Sooyun stayed at the convenience store until the night came and she left for home, pretended that she came from school. She opened the door as usual and greeted her mom if she was already home, even though she wasn’t sure since it was Friday and her mom might be still busy in her clinic.

She went straight to the kitchen when she found her mom there, waiting for her. She was stunned she couldn’t move any longer.

“where have you been?” Her mom shortly asked.

Sooyun’s eyes hovered as she thought hardly.

“I-I...” Sooyun was about to talk when her mom stood up.

“Your teacher called me, she asked if you were sick since you weren’t at school”

“Mom, I-“ once again, her mom cut her off.

“What’s wrong with you, it’s your second year, and the CATs is just a year ahead, and you skipped classes?” Her mom tone increased.

Sooyun stayed still.

“Sit” her mom ordered her.

Sooyun sat on a chair in front of her mom’s, separated by the dining table.

“Where have you been?” Her mom asked her again.

“I went to an interview” Sooyun said shortly.

Her mom gasped before she hit her own chest continuously in desperation.

“What kind of interview to make you skipped classed in your second year Ms. Oh?” She tried to calm herself.

“Mom, promise me you won’t be mad at me once I tell you this” Sooyun waited before her mom nodded.

“I went for YG’s interview to join its internship program, or an audition as I realized today” ,she paused to see her mom expression, “I want to be a producer for YG” , she ended her explanation.

Her mom tried to catch her breath before she talked.

“Hadn’t we talked about this earlier? Once you decided that you didn’t want to be a trainee, you would work harder than anyone to get enrolled in one of SKY universities.” She paused, “why you suddenly change your mind? What made you suddenly applied for YG internship program?” Her mom tone increased again.

“Because I realize that this is what I really want all this time, I keep running from it, don’t you have any idea why, Mom?” Sooyun asked her mom.

Her mom buried her face in her hands before she began to talk, “Stop it right away, you’re just too late, all you have now is 2 years to get enrolled in SKY, we’ve put so much on you and I want you to make it right.” She was about to stand up when Sooyun talked.

“Mom, is this all you can say to me, after all?” Her question stopped her mom from leaving.

“Why is it too late for me? Why I must stop this even before I start anything yet? Why is it always wrong with me? Why you never wanted to listen to me? Why?” Sooyun tried to hold back her tears.

Her mom turned at her. She looked at her own daughter in such a great disbelief.

“Mom, why was it always fine if Sehun did it and wrong if I did the same?”

Her mom was stunned.

“Stop it Sooyun, you’re talking nonsense! I am your mother, how a year in States changed you, look at yourself!” Her mom said sharply.

“A mother? Do you ever feel-“ Sooyun hadn’t finished her sentence when her mom slapped her.

Just then, her father came into the house.

They looked at him.

“What’s wrong with you two?” He asked at once after the scene happened in front of him, he had just arrived home after such a long day at work to this.

“Ask your daughter! She had turned into one of those rebellious kids, doesn’t have any respect for her own mother, what a mess!” Her mom talked as she left the kitchen.

Sooyun was still stunned on her foot.

Her father started to move when Sooyun rushed to her room.

She threw herself on the bed once she was at her room. The heat from the slap was still there but that wasn’t the reason she felt her heart was about to explode and burst in tears.  It was her mom, her life, her fate. Why was she even born in this world.

//

The next morning she woke up was Saturday, the sun hadn’t risen yet when she opened her curtain. She hardly see things clearly since the all night crying gave her puffy eyes. She sneaked into the kitchen to get some ice for her eyes. The house felt empty though she knew that her mom was probably still sleeping in her room. Her father, right after the scene she heard the sound of his car leaving the house. He probably slept at his office to avoid the emotion in the house, like he always did.

She returned to her room with a pack of ice for her puffy eyes and a pint of milk as her early breakfast. She her PC and started to make a new music, tried to escape from the reality. Her headphone was on and she lost on her own world.

She was absorbed in making the music she didn’t realize that hours had been spent and the sun was already high above the house. She was checking for her phone when she realized that her mom probably had been gone to her clinic and now she was alone in the house.

There wasn’t any sign of her father to come home. She hardly saw her father ever since she returned home after the exchange program. Sometimes she felt sorry for her mother, she might have been so lonely in the house when she was away. Her father was mostly in his office even on weekend, so did Sehun who was preparing for his debut that said to be next year. So she spent most of her time in the clinic, dealing with people who wanted to simply look better or mothers who wanted their kids to look more beautiful once they graduated, as a present. Then she started to recall what had happened last night, she realized that she was so rude it might get over the limit, but she also felt relieved that she had told her mom things she had kept all this time.

