NEVERMIND

A JINYOON fan-fiction by Kwuintessence

SONGFIC CHALLENGE

Foster The People - NEVERMIND

Song Chosen by EIRYIA

VIDEO I LYRICS

But if I follow my name

I will calm you in the storm

And breathe you in when you are worn.

Be still, my love.

Would it take a shooting star?

To show you life can bloom, when something breaks

And when the pieces fall, I’ll catch them all.

Seungyoon is having a dry spell – music related, it was a fact that they all knew too well and a subject that they never touched. It happens to everyone, even to the very best, but this time around the spell has lasted far too long. Jinwoo is anxiously sitting up in bed, nibbling his lower lip in contained worry, eyes focused on the bottom right corner of his laptop screen – 1:13 AM it reads. He takes a deep breath and loudly exhales, just some much needed oxygen to keep him up and sane.

When are you coming home? Are you even coming home?

The room they shared is dark, cold, and dismal. His boyfriend’s empty bed being a constant reminder. Jinwoo wanted to call him and hear his voice, he wanted to know if he’s eaten anything at all, if he’ll be heading home soon, if he’s alright – but Seungyoon is a stubborn fool when it came to the things he’s passionate about, always telling Jinwoo to keep out. He runs a hand through his hair, eyes falling again on the tiny numbers at the corner of the screen. Calling him at this time wasn’t an option, no matter how bad he wanted to.

It’s close to 3AM when Jinwoo hears rustling sounds emanating from the foyer, he closes his laptop and puts it aside. Carefully, he slides under the blanket, his back towards the door. It isn’t long until he hears someone tentatively padding inside the room. Soon there’s a light dip on his bed, the mattress creaks lightly. He grips the sheet and tenses, his breath almost coming to a stop before closing his eyes.

Seungyoon is gentle, always have been. The moment Jinwoo feels his familiar calloused hand against his bare cheek, he leans instinctively. Reveling in the feel of those fingers as they slowly traced his nose, went over his lips, ran down his arm and settled on his waist. The room is dark and the other boy is too weary to realize that he’s feigning sleep.

He hears the sound of fabric rustling moments later, of a zipper being ped, and soon he can feel the younger male leaning over him, his warm breath ghosting teasingly against his skin, making him flush. Deft fingers weaved themselves into his hair, making his breath hitch, and just like the past other nights, Jinwoo held his breath as plump lips tenderly pressed against his temple. It’s over all too quickly and Seungyoon rises from the bed immediately, padding out of their room and to the living room.

Jinwoo waits for some time to pass and the moment he hears Seungyoon’s soft snores, he peels his blanket off and carefully makes his way out. The living room is dimly lit and the younger male is curled up on the couch in only his tank top and boxers, looking thinner and paler than he did the week before.

Jinwoo silently sits beside him on the floor, fingers gingerly brushing Seungyoon’s unwashed locks to the side. There are deep dark bags under his eyes and all Jinwoo could do is bite his lip in frustration in an attempt to restrain himself from holding Seungyoon in his arms and cradling him.

What are you looking for Yoon?

Won’t you tell me? I’m here, use me, please.

His eyes stayed fixed on Seungyoon’s sleeping form. If only he knew how to make music too, then maybe he’d have a much better idea of just what may be running on the other male’s mind. Keep your head up, love – he cheered in his thoughts, pressing close to Seungyoon and smiling to himself as he watched the gentle rise and fall of his chest.

“Hyung…” A voice he knew all too well broke the stillness, Jinwoo stiffens, a lump forming in his throat. He turned his head slowly and found Mino standing there - fully awake, arms crossed over his chest.

“M-Mino-ya…” he stutters, heart hammering in his chest. “Why are you up?”

Silence extended between them and when Jinwoo tried to stand up, he realized the position he and Seungyoon were in. Just then Seungyoon groaned and suddenly rolled over, taking Jinwoo’s arm with him and hugging it in his sleep.  Jinwoo is too startled to speak and the look of consternation Mino is shooting him made his insides squirm.

