eleven
The devil within me / The angel within you
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## flashback - SNSD dorm
seohyun was sitting on the floor leaning her back on the door , lost in her thoughts , her depression , the shocking facts shinhye told her earlier , her body was lifeless and she couldn't make it to her own bed .. her tears were rolling slowly on her cheeks , she wondered why did it have to be her , facing this misery , the first single time she tried out love with all what she got , she got broken hard ..
wasn't love something magical , pure , sweet , changes your life to the better .. then why did i have to go through this ..
the door bell rang again , my body shivered in fear , what have i done wrong to be that scared over a ringing bell , i didn't move an inch , as i took my decision not to meet her or anyone again ..
" open up , seo juhyun " !!! that's ... yonghwa !! i stopped breathing for a moment so he wouldn't know that i was there , my heart raced as i heard his voice again after an almost 2 weeks , i missed him , his gentle voice that showered me with lies ...
" i know you are there , please we have to talk " he shouted across the closed door
i widened my eyes , talk ? about what ! all what i ever heard from him were just lies , he used my feelings for him , he was such a heartless man that i've never believed that he did exist not even in my worst nightmares ..
" i love you ... i never lied about my feelings for you .." he said with a low tone
and my heart ached .. it was torn between hating him , his voice , his lies , the way he talks , hating everything about him .. and between how much i loved him , how my stupid heart still races for his sick - i love you -
i looked at the door , should i see him for the last time .. should i use ' go away ' as an excuse ..
" open up , please .. i already broke up with shinhye because i know that i just love you .. only you " he said
i was shocked once i heard this !! my breathing quickened and i remembered shinhye's words !!! why did she have to go through this ? it's all because of me ..
i messed up her life , his life and my life with me being stupid , clingy , loving the wrong man .. i started crying again !! why did i even exist ! why did i have to go through this , why did i fall for a man already in love with someone else , why did i fall for a man who used my feelings for him .. my body trembled as i got suffocated , why did i fall for him
it was a mistake , it was all a mistake ..
" i'm sorry you had to go through this because of me , i'm sorry i didn't tell you everything that time .. but i'm not sorry for loving you .. " he said
" please juhyun , believe me " he begged with a suffocated tone as he hit the door with his palm
i wanted to shout please stop it , please stop , leave me alone , leave me so i can live again probably , i just wanted to be happy , i just wanted to be in love , to be loved sincerely , i never asked for an eternal love story but at least i didn't deserve to be played with , to live such a lie
i covered my ears with my hands so i wouldn't hear his begging anymore as i cried hard ...
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( back to present ) yonghwa pulled his lips gently away from seohyun's , to look at her lovely expression , the feelings rushed through him seeing how she was intoxicated by his love , her hands reached for him again like an addicted child for his mom love , she caressed his cheeks with her hands as she took his lips for a gentle kiss , a melting gentle kiss and he was wondering how she could melt in that way for her own kiss for him , his body pulsated between her hands , for her sedative passionate touch , he was hell sure that moment that she loved him with all what she got , he even thought maybe she loved him more than whatever he imagined how true love could be ... he wanted to tell her so much , how much he loved her , how important is she in his life , he didn't want anything in this life as much as he wanted her .. he caressed her cheek with his thumb as he held her gaze , she kept her hands resting on his chest , she found him and never wants to let go that how it looked like for him .. " i love you juhyun , i have always loved you , i never ceased to love you , you're my whole world , my past and future .. please stay in my life forever , will you ? " he said as he caressed her cheek " i'm sorry but i can't .. " she said as tears escaped her eyes !!! still resting her hands loosely on his chest .. he didn't predict that coming not even in his worst nightmares , his face jumped a countless expressions before he decides to frown in confusion , he didn't understand ! " you can't what ?" he asked with what he got of voice and strength in that moment , which was an almost whispering sound , the shock paralyzed his everything even his vocal cords " i'm sorry " she said as tears kept flowing endlessly on her cheeks , she cupped his cheeks with a trembling hands , to give him a possessive rough kiss on his lips , it didn't last longer than a second but left him with a fire in his body again , fire in his heart and brain too , his lips were frozen and didn't respond to her because it felt more like a goodbye kiss rather than a lovely one , she gasped as she took him between her arms and hugged him , tightly , assuring and caressed his back .. the things she was doing contradicted her words and that left him confused and lost , the love she was showering him with , didn't make sense either " you do love me right ? " he asked helplessly when he was between her arms , his heart throbbed loudly and he wasn't going to allow or rather accept another answer other than - yes , i love you badly - " i'm sorry " she said again as she let go of him , and kept on wiping her endless tears , her tears didn't stop nor his heart throbbing " you don't love me ? " he asked again wondering with a calm confused tone " i'm sorry " she said it again , the only word she could say at the moment and he was shocked immediately , he understood her finally , that she's sorry that she doesn't love him !!! ??? as he got it a little late , he looked at her , at both of them , at their position , the surroundings , the atmosphere , he got aware of her thighs that were touching his waist and that gave him an electrity through his body ,so he jerked a backward steps away from her quickly , his body trembled and it felt weird ! what they have done a moments ago , what does it mean ? and for who's sake ! it felt so empty after how complete he felt moments ago , his heart was aching of sadness after his heart almost exploded earlier from happiness .. how in moments he could break like that , that hard that sudden , but seohyun got all the answers and he prayed he would understand a thing " just say it , why did you give me happiness earlier , why did you give me hope , .. why did you make my body tremble for you earlier and now too with two hell contradicted feelings !! my heart too , was racing crazily of happiness but now he's beating with fear .. so TELL ME THE TRUTH !!! " yonghwa said with a trembling voice as he looked into her eyes and ended up shouting angry , how could she , why would she , the confusion was killing him slowly " i used you !! " she said as she slid down the dresser and stood , leaning her rear on the dresser " what ? " " i was using you , and your feelings for me .. as a revenge " she said with a steady glance , although her tears were rolling on her cheeks " you're lying " " i'm not .. i wanted to do it since then , it was a plan , i wanted you to taste it , how it feels like to get broken , betrayed and being a fool " " you're lying juhyun .. you're lying " he denied her words vigorously , he can't allow such a reason , he's not going to al
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