The result hadn’t came out yet, but her mom already wanted her to stop. She sighed, it’s her who wanted to get enrolled in SKY, her dream, not mine all this time.

She was kicking her sandals off when the door bell suddenly rang downstairs. She took her headphone off and  tried to peek from her window. There was a black van outside her house, weird. She decided to ignore the doorbell and was about to continue her things when a voice startled her.

“SOOYUNA! CAN YOU PLEASE LET ME IN!”

It was Sehun ringing the doorbell, forgot the password as he always did.

She rushed to the door right before she saw Sehun with his luggage in front of the door.

“AKKK! YOU’RE HOME!” Sooyun greeted him.

Sehun went in with his luggage.

“YES! FINALLY!” He paused and hovered inside the living room, “It’s been a long time”

“and you haven’t remembered our password yet” Sooyun mumbled.

Sehun hugged her. “ I miss you, Mom and Dad, how you’ve been doing?”

Sooyun hugged him back, like the old days, they hugged each other.

“Great, how about you? It must have been tough there?” She asked him.

“Ummm, but I should love it right? Nothing to be worried of, I’m all grown up now.” He claimed.

“yes, I can see it, you’ve grown a lot since we last met” She laughed as pretended to measure his height.

They laughed together.

“Is mom at the clinic?”, Sooyun nodded, “Dad?”

“He’s probably at work” She said shortly.

“on weekend?” He protested.

“just like you, Dad has a lot of things to do in the office, as long as he’s happy, why bother worried about him?”

Sehun looked at his sister thoroughly, “wow, you’re just as indifferent as I last met you, how come States didn’t change you a bit?”

“Ya, stop it, why should I change because of it huh?” She said as she checked the refrigerator for some refreshments, followed by Sehun.

“Hey, you remembered the hyung I once told you? Whose parents have a restaurant? He taught me how to make Haemul Pajeon and Gyeran Jjim.” He paused and took one of the plastic bags he had held earlier. “Let’s make them now to surprise Mom and Dad once they return home. I’ve bought everything we need.” He smiled.

Sooyun was stunned in front of the refrigerator, her brother was all grown up now.

//

The thing about her brother, he was like a glue to the family, how hard and tensed were things before he arrived, all were gone once he was home, their parents were home for dinner and all smiles. Everyone was having such a good time, talking and joking. Even their mother seemed to forget what just happened the night before and joked with Sooyun, so did their father. The dinner went well and they felt as a family once again. 

They even watched television together after dinner, with their mom kept asking Sehun how he had been doing all this time without her. Their dad kept telling Sehun how his mom wanted to pay him visit every time they passed SM Office. And so their mom told Sehun just how lonely she was when Sooyun was in States.

Night was even thicker when their parents went to bed, left them talking in the living room.

“Is everything okay?” Sehun asked with his eyes pinned on the screen.

Sooyun stayed still.

“Something must have happened here” Sehun continued, now turned his head at her.

“Just focus on your training, I’ll make sure everything is okay while you’re away, make them proud bro!”

He smiled. “I’m still minutes older than you, remember?  it’s me who should talk like that, focus on your study Sooyun, get into one of the SKY and make them proud”

“Oh, so you also think like that?” Sooyun lost the smile on her face.

Sehun turned down the volume before he continued. “what’s going on here? Isn’t it what you want?”

Sooyun sighed.

“I was invited to join YG Internship Program,” She paused to see Sehun’s expression. “as a producer”

“what-how-wait, you haven’t told mom about this have you?” He asked.

“I have just told her last night, after I went for the interview” She continued as Sehun was still busy collecting his thoughts. “and all she could say was that I should stop it right away”

Sehun roughly brushed his hair with his hands in desperation.

“Like she always did, she didn’t want to listen to what am I saying” She looked at the tip of her own feet blankly.

“How if you really made it through? How about your school?”

His question woke her like a splash of cold water in the morning. She stayed still.

“I-, I don’t have any idea” Sooyun simply answered

Sehun heavily breathed, as if he wanted to let his heart out.

“They have bet their all on you, will you just turn them down?”

“How come I turn them down If I just want to pursue my dream,”

“Can you then realize your dream and theirs at the same time?” Sehun asked cautiously.

“I’m so done, I want this so badly, more than I want anything else, can I just try  my best” She buried her face in her hands.

Sehun tried to calm her.