“Go back to your room, hyung.” The rapper tells him.“Sleep.”

It wasn’t a request, Jinwoo knew from the tone of his voice. As Mino turned his back to him, he couldn’t help but call his name. Mino stopped on his tracks but showed no signs of turning back to face him.

“I’m not sorry, Mino-ya.” He tells him, “I’d still choose Seungyoon each time.”

Mino lightly chuckles and Jinwoo feels tangible anxiety gripping his chest.

“I know, hyung. Don’t worry.”

.

.

.

A few months later, it’s the day of the NII fan-meet and their group is heading towards the venue. Jinwoo feels a light tap on his arm and he turns his head to the side in response.

“Nervous?” Mino asked. Jinwoo shook his head and went back to staring out the window.

The tanned male leaned back on his seat and pressed closer to him. “You didn’t sleep again.” He whispered. Jinwoo turned to face him and met his gaze. Of course, Mino knows. He thought.

He chuckles lightly and grabs the rapper’s hand. Placing his fingers on his tanned arm, he pinched the skin there. Mino flinches back and starts laughing, his hand flying at the now sore spot. “Hyung!”

As their van pulled over at the parking lot, Jinwoo was the first to alight. He walks over to the front of the van and waits for Seungyoon to step out. The younger male had been busy filming a web drama and is currently nursing a cold. The medicine he took earlier made him drowsy, knocking him out the whole trip there.

“Are you alright?” He asked, walking beside him. Seungyoon paused and eyed him for a bit, his wordless gaze made Jinwoo’s cheeks burn. Instead of answering, he grabbed Jinwoo’s hand and intertwined it with his. The sudden action gave Jinwoo’s heart a violent start.

“Someone might see.” He whispered, voice laced with trepidation, his heart thudding wildly in his chest. He slides his hand out but Seungyoon catches his wrist and tugs him back.

“Let them see.”

Jinwoo stops walking altogether as Seungyoon laces their fingers together a second time and smiles. Leaning towards him, he thoughtfully tucked a bit of Jinwoo’s hair behind his ear.

“Just for a little bit.”

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.

.

The fanmeet eventually came to an end, Jinwoo was relieved to see Seungyoon looking cheery throughout and even fooling around with the others. Now back in the dorm and in the comfort of their room, Jinwoo strips off his sponsored mint polo and tosses it on his bed before plopping down on the empty bed next to his and curling up.

“Hyung, have you kissed before?” Jinwoo recalled, hugging Seungyoon’s pillow. The other boy had asked him it, one lazy afternoon, back when they were trainees. They were taking a break from practice and gulping down gatorade at the rooftop. He choked on his drink and Seungyoon was quick to wrestle the bottle away from him before he could drop it.

“Have you?” Seungyoon asked him again, laughing, eyes glinting with amusement. Jinwoo glared at the other boy (hoping that it will shut him up) and wiped his mouth, a vicious blush coloring his cheeks.

“O-of course, I have!” Jinwoo responds, feeling scandalized. He shoved him away and smacked his shoulder. “What are you even asking me?! Babo.”

Truthfully, he hadn’t. He had never even dated. But that was something he did not wish to divulge to just anyone, Kang Seungyoon particularly. He noticed the youngster eyeing him weirdly for quite some time now and Jinwoo is sure that it won’t be long until Seungyoon starts dragging him to group dates to meet girls and what not. Something he absolutely detested and wanted no part of. If there was someone out there for him, Jinwoo was certain he’d meet that one special person in due time. Preferably in a drama-like setting wherein his heart would start to race after catching a glimpse of her. At the time, Jinwoo didn’t feel the need to rush things. He was still young and very much occupied.

