patients. I absolutely hate it when he rubs my hair. Am I his little sister? No, but I bet that’s all he’ll see me as.

I went back into the changing room and took my scrubs off and slipped my day wear back on. The same ol’ same ol’ black pants tight around the legs and a basic black shirt and my beanie. I have always felt more comfortable in black. I feel like it hides me better since I don’t like a whole lot of confrontation. The Irony of being a Nurse.  As I went back out to wait for Mark the ambulance came up with sirens blairing, Mark ran out and the attending nurses followed. He looked towards me with apologetic eyes and whispered sorry and continued on his way to help whoever out of the ambulance.

“Guess I’ll eat by myself again.” I let out a huff but, it was common that Mark couldn’t go to lunch with me, I hadn’t mind it much before but when my girlfriend stop showing up to lunch and stopped answering my calls or answering the door, it made me lonelier. I guess you could say ex now. Dunno what happened there!

I walked down the block to Smitty’s. “Hey Kasi” Yelled Sam Dong with a wave. “Regular? And where is Boo Young-ah? Why hasn’t she been with you the past week?” He questioned while sending my order to the back. “Ah, I don’t know what happened with Boo. She just stopped coming around, didn’t break up with me. But, assuming that since she’s not answering my texts or her door…she’s done with me.” I felt a bit sorrowful but, I knew it was coming. For the past few weeks I had been looking at Mark, I tried to stop and pushed harder into my relationship with Boo but, it wasn’t working….and I couldn’t understand why. “That’s a bummer Kasi. Go ahead and sit in the booth, I’ll bring ya a cold one and your sandwhich!” Sam said.

 I took my usual seat and waited patiently constantly checking the time in hopes that Mark would show up. But, my sandwhich had arrived and gone and he hadn’t shown. “Thanks Sam, the best as always. Gotta head back to work now see you later!” waving him off I took back down the block when I looked toward the building Mark was sanding outside looking at me. “Kasi!” He said running over. “Mianhae Kasi, patient in a car accident. Nothing major though, a few stitches to his thigh and he was good.” Mark said rubbing my head again. Huffing at him,

“You know I am not a kid, and I have to go in and check on the transplant patient. I get off at 11, so I assume you’ll be home before me?” I said walking back into the building. “Yeah, I get off at 7 so I’ll make dinner to make it up to you!” He said loudly. I walked back into the building in an angry manner. Why was I getting angry. He’s not shown up to lunch before, I mean.. his job is more important. Am I getting jealous of his job right now. No way, what is wrong with me! I ran into the changing room as fast as I could and threw my scrubs back on, I took a glance at myself in the mirror.

“Kasi, get ahold of yourself. You like girls! WOMEN! You can’t like your best friend.. and you’ve never liked boys. What is your brain and body doing?" I said to myself in third person. Sounding absolutely insane. But, it’s true I have no idea why this is happening and why now?