“Sooyuna, the pressure is too much there, even I sometimes thought of quitting and just go home, but then I remember Mom, Dad and you, how you guys kept supporting and waiting for me, how can I just let you all down if things got harder” He paused, “ I just don’t want you to feel the same burden on your own shoulders like that, unless you love it more than anything in this world, you might-“ Sooyun cut his off.

“I do.” She assured him.

“Why you turned the chance once then, if now you were fighting for it?”

“Because that’s not my style to be an idol, instead, I want to make idol, idol” She remembered Mr. Yang Hyun Suk’s comment on her music.

Sehun stayed still before a smile appeared on his face.

They spent the rest of the night listening to Sooyun’s works, watching Sehun’s training videos and even drama Sehun was currently watching right now. They wanted to make the most of his short stay together, as a brother and sister, like the good old days.

//

The teacher was explaining about the carbon cycle when Sooyun couldn’t help but check her email, nothing to be found. She closed her phone and started to take notes on her explanation. The class seemed to go longer than usual when the bell rang at last.

She packed her books and was about to leave for the canteen when Kibum stopped her.

“How was it? Did it go well? You haven’t told me anything yet, how can you do this to me” He demanded.

 “I don’t know, they said within three days, and today is it, but I haven’t received anything yet,” She paused, “do you think I can make it through this time?”

Kibum was thinking seriously before he began to speak, “how was the feedback then? Did it seem fine, great or the opposite?”

“I-I don’t know, it’s rather complicated, I was so nervous I couldn’t think clear.”

“But you have done your best, that’s enough. Even if you don’t make it  through  this time, life doesn’t stop and you still have this precious last two years before we get into SKY! Wow, I’m so excited!” Kibum was so positive as he always was.

Sooyun hardly smiled before they went to the canteen.

“Since when you become so wise, have you bumped your head?”

They laughed.

//

“Let me have your Odeng then, it dies of waiting” Kibum took Sooyun’s Odeng without her even realized since she was busy checking her phone.

“Ya, Oh Sooyun, won’t you eat your lunch? Class is about to begin and all you do is checking your phone” Kibum complained to get her back in real life.

“Oh, yes, I know, you don’t have to yell at me like that.”

“You skipped classes, checking your phone in class, almost skip your lunch,” He paused to breathe, “Hello Oh Sooyun, are you there?”

Sooyun turned her head at him, pissed off. “I know, I know, I just-“ She paused and stared at her lunch, “I want this so badly, can’t you see it?”

“I know, I know just how hard you learned to make all those awesome remixes and all, but, you have to realize that you’re still a student now, and the first thing you should do is studying, getting enrolled in SKY and then you can do whatever you want”

“Here you go again”

“Wait, let me finish,” He looked into her eyes, “If I have a thing to regret, it will be the day we met Mr. Mark and you started to learn doing all those things professionally, somehow it changed you.”

“I haven’t changed a bit, I just find myself, that’s all”

“Yes you changed.”

“Okay, Okay, will this make you feel better then,” She paused and ate her lunch, “look, I’m eating my lunch, I won’t check my phone in class and skip classes, do you feel better now?”

“Stop it, I don’t want to see your face while eating that spoonful of rice!” He laughed.

“Aishhhh, really, you make me feel less woman!”

He laughed even harder.

//

They had just returned to their seats in class when Sooyun’s phone rang, she jumped on her feet at once and left the class to answer her phone. Knowing what was going on, Kibum was about to follow  when the teacher came in, he had no choice but to stay.

Sooyun answered at the fourth ring and there came the suddenly familiar voice of Ms. Song that she had been waiting for. Sooyun was tensed to hear about what she was going to talk. How if she couldn’t make it through this time? How hurt would it be? How if she made it through this time, would she be able to handle all the pressures Sehun had mentioned to her. What would her fate bring her to this time?

Ms. Song finally reached to the point when she suddenly changed her tone, and Sooyun started to tense even more, prepared herself for the worst. She closed her eyes when suddenly Ms. Song congratulated and welcomed her as the latest YG intern or as she corrected it, trainee.

She gasped to the news and collapsed on her feet, she thanked Ms. Song right before she asked her to come to the HQ on Wednesday, discussing about the contract and all. Ms. Song asked her to come with either her Mom or Dad, and to this, Sooyun started to think about telling her mom.

The call finally ended and left Sooyun stunned still. She stood up and walked to her class when her teacher scolded her for being late to class. She sat on her seat when Kibum stared at her, questioning. She just smiled at him.

//

Sooyun was finally home and found her mom busy preparing for their dinner. She greeted her and went upstairs for shower before she was ready for dinner, and most of all, ready to tell her mom.