“Your dimple is adorable.” He heard Seungyoon say ‘out of the blue’ minutes later, poking his dimpled cheek with his forefinger once then a few times more. This kid is really getting on my nerves! Jinwoo turned to face him, grabbed his hand, put his offending forefinger in his mouth and bit down. “Stop. It’s annoying.”

“But you look so cute with it, hyung.” Seungyoon tells him in defense. “I really like it.”

“Want it?” Jinwoo jokingly asked, chuckling, still holding the other boy’s hand by his face. “You can have it.”

“Really?” Seungyoon responds eagerly, meeting his eyes, a boyish grin on his lips, “But there’s something I’d like so much more...” Easing his hand out of Jinwoo’s grasp, he Jinwoo’s dimpled cheek then slowly made his way down to his chin where it lingered.

“Wh--What are you doing?” Jinwoo stammered, flinching back and scooting away, heart racing as sparks ran up and down his spine. Seungyoon simply leaned closer, his thumb on Jinwoo’s bottom lip.

“Hyung, can I?”

Jinwoo winces at the memory and pressing his face against Seungyoon’s pillow, he let out a muffled scream and rolled a few times in bed. He can still recall how Seungyoon’s pleasantly full lips had felt from that time, pressed against his. Slow, careful and gentle – as if making sure that Jinwoo had nothing to be afraid of. A second kiss followed, then a third and a fourth, and a fifth – each one growing bolder and hotter than the last until Jinwoo eventually lost track and all he could see, taste, smell, feel and hear is Seungyoon.

His head spun, and all he could do was hold on to him for dear life. “Breathe, hyung.” Seungyoon murmured to him at one point and he does, clutching the younger male’s shirt as he did so. And with his knees shaking so bad, Seungyoon had to press them together to hold him up and keep him steady, his fingers digging into Jinwoo’s hips, lips never leaving his.

.

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It was a little past 8PM when Jinwoo finally roused from fitful sleep. Each time he closed his eyes, Seungyoon was there and it drove him a little mad that the real thing wasn’t each time he opened them. He blearily made his way out of their room and into the kitchen, rummaging the fridge for something to fill his empty stomach. There are containers of take-out in there and Jinwoo is terrified to look inside some of them, knowing fully well that half of those containers had been there for more than a week. He shudders at that knowledge and closes the fridge, the vision of food gone bad flashing in his mind. For times like this, ramen is the only option. But before he can even reach for one from the cupboard, his phone starts ringing, rousing the four cats they kept in the dorm. Jinwoo hurries back to their room and grabs his phone off Seungyoon’s bed.

“Hello?”

“Hyung, it’s Mino. Are you hungry?”

“Where are you?”

“Almost there. I’m glad you’re up. Meet me. Let’s eat out. My treat.”

“But I don’t feel like going out….”

“You always say that. There’s nothing to eat there. Hurry, I’ll meet you downstairs.”

And just like that, Mino hung up, leaving no room for arguments. Jinwoo bit his lip and sighed. Running a hand through his hair, he looked down at the four cats now darting between his legs, wanting to be fed.

“Hyung!” Mino exclaimed, waiting right by the elevator. The rapper beamed at him before hastily shoving his phone in his pocket.

“You took a while. I was about to send you a message. You ok?”

“Cats.” Jinwoo tells him.

Mino’s smile only gets wider as he slings an arm around him.

Being with Mino is fun. Two hours later, the two of them are in a private karaoke room and Jinwoo’s cheeks are sore from laughing too much. The rapper’s bright and cheery personality is infectious and he caught it instantly. Jinwoo literally rolls on his seat as Mino starts screaming at the microphone halfway through the song he’s singing unleashing some ridiculously bad notes in the process.

The rapper flashes him a peace sign before making his way to him and pulling him up. Shoving the mic on his face, Mino pushed him forward, willing him to finish the rest of the song. Jinwoo tried to follow the colored letters on the screen but the way Mino was dancing behind him and waving the tambourines around was too much for him to take. He forgets about singing the song altogether and clutches his stomach.

By the time they left and started their trek home, it was close to midnight. Jinwoo wanted to get home quickly, feeling optimistic that Seungyoon might just come home earlier than usual tonight. Admittedly, he enjoyed spending time with Mino and was grateful for his company and invitation but deep down he greatly missed Seungyoon and he couldn’t help but wish that he was the one with him instead.

“Jinwoo-hyung…”

Jinwoo paused and turned back, Mino’s hands are stuffed in his pockets and Jinwoo suddenly feels like he hasn’t really taken a good look at him in a while. Maybe it’s because Mino is always smiling, always cracking jokes.

“…if you met me before Seungyoon, would you have fallen in-love with me instead?”

Jinwoo takes two steps back before Mino can reach him, already not liking where this was heading. And just when he decides to turn back, the rapper grabs his wrist and holds him in place

“Mino, don’t…”  Jinwoo tries to squirm away but Mino’s hold on him was tight and the more he struggled, the painful it got.

“Give up on me.” He tells Mino, still struggling to shrug him off. “I told you already, I’m in love with Seungyoon.”

Mino holds him tighter and pulls him to his chest, his chin resting on his shoulder. “I know. I see the way you look at him” he whispered in Jinwoo’s ear, “But I can’t stop myself. I don’t know how to un-love you.”

“That’s exactly the thing.” Jinwoo reasons, “I can’t love you.”

Mino loosens his hold and pulls back a bit to look at him.

“You’re an amazing friend. You’re practically a brother to me. No more no less.” Jinwoo meets his gaze. “It doesn’t matter if I met you before I met him; I know in my heart that I would still fall for him no matter how different the circumstances might be.”

“You deserve to be happy, hyung. You deserve to be loved…”

“I am happy. I am loved.” He tells Mino, easing himself out of his now slack arms.

“You deserve the same Mino-ya, and I won’t ever be that for you.”

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.

He should have done this sooner, Jinwoo thinks stepping inside the YG building and jabbing the elevator button a few times. Seungyoon was the type to hold things in. He knew and he always made sure to give him space for his thoughts and not pry. Thinking about it now, that was definitely a big mistake, because when Seungyoon thought a lot – they aren’t all pretty thoughts. And if it weren’t for Mino’s forwardness, he probably wouldn't have rushed there tonight.

When he finally reaches the usual studio they hole up in, Jinwoo freezes. Seungyoon forbade him from coming there in the middle of the night, even going as far as shutting down his phone so that he wouldn’t have to take anyone’s calls. Jinwoo shifts his weight from one foot to another, he knew what being there meant – it was asking for a fight. And fight he will, because Seungyoon isn’t someone that he ever wants to lose.

The moment Jinwoo stepped inside the studio, Seungyoon turned his head towards him. The younger male didn’t say anything to acknowledge him and simply turned his chair around, focusing back on the glowing monitor in front of him.

The room was dimly lit and a bit cold, Jinwoo shivered lightly. He closed the door and walked towards the sofa lined up on the other end of the room. He passed by Seungyoon but the other remained silent, back still turned towards him. Before he can even sit, Seungyoon spoke up.

“I told you not to come here.” Jinwoo turned to face him but was disappointed to find that Seungyoon’s focus is still on the monitor. “I’m busy. Go home.”

“I’m not going.” He tells him, taking a couple steps forward. “We have to talk.”

“I don’t have time to do that right now. Just go.”

Seungyoon seemed so cold, so distant. Jinwoo reluctantly stepped back and sat down.

“I told you to go. Why are you sitting down?”

“I can wait. Finish what you have to finish.”

Silence befalls them, the kind that Jinwoo doesn’t like. It messes with his thoughts and chips away his courage. He looks around the room, scanning it from the ceiling to the floor and side to side, trying to find something for his eyes to rest on other than Seungyoon.

“Should we break up?”

A sharp pain, exploded in Jinwoo’s