Her father hadn’t arrived yet when they had their dinner. She was confused on how to tell her mom about the meeting since she might not be on a good mood. So she decided to hold herself back and had her dinner in an awkward silence.

Until her mom sudden question got her by surprise,

“How’s your interview? Has the result come out yet?”

Sooyun didn’t know why she suddenly remembered and even asked about it, but she answered it right away.

“Mom, actually I have something to tell or, to be precise ask you,”, she paused, “This is about the interview, yes, the result has just come out and I’m happy about it” , she hesitated for a moment before her mom suddenly talked.

“Sooyuna, I know you can make it through ever since the first time you told me about it, why do you think I asked you to stop it right away oh?” She paused, “because deep inside, I already knew how the result would come out, and to that, I suddenly felt uneasy”, Sooyun’s mom looked into her eyes.

Sooyun then realized that her mom aged, she looked so tired and Sooyun felt sorry for her. She regretted the night they fought and thought that she deserved the slap anyway.

“Mom, sorry.” She said shortly, tried to hold back her tears.

“Me too, I’m sorry that I still can’t be the mother you want, whatever, I’m still your mother” ,she paused and held her hands, “Seeing you two grow, I often feel blessed and scared at the same time, you two grow to be such lovely kids, talented and I can’t be even prouder of that, but, then I realize that the greater you two will be, the heavier the burden will be on your shoulders,” , she paused to hold herself from crying seeing Sooyun was already in tears, “For a mother who wants her kids to succeed, the hardest part has finally come to me, seeing my kids in pain for their dreams-“, She choked when Sooyun burst into tears, “I feel like I want to take all the pain from you, but  I can’t, it’s like ripping your wings to make you stay in cage, I’m helpless”

This mother and daughter cried together for the first time.

Sooyun felt that her mother really loved her at last, or that she had loved her all this time but Sooyun couldn’t see it and now she finally did, and it made her cried her heart out.

“Seeing your brother works all day and night for his debut, my heart keeps breaking, and now you’re about to take the same path as him, with the burden twice on your shoulders for the CATs, what can I say Sooyuna?”, she brushed her daughter’s head gently, “I was so afraid that I told you to just stop right away without even knowing how much you want this”

Sooyun’s mother tried to calm her daughter, she wiped her tears gently and smiled at her. “But then things come out to me that you want this more than anything, how hard you’ve worked to finally got invited to the interview, and now you make it through, how can I stop you now?”

Sooyun smiled between her tears.

“Even it’s still hard for me to see you two in pain, I’ll keep trying to hold myself and support you with all I’ve got, just remember that this home will always welcome you in your ups and downs, okay?” Sooyun’s mother smiled and hugged her daughter.

//

Sooyun had finally made it into YG, she couldn’t have ever been prouder than today. Walked into the building with her mother, she felt her heart was beating faster. They headed to the 7^th floor, Mr. Yang Hyun Suk’s office with mixed feelings of excitement and worry. There she realized that they weren’t the only ones came to discuss about the contract, other trainees and interns also came with their parents. They waited for their turn in the waiting room, looked proud, excited, anxious, as mixed as her own feelings.

She sat next to her mother in the end of the line, happened to be the last to come. She had just returned from the restroom when she saw the previous rude boy’s mom sat a chair from her mom, next to her was the rude boy, now looked more relaxed than the last time she met him. She smiled at her when the woman saw her. Sooyun’s mom caught the moment and smiled at her too.

“Wow, you must be her mother, I met you daughter when she came into the audition-“ She greeted Sooyun’s mom and  so they began to chat, left their kids in such an awkward moment of silence.

“Hey, sorry for being so rude back then” The boy started the conversation.

“That’s fine, I know how you felt back then”

“Ah, yes, I was too anxious I didn’t know how to talk properly, sorry for that”

“haha, so was I, that’s fine, really”

“Should we start it again then?” The boy paused before he introduced himself, “My name is Nam Taehyun, you can call me Taehyun, nice to meet you” He smiled at last.

“Hi Taehyun, my name is Oh Sooyun, you can call me Sooyun, and I think we’re just at the same age, so you can just talk informally with me” she smiled.

Their mothers were discussing about the contract since their kids were still in school, they shared their thoughts about how their kids would cope with both their school and training program. Just like their mothers, Taehyun and Sooyun also talked about it, Sooyun expected her training program to be less tough than Taehyun’s since he needed to sing, dance and make music, while she was focused only on making music, to that she remembered her brother, how he had been dealing with all those things all this time, alone.

Taehyun and her mom turn finally came. Sooyun and her mom now was the last in the waiting room.

//